SO AGGRAVATED (really long)

[xsnowwhite]

your boyfriend should get a job, even if it isnt exactly what he wants.
You should not have to pay his bills!

He may have to start out working at a low paying job but everyone has to start somewhere! Its better than nothing. he should take what he can get.

 

[Dizzy]

I think everyone here has offered some great advice, but at the same time I trust that you especially know what's best for you in your situation. I was in a similar one myself not too long ago.

My ex-boyfriend was the type of guy who would work 2 jobs at once, each paying minimum wage, just to pay off his car loan, his rent, his cell phone, his credit card debt, etc. The minute he felt he had even a little bit of extra money he'd blow it on something instead of saving it or putting it towards bills (instead of just paying the minimums). I can't tell you how much money I loaned him - but it was quite a bit, especially since I work for my money and am a full time student.

Everyone told me to get rid of him, he was dragging me down, this was just going to end in disaster, etc. I stood by him and did the best I could to help him get his stuff straightened out and together- though did stop loaning him money. He's now in the Marine Corps, loves what he does, has gotten himself in order, and (although we broke up) is still a very good friend of mine who I still (and always will) care for.

I think my guy is similar to yours- they mean the best, but sometimes they just don't know what to do and may need a boot in the rear end to figure it out. Is there any way he (or you) can find a family friend of sorts who is willing to give him a shot? Any past employers who are willing to give him a second try? I mean- worst case scenario he might have to take those $7-8/hr jobs until he gets the references and experiences that higher paying jobs want.

Because of his background he's stuck in a situation where it's likely he's going to have to work twice as hard for half the credit, you know? I think if you keep trying you'll find that break you're looking for- you know, the whole "good things come to those who wait" thing.

 

[CantAffordMAC]

thank you everyone for your responses.

My boyfriend has found a job. He better keep it...I'll make sure he does. $10/hr cutting down trees and a really down to earth boss. Its a blessing. we're both really happy about his job

About my boyfriend's background--he is being honest. Its a forgery charge for cashing some checks with his friend..he was dumb for doing it, but that is his background.

 

[Hilly]

I'm glad he found a job! Keep us posted!

 

[SparklingWaves]

I wish your b/f the best of luck.

 

[frocher]

That's good news, best wishes to both of you.

 

[righteothen]

That's great news ^_^. Hope everything starts to work out now for the both of you ^_^.

 

[Stormy]

That is good news for both of you! Maybe you two can sit down together and plan out a budget for him, now that he will have a steady income? Just a thought. I hope this relieves some of both of your stresses. Just remember, sweetie, you have to look out for YOU first. You have to plan for yourself and YOUR future. To thine own self be true! Good luck, hun!

 

[karen diggins]

I hate to say but you are 18 there are sooo many more men out there. You need to get out and people watch. Walk somewere by your self. I know you love your man but you have to move on!!! Hey we have all be there!! It will get better with time. Take care and know that we are always here if you need to talk.

 

[lipstickandhate]

That's great news! I hope it works out for you both. You seem like you have a good head on your shoulders and some serious ambition. I hope your relationship supports you rather than you working entirely to support the relationship.

Also, check forging- clearly you can see why employers might not be interested in employing someone with this history. It indicates to them that he is not only financially irresponsible but also willing to go to great lengths to cover it up and economically benefit anyway. I realize you say you understand it, but you should also consider what a conviction like that says about his character. Did he plead guilty or did he take it to trial? How long ago was it? Did it occur under similiar circumstances? These are things others are considering and it can be extremely difficult to look at someone you love objectively as they do when they see it on a piece of paper or hear it from the mouth of someone they're not emotionally invested in. A criminal past certainly doesn't say everything about a person but it definitely says something about them, a significant something.

I would also be critical if he is unwilling to sit down to financially plan with you, if he routinely fails to stick to the plan, has chronic "emergencies" which he believes justify non-compliance or if he routinely fails to hold a job. If he continues to borrow money or gets defensive about what he does with his money, you have serious pause to reconsider his motives. Don't be naive. If he can't keep his promises to you to honor his financial obligations, what does that say about his committment to you and to himself?

Best of luck. I hope it works out.

 

[n_c]

*hugz* hope everything goes well

 

[righteothen]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Stormy Maybe you two can sit down together and plan out a budget for him, now that he will have a steady income?

Yes, definitely work on a budget. He'll be amazed at how far his paychecks can go if he just has everything planned out. Just make sure something goes into savings, not to be touched unless there's an emergency. Even if it's only $10 a month, that can add up quickly, and will prevent him from using credit cards in the future if something comes up.

There are a lot of helpful books at the library that cover the topic, and really break it down into easy to understand terms. Good luck ^_^.

 

[CantAffordMAC]

thank you so much everyone. I appreciate all of your help and support!

 

[nunu]

oooh thats good news! good luck to both of you! thanks for keeping us updated.
take care!

 

[user79]

I'm sorry you're having such a hard time with money. That sucks.

Your employer is obligated to pay you for your time, and if she's not doing that, you can make a claim, and I'd look for a new job too, that sounds really horrible.

As for your bf, is he taking the finances seriously? That's a huge debt to have racked up at such a young age. You said he has school loans, is he finished with whatever school he did? He should be able to find a job if he really is trying. He needs to speak to some kind of financial advisor on how to reduce debt, he's pretty screwed in the head if he thinks $100 isn't anything to put towards bills. Sounds like he just doesn't care and wants to screw himself up for life.

Hope it gets better for you.

 

[Amymo]

Just a quick word of support, my BF and I met at 17 and he had problems holding down a job for years and we were miserable about the effect it had on our relationship. Money and trust were such a big issue as we had been brought up so differently. We really struggled through this but he has really grown up in the past two years and I know see that we were just at different levels of maturity. He has worked FT for two years building a career FOR HIMSELF, not because I nagged [we sat down and tried to write so many plans to get through stuff - they didn't work, time was what was needed], and is now proud to pay for things and appreciates the value of money. I am so proud of him, when I see how far we have come I really appreciate just how young we were when we met. Good luck to the two of you, I know people always say "you are young, you should move on" but I don't always agree, work together at it xx

 

[Esperanza]

I've read a huge part of everyone posts and I agree with the fact that you shouldn't have to take all that weight on your shoulders. You seem to be very level-headed and very serious about money so I'm sure everything's gonna be fine for you.

But you definitely have to talk with your boyfriend about the money value because he seems not to have the faintest notion of it. And if he doesn't like it because he think you're "in control", fine: just tell him you won't be paying anything for him then. I understand you're in love and that's a normal thing to help your so when things are hard but you have to be very careful of not being dragged down because he can't handle the situation. He's 22 and he has to learn how to cope on his own.

I've read that he has found a job, that's good news. Maybe he'll take his responsabilities now someone has put trust in him.

Take care of yourself and don't give up, you'll find a better job soon!!

 

[giz2000]

I'm glad he's found a job...best of luck to the both of you!

 

[dollbabybex]

why do u think i became a stripper...lol!

but jokes aside...it is rough... but eventually there wil be light at the end of the tunnel... good luck and ill keep my fingers crossed for you for that job xx

 

[silverbelle282]

good luck with everything. i really love your posts- you seem so down to earth, intelligent, etc. you do what you feel is right, but remember that you are helping your boyfriend and he should appreciate that to the fullest.

hopefully, this job will work out, but if anything, the picky-ness needs to go, in my humble opinion. when you have to overcome a charge like that on your record (which is a big red flag to employers because forgery points to a persons reputation for truthfulness) YOU need to HUSTLE. i mean, everybody needs to hustle, but he really can't be picking and choosing. like the above posters said, for him right now it's a rough road, better to bite the bullet and take every job that comes your way, stash your cash, and then in a year or two, when he wants to get his career -whatever that may be- going, he can at least say hey! look at my steady history of employment! i've held at least one job at all times, i'm consistent, i'm motivated, i'm ambitious. hire me!

what's the alternative? i mean, inexplicable (as in, by serious illness) gaps in employment, short or long, do NOT look good.

as for your boss. you need to call her out on her crap. you sound like a hard worker who knows that right now you have to bite the bullet to make it later, but she is taking advantage of you. be confident and be strong, you worked hard for that money and you deserve it!!! good luck finding another job.

i just graduated from law school, took the bar, and no one is hiring. but i realize that i'm not going to get my dream job now. i'm going to have to prove to other people that i am worth the money, that i am a capable attorney. and it sucks, after all these years of school, to have such a small number of options, but who cares? either i bite the bullet now and deal with a crappy paying job, and get better at what i do, or i mess up my future by not building the right foundation.

there are few people that things come easy for, the rest of us- like i said- HAVE to hustle.