So called friend...

[glam8babe]

How can i tell her? for god sake ive told her millions of times and she just doesnt stop stalking me. Twice shes cried her eyes out and made me feel bad i didnt know what to do or say and i didnt wanna be mean. There are times when i love her though because of who she really is but the times i dont love her are when shes with her slutty friend. And yeh im 17 i dont need to grow up, this isnt high school drama as you all think. Most of you dont even understand the story and think its just some shitty drama which it isnt, its actually a serious relationship problem

 

[Shimmer]

She calls don't answer.
She shows up, don't answer the door.
She goes to the same club, party, whatever, leave.
Don't answer the door. Don't associate with her or the same people she does.

 

[Kiseki]

Quote:

Originally Posted by glam8babe How can i tell her? for god sake ive told her millions of times and she just doesnt stop stalking me. Twice shes cried her eyes out and made me feel bad i didnt know what to do or say and i didnt wanna be mean. There are times when i love her though because of who she really is but the times i dont love her are when shes with her slutty friend. And yeh im 17 i dont need to grow up, this isnt high school drama as you all think. Most of you dont even understand the story and think its just some shitty drama which it isnt, its actually a serious relationship problem

You're seventeen and you don't need to grow up... maybe that's the difference, I'm over thirty and I think that maturity comes with age and experience and in many things I still feel like I need to grow up.

You can't have two things, you can't tell her that you don't want to hang out with her anymore and that you'd like some time apart and then hope that she'll want to do the hokey-pokey. Nor can you seriously expect that by taking that decision that things will just breeze by.

When life demands that we take an assertive action, you are expected to pay the price that comes along with it. Yes, she might cry and unless you're a totally heartless person, yes you'll feel sad because you are/were friends with the girl. But maybe that's what she needs to learn, that she can't do everything she wants and expect all of her friends to be ok with it. That's not what friendship is all about.

You have three choices:

a) You decide that whatever she does and whoever she hangs out with really doesn't bother you all that much because you have sufficient emotional stability to withstand it and will enjoy those nice times that you do eventually have whenever you hang out with her.

b) You decide to have another major talk with her and then make your decision based on her actions and your reactions.

c) You decide that it's not worth it anymore and move on, treasure the happy moments you shared, put the anger aside and remember her fondly and move on with your life.

Granted that none of these options are easy, but that's what growing up is all about.

 

[glam8babe]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Shimmer She calls don't answer. She shows up, don't answer the door. She goes to the same club, party, whatever, leave. Don't answer the door. Don't associate with her or the same people she does.

i wish it was as simple as that!

 

[Shimmer]

It is.
It really REALLY is.
I promise you, it is. That's something you learn as you get older. It's that simple.
You don't HAVE to associate with her, or the people who associate with her. You choose to.
You don't HAVE to go to the places she goes.
You choose to.
You don't HAVE to do anything that has to do with her.
You choose to.


Choose not to.

 

[Beauty Mark]

It is that simple. Life sucks and sometimes, it's necessary to do things that others perceive as mean or hurtful. Don't give in. If you keep giving it, all it proves to her is that you still want to be friends on some level. The way I always looked at it is you're leading the other person on if you continue the friendship.

You have a choice. You choose to be friends with her or not.

Believe me, I've ended friendships with my best friends because they became things I didn't wish to associate myself with. They still tried pursuing the friendship, but I didn't answer calls, emails, or talk to them. Straight up refused. I've been stalked by 2 of them, truly stalked. Not fun times.

Were there things I liked about them still at the time? Certainly. It would've been a lot easier if I believed there was nothing worthwhile about them. However, it's real life and people are, on a whole, not 100% good or evi.

And for the record, everyone needs to grow up. I'd find it very disturbing if at 17, you feel you don't need to. I'm 22 and I'm still growing up. There are people in their 30s and 40s who are still growing. There are people who are still growing and maturing 'til they hit 100.

 

[nashoba95]

Is this "Days of our Lives" or "As the world turns" drama??????? LOL!!!

 

[girlstar]

Quote:

Originally Posted by lipstickandhate I LOL'd at the British people don't do drama comment. That is all.

Me too

And I've only lived here a month!!

 

[glam8babe]

i DONT chose to go places with her though.. im ALWAYs with my boyfriend i live at his on weekends so i dont see her then anyway.. i see her like once a month [twice is SHES lucky] and when i do see her shes like the girl she used to be but when i see her with her new friend shes soo different i feel like punching her because she doesnt need to change. I do wish we could be back to how we used to be but thats never gonna happen. And im starting college next week so ill have new friends so it will just go from there.

 

[Shimmer]

Then why are you so frustrated?

 

[Beauty Mark]

So she just happens to be wherever you are?

I hate to break it to you, but you do choose to be around her. When you don't leave an establishment or tell her that you don't want to be around her, you made a choice.

Until she holds a gun to your head or threatens you or a loved one, you have choices. I went to a college reunion with friends. An ex-friend of mine still has plenty of overlap with her group of friends and my group of friends. We were in a small town, too. If she was in a place, I purposely was in the other corner or decided I wanted to go somewhere else. When we had to to talk, I kept it as brief as possible and excused myself as soon as possible.

 

[MxAxC-_ATTACK]

I'm Sorry.. I am going to be completely honest with you (with no intention to offend or set off any "drama alarms")
I couldn't even get half way through your post, your grammar is atrocious.

 

[dollbabybex]

you cant stay friends with someone on the basis you were friends when u were 15... people change a lot... some people grow together and some grow apart.

 

[bAbY_cHiCkEn01]

Why are you still calling her your "best friend"? You seriously need to grow up. and as others have said, you CAN easily avoid her. What, is the place where you live the size of a room where it is literally impossible to avoid her? I wouldn't think so.

Also, when I read what you've written, it suonds like you think you're holier than thou and she's beneath you...
Do you also realise that maybe she misses your friendship as well so she's copying you thinking that you might think you guys are similar (as I'm sure you once were) therefore she's trying to get back the bond you guys did once have. If that makes sense LOL...
How can she copy you if she only sees you once a month, twice if SHE"S lucky... Maybe you're a bit up youself thinking that she is even though you guys have similar style.

 

[*Dani*]

I agree with everyone else, you just need to avoid her. It might not be easy to do, but it really is a lot better (and a more mature way of dealing with it IMHO) that letting her get to you like this and being annoyed about it. There isn't really a need for all the drama!
I do know what it's like to have "friends" start doing things like this, but I no longer see them so they're not a problem for me anymore.

 

[glam8babe]

Quote:

Originally Posted by bAbY_cHiCkEn01 Why are you still calling her your "best friend"? You seriously need to grow up. and as others have said, you CAN easily avoid her. What, is the place where you live the size of a room where it is literally impossible to avoid her? I wouldn't think so. Also, when I read what you've written, it suonds like you think you're holier than thou and she's beneath you... Do you also realise that maybe she misses your friendship as well so she's copying you thinking that you might think you guys are similar (as I'm sure you once were) therefore she's trying to get back the bond you guys did once have. If that makes sense LOL... How can she copy you if she only sees you once a month, twice if SHE"S lucky... Maybe you're a bit up youself thinking that she is even though you guys have similar style.

sorri but uve got the wrong end of the stick. Im not up my self at all i know what im talking about

 

[Shimmer]

Actually, you know what? We're all wrong.

A random sampling on the internet of women basically across the world generally saying the same thing obviously is somehow skewed.

We're wrong, of course.

:/

 

[lara]

Quote:

Originally Posted by glam8babe well u wud find that like 99% of people in the UK dont do drama because we arent into it it looks unclassy

Current raw data suggests that we're experiencing that 1% right now.

 

[glam8babe]

well ive finally told her how i feel... we had a lil argument but who cares i dont care about her. Shes being childish sending bulletins on myspace about it and getting her friend to do the same

im actually laughing! well not alot but just at how childish that is. Anyway im off to bed guys im starting college tomorrow to meet some nice people

 

[Shimmer]

I really don't understand.
She's posting myspace bulletins, and that's not okay, but you're posting a thread on a website she'll never read, and that IS ok?

I'm so confused.