Thank you for the compliments.
TT The guy was not on the second train, but I've heard his conversations before and he seems like a pompous jerk. So I was thinking to myself "why is he looking at me". Same thing happened on the way home. THere was another guy staring, and I couldn't figure out why. Then I thought he probably just wanted me to notice him. He is the type that's gorgeous and knows it.
salt n pepper hair, works out, fit, expensive clothes, but I can tell from conversations very vain, stuck up and an ass. I know chubby ol' me is not their type.. (Serioulsy, people watch what you say on the train and while on the phone. LOL )
Swoon! Don't mind me. I'm in some kind of way right now and thinking about dating.
And yes people are ridiculous with their public conversations. I get real quiet when I'm on the phone in public and try to keep it short. I suppose I might be different if I lived in a commuter environment like you, but right now I value my privacy too much. I'm sure you've got the right idea about him based on his asinine conversations, but listen: don't sell yourself short. Sure you might be chubby, but that doesn't mean somebody can't be attracted to you. A lot of attraction is based on that special something. You probably give off something that just draws people. I'm not sure what it is or how to describe it. It's charisma, aura, confidence, something. I had a friend who wasn't traditionally beautiful, but I've noticed when we go out people are very attracted to her. And strange people. My friend is 42, dark skin, natural hair, small up top and big on bottom, and just generally Afro-centric. We live in an area that is only 5% Black yet white men from their late 20's on up have approached her when I've been with her. (Of course some black men, too.) These are men who would typically be intimidated by someone like her. Yet somehow she attracts attention and holds it. Listen to the New Kids on the Block. You got the right stuff!
I recently had a friend tell me I need to stop wearing jeans b/c it looks like I just get up and throw my clothes on. sometimes I do, but I even do that with dress pants. She spent two hours telling me how to change my look, even my hair and shoes. I know it was from a good place, but it was so out of the blue. B/c of past experiences when stuff like that happens, I'm like have y'all been talking about me? LOL. She took me shopping last year before or trip to Miami, and had me in Rainbow, discovery, and conway... I'm like no, can't do it. LOL She had ok ideas, some of the stuff, I was not ready for. I don't dress up b/c I don't want to stand out or have that attention. But why am I hiding? I also don't like fussy clothes where you have to alwys make sure everything is laying right. But I'm tired of looking unkept. But we've talked about this before. I won't go there.
TT I prefer the dressed up look. My office is casual, which in the suburbs means, flip flops, too thin leggings with short tops, tight clothes with rolls showing (even if you have one, it's still a roll), tank tops with bra straps showing, someone even came in with a halter dress on. Jogging pants, sweat shirts, hair all over their heads, and etc... they always say, why dress up? I'm only going to work, there's no one here to dress up for. UH, dress up for me. Please. I'm tired of seeing that mess. LOL I try to be decent (apparently not good enough anymore) b/c my train goes to downtown. Never know if I might decide to meet up with friends or go to an event at the last minute.
I'm so sorry this happened to you. I'm sure it was really hurtful to feel like your friends were talking about you behind your back. When someone tries to make you completely over it feels like they don't love who you are. Rainbow? She had your grown ass in kiddie stores.
PP this is how I approach it. Each year I choose something different about me (physically) to work on to increase my confidence. One year (or 3 lol) I was addicted to jeans, one year it was finally going to the derm to get my skin under control, last year it was work clothes that make me happy, and more recently it's been makeup. I find it easier to focus on one thing at a time and perfect it. As your virtual friend here's where I'd have you start. Since you like jeans focus on finding the perfect jeans. Now this important. THEY WILL COST MONEY. Maybe more than $100. I know it sounds crazy, but you're looking for the one. Once you find it I could always help you find them cheaper elsewhere. I'm really good at that. Remember when you never thought you'd spend $20 on blush? Things change. 
If I get to Chicago this summer we will be on a quest for flattering dark denim. Looking and feeling frumpy messes with your head and confidence. I want that to change. I want you to feel good. I know it's hard not to fall into the trap of the people around you (leggings, tank tops, flip flops), but please keep working on you. Like you said you go downtown and you don't want to look dusty. You never know who you will meet or what job it will lead to. How you look/dress does impact your life. It's immature to say otherwise.
Sigh and what happened to pants???? I'm so TIRED of seeing leggings on everyone. I've even seen people's booties through the flimsy fabric.
