what do i say to this dude?

[kimmy]

currently, my working conditions suck. i need to get the hell out of there, but my boss passed me up for a promotion because he has a personal problem with me. i was pissed, but i thought screw him, i'll just go elsewhere. and i'm working on that, but it isn't easy.

i'm going back to school, which is really tough for me. i'm working out on an almost daily basis to get in shape. i'm having alot of problems at home with my mom who decided she hates me all the sudden. i have alot of stuff on my plate just now.

and i'm fine with that.

what i'm not fine with is this one guy. he's my sister's exroomate's brother and i've met him ONCE in my life. i quit talking to him because he's got some issues that i just do not need in my life right now. anyway, he keeps texting me wanting to go do something and then he gets all upset when i can't.

I AM FUCKING BUSY.
i am trying to make a life for myself.
i am trying to make it on MY OWN.

i don't want to be bitch and just be like "lookit, that's great that your parents are loaded and are willing to support you for the next twenty years. and that's great that you're willing to let them...but mine aren't, and even if they were, i wouldn't be down for that. please respect the fact that i'm being responsible and being a functioning member of society." so what do i say?

 

[shootout]

Honestly, if being nice hasn't done anything, I would just say that.
I've learned from experience that some guys won't take no for an answer, even when you have a completely legit excuse. It would probably be better for you to just a bitch to him, even if it might make you feel bad, because in the long run, who cares what he thinks?

 

[VDUB*BELLA]

shit. I feel for ya. My works sucks now too and i'm doing the whole school thing on the side. Its tough I know.
Tell this dude the timing isnt right for you right now and you are focusing on your career and school which is your #1 priority and no time for boys. SORRY!

 

[Shadowy Lady]

Kimmy, i'm sorry you're going through so much in your life. I hope your bad day end soon

That being said, I agree with the other posters...you said it yourself, you have no time for this shit. Some times in life you have to be a bitch or ppl either will walk all over you or totally drain you with their problems. If ignoring his texts doesn't cut it, you will have to flat out tell him that you don't have time for this.

 

[TISH1124]

I agree, If you have gone thru the niceties (surely not a word) then he leaves you no choice but to be brutally honest, which can seem mean...

Or​

Buy the book by Ian Kerner, "She is Just Not Into You" and give it to him like you thought it was his birthday ..Ok that's mean But Hell!! Catch a hint, dude!!

But I have to admit this dude I know was a bug-a-boo, he emailed me, called me, just literally bugged the crap out of me. I would avoid his calls, not respond to his emails but then he blocked his number and I answered and guess what on November 24th it will be our two year wedding anniversarry!! WTF ... So I am basically not one to give any advice!

Hopefully I cheered you up just a bit !! I am sorry you are having problems though!

 

[Beauty Mark]

I wouldn't throw his life in his face, I'd just tell him that you don't want to hang out with him, unless you would eventually.

I tend to find people who are that whiny about me not having time for them also tend to be people I don't want to hang with. Even if I try to be polite and pretend I'm busy (or if I truly am busy), they never get it or try to come up with "solutions" for my time issues.

 

[juicygirl]

i hope things start to look up for you soon kimmy. i too think it's time for you to just say what you wrote here and if it means being a bitch, so be it. you don't want to lead the guy on and so far, he's not getting the hint so you just have to break it down for him! at work, there's this patient who last year, asked me out. i kind of laughed it off and pretended like i didn't know what he was getting at. so this year, twelve months later, he calls in the other day to schedule an appointment and while i'm scheduling it for him, he says, "do you remember who this is? i'm the guy who asked you out last year and you said no!" well, he tells me to get ready because he plans to ask me out again this year. nice right? no, he's a sixty year old mortician guy and i am a twenty-six year old who has NEVER acted as if there was a remote chance in hell i was interested. so anyways, my point for telling you this is that i am a really nice person and it wasn't until i became a bitch to him and said basically that i was flattered but he's too old that he laid off. so ya, i i wish i had been a bitch to him sooner because honestly, i do not care what he thinks of me. anyways, hope it works out for you kimmy. =]

 

[MzzRach]

I agree with the others, be straight up with him. It doesn't mean you have to be cruel, but of course you will have to tell him what he doesn't want to hear. Sometimes we have to get rid of excess baggage in our lives - I am in no way putting this guy down, it's just the way it goes sometimes.

You do have a lot on your plate, and bravo to you for working hard to get what you want. I wish you all the best, hang in there.

 

[kittykit]

Tell him honestly that you don't wanna hang out with him - be frank and make it clear so that he gets the idea.

 

[SkylarV217]

Simply let him know that you have too much going on right to worry about your social life lol ... Its sounds terrible but its the truth...

 

[*Stargazer*]

Would he get the clue if you just quit responding to him?

 

[florabundance]

Be honest. "I have shit to do right now, but if you're willing to wait til (whenever) then that's cool, if not, i'd be grateful if you let me concentrate on what i have going on".

 

[Simply Elegant]

I don't think you have to be a bitch about it, but just being clear about what you want would be best. There's always a nice way to say it.

 

[Malena]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Simply Elegant I don't think you have to be a bitch about it, but just being clear about what you want would be best. There's always a nice way to say it.

What she said!
You don´t need to be a bitch, just tell him you aren´t interested, he´s not your type, something like that. No need to be overly rude, but to state clearly that you two will never end up hanging out together!

 

[MizzHotTahiti]

i know u dont have to be a bitch! just gently tell him hes not ur type and ur not in a place in ur life right now where u wanna be with any guy.even if thats not true, that won't hurt him as much.

dont swear or yell at him just tell him in a mature way and move on with ur life.ignore anything from him after that.

 

[snowflakelashes]

Definately Honesty, you don't have to be mean. It might hurt if he's super into you but in the long run, that'll give him the chance to move on and find someone who has all the time in the world, OR time for him to grow up and get his own lifes plan rolling.

 

[pink_lily002]

Oh my, this sounds JUST LIKE a dude I met back in May. He saw me on one of his friend's Facebook pages, and the next thing you know, he's texting/emailing/calling like crazy. We went out on three dates - two were for drinks and dinner, and one was an all-day Kenny Chesney concert. After the third date, I realized that he was just NOT the type of guy I was looking for. The next time he called, I told him that I really didn't see us being more than friends and that I wasn't at a good point in my life to really have a relationship. Well, he wouldn't take no for an answer and started being even MORE annoying. I tried ignoring him, but that didn't work, so finally, I told him again, in as polite a way as I could, that I really had no interest in seeing him anymore and would appreciate it if he would respect my decisions to live my life without him in it. I haven't heard from him since.

Just be polite. Only if he doesn't get the message would I then pull the bitch card!

 

[lara]

Quote:

Originally Posted by kimmy i don't want to be bitch and just be like "lookit, that's great that your parents are loaded and are willing to support you for the next twenty years. and that's great that you're willing to let them...but mine aren't, and even if they were, i wouldn't be down for that. please respect the fact that i'm being responsible and being a functioning member of society." so what do i say?

"lookit, that's great that your parents are loaded and are willing to support you for the next twenty years. and that's great that you're willing to let them...but mine aren't, and even if they were, i wouldn't be down for that. please respect the fact that i'm being responsible and being a functioning member of society."

Sounds pretty good to me.

 

[kimmy]

Quote:

Originally Posted by lara "lookit, that's great that your parents are loaded and are willing to support you for the next twenty years. and that's great that you're willing to let them...but mine aren't, and even if they were, i wouldn't be down for that. please respect the fact that i'm being responsible and being a functioning member of society." Sounds pretty good to me.

you're such a fantastic enabler, lara.

 

[lara]

I'm just really blunt when it comes to things like this. I'm the most tactful person in the world in most situations, but once it gets to where someone is making my life needlessly difficult or isn't respecting my personal activities/growth/progression, all that fancy wordin' falls away and I say directly what I mean.

"I appreciate the invitations you keep giving me but like I said the last ten times you didn't take no for an answer about going out, I don't have the time, the funds or the patience to hang with you."