Hey Lilmamaj,
First, be prepared for a loooooooooooong response.
Friendships. Don't even get me started on this topic! I have been so on and off about friendships ever since I started making them in the first grade!
First, I just want to say that I empathize completely, and I know EXACTLY how you feel. I'd say the great majority of my friends are only friends to me at THEIR own disposal, meaning they like being around me, but they don't really do their part as a friend (they don't really ask me to hang out, don't really call me unless I call them first, etc.) It really pissed me off, but I've learned a little trick that I use all the time now and I feel so much better about things.
I will tell you a story. I left college because I was having a really hard time (personal issues) and when I came home, I literally came home to my family and that was it. I had one friend in town, but she was busy a lot with school and her job and didn't have that much time to hang out with me. When I left for college, NOBODY bothered to talk to me. I literally heard from nobody for weeks, then weeks turned to a few months, and I was confused and sad. These people I would see weekly, if not daily, didn't even bother to even call in and check up on me! Sometimes I would text them and usually just get a simple text back, but that was it. No initiation on their part. It was like everyone I had considered a good friend at school just forgot all about me and didn't even care how I was doing. Even my own big in my fraternity didn't text or call to check up on me or anything. I felt really bad about it for a long, long time.
I then realized that a lot of the time, at least for me, the friends I made in college were friends out of convenience, convenience at least for them. It dates back to high school, actually. We would eat lunch together, make small talk, but never really connect on a deeper level. I have come to realize that the majority of the time, that is the way it will be throughout life. You will meet different people in different stages of your life, and not all of them will stick around forever. In fact, most of them will probably fade away.
Some people are extremely lucky to find friends who will stick with them like family, like the girls in Sex and the City. I've always wanted a relationship like that with some girls, but I never found it...and not everyone will be fortunate enough to find it. I never may and I find myself just getting sad thinking I'll never have "best" friends. But I must tell myself it's ok and to stop expecting things I can't control. I now believe when it comes to friendships you have to take things with a grain of salt. People are selfish sometimes, in fact a lot of the time in my case. They will act like your best friend at parties or in class/work and like they can't live without you when you're in close proximity with them, but then they might just forget about you when you're not there. It's not that they don't like you anymore, they just move on with their lives. It's hard to swallow (it was for me, at least) but it's the truth.
I now have reconnected with a few people from college and my work. I hear back from some of them more often than others. Some I have to initiate texting all of the time, others text me first occasionally. I also have reconnected with a few local friends from high school over the summer, but as of now it's more surface level than anything, I like their companionship and they like mine, so we spend time together when we can. When I return to my college (I've been missing for an entire semester) I think things will be a little weird at first, but I don't mind, I feel like I'll just pick up where I left off with people if I still could even consider myself having relationships with them lol. All I know is now I don't get as hurt anymore, because I no longer expect anything from these people, not even people I used to think were my closest friends. And when I have no expectations, it's impossible to get disappointed. This is my specialized case, however, but it's been working for me thus far and I feel great in terms of my friendships now.
Most of my life now consists of spending time with my family and spending time with myself. I go out with my friends when they have time (it's usually only once a week, no more), otherwise I don't sweat it. I used to be the girl who would call everyone to hang out and get mad because nobody would ever call her back. I wanted to be texted left and right, but it never happened. I thought people didn't like me for the longest time and I felt lonely and depressed about it. I wanted a group so I could be like Carrie and the gals, but never found that. I think now that I'm older, though, I've become ok with that. I will never be a social butterfly who is loved by everyone and their dog, but I've just come to accept that and I'm much happier. I like spending time with people but I also like spending time with myself (in healthy ways, not lumping myself in front of the tube for hours!), and that's important!
Ok, I rambled a LOT, but I hope some of this helps you! It sounds a little harsh, but when it comes to friendships, people who can find one GOOD friend, and when I say good I mean someone they tell everything and can trust them with their life, they are already very lucky. I can maybe only say I have one friend like that, and we are even drifting apart now because things aren't the same anymore. The majority of "friends" you will have throughout your life will just be your friends at that stage of your life, and then they will pass. So I think what is important is to develop a good relationship with your family/significant other if you can, and most importantly with yourself. Good luck with everything!!
