Who argues about candles???

[FullWroth]

Quote:

Originally Posted by CantAffordMAC I should be allowed a candle for each room.

How come? Honest question there. What standard of compromise are you using to decide what you should and shouldn't be allowed, and how much input is he getting in this?

That came out sounding way more confrontational than I meant it to, but I'm really just genuinely curious. My boyfriend and I argue about stupid stuff a lot (we argued about Nancy Drew once... we rule), but house decorating preferences isn't on our argument list, so I'm a little fascinated.

 

[frocher]

....

 

[CantAffordMAC]

Quote:

Originally Posted by FullWroth How come? Honest question there. What standard of compromise are you using to decide what you should and shouldn't be allowed, and how much input is he getting in this? That came out sounding way more confrontational than I meant it to, but I'm really just genuinely curious. My boyfriend and I argue about stupid stuff a lot (we argued about Nancy Drew once... we rule), but house decorating preferences isn't on our argument list, so I'm a little fascinated.

Its fine. I figured thats not asking too much. I just bought four candles. When we get an apartment, we will have 3-4 rooms. I probably won't be burning 4 candles at the same time ANYWAYS, so I probably shouldn't even have said that. I should be allowed to have my candles out (where they can be seen) and I should be allowed to burn at least 2 of them when i want to. I don't plan on burning the candles every single day, but probably several times a week.

I am willing to compromise with him. i kept coming up with ideas and he was shooting them down. "We'll try your potpourri for a week, then my candles for a week and see which we like better" He shot that down. I said we can have both--he shot that down. I have noooo problem with having potpourri in our house. If he likes it, then fine. It doesn't make a difference in my life. I don't really care for it, but who am i to tell him that he can't have it?? I'm also willing to have plug-ins in our house. I don't want one in every plug, but I'd like one in the bathroom, and maybe another somewhere else. So, basically I'm more than willing to have plug-ins and potpourri in our house, and he can't even let me have my candles, because he hates them and they look "cheap and poor"...

That, my friend, is not fair.

 

[SquirrelQueen]

Is your boyfriend controlling in other ways? The reason I ask is because my ex-husband was a control freak. He started out picking on little things---for example, he didn't like my perfume so I tried to get a different scent but he didn't like that so eventually I gave up wearing fragrance. It didn't matter. If I changed something to please him, he'd just find something else to complain about. Over the years, he criticized the way I dressed, the way I kept house, my ability to parent, pretty much everything. Oh, yeah, and he never let me burn candles because he said I'd probably burn the house down.

During the course of our marriage, I lost myself. Now I am remarried to a man who likes it when I wear makeup but thinks I look fine without it. He likes my cooking but will give me honest feedback if the sauce is too spicy. He thinks I'm a wonderful mom. He doesn't yell if I put toilet paper on the roll the "wrong" way. If I want to go to a Mexican restaurant and he wants Thai, we compromise and sometimes do it my way, sometimes his. Last night we went to our state caucuses---we went to different caucuses because we support different candidates in different parties. (My ex-husband used to tell me how I was supposed to vote!)

My DH also buys me all the Yankee Candles I want.

No relationship is worth sacrificing yourself. I'm not saying you should dump the guy over candles but maybe this should spur you to look carefully at your relationship. Is this behavior part of a pattern? Does he listen to you and value your input in other matters? Or is he always right and you're always wrong?

Trust me, there are few things as lonely and soul-sapping as being stuck in a loveless relationship with a controlling partner.

 

[xIxSkyDancerxIx]

I hope you two come to a compromise and settle the argument soon! For things like that my boyfriend and I don't argue about it (thank god). If I want something then he'll let me do it, unless he REALLY doesn't like it. Then he'll tell me and suggest something else that I could do instead, and that's what I usually do and the other way around. If one of us STILL really want it then both of us has the mentality that "if it'll make you happy then ok do it."

If he's so against your candles then maybe you can take him with you to see what kind he might think doesn't look "cheap." I think potpourri smells kinda gross.. but I have a sensitive nose though haha.

 

[xIxSkyDancerxIx]

Quote:

Is your boyfriend controlling in other ways? The reason I ask is because my ex-husband was a control freak. He started out picking on little things---for example, he didn't like my perfume so I tried to get a different scent but he didn't like that so eventually I gave up wearing fragrance. It didn't matter. If I changed something to please him, he'd just find something else to complain about. Over the years, he criticized the way I dressed, the way I kept house, my ability to parent, pretty much everything. Oh, yeah, and he never let me burn candles because he said I'd probably burn the house down. During the course of our marriage, I lost myself. Now I am remarried to a man who likes it when I wear makeup but thinks I look fine without it. He likes my cooking but will give me honest feedback if the sauce is too spicy. He thinks I'm a wonderful mom. He doesn't yell if I put toilet paper on the roll the "wrong" way. If I want to go to a Mexican restaurant and he wants Thai, we compromise and sometimes do it my way, sometimes his. Last night we went to our state caucuses---we went to different caucuses because we support different candidates in different parties. (My ex-husband used to tell me how I was supposed to vote!) My DH also buys me all the Yankee Candles I want. No relationship is worth sacrificing yourself. I'm not saying you should dump the guy over candles but maybe this should spur you to look carefully at your relationship. Is this behavior part of a pattern? Does he listen to you and value your input in other matters? Or is he always right and you're always wrong? Trust me, there are few things as lonely and soul-sapping as being stuck in a loveless relationship with a controlling partner.

Agree!

 

[jdepp_84]

Quote:

Originally Posted by CantAffordMAC LoL thanks everyone for all of the help. We haven't discussed it...I'm going to wait until we move in. I'm not going to have all my candles on one stupid little table or something. Thats dumb. I should be allowed a candle for each room. We can fill the house with potpourri--I don't care! I know they make the tarts and I was thinking that. Thats like...gone in one night though. You know? I'd rather buy the big one that burns for like 90+ hours. How does she take them out of the jars??????

She brakes the jars opened

Shes a crazy old lady what can I say

hehe.

 

[CantAffordMAC]

Quote:

Originally Posted by SquirrelQueen Is your boyfriend controlling in other ways? The reason I ask is because my ex-husband was a control freak. He started out picking on little things---for example, he didn't like my perfume so I tried to get a different scent but he didn't like that so eventually I gave up wearing fragrance. It didn't matter. If I changed something to please him, he'd just find something else to complain about. Over the years, he criticized the way I dressed, the way I kept house, my ability to parent, pretty much everything. Oh, yeah, and he never let me burn candles because he said I'd probably burn the house down. During the course of our marriage, I lost myself. Now I am remarried to a man who likes it when I wear makeup but thinks I look fine without it. He likes my cooking but will give me honest feedback if the sauce is too spicy. He thinks I'm a wonderful mom. He doesn't yell if I put toilet paper on the roll the "wrong" way. If I want to go to a Mexican restaurant and he wants Thai, we compromise and sometimes do it my way, sometimes his. Last night we went to our state caucuses---we went to different caucuses because we support different candidates in different parties. (My ex-husband used to tell me how I was supposed to vote!) My DH also buys me all the Yankee Candles I want. No relationship is worth sacrificing yourself. I'm not saying you should dump the guy over candles but maybe this should spur you to look carefully at your relationship. Is this behavior part of a pattern? Does he listen to you and value your input in other matters? Or is he always right and you're always wrong? Trust me, there are few things as lonely and soul-sapping as being stuck in a loveless relationship with a controlling partner.

Thanks. But he is not controlling.

Just picky and a weirdo

Quote:

Originally Posted by jdepp_84 She brakes the jars opened Shes a crazy old lady what can I say hehe.

Hmmm....alright. So thats understandable. But how does she get the big ass candle into little champagne glasses and such? I'm very interested....If you could tell me how than maybe we can fix the problem.

Even though theres nothing wrong with the damn jars that they come in! I should write to yankee, maybe they'll send them to me without the jar for half price!

 

[SquirrelQueen]

Quote:

Originally Posted by CantAffordMAC Thanks. But he is not controlling. Just picky and a weirdo

I'm glad to hear this. Weird can be fun. Picky is okay. Controlling is, um, not good at all.

If he's having a hissy over the jars, just get lots of votives. I'm sure they're more expensive but if that's what he wants...

Also check the Yankee Candle website. I'm surprised at all the stuff they have---and it isn't all in jars.

 

[FullWroth]

Quote:

Originally Posted by CantAffordMAC So, basically I'm more than willing to have plug-ins and potpourri in our house, and he can't even let me have my candles, because he hates them and they look "cheap and poor"...

Hm... you might be at an impasse then, because it sounds like he feels as strongly about not having the candles as you do about having them.

Someone brought up a good idea though... do they have to be Yankee Candle Co. candles? 'Cause maybe you can take him around to some different places that have assorted types of candles, and try to figure out if maybe there's a type of candle he DOES like, and then you can just compromise by picking your favorites from that kind? Otherwise, the only thing I can think of is giving each of you a room of your own decor-wise, where he has one room to do whatever he wants in and you have one to do whatever you want in, but that's hard with an apartment, easier with a house.

 

[CantAffordMAC]

Quote:

Originally Posted by FullWroth Hm... you might be at an impasse then, because it sounds like he feels as strongly about not having the candles as you do about having them. Someone brought up a good idea though... do they have to be Yankee Candle Co. candles? 'Cause maybe you can take him around to some different places that have assorted types of candles, and try to figure out if maybe there's a type of candle he DOES like, and then you can just compromise by picking your favorites from that kind? Otherwise, the only thing I can think of is giving each of you a room of your own decor-wise, where he has one room to do whatever he wants in and you have one to do whatever you want in, but that's hard with an apartment, easier with a house.

He told me to go somewhere else for candles. That don't look cheap. That still isn't fair to me. Yankee is my favorite, and I believe they are the best quality. I'm not telling him he has to have Glade plug-ins and not Air Wick. Or that he has to get his poutpourri from Walmart and nowhere else.

This is just wrong. Seriously. If he is that serious over not having a particular brand of candle, than thats freakin pathetic. I have to go searching for a good enough candle to compare to Yankee, when I love my Yankee candles. Thats just not right.

 

[BeautyPsycho]

Um... maybe put your candle in bigger jar/vase and put some decorative glass stones in there too... that way you have your candle but it looks better... i think his only complaint is that it looks "cheap" so just make it look different. Weird dude. lol

 

[threelittlebirds]

Maybe you can compromise with your bf and shop around for different types of candles. There are a lot of candles that are long-burning and still smell great besides Yankee, like Votivo, Voluspa, Illume, just to name a few (I also LOVE candles

). You may end up finding a scent/design that both of you enjoy.

 

[CantAffordMAC]

I know I said he wasn't controlling. But he was starting to sound a bit bossy tonight. So I ended up layin' down the law. I told him that he won't control me and tell me what to do, and that him having what he wants in our house and I'm not ableto keep my candles isn't fair. After talking about it, he was fine with letting me keep my Yankee candles and have them stay in the jars.

YAY

lol. Thanks ladies for all of your help! Geez, thats one less thing to be irritated over lol.

 

[frocher]

Glad you two worked it out.

 

[SquirrelQueen]

Quote:

Originally Posted by CantAffordMAC I know I said he wasn't controlling. But he was starting to sound a bit bossy tonight. So I ended up layin' down the law. I told him that he won't control me and tell me what to do, and that him having what he wants in our house and I'm not ableto keep my candles isn't fair. After talking about it, he was fine with letting me keep my Yankee candles and have them stay in the jars.

Good for you! I could never stand up to my ex-husband, not even in little matters, and his controlling tendencies just got worse and worse over the years. Eventually, it just became easier to give in to his demands than to try to fight for what was fair.

I'm so glad you and your SO got this worked out.

 

[saspearia]

I have a method which I find works in lots of situations and that is to let your boyfriend think he came up with an idea. So in the case of home decor, rather than saying 'I would like my candles' You could start planting the idea of candles in his head a few days before (eg whenever a candle is lit he gets lucky

) and then ask him 'which room would you like those candles in that you like so much?' hehe.

Failing that...don't ask him. Just put them up. I bet with everything going on when moving in he wouldn't have noticed!