Why do you have to like yourself?

[Raerae]

I've noticed that in everyone arguments about celebs, magazines, and models and thin-ness etc, is that it makes "real women" (whats that anyways?) feel bad about themselves. Since when anyone feel good about "settling" anyways?

Being "happy" with how you look is a myth. There is no such thing. Because regardless of what we have, we eventually get "used" to it, and it's not good enough anymore. Everything loses it's mystique and newness after a whille, and we just seek to get something even better.

You can lie all you want about being happy with your looks, but it's totally fake. Because as humans were always going to look at out flaws (even if only we can see them) and pick them apart. You might not be unhappy, but only because you've settled for the fact thats it's not going to get better. But that doesn't mean your happy with your appearance.

It's evident on all levels of beauty. Ask anyone who's got an amazing body, and even if they wont admit it to anyone but themselves, there are things about themselves that they would change in a second. You see it in everything that the, "rich and beautiful" people do. They get plastic surgery, they date and dump people who average people would die to date. But only because once your there, it's not special anymore.

So what is any of this going to accomplish? Change all the celebs, the models, the fashion, replace them all with "average people" and your average person is still going to be unhappy. There still going to see someone skinnier than they are, and wish they were thinner. There still going to see an attractive man that has 0 interest in their average appearance and wish they could date them. There still going to see their flaws in their body, and wish they could change them.

So whats changed? Other than nothing?

 

[Jade]

Being "happy" with how you look is a myth. There is no such thing. Because regardless of what we have, we eventually get "used" to it, and it's not good enough anymore. Everything loses it's mystique and newness after a whille, and we just seek to get something even better.


ITA. I sometimes feel like I'm happy about my looks and feel great about myself, until I see a pic of Christina Aguilera or someone equally beautiful and it always makes me wish things like "I wish I had her body, I wish I had her skin, her hair and so on) Maybe that's due to me being young? MAybe you eventually grow out of it??

 

[Raerae]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Jade ITA. I sometimes feel like I'm happy about my looks and feel great about myself, until I see a pic of Christina Aguilera or someone equally beautiful and it always makes me wish things like "I wish I had her body, I wish I had her skin, her hair and so on) Maybe that's due to me being young? MAybe you eventually grow out of it??

Yah but anyone with a better body than you is gonna do that. Not just X-Tina. It's the human condition, we want what we can't have =p

 

[Jade]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Raerae Yah but anyone with a better body than you is gonna do that. Not just X-Tina. It's the human condition, we want what we can't have =p

Agreed

 

[frankie!]

I totally agree with you on most of this, especially the question of WHAT a "real women" is, but i don't agree with the idea that no human can be happy with their appearance. There are those few times were I might want to lose a pound or two, but overall i'm very happy about my appearance and who i am.

 

[Hawkeye]

Quote:

Being "happy" with how you look is a myth. There is no such thing. Because regardless of what we have, we eventually get "used" to it, and it's not good enough anymore.

If you don't like yourself you become rather useless in what you can accomplish. You have no confidence. Because of this you decide you can do nothing of grave importance and then you become useless. Also in regards to not liking yourself- if you dont like yourself why then should anyone else like you?If you don't have enough guts to stand up for yourself, why should anyone else? If you don't want to call people out on things- why should anyone else? If you give in to not liking yourself then a big problem comes up- depression.

Sometimes, you have to like yourself in order to get things done, in order to accept yourself and therefore allow others to accept you as well. You become useful because you can believe you are.

But- for the most part I agree with you. Beauty is in the eye of the beholder and beauty is indeed fleeting.

One question though- why is it lying to yourself if you do happen to find yourself with no physical flaws? It's not acceptance, you just happen to be quite happy with it. It's not a lie to be perfectly happy with oneself because you have no complaints.

I think you are confusing your opinion with with fact on that statement.

The reason I say this is because I guess I'm a rare few, I refuse to compare myself to others because that to me is very shallow. (Sorry to all the ladies who do this its just my opinion nothing personal)

 

[Raerae]

Is acceptance of, "well it's not going to get any better" really happiness?

 

[Raerae]

Quote:

Originally Posted by frankie! I totally agree with you on most of this, especially the question of WHAT a "real women" is, but i don't agree with the idea that no human can be happy with their appearance. There are those few times were I might want to lose a pound or two, but overall i'm very happy about my appearance and who i am.

So if you had a "beauty wish" and you could magically change anything to be perfectly how you want it ( and only your appearance), you would tell the genie, "no thanks, i'm happy with my wrinkles, cellulite, mummy tummy, etc."

 

[Hawkeye]

But why would I think such things? What if it's not acceptance? What if someone is genuinely happy with just they way they are? Where do they even think - eh it's not going to get any better? That right there is really just putting thoughts in someones mind rather than what the person is actually thinking.

 

[Raerae]

Quote:

Originally Posted by youbeabitch But why would I think such things? What if it's not acceptance? What if someone is genuinely happy with just they way they are? Where do they even think - eh it's not going to get any better? That right there is really just putting thoughts in someones mind rather than what the person is actually thinking.

So you've never looked in the mirror naked and thought, if only?

 

[Hawkeye]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Raerae So if you had a "beauty wish" and you could magically change anything to be perfectly how you want it ( and only your appearance), you would tell the genie, "no thanks, i'm happy with my wrinkles, cellulite, mummy tummy, etc."

Not sure if Frankie would agree but I would consider it a badge of honor. The wrinkles would show I had lived a rather good life, and that I was old and in the native american belief- old = wise.

The cellulite-who doesn't have it? It's fine. The mummy tummy just means nothing more than I had a great kid.

It's a mark of beauty to show you actually lived instead of trying to hide behind what once was.

 

[Hawkeye]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Raerae So you've never looked in the mirror naked and thought, if only?

actually, no. I find it rather pointless. *shrugs*

 

[frankie!]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Raerae So if you had a "beauty wish" and you could magically change anything to be perfectly how you want it ( and only your appearance), you would tell the genie, "no thanks, i'm happy with my wrinkles, cellulite, mummy tummy, etc."

Haha no I wouldnt tell the genie that, but that doesn't mean that i'm lying to myself. I'm happy as I am, and if theres some magic genie that can improve a flaw, then that's great. But it's not a necessity. Accepting yourself isn't necessarily because you think "it's not going to get any better". Imo that's a pretty negative thought..

 

[frankie!]

Quote:

Originally Posted by youbeabitch Not sure if Frankie would agree but I would consider it a badge of honor. The wrinkles would show I had lived a rather good life, and that I was old and in the native american belief- old = wise. The cellulite-who doesn't have it? It's fine. The mummy tummy just means nothing more than I had a great kid. It's a mark of beauty to show you actually lived instead of trying to hide behind what once was.

I agree. It's society who has made most people believe that wrinkles and growing old is unattractive. BUT it takes a pretty strong person to go against what people around us think and to embrace aging. I don't know what my opinion will be on wrinkles and cellulite etc when im older.. but I hope if a magic genie was to come around and let me have one wish, i'd decline and say no thank you

 

[xbeatofangelx]

I think RaeRae is saying that... If the opportunity to change yourself arose, than almost everyone (or everyone) would have something that they wanted to change about themselves (I would have longer legs!)

But what I think Frankie, and even Youbeabitch are trying to say is that... those types of thoughts don't always consume them - They're not always trying to change themselves or wishing that they could. But i'm sure if a genie popped up and offered them a free haircut/lipo they'd be happy

 

[frankie!]

Quote:

Originally Posted by xbeatofangelx I think RaeRae is saying that... If the opportunity to change yourself arose, than almost everyone (or everyone) would have something that they wanted to change about themselves (I would have longer legs!) But what I think Frankie, and even Youbeabitch are trying to say is that... those types of thoughts don't always consume them - They're not always trying to change themselves or wishing that they could. But i'm sure if a genie popped up and offered them a free haircut/lipo they'd be happy

Agreed

 

[Bernadette]

Maybe happy isn't the word that many of us should use to describe the way we feel about how we look, maybe us lucky ones are content. Not necessarily because we are just "used" to it. Maybe we actually like a lot of things about ourselves.

You're right though, no matter how beautiful or perfect I might think someone is, chances are they have things they would change about themselves just like I do.

Since I don't think I'm going to manage to get taller anytime soon and I don't want surgery to get rid of the little bump on my nose or to make my boobs bigger; I'll continue to be content. And I'll go ahead and be happy because lord knows it could be worse.

 

[Raerae]

Quote:

Originally Posted by frankie! I agree. It's society who has made most people believe that wrinkles and growing old is unattractive.

I dunno about you, but I'm not looking forward to looking like my grandma. How is dying attractive? Thats all old age is... Your body is dying...

 

[kaliraksha]

I think there is a huge difference in wanting "more" and being "happy" with what you have. There have been multiple studies done on finances for example- most people once they are getting their basic necessities met, more money will not make them any happier. If you live in a decent place and can buy what you want and are taken care of… if you are safe you are content with your life and can find happiness. Sure, you would love to make 100,000 more a year, however you are happy with what you have. I am so far from having that “ideal” body/hair/skin/etc. but I am very happy with what I have. Sure, every once in a while I strive to look better, but that doesn’t mean I am displeased or unhappy with my looks. I tend to look at things I take for granted- I’m not obese, I can move around and go through my daily life without being exhausted, I have a boyfriend who thinks I’m beautiful, I have all my limbs, my vision and my hearing, I’m still young, etc- all these things make me deliriously happy. Everything in this world is a comparison or relationship between something else. You only feel cooler in comparison to how hot it is outside and you only feel “uglier” in comparison to someone who you think looks awesome. However, I always tell myself… you know what “Gwen does have a rocking body” but she works out like 3 hours a day, has a cook, a nutritionist, has money to buy all the expensive creams and doctors. Or maybe she was given better genetics to work with and I can’t change that. That is not a lifestyle I envy and in turn I am happy with myself.

Edit: I think it's like saying... "Hey you, will you take these 20,000 dollars with no strings attached or for minimal work?" I think most people would say yes.

 

[Raerae]

Good points.

And thats kinda what I was getting at I think. Which is why I dont think that changing the models, or celebs, or whatever, will really do anything to improve people's self esteem.