Why do you have to like yourself?

[kaliraksha]

Yeah, I think maybe the beginning of a solution will be to educate the young girls when the body image issues begin. I do like that we are breaking down the myths- not all girls are naturally thin or have great skin. There are some bad dieting habits and some great Photoshop and make up artists.

However, the problem sometimes hit a bit closer to home. It’s with the uneducated parts that most of your everyday girls have problems with. It’s the boys in school that have grown up thinking women look like movie stars and screw like porn stars. It’s with the girls who don’t care about what a person is really made of and they just want to hang out with the prettiest girls.

I was not always ok with my looks. It took a lot of confidence and growing up that I got from years of not being happy and realizing the truth. Yet, it still irks me when a guy friend comments on how gorgeous a famous so and so is. Because instinctly I want to point out what makes her so gorgeous- the people that service her, the dieting, the money, the retouching. Her job is to look f*ing gorgeous, her entire career depends on it!

I do not have a problem admitting someone is beautiful or better looking than me. I don’t have a problem saying that or wanting to be her or have her looks. It just takes some strength to realize that the girl on the cover of the magazine wouldn’t look like that in my shoes- stressed about money, school, relationships, work, etc.

I guess what I’m saying is… yeah the problem may not be the model or the industry that demands the model to be such a way- but other people’s thoughts on the model. However, we can’t just ignore the influence it is having on a young generation. These are children that are not always mentally capable to have the confidence and self love that they need and deserve. I personally think that until we can amend the root of the problem our priority is to the children.

 

[lemurian]

I almost agree with Raerae. But I think the *real* problem is shallowness and stupidity. Because in the broader scheme of things looks don't matter so much. Attractive women don't have a leg up in the long run, because beauty is fleeting. Not to mention TOTALLY SUBJECTIVE. So aspiring to be more attractive is really a mammoth waste of time and energy. Most of us over a certain age or past a certain point in our lives have concurred as much. It has nothing to do with "settling", but rather coming to terms with reality (i.e. growing up, getting a life).

As for models and actresses, their looks serve a purpose, so that they, as actors and models can serve their purpose, which isn't terribly significant to be honest. So if women were just smarter, they wouldn't be interested in being thin or tall or whatever. As for young, impressionable girls, it is up to the parent to steer them in a productive, or at least imaginative, direction. Not plopping them in front of E! or handing them People magazine. And I think manditory school uniforms would go a long way, too

 

[kaliraksha]

I agree that parents are a great source... but how realistic is it that every parent will have the ability and wants to educate their children in emotional sensitivity.

If I tell my little girl she is beautiful just the way she is everyday and explain to her that girls in magazines are mirages and she goes to school and a little boy whose mother didn't take the time to educate him calls her fat or ugly- I think she will take that to heart as a young impressionable girl.

 

[xbeatofangelx]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Raerae I dunno about you, but I'm not looking forward to looking like my grandma. How is dying attractive? Thats all old age is... Your body is dying...

Ooh, but we're always dying!! Constantly!! Every breath we take is a step closer to death (Sorry I've been reading Tolstoy)

well.. hopefully by then you'll have a nice old man who loves you just as much and doesn't care when your l/s starts running through your wrinkles onto your chin.

 

[Raerae]

Quote:

Originally Posted by lemurian I almost agree with Raerae. But I think the *real* problem is shallowness and stupidity. Because in the broader scheme of things looks don't matter so much. Attractive women don't have a leg up in the long run, because beauty is fleeting.

Actually, attractive people on average make more money than they average counterparts. And average people tend to earn more than their ugly ones.

Not to mention having a much larger pool of potantial mates to choose from. People on average only date people as attractive as themselves. But if your attractive you also have the option of dating less attractive people, if you so choose.

Not to mention people are typically more friendly and more helpful to attractive people. Willing to do more to assit them, give them better deals, etc.

You dont have to work nearly as hard to to get what you want in life if your more pleasing to the eyes. Yes looks are subjective, but I think we can all agree on what a beautiful person is. Yes there is no specific absolute beauty, but I think most people can agree on who's attractive and who's not.

 

[Raerae]

Quote:

Originally Posted by xbeatofangelx Ooh, but we're always dying!! Constantly!! Every breath we take is a step closer to death (Sorry I've been reading Tolstoy) well.. hopefully by then you'll have a nice old man who loves you just as much and doesn't care when your l/s starts running through your wrinkles onto your chin.

Nah, i'm hoping there will be technology enough to keep peeps looking like they wee at 21 =p

My Mom's 56 and doesn't look ANYTHING like what my grandma looked like at 56. So if it's changed that much in just that many years, I can only look forward to how youthful we'll be able to look when I'm 56.

 

[Hawkeye]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Raerae I dunno about you, but I'm not looking forward to looking like my grandma. How is dying attractive? Thats all old age is... Your body is dying...

It depends on who you ask. If you are afraid to die then of course growing older and dying is indeed rather unappealing. But if you have no fear of death then it can be quite an exciting thing. The more you focus on vanity, the more likely you are just showing a fear of the inevitable.

Again, that is my opinion.

And as xbeatofangelx said: And I agree- every moment is one step closer to the moment of death. Every breath. Every second. The moment you are born, you begin to walk the circle to die. Nobody (and no I'm not bringing religion into this) is guarenteed tomorrow and there are only two things in life anyone can count on: Death and Taxes.

But like I said- looking old and "dying" as you put it is very attractive to me because it's a badge of honor. It shows that I lived a long life, and I learned many things. I repeat: to the native americans, even to the Jewish people the elderly are the wise. They are the ones that are met with for council!

But our society, we don't like knowledge or wisdom- so we have traded it in for Vanity and beauty. We put away those that are wise because they will tell us we are so foolish but its OK because we can't hear them while the Doctor is readjusting our bodies.

Again all of this is my humble opinion.

 

[Beauty Mark]

I like how I look. I think you can be happy with how you look, imperfections and all. Have you ever felt proud of doing something you didn't think was possible, even though you know there were people who did the same task probably better and without the same obstacles? Aced a math test, cleaned your house top to bottom, send out cards on time? I think it's along the same vein.

There are imperfections with how I look, and I know it, but I don't think about them. I don't let them consume my life, much like how I don't let other things I'm not top of my game at consume my life (like on the one thread about what you cannot do, I don't let my inability to whistle or snap my fingers ruin my life.)

If you focus too much on others and comparing yourself to others, you will never ever be happy with anything and will grow to be a miserable person. That why you have to like yourself. Depending on who you ask, there is no general agreement with who is the most beautiful. There will always be arguments over who is the smartest.

I think at least half of the problem with the beauty issue and famous people is that society on a whole is obsessed with them. I think it's a complicated (and messed up) issue as to why they're so influential over some people's lives. I hear/read stories about how your average Jane or Joe is influenced to do something or buy something because x celebrity has or is. I don't get it.

 

[Raerae]

Quote:

Originally Posted by youbeabitch ! But our society, we don't like knowledge or wisdom- so we have traded it in for Vanity and beauty.

Age doesn't guarentee knowledge or wisdom, it just guarentee's age. I've met plenty of dumb ignortant elderly people when visiting my grandparents.

You have to be smart in youth, to be wise when your old.

Perhaps age = knowledge and wisdom was true back in the day, when living through things meant something. And surviving a disaster or passing down an oral tradition meant you could pass on knowledge to the younger generations.

But thats no longer the truth in the modern world. With how quickly technology is changing, if anything the younger generations is more knowledgeable than the older ones. They are more apt at learning and understanding new technologies.

Personally, I think most of the people running this country need to be kicked out of office. They need to be replaced with a younger more diverse generation of politicians who didn't grow up with the prejudice and baggage that went along with people who grew up "back in the day."

 

[Raerae]

Quote:

Originally Posted by youbeabitch It depends on who you ask. If you are afraid to die then of course growing older and dying is indeed rather unappealing. But if you have no fear of death then it can be quite an exciting thing. The more you focus on vanity, the more likely you are just showing a fear of the inevitable.

I'm not afraid to die. I'm afraid of gravity.

 

[Hawkeye]

Quote:

Age doesn't guarentee knowledge or wisdom, it just guarentee's age. I've met plenty of dumb ignortant elderly people when visiting my grandparents.

Perhaps then you were not asking the right questions-or seeing it through their eyes or even you yourself were full of predjudice just because they were indeed old.

Were they truely ignorant or did you just pronounce them ignorant? Remember if it were not for the old people we wouldn't have the technology of today nor would we have a lot of things.

As for the people running this country- should I remind you there will always be predjudice and there will always be baggage. It just comes in different forms.

As for being afraid of gravity-its just one more sign of being afraid of the inevitable. Gravity happens.

 

[Deirdre]

I'm with the school of thought of acceptance. I'm a vain person, to the extent that I enjoy making up, and wearing nice clothes, and taking care of my health. I like compliments and appreciative glances. I feel pretty darn good about myself. Sure, I could focus on imperfections (and lo and behold, I'm not an alabaster statue!), but what's the purpose of that?

Honestly, there's enough negativity in the world, without my needing to sit in front of the mirror and bemoan a wrinkle or spot on my face. Do people really notice these things? Do I want to know these people? Why are so many people so insecure?

You know what? Since life is fatal, I'm going to enjoy those years I have. Wise or not, I'm pretty glad I'm here.

 

[Raerae]

Quote:

Originally Posted by youbeabitch As for being afraid of gravity-its just one more sign of being afraid of the inevitable. Gravity happens.

Yeh, but that what breast lifts and face lifts and neck lifts are for =p

 

[sharyn]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Raerae I'm not afraid to die. I'm afraid of gravity.

 

[redambition]

there's a limit to this sort of thing. the odd thought that things would be better if something in your life was changed is fine. it's when someone is sad every day because they are unhappy with the way they look (or something else in their life), then it's unhealthy and will just lead to misery. people should be happy with themselves and their life on the most part.

this thread reminds me of the following note i have on my desk at work. it's cheesy and it's corny, but in some ways it's so true. it was given to me by another woman at work who noticed i was really sad and stressed out at one time:

Someone will always be prettier.

They will always be smarter.

Their house will be bigger.

They will drive a better car.

Their children will do better in school.

And their husband will fix more things around the house.

So let it go, and love you and your circumstances.

Think about it.

The prettiest woman in the world can have hell in her heart.

And the most highly favored woman on your job may be unable to have children.

And the richest woman you know, she's got the car, the house, the clothes....might be lonely.

And the word says if "I have not Love, I am nothing."

So, again, love you.

Love who you are.

Look in the mirror in the morning and smile and say

"I am too blessed to be stressed and too anointed to be disappointed!"

"Winners make things happen. Losers let things happen."

Be Blessed ladies and pass this on to encourage another woman.

"To the world you might be one person, but to one person you just might be the world".

 

[xbeatofangelx]

Oooh *points at above post* How totally true.

Ya know how people like to look back at their lives and say, "man if only I did this differently," or, "If I had a chance to go back I wouldn't do things the same way," ?

I'm happy with my life.

Sometimes I like to sit back and reflect on all the seemingly terrible things that have happened to me and say, "Boy am I sure glad that happened to me. I might have never ended up where I am now.."

Love love love for everyone!!!