3 year relationship. gone

[iiifugaziii]

hey you guys. If anyone has gone through this, that'd be great just to hear about it. I've been with this guy for 3 years, and he just wanted to break up with me. (we were together for 2, then I moved away for school like a year ago, and I see him about once a month). but, we fight a lot. but we've been through some good times. I mean, shit... 3 years. that's a long time. So obviously I'm stuck on this guy. I can't sleep. I spontaneously cry. I feel like an idiot. he's totally fine. I'm sure he has another girl already, even though he swears he doesn't. but it's just fucking hard!!!!
anyone know what I'm going through right now?
I can't wait to go to work tomorrow at mac, there's an event and it's going ot be insane!! but I'm always afraid that I'm suddenly going to break down and feel like a complete, embarrassed loser. and I HATE it when people ask me, "who's your boyfriend? Where's he live? You and your boyfriend should come hang out this weekend!" b/c then I have to think about it...and then lie and be like, "Yeah. we're GREAT!" haha
but I'm a totaly trainwreck right now. face is breaking out. I can't eat. I can't sleep. I have no energy. and I live by myself, so i really have no one to talk to about this. I've been sort of sucking it in. i figured there are some more mature ladies on this board who are older and may have been through stuff like this.
you guys are always so supportive of eachother and nice, so it makes me feel more comfortable to post this on here.

 

[Sanne]

I haven't been in a simular situation, but I just wanna send you a big ((((hug)))), and take your time to cry!!!!

 

[mspixieears]

I have been in a similar situation and I'm not sure if it'll help you but a close friend of mine, she had a boyfriend she'd been with for just under a year when I met her. She said they fought all the time when they moved in, and they did end up breaking up.

But: they got back together, and are now in fact engaged. This all happened over a period of 2.5-3 yrs.

What I have experienced is symptoms like yours, minus the boyfriend bit (I have severe depression). I genuinely know you're hurting, but hon, it's really important to eat. It's ok to be hurting and to admit it (if people ask you about your bf, just say you don't have one. You don't have to say you just broke up). You have to try and remind yourself about the things you enjoy in life that aren't related to the 'bf'. I know you don't want to work but the MAC event might actually take your mind off the pain, especially if it's going to be chaotic.

It's also really cold comfort, but in painful breakup situations, I just keep repeating to myself that if I really care about someone, but they are not happy with me, then the best thing IS for us to be apart. It does hurt like hell and for a bloody long time too, plus it's hard to maintain the maturity of that thought (selflessness). And contemplating whether or not he has a new girl is destructive for you, so you might like to try and stop yourself from these thoughts, till you feel less upset at least. But you CAN get through this, it'll just take time.

I'm really sorry I can't say anything more helpful, but I care, if that helps. Hopefully someone more useful will come and post here. But take care hon.

 

[exodus]

I'm so sorry to hear that

Here's my story though, not saying that it's in any way like yours, but this is my personal experience.

I dated a guy for 3.5 years and he was my first really serious bf. During that time we fought a lot and we broke up/made up a lot. Looking back, it was a very unhealthy relationship, we yelled at each other a lot, physically hurt each other and overall just treated each other disrespectfully. For some reason I still can't fathom, during the entire relationship I couldn't see how unhealthy it was. In the end, I found out that he'd been going to strip clubs (he'd been lying to me about it - said he was hanging out with friends and what have you) and that was the last straw for me and I broke it off. For months after I broke it off, I cried myself to sleep, thinking that I couldn't waste 3.5 years of my life and thought of getting back together countless times. Luckily my friends talked sense into me and they came around a lot to look after me and stop me from ringing him up. It was extremely hard and I truly thought I'd never be happy again. Stupid, I know, but when you're in it, you're in it, and there ain't nothing anyone can do about it.

Anyway fast forward years later and I'm married to a my soul mate. Our relationship is just amazing and every single second with him is heaven. We have never fought, not ONCE, in our entire relationship (NOT to be confused with lack of communication - we just click and at other times we compromise or agree to disagree, simple as that) and we treat each other with the love and respect we both deserve. Being with him made me see how incredibly screwed up my relationship with my ex was. BUT, having been with my ex and our screwed up relationship also makes me appreciate my hubby so much more.

Sooo, what I'm saying is, I know it must feel like cr*p upon cr*p at the moment, but it'll pass. It really will, it may take a while, but it will. And something good will come out of it. So cry your eyes out, eat as much chocolate/ice cream/whatever comfort food you prefer, get your friends to come over and watch sappy videos or what have you, take as much time as you need to recover and then know you're still young, gorgeous, and there's a sexy hunk of a man waiting for your loving

Keep your chin up!

 

[mspixieears]

Wow, exodus, that actually reminds me of a passionate love affair I had with a guy, a few years back. The relationship was unhealthy in the ways you mention (though not as long-term as yours), I cried everyday for 3 months, being aware that the whole affair wasn't healthy at all.

It's good to know that there's hope though - you got a happy ending, hopefully many of us will? It's lovely to hear that you clearly got what you deserved (happiness

).

I don't think fighting is always indicative of a bad relationship; my SO and I do experience disagreements, but the thing I like is that when I say I'm not happy about something, he'll let me talk about it, and then try to e.g. stop doing the thing he does that makes me feel neglected, or disrespected etc. The effort to understand is just as important as understanding, if that makes sense.

Man, am I a board hog tonight!

 

[mzmehshell]

Aww I am sorry for what happened. I am sure you're a strong woman and would get through this.

I've had a similiar situtation a couple months ago with my boyfriend of about 2 years. Me and my boyfriend don't live near each other because of college and what not, but still a driving distance. Were having this long big fight, lasting over a week and when I finally though we resolved it and got to see each other the entire thing blew up. He broke up with me, it was loud, big and messy we were in his garage and people could hear us yelling. I didn't think I could cry so much and to top it off the very next day I had a close friend's wedding! Who can survive love-y dove-y stuff like that? I spent almost half the time in the bathroom. When I was breaking down he was in the beach and having fun with friends (but I guess that's how he cope). I couldn't stand it. We did get back together though (sorry this had a happy ending) but we were able to sit and talk. No yelling. I think if you're meant for each other then it will have it's way of working out.

If not I got another story. I have a close friend her and her bf (well ex now) were together for little over 3 year I think. They fight constantly about everything. The saddest part was when he broke up with her she didn't even know it was coming. She spent so many nights crying over him, and sadly the guy was over her. One time she wanted to go clubbing, she ended up drunk and had to go back to her house. Now she's fine, still scarred but she's is finally getting over it. And I think it's healthier for them.

My advice is it takes time to heal. I know it's hard, because when me and bf were broken up I was in denial and didn't let people think we were still together. It's ok to cry, but do stuff to distract yourself. If it's really over, thank the guy for the good times you have and know there's someone better and much sexier for you.

Sorry for the long entry

I hope that you'll be ok.

 

[user4]

i went through that about 2 and a half yrs ago. i was with my ex for almost 3 years (like 2 months short) and he decided to just up and break up with me and tell me it was my fault because he thought i was cheating... so he had me feeling like shit for having male friends and stuff... and wishin i didnt fuck shit up sp much and then to find out a couple of months later that he had been cheating on me for like 2-3 months... funny how things are right... u should just get over it, he's a jerk and doesnt deserve u being sad and feeling so shitty. i know its a lot easier said than done, i actually got really sick when he broke up with me because i didnt sleep and i didnt eat. i lost like 25 lbs in a time span of less than a month and i looked horrible. im anemic naturally, and god knows that didnt help at all... and all throughout he wanted to pretend to still care about me and called me to "check up on me" and asked my friends how i was doing... when in reality he wanted to make sure i still felt like shit while he was messing around with his ho ex girlfriend... so yea... guys suck a lot!!!

 

[iiifugaziii]

thanks you guys. it's seriously nice to hear that some of you've had a VERY simliar relationship to mine. It helps to see that you're all over it, and there is hope to get through this...even if it takes me months... at least it's better than fighting and him lying to me and not being able to trust him for the rest of my life. thank you so much for your responses... <3 it means a lot to me

 

[shygirl]

Many, many hugs! Last year, my bf of 7 years was cheating on me with a chick at work AND another girl that he went to college with. We lived together for the last 5 years. I just had this feeling, you know? I got my proof and set to get my shit and leave without his knowledge. I guess I knew he would change because he had just gotten an obscene raise at his job and he had just bought a beautiful condo that we moved into. All of a sudden, he was changing the way he dressed and became interested in losing weight and started wearing cologne. Then he started having complaints about me that he had never mentioned in the 7 years we were together. So, he broke up with me and asked me to move out. What he didn't know was that I had already signed a lease on a cute new apartment. So, I got a tiny bit of revenge and pretended like I didn't have enough money to move out and that I wouldn't be able to do so until a month later. He wrote me a check immediately.

See, he had planned a really romantic date with office chick on the same day I was due to move out! He and one of his friends were bringing in bags of stuff filled with candles, new towels, champagne glasses while I was packing the last of my things.

I used the money he gave me and bought some MAC, of course, clothes, pedi & mani, and took a trip to NYC with my sister.

He, on the other hand, apparently got dumped by office chick because of his clingy behaivor. She stated she wasn't ready for a relationship. I don't quite know if they ever spoke again and I don't care. If she and the college crush read what I read in his journal about us, they would be so pissed at him.

I don't condone snooping but hey, sometimes people reveal what they really think of you. My mother felt that he had Scott Peterson tendencies. I wouldn't take it that far but to pretend to like someone for 7 years is pretty weird. He was the one who was beaming about marrying me just earlier last year. I guess things hadn't progressed with office chick just yet.

Now, I'm doing just fine!

 

[GreekChick]

Hey Im really sorry to hear that ure going through this.....
I'm going through a similar situation at the moment....My bf and I had been going out and everything was perfect, it was just one of those relaitonships were I thought it was gonna last for a super long time ( it was like something straight out of a movie, he told me he loved me on Christmas and our love had bloomed since then) However, not long after he began to change and grew cold and distant with me. For nights I cried myself to sleep not knwoing what was wrong, and when i asked him about it he told me he was going through some rough times...so I decided to call it all off thinking he needed his space...well I was still so inlove with him that I told him i regretted it a week later and tat Iloved him alot and wanted to get back together, but he said he wasnt sure he had the same feelings for me anymore....Well now, It's been 7 months that this had happened and I am still not over it...He has moved on with his life and has stated that he has "completely turned the page on me". I see this guy everyday as all of our classes are together and he just gives me this really friendly vibe that Im not used to and just kills me more and more each day. Its like a wound that wont heal becoz you keep on picking on it each day....I still miss him, and long for him...Its hard to see someone that used to care about you, and now know that they dont anymore...but I am slowly getting over it...yes we still have our moments were I feel like the chemistry is still there between us but I always have to remind myself it means nothing...I agree with the poster above...If a couple is meant to be, they will
My advice to you honey is to take all your time to cry over it and reminisce, this is normal if you wanna get over it. Youre going to see that there will come a moment in the future (lets hope its soon ) were ure going to tell urself "Hey I didnt think about him all day today!Heck, I didnt think about him all week!". Yes, I felt weak like you and yes I broke down and cried in public numerous times, and nothing feels as good, tastes as good anymore as they used to...Even sitcoms dont work sometimes, but its normal. If you really want to get over him, make sure that there is absolutely NO CONTACT with this guy no matter how much you miss him...seeing him or calling him will just remind you of everything thats happened and will depress you even more, trust me Im going through this now....Also, take pleasure in doing things for yourself like reading a good book, taking a bath, practice your makeup, wtv! Anything that will make you happy! And make sure that if u ever see him again, look AMAZING so that he knows what that he let go of a beautiful and wonderful girl....I am telling you, youre worth so much more than him, and even though you dont know it at the moment and youre feeling at his mercy, time will give you perspective, and pretty soon, someone worth it will come along who will be ready to love you as much as you love them! It wont last for 3 yrs, it will last so much longer than that...and ull just look back at this relationship and see how much uve grown and learned from it.

I wish you all the luck and keep us posted with how ure doing! Im sending you lots of hugs girl! Feel free to indulge on MAC and chocolate, u deserve it!

 

[iiifugaziii]

update: just found out he left me for another girl. Who would've thought? hahahahaha. god I'm a fucking idiot and a loser for liking this guy. I wish I could just snap my fingers and never think of his face again

 

[Corvs Queen]

Why are you the loser?
He's the one that was wrong.
Not you.
Don't beat yourself up over this guy because it's quite obvious that he's not really worth it.

 

[exodus]

Oh babe, that's really shit! What an asshole, seriously. And he doesn't even have the guts to tell you the truth? Coward! At least now you know he's not even worth you thinking about him. Not saying you won't though, the heart feels what it wants to feel and sure enough sometimes the heart is a complete idiot

Sweetie, you deserve so much more than this loser!

 

[GreekChick]

What an ass, just think his face is an ass and ull be over him in no time......

 

[joytheobscure]

Quote:

Originally Posted by iiifugaziii hey you guys. If anyone has gone through this, that'd be great just to hear about it. I've been with this guy for 3 years, and he just wanted to break up with me. (we were together for 2, then I moved away for school like a year ago, and I see him about once a month). but, we fight a lot. but we've been through some good times. I mean, shit... 3 years. that's a long time. So obviously I'm stuck on this guy. I can't sleep. I spontaneously cry. I feel like an idiot. he's totally fine. I'm sure he has another girl already, even though he swears he doesn't. but it's just fucking hard!!!! anyone know what I'm going through right now? I can't wait to go to work tomorrow at mac, there's an event and it's going ot be insane!! but I'm always afraid that I'm suddenly going to break down and feel like a complete, embarrassed loser. and I HATE it when people ask me, "who's your boyfriend? Where's he live? You and your boyfriend should come hang out this weekend!" b/c then I have to think about it...and then lie and be like, "Yeah. we're GREAT!" haha but I'm a totaly trainwreck right now. face is breaking out. I can't eat. I can't sleep. I have no energy. and I live by myself, so i really have no one to talk to about this. I've been sort of sucking it in. i figured there are some more mature ladies on this board who are older and may have been through stuff like this. you guys are always so supportive of eachother and nice, so it makes me feel more comfortable to post this on here.

((((Hugs))))) I'm so so sorry, that really sucks and I'm sorry you are hurting - I really haven't been through stuff like that, I've been with my husband ten years but we had a huge fight last month and he actually threatened to leave me (over money) etc. and it really hurt me- and I was so pitiful - but it was one of those "empty threats" but I don't know how I'd be if he did something like that.

If you do fight a lot you are better off without him and finding someone more compatible for you who will make you happy most of the time (can't say all, lol). I'd like to find a man who says "why dont' you go buy some makeup" myself. Take it slowly and think that life can only get better when it seems to really suck. I do think though my husband is of ten years and only because we don't normally "push each others buttons" to have huge fights but when we do they are blowouts.....He said some awful things in our last big fight a month ago and I still am very hurt by what he said but I couldn't draw myself to put his stuff out the door because really when its been a long time its hard to end things - So I dont' know if I can give advice or help much but my support is here for you.

 

[joytheobscure]

Quote:

Originally Posted by iiifugaziii update: just found out he left me for another girl. Who would've thought? hahahahaha. god I'm a fucking idiot and a loser for liking this guy. I wish I could just snap my fingers and never think of his face again

Well......You certainly are the lucky one in this deal - your gain-

 

[beautifulxdisaster]

I'm very sorry to hear that... *hugs* but just keep your head up and be glad you're no longer with such a loser!!

 

[I love Brian Kinney]

Sorry sweetie..I know exactly what you are going through!...My boyfriend just left me for another girl. I have a thread in chatter about it. I know it hurts...I also haven't been able to sleep or eat and I am constantly crying. My eyes are so swollen that I can't even wear makeup. Please feel free to PM me. I do understand this feeling. I hope you feel better soon !! We were also together for 3 years

 

[kimmy]

just from what i know of you around specktra, it's definately his loss.

so. fuck him. you're better than that.

it's hard, yes. but you'll be alright *hugs* i'm so sorry he put you through this. it's terrible. i really just...wish there was something i could tell you that would make you forget about him you know? because i know how it is to try so hard to forget and still not be able to.

*more hugs*

 

[xbabygirl]

it's his loss. you and him breaking up means you'll be able to find another guy who will be better worth of your time and love.