shimmyshimmyya
Well-known member
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Makeupaddict88
Well-known member
I don't want you to get offended by what I'm gonna say, but most of the time its the parents. I think parents are afraid to discipline now a days because of all the laws that you can't hit your kids. So, the only other option they have is to just use verbal discipline and half the time that doesn't even work. Its the same with my family. My family would backhand me if I ever talked back or raised a hand. I used to get the wooden spoon treatment constantly if I used my mouth. My sister are the other hand, has flipped my parents off, cursed at them, and every other thing that you aren't supposed to do with your parents. My mom and dad just sit there and yes her to death.
When I have kids, I swear they are going to get spanked. I really don't care. I'm in school for psychology and when I took a Human Services class, a social worker came in and said you are still allowed to physically hit your kids, but you can't leave marks. Once there is a mark, Social Services comes knocking on your door.
Your neice probably has no care in the world because your sisters not disciplining her. She knows you will, but your not her mother your sister is. I would tell your sister that she needs to slam the hammer down now, or its only going to get worse as she gets older. Again, don't take this all the wrong way, I'm just saying what I've learned and experienced.
When I have kids, I swear they are going to get spanked. I really don't care. I'm in school for psychology and when I took a Human Services class, a social worker came in and said you are still allowed to physically hit your kids, but you can't leave marks. Once there is a mark, Social Services comes knocking on your door.
Your neice probably has no care in the world because your sisters not disciplining her. She knows you will, but your not her mother your sister is. I would tell your sister that she needs to slam the hammer down now, or its only going to get worse as she gets older. Again, don't take this all the wrong way, I'm just saying what I've learned and experienced.
leenybeeny
Well-known member
Scary isn't it? I can count the number of times my parents spanked me, but the fact that I knew that they could made me fearful enough to keep my ass in line. It's hard when kids are taught that they can get away with anything because it's wrong for their parents to punish them. No, I don't think people should bea their kids, but I do think they should "think" their parents could haul off and give them a good beating!
Skin*Deep
Well-known member
I honestly don't know what it is with kids now, they definitely seem to have no respect or fear of consequences....I have two boys, I do spank, and they STILL defy us and challenge us on a daily basis. it is a very difficult struggle. they are also young and just learning their boundaries....the thing is I would have never acted like this! I was too damn scared of my parents.....even though my parents didnt beat me I was scared of them, my kids seem to have no fear of me even though they have been swatted.....I wonder if kids become desensitized to violence because of the world today, so the threat of a spanking doesnt hold the weight it used to?!
M.A.C. head.
Well-known member
How is hitting going to teach kids not to hit? It's not.
I just think she [your niece] got really frustrated and that's how she lashed out. There's no excuse for it, but that's probably what happened. Has your niece ever done something like that before?
I just think she [your niece] got really frustrated and that's how she lashed out. There's no excuse for it, but that's probably what happened. Has your niece ever done something like that before?
makeba
Well-known member
i know what you mean SKin Deep about kids learning their boundaries etc but i was scared of my parents discipline when i was growing up! i mean i kept a count of how many times i got a whipping in a 30day period when i was 9 or 10 and i only missed getting one. so for 29 days i got my azz whipped and i wasnt a bad kid. i was mischevious though. but now kids are hollering kids rights and taking things to the tenth degree with their threats. and what bothers me is that they still expect us parents to feed them, clothe them, take them places and give them monies when they want to buy stuff. i have told my kids it may take me some time before i bring out a can of whipp azz and haul shop but dont forget that when i do they give me good/clean behavior for a least 5 or 6months. along with the Yes Maem, No Maem.
ilovegreen
Well-known member
I'm a 30 year old woman and even now I wouldn't DARE raise my voice let alone my hand to my mum. She only needed to give me a look and I knew to stop whatever I was doing !
Yeah I was disciplined, spanked, as a child if I got out of line or put myself in danger and I don't think it affects me as an adult now and I don't go round beating people because I was hit as a child.
Like everyone else has said kids these days have no respect for adults or each other and I'm not saying spanking is the answer but parents need to be parents and have that respect there in the first place.
Yeah I was disciplined, spanked, as a child if I got out of line or put myself in danger and I don't think it affects me as an adult now and I don't go round beating people because I was hit as a child.
Like everyone else has said kids these days have no respect for adults or each other and I'm not saying spanking is the answer but parents need to be parents and have that respect there in the first place.
bebeflamand
Well-known member
There's a distinct difference between hitting and spanking. It's about the 'scare' effect rather than actually hurting a child.
In a lot of cases it's the parents lacking the strength to teach their children some discipline, making the problems escalate. They will eventually have to obey a teacher and further down the line a boss. Giving children all freedom in the world and not saying no will get them in trouble in the long term.
In a lot of cases it's the parents lacking the strength to teach their children some discipline, making the problems escalate. They will eventually have to obey a teacher and further down the line a boss. Giving children all freedom in the world and not saying no will get them in trouble in the long term.
kristina ftw!
Well-known member
I was never hit or spanked as a kid, and I still would never DREAM of hitting them, or even cursing at them.
It pisses me off when kids disrespect their parents like that. Ugh, just thinking about it makes my blood boil.
It pisses me off when kids disrespect their parents like that. Ugh, just thinking about it makes my blood boil.
Dizzy
Well-known member
My mother spanked my brothers and I. My father was far more creative. My brothers and I did push ups until HE was tired, we once picked up trash in a parking lot because my brother threw a soda can in the gutter, we stacked bags of kitty litter or flour or the like where ever he wanted and often he'd change his mind JUST as we were getting ready to put the last one up, etc.
We weren't bad kids by any means, but we were kids. With my mother, we knew that a few swats upside the head wasn't going to do all that much damage. With my dad, we were never sure what our punishment would be, but guaranteed it wasn't going to be quick & easy.
As for hitting either of my parents? Never. Beside the fact that I love and respect both of them, the prospect of my father making me complete stunts from "Fear Factor" or some other similarly creative form of behavior modification makes me shudder to this day.
We weren't bad kids by any means, but we were kids. With my mother, we knew that a few swats upside the head wasn't going to do all that much damage. With my dad, we were never sure what our punishment would be, but guaranteed it wasn't going to be quick & easy.
As for hitting either of my parents? Never. Beside the fact that I love and respect both of them, the prospect of my father making me complete stunts from "Fear Factor" or some other similarly creative form of behavior modification makes me shudder to this day.
Mabelle
Well-known member
I was spanked.... very very rarely, but i was. And you know what? it worked. being tapped on the butt was like the worst thing in the word to be. It didnt hurt, but it was embarassing and well... a punishment. I've never physically lashed out at my parents... or anyone i dont think.
I have verball lashed out at my parents (on the few occasison they deserved it, and my god does it take me a lot to get there). Discipline is so important, and it needs to start early. Sometimes "physical" discipline needs to start from an early age (i speak of spanking ofcourse!), taking away a toy, or a cell phone in this case just doesnt seem to work the same way.
I dont WANT to spank my kids, but, i know i'm not scared from it, i don't have hard feelings, i dont think it was wrong. I think it taught me some respect, and that there are consequences to your actions.
My brother got hit once by my dad. He only told me about this like last mother. He said my brother was little, i guess around 9. He was in bed, and arguing with my dad and he told him to fuck off. My dad lost it, and quote "wailed on him" (spanking hard), and my brother was crying. My dad said he went into his room after that and sat on the edge of his bed and cried and cried. I'm sure my brother doesn't remember, but my dad will never forget, and he still feel awful. He and his brothers and sister were really really badly abused as kids, so he vowed never to hurt us ever.I guess, if you ever were abused, even if you become an abuser for a second, it must be so horrific.
wow... i got pretty off topic!!
I have verball lashed out at my parents (on the few occasison they deserved it, and my god does it take me a lot to get there). Discipline is so important, and it needs to start early. Sometimes "physical" discipline needs to start from an early age (i speak of spanking ofcourse!), taking away a toy, or a cell phone in this case just doesnt seem to work the same way.
I dont WANT to spank my kids, but, i know i'm not scared from it, i don't have hard feelings, i dont think it was wrong. I think it taught me some respect, and that there are consequences to your actions.
My brother got hit once by my dad. He only told me about this like last mother. He said my brother was little, i guess around 9. He was in bed, and arguing with my dad and he told him to fuck off. My dad lost it, and quote "wailed on him" (spanking hard), and my brother was crying. My dad said he went into his room after that and sat on the edge of his bed and cried and cried. I'm sure my brother doesn't remember, but my dad will never forget, and he still feel awful. He and his brothers and sister were really really badly abused as kids, so he vowed never to hurt us ever.I guess, if you ever were abused, even if you become an abuser for a second, it must be so horrific.
wow... i got pretty off topic!!
TISH1124
Well-known member
I was spanked...very rarely...But you can bet the few times I was...they were well deserved and completely warranted spankings. I rarely ever have to spank my son because he is very well mannered...But I have spanked him a couple of times...Not beat him because there is a difference. But as his parent if his little tail warrants a spanking he will damn well get one. There is no way my son or my husbands kids would dare raise their hands to hit either of us...and if I thought the thought was there...Yep I would probably slap the thought right out of his mind... I turned out pretty well...and lived thru the few spankings I received and I'm sure my son will as well.
People really kill me when they make spanking = beatings...they are totally two different things. However there is a rule in my house that no child gets disciplined in any manner when we are angry...
If a few more kids were disciplined properly they probably wouldn't be beating the crap out of their parents...If they can hit me they need to be prepared to have their block knocked off...Seriously! Talking and time out does not work for all children.
People really kill me when they make spanking = beatings...they are totally two different things. However there is a rule in my house that no child gets disciplined in any manner when we are angry...
If a few more kids were disciplined properly they probably wouldn't be beating the crap out of their parents...If they can hit me they need to be prepared to have their block knocked off...Seriously! Talking and time out does not work for all children.
Beauty Mark
Well-known member
What needs to happen? Punishment for being bad. A lot of kids get rewarded for doing what they should do and no punishment for what they shouldn't be doing. They think that they should just be given stuff, and they become entitled.
ClaireAvril
Well-known member
^^ yes punishment that will last.. and the parents shouldn't forget about the punishment in place. Don't say they are grounded for 2 weeks and then at the end of the first week because the kid is acting good you stop the rest of the punishment. Be stern with these Kids.
My friend's parents used to make her get on her knees in a corner with her hands behind her head... haha that is what I aspire to do.
I remember getting beats with the spoon, back of a slipper.., skipping rope.. I guess whatever was close to my parents' reach.
I think I turned out okay.. some kids really don't see the consequences of their actions and they don't know really what is doing right and what is doing wrong. When they get good discipline - then they realise.
My friend's parents used to make her get on her knees in a corner with her hands behind her head... haha that is what I aspire to do.
I remember getting beats with the spoon, back of a slipper.., skipping rope.. I guess whatever was close to my parents' reach.
I think I turned out okay.. some kids really don't see the consequences of their actions and they don't know really what is doing right and what is doing wrong. When they get good discipline - then they realise.
shimmyshimmyya
Well-known member
I plan to discipline my children with spanking. I feel like there is no other way.
I was spanked when I was younger and I turned out perfectly fine. What my parents did early on was strike the fear in me. But my fear was valid because my parents always followed through with their threats. The fear of getting spanked was enough to make me behave.
Oh god, my dad was the worst! The "look" was enough to make me behave. I don't remember what I did, but I got in trouble and had to stay in the house until he told me I could get off of punishment. I was in the house for FOUR MONTHS!! It was terrible, but it worked. Boredom will make you behave too.
I can't stand bad kids. I will fight my children if they try it. If you're not being abused, neglected or abandoned, you no right to raise your hand to the person who feeds you, buys you clothes and lets you live in their house!
I was spanked when I was younger and I turned out perfectly fine. What my parents did early on was strike the fear in me. But my fear was valid because my parents always followed through with their threats. The fear of getting spanked was enough to make me behave.
Oh god, my dad was the worst! The "look" was enough to make me behave. I don't remember what I did, but I got in trouble and had to stay in the house until he told me I could get off of punishment. I was in the house for FOUR MONTHS!! It was terrible, but it worked. Boredom will make you behave too.
I can't stand bad kids. I will fight my children if they try it. If you're not being abused, neglected or abandoned, you no right to raise your hand to the person who feeds you, buys you clothes and lets you live in their house!
FlashBang
Well-known member
Violence only leads to more violence, the majority of the aggressive and violent individuals in society have often been beaten when growing up.
I dont want to sound offensive, but seriously that kind of punishment teaches that whenever there is a problem, you solve it with your fists. Even if thats not the lesson a parent is trying to teach, that is the message that is reaching the subconsious of a child growing up who doesnt understand the mechanics of society yet.
More interesting is that, according to much research, psychopaths arent born, they are made. It apparently takes 3 generations of bad parenting to create a psychopath - bad parenting as in negligence, physical and verbal abuse etc.
Im not saying its bad to occasionally slap a child if they do something really wrong, im not saying thats bad parenting, but where do you draw the line? Its too subjective, one light slap might be seen as too easy to some parents whereas others may think globbering a kid with a slipper or whatever is perfectly acceptable.
There are plenty of ways to discipline a child, its just a matter of making sure you implement that kind of system at a young age, rather than allowing it to manifest beyond control.
I think your niece is lashing out, it really sounds like it, she might have problems and doesnt know how to deal with them so is venting her frustrations in that way, like mac head said. Im not surprised you went crazy from the thought of her disrespecting your sister like that, I would have too and from the sounds of things, she was raised in a good family and isnt a bad kid shes lashing out and probably needs some support right now.
Ive heard of lots of stories here in UK where kids have struck geriatrics and OAPs and I think that is disgusting BUT Im one of those people who looks to the issues in society as opposed to directly at the kids.
I dont want to sound offensive, but seriously that kind of punishment teaches that whenever there is a problem, you solve it with your fists. Even if thats not the lesson a parent is trying to teach, that is the message that is reaching the subconsious of a child growing up who doesnt understand the mechanics of society yet.
More interesting is that, according to much research, psychopaths arent born, they are made. It apparently takes 3 generations of bad parenting to create a psychopath - bad parenting as in negligence, physical and verbal abuse etc.
Im not saying its bad to occasionally slap a child if they do something really wrong, im not saying thats bad parenting, but where do you draw the line? Its too subjective, one light slap might be seen as too easy to some parents whereas others may think globbering a kid with a slipper or whatever is perfectly acceptable.
There are plenty of ways to discipline a child, its just a matter of making sure you implement that kind of system at a young age, rather than allowing it to manifest beyond control.
I think your niece is lashing out, it really sounds like it, she might have problems and doesnt know how to deal with them so is venting her frustrations in that way, like mac head said. Im not surprised you went crazy from the thought of her disrespecting your sister like that, I would have too and from the sounds of things, she was raised in a good family and isnt a bad kid shes lashing out and probably needs some support right now.
Ive heard of lots of stories here in UK where kids have struck geriatrics and OAPs and I think that is disgusting BUT Im one of those people who looks to the issues in society as opposed to directly at the kids.
Willa
Well-known member
My parents didnt spanked me a lot
I guess once or twice, but I sure knew how to behave
I mean, I knew I couldnt curse at them or stuff like that
In the other hand, I had this friend who was constantly screaming at her mom, saying mean stuff, and even grabbing her arm with her nails to blood!!!
I don't get it why parents don't raise their children better than how they do
Sometimes I see crazy childs at the grocery store, screaming, yelling, name it!
And the parents DON'T SAY A THING!!!!!
What the...?
Last night, it happened again, I was walking and these 2 children were fighting for a little thing, the mom didnt say a thing, I said loudly : WHAT'S HAPPENING HERE???? And then she told them to lower their voices! Come on...
I guess once or twice, but I sure knew how to behave
I mean, I knew I couldnt curse at them or stuff like that
In the other hand, I had this friend who was constantly screaming at her mom, saying mean stuff, and even grabbing her arm with her nails to blood!!!
I don't get it why parents don't raise their children better than how they do
Sometimes I see crazy childs at the grocery store, screaming, yelling, name it!
And the parents DON'T SAY A THING!!!!!
What the...?
Last night, it happened again, I was walking and these 2 children were fighting for a little thing, the mom didnt say a thing, I said loudly : WHAT'S HAPPENING HERE???? And then she told them to lower their voices! Come on...
TISH1124
Well-known member
Quote:
Oh please...you are entitled to your opinion...However, I can say from MY own experience..I have never been in a fight in school nor as a grown up...Nor has my brothers or sisters....Statistics cannot speak for every child....and if you look up other statistics it show kids who were disciplined with occasional spankings turned out to be more disciplined and successful adults.
I say every parent has the RIGHT to discipline their kids in the manner they deem appropriate as long as it is not abusive.
Also I would never fist fight my kid nor did I see anyone say they would...spankings have been done as far back as history allows and there are not too many kids that have been harmed my a mere spanking...Again like I said...there is a difference between abusive as in beatings as in mere spankings. But again you as am I are entitled to our own opinion ...Just please don't send your kids to my house for me to watch because if their actions warrant a spanking a spanking they will get...If the action warrants a simple time out ...then it's time out...On my watch it's my form of discipline. I do believe there is age limit...My son did not get a spanking, spanking until he was about 5 or so...before that it was mere hand smacks...or a small slap on the legs
So the answer to your quetion...When do the spankings stop...when the behavior that warrants the spanking stops. Spankings are harder on the parents than they are on the child...I cry for hours after I have to spank my child...But discipline is mandatory in my house..it's not a option.
Originally Posted by FlashBang
Violence only leads to more violence, the majority of the aggressive and violent individuals in society have often been beaten when growing up. I dont want to sound offensive, but seriously that kind of punishment teaches that whenever there is a problem, you solve it with your fists. Even if thats not the lesson a parent is trying to teach, that is the message that is reaching the subconsious of a child growing up who doesnt understand the mechanics of society yet. More interesting is that, according to much research, psychopaths arent born, they are made. It apparently takes 3 generations of bad parenting to create a psychopath - bad parenting as in negligence, physical and verbal abuse etc. Im not saying its bad to occasionally slap a child if they do something really wrong, im not saying thats bad parenting, but where do you draw the line? Its too subjective, one light slap might be seen as too easy to some parents whereas others may think globbering a kid with a slipper or whatever is perfectly acceptable. There are plenty of ways to discipline a child, its just a matter of making sure you implement that kind of system at a young age, rather than allowing it to manifest beyond control. I think your niece is lashing out, it really sounds like it, she might have problems and doesnt know how to deal with them so is venting her frustrations in that way, like mac head said. Im not surprised you went crazy from the thought of her disrespecting your sister like that, I would have too and from the sounds of things, she was raised in a good family and isnt a bad kid shes lashing out and probably needs some support right now. Ive heard of lots of stories here in UK where kids have struck geriatrics and OAPs and I think that is disgusting BUT Im one of those people who looks to the issues in society as opposed to directly at the kids. |
Oh please...you are entitled to your opinion...However, I can say from MY own experience..I have never been in a fight in school nor as a grown up...Nor has my brothers or sisters....Statistics cannot speak for every child....and if you look up other statistics it show kids who were disciplined with occasional spankings turned out to be more disciplined and successful adults.
I say every parent has the RIGHT to discipline their kids in the manner they deem appropriate as long as it is not abusive.
Also I would never fist fight my kid nor did I see anyone say they would...spankings have been done as far back as history allows and there are not too many kids that have been harmed my a mere spanking...Again like I said...there is a difference between abusive as in beatings as in mere spankings. But again you as am I are entitled to our own opinion ...Just please don't send your kids to my house for me to watch because if their actions warrant a spanking a spanking they will get...If the action warrants a simple time out ...then it's time out...On my watch it's my form of discipline. I do believe there is age limit...My son did not get a spanking, spanking until he was about 5 or so...before that it was mere hand smacks...or a small slap on the legs
So the answer to your quetion...When do the spankings stop...when the behavior that warrants the spanking stops. Spankings are harder on the parents than they are on the child...I cry for hours after I have to spank my child...But discipline is mandatory in my house..it's not a option.
Makeupaddict88
Well-known member
I know I'm not a mom yet, but I hate when parents are like, "what are we teaching kids about hitting if we hit them?" What else is there to do? You can only yell so much before they look at you and go, "uh huh mom w/e you say" and walk away. They know that you can yell all you want, they aren't going to listen. Like I said before, I used to get the wooden spoon treatment, and I turned out fine.
TISH1124
Well-known member
^^ exactly...and if I have to keep repeating it 2-3 times...the talking and time out is not working....Time to step it up a notch...Case and point...I have never had to be called by the school more than once for my son's behavior...nor have I EVER been embarressed in public by his behavior. Not gonna happen...Not as long as I feed, clothe and foot all the bills. Hell to the Hell No...Not on my dime! Where you misbehave at is where you will be popped at...If you don't want to be embarressed don't embaress me!
