...

[laguayaca]

Im for spanking too but only when necessary. I only got spanked once in my whole life but I had great respect and fear for my parents. I would not be allowed to go places, buy things ect as another sort of punishment. I honestly was not a bad child either.I was taught to respect my elders so many kids arent taught that anymore! I was taught that basically my parents were a gift God gave to me because they were great parents and I will forever be grateful for the wonderful upbringing they provided...and no it was not perfect but I knew that they loved me. Even when I got in trouble.

I hate those Nanny shows i just want to reach in there and smack the parent for standing there like an idiot! So many times it is a lack of discipline as these shows so bluntly show.

 

[MissResha]

disrespect occurs a lot when parents wanna be their kids "friends". fuck that. be a parent. lay down the law. you're not supposed to be their friend.

 

[Cutetoughgirl]

Quote:

Originally Posted by M.A.C. head. If you don't think you can at least attempt to raise a child without resorting to physical discipline first, you just shouldn't even have kids. There is SOMETHING that will get to each individual child, parents are just too damn lazy to figure it out, so they grab the belt or raise their hand first.

Do you have children??

 

[MissResha]

^^i think what she's really saying is that SOME parents just up and smack the shit outta their kids for no good reason. i see this a lot. especially when im out in public. like, kids like bright flashy things right? so i see this kid with his mom, and he's like "oooo toys" and he starts to walk over there. she yolks him up so fast and with her heavy ass arm knocks him in the rear and his knees buckled.

like...wtf was that for??? unnecessary imo.

 

[TISH1124]

Quote:

Originally Posted by M.A.C. head. Tish, you know I respect you as a person and a mother, even when your opinions differ from mine, but this statement: "...Just please don't send your kids to my house for me to watch because if their actions warrant a spanking a spanking they will get...If the action warrants a simple time out ...then it's time out...On my watch it's my form of discipline." is disturbing. What you do to your own kids is your choice, but if you think hitting someone else's kids is okay, you're kind of asking for physical punishment yourself.

Please don't take this personal either...But nothing I do should disturb anyone outside of my space....

Trust me...no one has to agree with me, I appreciate all opinions...
My house my rules...However, the ONLY kids I babysit are my neices and my brother and sister-in-law discipline in the same manner as I do. Random kids dont get kept at my house because I am not a Daycare. But yes if My nieces need their butts popped...Auntie Tish will smack it for them, Yes Mam. There will be no physical backlash or questions asked. Because anyone that knows me and allows me to keep their kids knows that spanking is my last resort....But it will happen if necessary.
So again, random kids and friends kids are not kept here...because I like to do more with my time than babysit other folks kids....My son is only kept by family members and I only keep family members kids. So no physical altercations required. If that makes you feel better about my rules on my watch...And if you have Bad ass kids please don't send them to my house or even think about asking me to babysit their undisciplined tails..I'm supossed to let a child tear up my whole damn house because thier parents believe in "Lets Talk about it"....Ok NO! keep their ass at home.

I have never had my son have a play date where bad behavior has ever been a subject. Because in my experience kids behave well for other people..It's just undiscliplined kids treat their own parents like crap. Kids also know whose buttons thay can push and what they can get away with who...and my sons friends know I am not the one who tolerates disrespect ...so they do not bring it my way. I am a parent not a friend that kids can talk to anyway they want and behave anyway they want.

I can count on one hand how many times I have had to spank my son ...because he knows Mommy & Daddy do not tolerate bad behavior and there are consequences...Not just go to your room...where there is a TV, playstation, Wii, DVD, Satelite, toys etc...waiting for your lil bad tail to play with while you wait your Time Out OUT

 

[TISH1124]

Quote:

Originally Posted by M.A.C. head. If you don't think you can at least attempt to raise a child without resorting to physical discipline first, you just shouldn't even have kids. There is SOMETHING that will get to each individual child, parents are just too damn lazy to figure it out, so they grab the belt or raise their hand first.

I do not think it has anything to do with Lazy in MOST cases....Until you have had to deal with a disrespectful bad don't give a darn child...Surely opinions of this nature are not warranted . Until you have walked in a parents shoes or had to deal with constant behavior issues that some parents have to deal with...there is no humanly way you can say what you would or would not do or say that they are lazy because they had to resort to certain forms of discipline for THEIR child. Spankings are NOT abuse if handled in the right manner...There are more severe things that parents do to their children that are abusive far more than a spanking could EVER be. Just because you don't believe in it..does not make it a crime. I don't smoke but I don't think all people that can't quit smoking don't just because they are Lazy.

 

[Rosario]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Skin*Deep I honestly don't know what it is with kids now, they definitely seem to have no respect or fear of consequences....I have two boys, I do spank, and they STILL defy us and challenge us on a daily basis. it is a very difficult struggle. they are also young and just learning their boundaries....the thing is I would have never acted like this! I was too damn scared of my parents.....even though my parents didnt beat me I was scared of them, my kids seem to have no fear of me even though they have been swatted.....I wonder if kids become desensitized to violence because of the world today, so the threat of a spanking doesnt hold the weight it used to?!

You know i have the same issue with my son who is only 4, we do discipline at home since me an my husband came from families were they believed to spank and we both know that it was effective, heck i can remember just a glance of my father was enough to have me and my brother stop. But for some reason there are days our son defies us. I know that we as parents cant keep our children in a cocoon (eventhough i wish!!!) so he doesnt see all the violence in the world but i do think it's the times we live in on how much they see and think its okay because unfortunately our society has accepted things that back when i was a child and it wasnt that far back 80's

was even allowed!

Its as if what is good is bad
and what is bad is good

I mean now in days i have to constantly be checking what my son watches even in cartoons!! URGHHHH

 

[FlashBang]

Ok i have to agree with mac head, i can understand the parents here too, but i dont believe you need to have children to understand when it wrong to strike a child.

Like it or not, spanking is a branch of violence, it may not be as severe as say, punching/kicking or whatever, but it still is.

I havent had kids, but ive looked after alot including very bratty ones and ones with ADS (who have refused to take their medication) and not just for short periods of times, for days too. I can understand why a parent can just lose it, ive seen it happen plenty of times, sure i feel uncomfortable when i see it but i know why the parent has done it.

Spankings, few and far between, in my opinion are ok but a parent needs to use other methods of discipline, and there are other ways, plenty of them and i know this not only from my own personal experience and testimonies from other people, but i also know this from studying this kind of methodology in psychology.

Tish, youve been spanked and from the people youve talked to and your own kids, its worked out fine and youve earned their respect, which wont have just come from spanking your kids, it means youve been a good parent in general and given them what theyve needed when theyve needed it, but your experience cant account for everyone and i think thats im really trying to get at.

For the most influential period of a childs life, the parent is their main role model and children learn best from immitation. Theres a study called the 'bobo doll' study, where kids watch an adult hit a bobo doll (a toy they werent familiar with) they are then left in a room with the doll and monitored on how they would play with the doll. Surely enough they copied what they saw the adults doing.
This is what im trying to say, although you, as a mature and rational adult, understand why your spanking, your child may be interpretating the message differently and thats where problems start - it could lead to fighting, violence etc and because nobody is a blank slate id never assume that because it never bothered me, it should bother somebody else is i replicate it the same way.

Anyhoo i quickly googled 'the effects of physical discipline on children' and found this article (not sure if i can post the link?)

Physical discipline makes children anxious and aggressive - The Natural Child Project

Im sure theres more but that was the first one that came up so i just want to post it so you understand where im coming from and how ive formed my opinionson the subject.

 

[TISH1124]

^^ I agree...My experience cannot account for everyones...and I agree that my form of discipline works for MY family and not all ....Lets also agree that your ideas of how to discipline a child is NOT going to work for all kids as well and will not always be the best way to handle certain kids and situations despite what statistics and studies show.
Also just to be clear as well...I have heard how some parents talk to their kids ...and Verbal abuse is also a form of violence if we go there...and I would rather a 30 sec spanking anyday than to be degraded and belittled the way some parents Talk to their kids...a spanking lasts 30 seconds but words are for life.

 

[TISH1124]

let me just say this too...I honestly don't care how anyone disciplines their kids...Whatever works for you and your kids is how you should discipline. I dont disagree or agree with anyone's methods if it works. I am not here to justify how I raise my children or the methods I discipline by. I personally think if it works and your kids are responsive to it...then great, because at the end of the day that is what matters. However, don't tell me about statistics and studies and such ...because I know what works for my family and what works is what I will do....My methods are not wrong just because you or society doesn't like them.......and vice versa. My husband and I feed, clothe and care for our kids and we will discipline according to the methods we want to...regardless of who agrees or disagrees...as I hope everyone else with kids will do as well.

And...if my son ever punches or curses at me...he will be picking his ass up off the floor mid sentence....and that is not a threat to him ...But a Parenting FACT!

 

[Makeupaddict88]

Quote:

Originally Posted by M.A.C. head. If you don't think you can at least attempt to raise a child without resorting to physical discipline first, you just shouldn't even have kids. There is SOMETHING that will get to each individual child, parents are just too damn lazy to figure it out, so they grab the belt or raise their hand first.

No offense, but the way I decide to raise my children is my way. Don't take this the wrong way, but you have no room to tell anybody that they do or do not have the right to have children.

I didn't say anywhere in my posts that I was just going to up and smack the shit outta my kids when they do every little thing wrong. Am I going to spank them when they deserve it and have done something terribly wrong, you bet I will. Spanking is not bad and I don't see why anybody looks down upon it. I understand everybody's points of views and understand where everybody is coming from, but when a child misbehaves and yelling at them doesn't work, what else is there to do? Spanking a kid is not going to scar them for life. They will learn their lesson and continue to love you even after you spank their bottom. That's all I have to say and I'm sorry if I offended you in my post, this is just my opinion.

 

[shimmyshimmyya]

This might sound crazy...but seeing how children are these days, I'm glad that my parents spanked me. I'm proud of it and I don't hesistant at all to tell people that I was spanked as a child. It didn't make me "angry" or "aggressive". It made a respectful and responsible person who knows boundaries. There should be a clear definititon between parent and child. My parents love me, but they're not my friends and I didn't want them to be. That's why I have friends.

 

[Shimmer]

Know what works better than spanking?

Consistency.

 

[FlashBang]

Tish i dont want you to think im just sat here thinking your some evil person who spanks your kids, because the fact that they turned out fine means that you used it only as discipline and similarly rewarded your children when they did something right.
Not to sound weird, but the posts that ive read from you i get the impression that you are a level headed, caring and compassionate person and as such, would have shown that to your kids and instilled good values and showed them all the love they needed.

The spankings that lead to problematic kids are from the families who havent shown that love and care for the kids so theyve grown up with parents they fear, who probably hit them that bit too hard etc.

Im not saying your discipline is wrong, that isnt my place to and like you, i also agree that it takes different methods for different children and i know that if i have kids there will come a point where i may have to raise my hand to them because nothing else is working, but i really wouldnt want to do that because i was raised with virtually no spanking, ill probably do the same with my kids.

Oh i know about verbal abuse, believe me, my dad was verbally abusive to me, my sisters and my mum and i know it can be just as bad as physical abuse. I dont condone that at all, it was up to my mum to basically raise me and try to correct the mistakes my dad made.

 

[TISH1124]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Shimmer Know what works better than spanking? Consistency.

I agree...I am consistent with the warning that if he has severely bad behavior he will be consistently spanked....and you are correct my consistency with this is working perfectly for MY children

 

[TISH1124]

Quote:

Originally Posted by FlashBang Tish i dont want you to think im just sat here thinking your some evil person who spanks your kids, because the fact that they turned out fine means that you used it only as discipline and similarly rewarded your children when they did something right. Not to sound weird, but the posts that ive read from you i get the impression that you are a level headed, caring and compassionate person and as such, would have shown that to your kids and instilled good values and showed them all the love they needed. The spankings that lead to problematic kids are from the families who havent shown that love and care for the kids so theyve grown up with parents they fear, who probably hit them that bit too hard etc. Im not saying your discipline is wrong, that isnt my place to and like you, i also agree that it takes different methods for different children and i know that if i have kids there will come a point where i may have to raise my hand to them because nothing else is working, but i really wouldnt want to do that because i was raised with virtually no spanking, ill probably do the same with my kids. Oh i know about verbal abuse, believe me, my dad was verbally abusive to me, my sisters and my mum and i know it can be just as bad as physical abuse. I dont condone that at all, it was up to my mum to basically raise me and try to correct the mistakes my dad made.

Sweetie...trust me I take nothing personal on here...and I think you were voicing your opinions merely on the spanking method in general not at me personally....I can agree to disagree in these type situations...Because every parent knows what is best for their own child. And there is no one who knows everything and no one whose opinion and methods regarding every topic is always right including mine...We are good! We all should discipline in the manner we choose appropriate for our kiddos...not how the next parent disciplines.

 

[ClaireAvril]

Quote:

Originally Posted by MissResha nothing wrong with spanking in my opinion. but not random spanking. dont ever spank a kid just because they're getting on your nerves. as a strict form of discipline, it really works. just dont shake the shit out of them like a british nanny, and you'll be good.

Are you serious.. they shake the children?

 

[Beauty Mark]

I don't think it's every British nanny, but there have been cases where a British nanny employed in the US shook a baby to get it quiet... The baby died.

 

[ClaireAvril]

ohhh yes. That was on the news.

 

[FlashBang]

^ Oh yeah i remember that

This doesnt particularly belong here (maybe i should make a new topic?), but that nanny story reminded me of a horrible case to a baby here in uk that really really upset me, the Baby P incident, im not sure if it was heard of in america, heres a link to the story:

After 17 months of unimaginable cruelty, Baby P finally succumbed - Times Online

Worse yet is that it doesnt even detail everything that happened, they found out more, including that as a method of torture, they pulled off finger/toenails and i think it was mentioned somewhere that even the ends of some of his toes and fingers were cut off...Whenever i think about it i cant even describe how i feel, ive never heard of anything like it.
Theres been a number of cases like that which have occured in the uk just in the last year, i really want to know whats going on.