age differences

[IslandGirl77]

I been there and done that, and honestly will not do it again. I was with someone for a long time that was four years younger than me. I am 29 years old, and at the time thatI thought the person was mature enough to handle being in a relationship. As time went on, it just didn't work. We were at different stages in our lives, and just could not see eye to eye on many things. I eventually had to leave the relationship, because I could not handle his immaturity, and got tired of having to be the responsible person. I'm not saying that it can't work for people, but based on my experience I would say that you need to be sure that you are ready to handle the challenge. I also have friends who are with older guys, and kinda lost themselves being with them. Because, the older guy wanted them to act more mature then what they were. This does not apply to all relationships, but it is something you should think about.

 

[Deirdre]

I'm of the school that the younger you are, the closer in age you ought to be. I really think more than three years in the teen years is pushing the envelope. There's just a big difference in interest and maturity, and if there isn't, I wonder about the older individual.

That being said, after the 'legal' age of twenty one, up to five years is fine, and even longer, in some cases.

I think that May-December style relationships (like more than 10, 15 years) work for some, but really, the younger person loses out as their partner's energy levels decline (I'm sure that kind of statement irks some people, as there are always exceptions - I'm speaking in general).

 

[iamlelilien]

I'm 15 too. I would only date guys two or less years older than me. Some people think that's weird when I tell them that, but I just wouldn't want to date someone more than two years older than me.

 

[devilgirl17]

Most importantly, if you are under the age of eighteen, you may date someone older than 18, but the moment you decide to have sex with them, it's statutory rape. It doesn't matter if you consent, because the law holds that you are incapable of giving that consent. In many states, this is a crime that requires the person to register as a sex offender. And if there is enough years between you, it can be also considered a serious felony with some major jail time. So if you looking to date while under the age of majority, just make sure to be extremely careful.

With that said, I can say that dating guys that are older than you is not such a bad thing, if it's the right guy. I have always dated older guys and have never really had a problem with it. But there are some differences when you date someone significantly older than yourself. For one, he might be mistaken for an older relative (uncle, etc.) rather than your boyfriend. And he will probably have to deal with cradlerobber jokes from his friends.

My current boyfriend is 13 years older than me. And I couldn't be happier. If the number is the only thing scaring you, I just give it a date or two. After that, you should be able to tell if the age is going to be a problem or not.

 

[miss holly j]

My boyfriend and I are 7 years apart I think it depends on the people. I myself always thought I wouldn't date any older the 4 years tops, however, my boyfriend made me change my mind and I couldn't be happier. He's more honest, caring and geniune then anyone around my age, most importantly he isn't into cheating or playing games.

 

[xkriss]

I just turned 17 this past july and I dated someone who is 19 turning 20 this december.
We met when I was 15 and he was 17 started dating when I was 16 and he was 18.
I know he's not into me for the sex because we don't have it... I mean neither of us want him to go to jail and I'm just far to paranoid about that stuff because 17 is pretty young to have a baby..

I think it really just depends on the people involved.

 

[CantAffordMAC]

I've always liked older guys. I've never really talked to anyone younger than me, or even the same age. I've always been pretty mature for my age, so therefore I go for an older guy thats on my level.

When I was 15 years old, there was a guy interested in me. He told me he was 21 but it didn't matter to me, because I wasn't interested in the first place. We ended up hooking up (just kissing) and the next time we saw eachother, he told me he was 24.

Well, that was the last time we spoke lol.

The guy I lost my virginity to was 24, I was 16. That was also a big mistake. I think when theres such a big gap in age, that its pointless. He was 24 years old, and he was into different things to me. He went to bars and clubs and all types of places, while I was still in high school. We were on different pages in life, and it would've never gone anywhere.

My boyfriend will be turning 22 in a week. I'm 18. I see nothing wrong with that. He's not that much older than me and despite the fact that we COULD be on different pages in life--we're not. we're on the exact same page.

Young girls just have to make sure the guy is in it for a real relationship, and not just sex. Because thats one of the main issues I see with a young girl dating an older guy.

 

[CantAffordMAC]

Also...
I really agree with the growing up too fast thing. Even if you don't expect it or don't see anything wrong, being with an older guy DOES kind of make you want to grow up faster. I was so lost during those years...I felt that I was ugly, nobody wanted to be with me and I was going to be lonely all my life. Well, needless to say meeting this guy who smoked and drank (okay so I did it before he came along, but so what) anyways he smoked, and drank and had been through a lot more than I had. So its like I matured myself to be on his level so we could "work". But we didn't work.

I hid this "relationship" from my family. It went on for about 6-7 months and I was doing sexual favors for him alllll the time, while trying to preserve my virginity. he was wishy-washy...He wanted to be with me one day, then a week later he wanted space, then 2 days later I was giving him a blowjob, then a week later he told me he wasn't ready for a relationship. A bunch of confusion, especially for a 16 year old who hasn't experienced ANYTHING. I swore to everyone I was in love with him, and now I know that it was infatuation. You learn soooo much even in just a few years (i'm 18 now, it was only 2 years ago) And I'm such a different person

I say, don't act on your feelings. If you're meant to be together, then it will happen at the right time in life and you'll know it. You won't be so confused like you are now. I know exactly how you feel right now, but please save yourself the heartache and leave it alone. Good luck with everything

 

[ashley8119]

i dated a 19 (turned 20) year old when I was 15. and it was a huge mistake. i never did anything, we understood the legal boundaries that were in our way. we were on completely different levels. i was a very mature 15 year old, way more mature than other kids my age at the time...but there's more than just a mental maturity that has to be present for that type of relationship to work...

 

[lipstickandhate]

15 and 21 is a bad idea. Plain and simple. If you're interested in alcohol, sex, and having a tough time with your parents, get involved. If not, step away.
You are an intelligent, mature and attractive girl. There will be plenty of others.

 

[Almond_Eyed]

I've seen the other perspective since I have a lot of guy friends in their mid-20s. I don't mean to offend anyone, but I tell my guy friends not to date girls under 20. Their biggest complaint about dating younger girls is immaturity. It's true that guys mature later, but girls under 20 aren't ready for the kind of relationship that guys in this age-range are looking for.

Of course, there are exceptions, but I look back at my relationships when I was 18/19 and say to myself "What the hell was I thinking!" Even though I thought I was mature for my age, clearly I wasn't! My views about love and relationships are VERY different at 23 than when I was 18 or 19. It takes time to grow and learn.

<3

 

[euphrosyne_rose]

First let me say that I've really enjoyed reading this thread to see people's advice and opinions. I think we can all see that everyone is going to have different opinions and advice depending on their own experiences and those of people they know.

I'm 30 and am currently single. About a year ago I ended a relationship with someone who was almost 9 years older than me and truth be told, part of it was his immaturity. Things were great at first and we clicked well, loved each other, got along, etc. After awhile though, little things he did irked me and it was usually really lame, immature stuff and the fact that sometimes he treated me like a little girl who didn't know her ass from a hole in the ground and at the end, we just wanted different things. That's not to say that someone else of the same age would have been the same. It's all about the person and where you both are emotionally at the time you're together.

I've dated guys older than myself, younger and the same age and none of them so far have worked out. I wouldn't say it was so much b/c of their ages as it was them just being wankers but I do think that age played a part in some of it for some of them. The younger guy I started dating when I was 24 and he was 21. Even being somewhat close in age, we still had different ideas on what we wanted. He wanted nothing more than to party, drink, do drugs, and be with his friends but yet still wanted to have me around. I didn't want him to change for me but at the same time I did b/c his lifestyle was going to get him hurt at some point. When I was 18 I dated a guy who was 31. After about the 2nd date, I cut him loose b/c I knew all he wanted was a young girl to have sex with. It wasn't that he wasn't nice or treated me badly, but I knew in my heart all he wanted was to get into my pants and I didn't need that. But, it took being with him once or twice for me to realize that.

I think relationships between people of any age are trial and error but I do have to agree with some of the previous posters that a guy of a certain age being interested in a girl younger than 18 is just nothing but sex and controlling. That's not to say that EVERY girl out there in that age range is going to let someone control them or allow the guy to have sex with them but the majority end up being and doing whatever the guy wants and that's just SO not a good situation. There are plenty of girls that have gone on to date an older guy while still in their late teens and have marriages and families and such but do you really want to risk it? That's also not to say the guy you like would be that way, but you did say he didn't or wasn't in love with you so how does that part of it make you feel? There are plenty of people who don't believe love has to be part of the act of sex but I guess the question I have is are you just wanting to experience a physical relationship with this person or do you want it to be more than that?

I agree with Lara^ that crushes are healthy and can be alot of fun so I don't think it's wrong that you want to continue having this crush on the guy and be near him but what happens if it becomes more than that? If you continue to be close friends and have feelings toward each other eventually one of you will cross the "friendship" line and you might want to really think about how you feel about that. My opinion after all my blabbering is that there isn't necessarily a right or wrong answer here as the only heart you can follow is your own. The only thing you can do is really think about things and any and all problems and consequences and decide for yourself if it's really worth it or if you want to move on.

There's nothing wrong with you and I don't think anyone thinks differently of you or judges you. I hope that you find the answer you're looking for in all of our stories and advice and let us know how things work out!

*****Just saw that this thread was started in 2006! Let us know how things went if you are still an active member!