An Asian Girl with unrealistic beauty standards :(
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kaexbabey
Well-known member
throughout your whole post, and your post title actually, it says UNREALISTIC. it just makes me wonder, why do you keep wishing for something if it's UNREALISTIC?
is there a certain incident in your life that made you become so self conscious?
it's sad that you put yourself down so much. i think if you were to stop obsessing over this so much, you'd be happy on the inside, which would make you think of yourself better on the outside.
if you really won't get surgery, i guess all you can do to "emphasize yourself" is deal with makeup. if you really want the "western look" why not try fake tanning or eyelid glue or tape to make your eyes appear bigger? and contouring for your nose.
is there a certain incident in your life that made you become so self conscious?
it's sad that you put yourself down so much. i think if you were to stop obsessing over this so much, you'd be happy on the inside, which would make you think of yourself better on the outside.
if you really won't get surgery, i guess all you can do to "emphasize yourself" is deal with makeup. if you really want the "western look" why not try fake tanning or eyelid glue or tape to make your eyes appear bigger? and contouring for your nose.
mello
Well-known member
I'm Portuguese, so I have medium olive skin and kind of exotic looking features, I guess. I hate my prominent nose, my round face and weird pigmentation on my eyelids (easily corrected with makeup but still, it's annoying), AND I HATE PHOTOS TOO. If I'm ever taking pictures of myself, I literally will take a hundred and only end up keeping 3, if I'm lucky. But I'd honestly like to say that you took the words right out of my mouth. I feel the EXACT same way you do, 90% of the time. Especially the part where you compare yourself to photos of girls on facebook..
I think everyone does it from time to time, and it's nice to know that you're not alone. But beauty is in the eye of the beholder, and most of the time it's people that radiate confidence that are seen as gorgeous by the people around them.
I work at a makeup counter, and I serve many people a day, from many different nationalities, and I have truly come to appreciate the unique beauty each one has.
I love Asian girls, seriously. Gorgeous skin, they age really well, FABULOUS high cheekbones. Asian women always seem to have the natural beauty that a lot of other women strive for.
I'm sure there's a lot of parts of you that you love, so focus on those. I know sometimes it's really hard, but you gotta learn to love yourself and the body you were given. It's the only one you got!
Do things you love doing, like getting a facial, working out, or getting your nails done on a regular basis to pamper yourself. You'll feel great afterwards and it'll give you somewhat of a confidence boost.
I know I'm not much help, but I just wanted you to know that you're honestly not alone in how you feel!
I think everyone does it from time to time, and it's nice to know that you're not alone. But beauty is in the eye of the beholder, and most of the time it's people that radiate confidence that are seen as gorgeous by the people around them.
I work at a makeup counter, and I serve many people a day, from many different nationalities, and I have truly come to appreciate the unique beauty each one has.
I love Asian girls, seriously. Gorgeous skin, they age really well, FABULOUS high cheekbones. Asian women always seem to have the natural beauty that a lot of other women strive for.
I'm sure there's a lot of parts of you that you love, so focus on those. I know sometimes it's really hard, but you gotta learn to love yourself and the body you were given. It's the only one you got!
Do things you love doing, like getting a facial, working out, or getting your nails done on a regular basis to pamper yourself. You'll feel great afterwards and it'll give you somewhat of a confidence boost.
I know I'm not much help, but I just wanted you to know that you're honestly not alone in how you feel!
BloopBloop
Well-known member
i think we've all had self-image issues in our lives. What you can do is check out images of asian beauties, and then maybe you'll get comfortable with your asian features. We are blessed with such distinct features that others dont, im surprised your friends arent jealous of you!
people tell me everyday that i have beautiful skin. my mom just turned 55, and she looks 40. wrinkles to many of us arent much of a problem. asians have beautiful, mysterious eyes. check these pretty ladies out:
I am Fashion: Asian Eye Make Up
people tell me everyday that i have beautiful skin. my mom just turned 55, and she looks 40. wrinkles to many of us arent much of a problem. asians have beautiful, mysterious eyes. check these pretty ladies out:
I am Fashion: Asian Eye Make Up
I do understand where you're coming from. For me personally, I am half Chinese and half European (English descent). Growing up in New Zealand, where people were predominantly white Europeans (at least where I lived), I never fit into either category of what Asians or Europeans look like. I was made fun of at school for being one of the only Asians and always felt out of place, but then amongst Asians I would get stares or comments about my 'European' features. It took me a really long time to accept my 'Asianness', for want of a better word. Particularly living in a culture where much of what is pushed as being 'beautiful' seems to be (or at least felt like to me) blonde hair, blue eyes, etc.
I think now I have come to accept (for the most part at least) that the grass is always greener - people often mention that they envy my olive skin for example. And it might sound cliched, but beauty truly is in the eye of the beholder - what I might have thought of as 'blah', others see as exotic. So while I do not profess to be 100% comfortable with myself, I have definitely seen an improvement in how I feel about how I look over time.
I can't really offer any advice, other than to think about what is realistic - you yourself have stated that your expectations for your looks are unlikely to be fulfilled by surgery, so focus instead on making the most of what you have and the parts of you that you like. For me, learning more about what clothes/makeup suit me (not in terms of what is fashionable, but in terms of what is flattering for me as an individual to bring out the features I like about myself) have gone a long way towards helping my confidence.
I think now I have come to accept (for the most part at least) that the grass is always greener - people often mention that they envy my olive skin for example. And it might sound cliched, but beauty truly is in the eye of the beholder - what I might have thought of as 'blah', others see as exotic. So while I do not profess to be 100% comfortable with myself, I have definitely seen an improvement in how I feel about how I look over time.
I can't really offer any advice, other than to think about what is realistic - you yourself have stated that your expectations for your looks are unlikely to be fulfilled by surgery, so focus instead on making the most of what you have and the parts of you that you like. For me, learning more about what clothes/makeup suit me (not in terms of what is fashionable, but in terms of what is flattering for me as an individual to bring out the features I like about myself) have gone a long way towards helping my confidence.
blazeno.8
Well-known member
You know... the interesting thing is I don't think very many people have hit on this thread or others like it in the same forum. When you're in that forum enter "standard" into the search function and see what comes up. There are several different threads related to the topic that you might find helpful (you might have to go back several pages through the search results).
caffn8me
Well-known member
Forget "white beauty standards" - you can be truly gorgeous no matter what your colour (although I have to confess I have yet to see an attractive green person!).
I'm going to steal something and adapt it here;
Beauty is for all races, all sexes, all ages
Just because you don't think you are beautiful doesn't mean that others don't think you are.
Learn to love yourself. After all, you're stuck with you for life so you might as well get used to it.
You're far better off looking natural than looking as though you've had oodles of plastic surgery and fake. White beauty standards? Inspite of of oodles of plastic surgery, I think not.
Have you ever thought about Body dysmorphic disorder? Go and read about it and come back and tell us what you think.
I'm going to steal something and adapt it here;
Beauty is for all races, all sexes, all ages
Just because you don't think you are beautiful doesn't mean that others don't think you are.
Learn to love yourself. After all, you're stuck with you for life so you might as well get used to it.
You're far better off looking natural than looking as though you've had oodles of plastic surgery and fake. White beauty standards? Inspite of of oodles of plastic surgery, I think not.
Have you ever thought about Body dysmorphic disorder? Go and read about it and come back and tell us what you think.
caffn8me
Well-known member
Adding a little bit to what I wrote previously, I drove through Tooting in south west London this afternoon. It's very diverse ethnically and has lots of shops catering for ethnic populations (Jamaican, Tamil, Pakistani, Polish, Indian, Somali and many others).
Traffic was slow and I found myself sitting opposite a health shop. The very largest poster (by a long way) in their window was for a skin whitening product. I found that incredibly sad but it also made me angry inside
What is wrong with having a darker skin tone? Nothing, Beauty hasn't got anything to do with skin colour.
Traffic was slow and I found myself sitting opposite a health shop. The very largest poster (by a long way) in their window was for a skin whitening product. I found that incredibly sad but it also made me angry inside
What is wrong with having a darker skin tone? Nothing, Beauty hasn't got anything to do with skin colour.
LoveMU
Well-known member
You're definitely not alone. I always think of ways to change myself, tanner skin, bigger lips, bigger boobs, sigh. The list goes on and on. I forget about that stuff most of the time and focus on myself as a beautiful woman. I try to focus on my own features that I like, and I know that others find me attractive too, and I'm sure that lots of people find you attractive!
It's hard to live life hating the way you look. I also used to obsess about my large, heart-shaped face, the fact that I'm short, etc. I'm white but I don't look like a lot of white people, my features are a bit diff because I am eatern european. It sounds hard to believe, but I also have struggled with my looks as being different from others.
You know what tho, most guys tell me they love asian women, and I'm sure you don't realize how beautiful you are!
It's hard to live life hating the way you look. I also used to obsess about my large, heart-shaped face, the fact that I'm short, etc. I'm white but I don't look like a lot of white people, my features are a bit diff because I am eatern european. It sounds hard to believe, but I also have struggled with my looks as being different from others.
You know what tho, most guys tell me they love asian women, and I'm sure you don't realize how beautiful you are!
BloopBloop
Well-known member
Quote:
urgh, in the philippines "white is beautiful" and there are alot of skincare companies that make money on this by selling "skin whitening" products. growing up, i was one of those that were brainwashed into not feeling good about being tan because all the "pretty" actresses were either very light skinned. nowadays, i embrace my tan skin and love it.
Originally Posted by caffn8me
Adding a little bit to what I wrote previously, I drove through Tooting in south west London this afternoon. It's very diverse ethnically and has lots of shops catering for ethnic populations (Jamaican, Tamil, Pakistani, Polish, Indian, Somali and many others). Traffic was slow and I found myself sitting opposite a health shop. The very largest poster (by a long way) in their window was for a skin whitening product. I found that incredibly sad but it also made me angry inside
What is wrong with having a darker skin tone? Nothing, Beauty hasn't got anything to do with skin colour. |
urgh, in the philippines "white is beautiful" and there are alot of skincare companies that make money on this by selling "skin whitening" products. growing up, i was one of those that were brainwashed into not feeling good about being tan because all the "pretty" actresses were either very light skinned. nowadays, i embrace my tan skin and love it.
kaexbabey
Well-known member
Quote:
i used to feel the same way. i used all the papaya soaps and lotions. some worked for a bit. then i gave up cuz one of them gave me a really bad rash. now i'm naturally lighter, (i guess it was bound to happen, my mom is PALE with a capital P lol) but i kind of wanna tan now. i guess color doesn't matter, as long as it's smooth
| Originally Posted by BloopBloop
urgh, in the philippines "white is beautiful" and there are alot of skincare companies that make money on this by selling "skin whitening" products. growing up, i was one of those that were brainwashed into not feeling good about being tan because all the "pretty" actresses were either very light skinned. nowadays, i embrace my tan skin and love it. |
i used to feel the same way. i used all the papaya soaps and lotions. some worked for a bit. then i gave up cuz one of them gave me a really bad rash. now i'm naturally lighter, (i guess it was bound to happen, my mom is PALE with a capital P lol) but i kind of wanna tan now. i guess color doesn't matter, as long as it's smooth
sn0wbunnie
Well-known member
As a Caucasian living in a city populated heavily by Asians, I have to tell you that most of the other "white" girls here wish they looked as amazing as the Asian women. And it's not just the flawless skin, the deep eyes, or the incredible hair that we covet, it's also the body type.
We live in a very superficial society with unrealistic beauty standards for everyone. It's scary to me to see pre teen girls in the mall with their mothers, carrying Gucci and LV bags, and wearing a full face of makeup and heavily fake-n-baked! There are so many types of beauty in the world, and I don't feel that the media portrays enough diversity in it's representation of such. The way you feel is universal, and awful.
No one should be made to feel that they are less than another because of their features, you should be celebrating the things that make you unique instead.
xoxo
S.
We live in a very superficial society with unrealistic beauty standards for everyone. It's scary to me to see pre teen girls in the mall with their mothers, carrying Gucci and LV bags, and wearing a full face of makeup and heavily fake-n-baked! There are so many types of beauty in the world, and I don't feel that the media portrays enough diversity in it's representation of such. The way you feel is universal, and awful.
No one should be made to feel that they are less than another because of their features, you should be celebrating the things that make you unique instead.
xoxo
S.
LoveMU
Well-known member
Quote:
I think it is possible for someone to not like one part of themself and get over it. For the most part, I've learned to like the way I look and appreciate my good features, but there are certain things I will never appreciate. For example, it's hard for me to say this because it somewhat still hurts me that I have this problem, I am really hairy. I became really hairy (black hair) when i was in 4th grade and it's only gotten worse since then. It used to really hurt me so much, when I was little people made fun of me, even my family members because I am the hairiest girl! I eventually just learned to accept it and move on. I'm hairy, it's just who I am. Sometimes I even make jokes about it. Once someone at work made a comment to me about me being a "hairy lady" LOL and thank god I have learned to accept it because in the past I would have been mortified!
I don't dwell on being hairy because I've accpeted it and I'm not gunna let it ruin me. I have other good features that people compliment me on, so I will live with the hair.
Also, even tho you may not like your nose or eyes, other people may really appreciate it and see it as beautiful, without you even knowing it (most people don't compliment others on particular features). Over time, you will prob accept them and maybe even love them!
| Originally Posted by luvsic
Hey girl, Thanks a lot for your response, I really appreciated this (as did I appreciate everyone elses), but something about your post caught my eye. It's about the BDD. I have looked into having BDD but every single one of my therapists I have told have dismissed me as not having the disorder. I definitely have image problems, but not BDD. Just to explain a little of my logic, I would never, everrrr want to end up looking like that  of course I still see your point, if I get obsessed with "tweaking" one minor thing about myself, I'll just want to tweak more, and more, and I'll end up looking disasterous if I don't have the emotional and mental stability/realistic expectations people need when undergoing plastic surgery. I just have this question: Is it possible to just not like one part of yourself, but get over it and move on with your life? For example, I REALLY hate my nose and my eyes. I especially hate the way they photograph, because whenever they do my eyes look incredibly squinty and my nose just gargantuan....(ugh, I hate my nose so much, I look hideous when it comes out in pictures) But, do you think it is a good idea to accept the fact that I don't like these features (as opposed to resorting to surgery) and just surpressing the mental urge to go under the knife after I see a bad pic? I feel like I can never love the features I hate most, it just seems so impossible I can ever LOVE the features I mentioned. But is it ok to have acceptance but not love, just to get through the day? I feel like if I *JUST* tweaked my nose a little i'd be that much closer to perfect. If I just made my eyelids a little bigger, it'd make all the difference in the world. Kind of get my point..? |
I think it is possible for someone to not like one part of themself and get over it. For the most part, I've learned to like the way I look and appreciate my good features, but there are certain things I will never appreciate. For example, it's hard for me to say this because it somewhat still hurts me that I have this problem, I am really hairy. I became really hairy (black hair) when i was in 4th grade and it's only gotten worse since then. It used to really hurt me so much, when I was little people made fun of me, even my family members because I am the hairiest girl! I eventually just learned to accept it and move on. I'm hairy, it's just who I am. Sometimes I even make jokes about it. Once someone at work made a comment to me about me being a "hairy lady" LOL and thank god I have learned to accept it because in the past I would have been mortified!
I don't dwell on being hairy because I've accpeted it and I'm not gunna let it ruin me. I have other good features that people compliment me on, so I will live with the hair.
Also, even tho you may not like your nose or eyes, other people may really appreciate it and see it as beautiful, without you even knowing it (most people don't compliment others on particular features). Over time, you will prob accept them and maybe even love them!
Beauty Mark
Well-known member
After reading your last post, if it's about you accepting that you're Chinese and being okay with it- your "Chinese" aspects can be as much or as little of you as you like... You are an individual. I don't think you should openly reject your Chinese heritage, particularly if that's how you were raised. However, there is more to you than being Chinese.
Lissa
Well-known member
I think a lot of people often want what they don't have, and we all have different standards of beauty. I am super pale, my hair is curly and thin and its natural colour can only be described as mousy - a non-colour, if you like - I don't like my teeth, chin, lips could be bigger, eyes could be bigger, forehead smaller etc. It does bother me at times. Here the beauty standard is tanned skin, either more exotic features with dark hair or your standard beach bunny look with blonde hair. I can't tell you how many nights I have suffered applying layers of fake tan, sleeping in the disgusting sticky stuff hoping to achieve a natural look. But never getting it. I will never have beautiful dark skin (unless I bake myself until one day I look like a piece of leather and ruin my skin with wrinkles), thick straight hair (without extensions, that I can't afford anyway), and a completely different face unless I am prepared to risk going under the knife, and I just don't want to take things that far.
So over time I have learnt to accept things are the way they are, and to remember how important it is to be an individual, to not look like anyone else. More than anything I just want to be happy. When I am 80 I will not look back at my life, and regret the fact that I did not have a smaller forehead. I will regret instead that I spent so much of my youth being bothered about something that I cannot change, and letting it hold me back. That would be a tragedy. And life really is much too short.
I really hope you are able to overcome your problems with yourself and learn to love yourself as you are! Would you pick on someone else and call them ugly because their eyes are 'too small' or their nose 'too big'. They wouldn't deserve that, so why do you deserve that? You are probably a good, kind person. Don't hate yourself!
So over time I have learnt to accept things are the way they are, and to remember how important it is to be an individual, to not look like anyone else. More than anything I just want to be happy. When I am 80 I will not look back at my life, and regret the fact that I did not have a smaller forehead. I will regret instead that I spent so much of my youth being bothered about something that I cannot change, and letting it hold me back. That would be a tragedy. And life really is much too short.
I really hope you are able to overcome your problems with yourself and learn to love yourself as you are! Would you pick on someone else and call them ugly because their eyes are 'too small' or their nose 'too big'. They wouldn't deserve that, so why do you deserve that? You are probably a good, kind person. Don't hate yourself!
