An Asian Girl with unrealistic beauty standards :(

[L1LMAMAJ]

Like most girls, I sometimes have issues with self-image. However, in college, I was surrounded by great people and I think they have helped me break out of my shell and help me to love myself. Just learn to love yourself because that is the most important thing. Others will see that and love you for having confidence in yourself. Sorry I know this is sucky advice but I don't know how to put in words what I wanna say. Good luck.

 

[luvsic]

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[luvsic]

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[*neerja*]

bin there, done that. i know im a little late but i felt like adding my two cents in lol. i'm 19 as well and like many of the posters and you, i also had some self esteem issues. i'm indian and i've had acne since i was 12, i still have it, and i think that affected my confidence a lott. we all want what we can't have ..some darker ppl want to be lighter, some lighter ppl want to be darker etc etc. there is not ONE common image of beautiful. there is beauty in everything and everyone.

i always wished i had clear skin and still do. i don't like a lotta things about my looks, but i try to focus on what i DO like. i get commented on my eyes and smile a lot ..so no matter how i feel inside about my skin. nose etc .. I SMILE! cofidence is the sexiest thing about a person. when you radiate confidence, happiness etc you radiate beauty. an average looking confident, friendly girl is MUCH MORE attractive than a vain typical beauty.

i try to focus on the things i do like. i.e. eccentuating my eyes more with makeup when i can, smiling A LOT lol spending time on my hair, wearing nice clothes, jewellery, whatever makes me feel beautiful regardless of the fact that i have horrible skin.

i have a friend, who is very obese, she doesn't fit an image of a typical caucasian beauty, but she is BEAUTIFUL to us. she is sooo confident, so friendly, always laughing, smiling, and the funniest person i ever met! all these qualities make her MUCH MUCH more attractive than anyone else i know. she has tons of friends and everyone loves her cuz shez just such an amazing, friendly, hilarious person! i love her to bits. she is always surrounded by people and never lets her looks be a problem. sometimes she even jokes about it, like, "so you guys really think that I can fit in THAT MUCH space?!" or "so you guys i got stuck in this chair" and so on. when you have all these people around that love you because you have an amazing personality, i don't think one wud be worried so much about looks. if you only care about becoming a typical image of a girl, then it will be hard for you to come out of your little shell, see the world, have fun, and just be YOURself.

focus on the goood things about yourself. like your skin, hair, and how to MAKE your eyes look bigger. there are so many beautiful asian makeup gurus on youtube, check them out and learn from their techniques if you're that concerned. BE CONFIDENT! BECAUSE YOU'RE BEAUTIFUL! and when you BELEIVE THAT, you will show your true beauty

go out, make more friends, hang out more and just have fun and enjoy life.

we always tend to overlook beautiful things about us. so when someone else comments on something about you .. YOU BEST BELEIVE IT! lol and focus on it. i also have big eyes and never liked them (stupid right?) but ppl comment and say they're nice and now i FINALLY beleive them. same with my smile. i get those chin dimples (i don't know if you know what iim talkin about) and always thought my smile looked childish and made me look like a kid but ppl tell me its cute and again, i finally started to beleive them now lol. post up some FOTDs! we all want to see how pretty you really are. =)

i hope your therapy is helping, and remember, you're beautiful being who you are

 

[swaly]

I know that you & doctors you've spoken to have dismissed the possibility of BDD, but I personally think that psychological disorders exist on a spectrum, not on an on/off basis. In other words, you don't need to be diagnosed with something to have tendencies or behaviors that relate to it.

I'm Korean-American and grew up in a predominantly white/Hispanic/black neighborhood in NYC and went to schools where for most of my childhood my Asian features were thought of as unusual as best, weird/freakish/funny at worst. I had to get used to a lot of "ching chong Chinaman" comments when I was 9 or 10. Anyway, compounded with an adolescence that involved some acne, some weight fluctuations and body image issues, I've been struggling with what I believe are BDD-lke symptoms for almost my whole life.

The things that caught my eye were the fact that you feel incredibly ugly in photos, dissect your appearance in mirrors, and put a lot of faith in the fact that eventually with the right surgeon plastic surgery can change your life. I specifically suffer from a lot of fixated thought, repetitive thought patterns, etc., on those subjects, if I happen to get stuck in a rut.

I have a hard time knowing WHAT I look like as well...I just have no capacity to "understand" what my physical appearance is. I don't have a solid, grounded self-concept; my idea of my self is constantly wavering based on tiny outside stimuli, like comments, photos, catching a glimpse of myself in reflective surfaces, etc.

I personally hate the modern trend of slapping diagnoses and disease names on anything considered even slightly "abnormal." On the other hand, I think it's useful to honestly address tendencies and maybe seek help or support for them. You don't need to be full-on BDD to pursue some kind of professional support. I know that if I had insurance and hadn't had such a bad experience with my psych I'd be all over seeing a therapist, without worrying about having to label it BDD or not.



Anyway didn't mean to write you a mini-encyclopedia there, but thought I'd chip in.

 

[DazsGirl]

luvsic- Thanks for this post! I thought I was the only Asian that felt like this!

I completly understand where all this is coming from. The reason why I dont feel good enough is because we do live in America, the majority are white, people in the media, everyday people all look different from me. I grew up and still am living in Indiana, smack in the middle of all white people. I've never even had an Asian friend, nobody that looks like me or knows how I feel. I think the right thing to do is obviously accept ourselves, but its really difficult when the people around are are judgemental simply because I look different.

Its been a constant struggle with guys too, up until now (I currently have a boyfriend), they always wanted to use me and then move on to have a real relationship with a white girl. So is it because I'm Asian, the person they cant take home to? And then when guys tell me I'm goodlooking and I have a hard time accepting that because do they have fetishs or am I truly good looking? And my version of good looking means universal, accepted by everyone, not just Asians or not just whites.

Sometimes I look in the mirror and think I look great, and then when I go out, I get reminded how different I look. Weight has been a struggle with me too, I'm overweight for an Asian at 5'5 and 120 pounds, but hey at least I'm not flat chested!! (No offense to anyone)

Hang in there, you're not alone!

 

[Shanti]

I don't find Lena Fuji all that supergorge >_>
But the 3rd girl you posted is sooo freakin' pretty!! Who is she? She kinda looks like Yuna Ito, but more mix...

I personally think you're really lucky. Asian women tend to age very well. *is jealous of own mother because I will not have the same luck*
I think if you were brought up around more Asians you wouldn't feel this way...
Cuz this case kinda reminds me of my ex. He's full Asian but doesn't quite feel comfortable with it because he grew up with mainly Caucasians.
I agree with those who said to play around with makeup. Sometimes it helps a bit. Play with circle lenses and falsies, if you will. No surgery, very simple to do, and fun ^^
I'm sure you looks just fine, anyway.

 

[cyan]

Quote:

Originally Posted by luvsic I just want to show you guys the Asian girls I used to compare myself to. Thinking back on it, I compared myself to many more mixed Asian girls than white celebrities, for some odd reason. I just found them the most beautiful, as they looked both Caucasian and Asian. It's not like I find Asian necessarily ugly (I just thought I was), but to me these girls seemed like the prettiest :/ As you can see, these girls are all mixed or have undergone extensive plastic surgery to look the way they do. I am not entirely sure if ALL of them have had surgery, but a lot of them have. All are popular models or singers in their countries.

Hoooow dare you post a picture of Ayumi Hamasaki! She is the Queen of Plastic Surgery!

Anyways, us Eurasians are just like those of you with one race. We have our own traits and our own downfalls. We're normal people ... I hate how chipmunky my cheeks are and how I have a double chin no matter how skinny I am. However it's the way it is and something that I just have come to deal with.

Come to love yourself! I think college is a great place to really find who you are. Have you thought about joining an Asian or Chinese club?

 

[drinkngreentea]

I am Korean but adopted. My family is white and I've grown up "white-washed" some would say. When I was younger I always wanted to be white. I wanted blue eyes, blond hair, pale skin. But now that i'm growing up i'm realizing how beautiful asians really are. I do the facebook/myspace stalking thing but i only look for beautiful asians to compare myself to. I think it's because I used to associate beauty with other races other than my own, so when I do see a beautiful asian it's even more exciting for some reason... i'm strange.
But what i'm trying to say is no matter what race, age, or gender; everyone has trouble seeing the best qualities with in themselves. It's hard to do, but you need to focus on what makes you beautiful and unique. I still have trouble. I used to have eating problems/weight issues. I looked into getting fake light blue contacts.. (still want them though.. they are just soooo cool..). But I need to accept the fact that NO one is 100% perfect. But my boyfriend currently doesn't care if i'm a little chunky or if my skin isn't perfect. He loves me for who I am. If i were stuck up, vain, and just an all round horrible person, there's no way he'd be dating me...even if i were SUPER MODEL HOTTTT. Besides, it's all about the brains. I wish I had spent more time studying rather than doing my makeup (GASP!) and focusing on how I looked.
Best of luck. I hope you figure out how lovely you really are

 

[iCandy]

it's normal for all brown girls to try to look white..

We watch white movies
We see white girls who look great ( mostly because they're catered to )
We see ads that make white girls look super glamourous/sexy

I think white girls are gorgeous, but in a very different way than chinese girls, asian girls and arabian girls and of course us black girls.

Why can't we appreciate all shapes and forms of beauty? It's impossible.. only one can be the best and right now that's blonde blue eyed girls like Blake Lively who are pretty plain to most of us. I think they're gorgeous but the most beautiful to me have always been arabian/indian girls for some reason.. and then black girls ( dark skin ) and so on down the line.. that is just me.

But in a white world, of course white girls get #1 status.. what do you expect?? And because the rest of the world falls in line behind that.. we are all tryign to get our bodies, face, hair and features to LOOK like white girls.

Asian girls cutting their eyelids
Black girls doing weaves

It's got to stop but it won't until the races blend a bit more and we start having less white people.. this is the only solution.. don't think for a second that while they run sh*t, they won't make the decisions as far as who gets idolized. They run things.. we just get to decide whether or not we buy their bull or not.

Younger girls ( pre-teens) are especially gullible and trying so hard to be just like that white cheerleader in their school.. luckily for me I was a little militant and was rocking a fro even in junior high.. but not everyone is strong minded. Some of them never escape this deep-seated self-hate that they are dark skin.. just look at lil kim

 

[Tashona Helena]

^ Black girls getting weaves is a bad example of "black girls trying to be white" and I stand behind it always. I do my hair with weaves because I want to be different and I don't like doing my real hair. It was never trying to be white. And if you look at most weaves on youtube you will see that more than half of weave styles are something a Caucasian girl wouldn't wear typically. IMO, a Caucasian girl wouldn't wear wear rainbow short hair or half cut short or half long. Never seen them in braids/fishtail weaves like so either. And I have friends who are black who have naturally long hair, and know of girls who barely need a relaxer, their hair is just receptive to flat irons and can stay straight, and they are indeed black, no Caucasian lines in their family. Hair is just a way we express ourselves. I hope someone can feel me on this.

 

[User38]

I think your whole rant is pointless and really retrograde.

Nobody "runs" shit -- the world of economics and finance have a life of their own, and if anything the recent recession should prove that mismanagement is rampant and not confined to any race.

You sound like you are full of prejudice and sadly quite ignorant.

I am white, I am latina with mixed European backgrounds and I am also educated -- your stereotypes mean nothing except to inspire more senseless hatred. I have clients who are black, asian, latino and all mixes of races and nationalities.

I will repeat I find your post offensive and am only posting back to express my disgust.

 

[iheartmakeup412]

^^ I agree..none of it made sense it just sounded like pure ignorance. I am 100% black with long hair midway down my back and people always asume it's weave. My daughter who is also 100% black has hair that is 2 inch from her butt no relaxer and only needs a flat iron when she wants to wear it straight. Black women have long hair too so I don't see how getting a hair weave is trying to be white. There are alot of women of othe races including white that get hair weaves.

 

[3773519]

You know I was reading te beginning of this thread and I felt like she had taken what i feel and posted it up. I too have had image issues. for 1. Im Colombian and if anyone knows about Colombian women, we have a big thing about looking perfect...aaahheeem plastic surgery all the way...2. my mother used to compare me a lot of my cousin who was skinnier and light skinned. she had the straight hair and the brown eyes. I on the other hand am caramel skin tone, curly black hair and dark brown eyes and am very curvy.
3. My parents used to pay me to lose weight when i was little and since my sister was petite they'd paid her to gain weight. 4. for my 15th brithday my father gave me a year membership to Bally's(i weighed 110LBs) So i never felt happy with what i look like. And even after having a baby 4 yrs ago im killing myself with crazy detox's and looking into plastic surgery to look like this magazine girl i feel the need to look like.

I went to therapy because i truely need help. I have been falling into depressions forever about it and it doesnt make it any better on my relationships with men. Men want a confident woman and sometimes i can be but mainly im not.

I guess what i am doing now, is just telling myself every single day, its ok if ur not a 2 in pants anymore, so what ur a 6. you could look good at 6 and if i was to go back to 100 pounds i would probably look sick. As hard as it is for me to believe it, i try to not look into what others look like anymore and worry about being heathly.I figure im stuck with who i am and if i wanna look good i need to do something about it...so i workout and eat heathlier...

 

[luvsic]

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[jenniferever]

To be honest, my take of it is that you're not conforming to Western idea of beauty but Chinese idea of beauty. I know lots of Western guys that like the Asian look because they think its exotic and lots of Western women who think the black hair and porcelain complexion is really pretty.

I think its mostly Chinese people who have come to hate the slanty eyes and flat nose look. It's quite sad really....

 

[chocolategoddes]

Quote:

Originally Posted by luvsic ]377 - I know how you feel...I am sorry things had to be that way. I am sure you are beautiful. If it makes you feel any better, I am trying to look up to women with curves for my inspiration more, my current inspiration is JOAN HOLLOWAY from madmen! She makes having curves MAD hot

I've seriously had the biggest girl crush on her and her body since I saw her in this dress:

OMG! I want hips like her so fucking bad!!!


Sorry, that was a little OT.

 

[HeavenLeiBlu]

Quote:

Originally Posted by iCandy it's normal for all brown girls to try to look white..

Ain't shit normal about that. G-d forbid it should EVER be normal for anyone to make any type of effort to look like something they are not ( with the exception of acting,etc of course).

 

[luvsic]

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[iheartmakeup412]

Quote:

Originally Posted by luvsic Wait, I'm a little confused....were you guys offended by my original post..? Anyway, I didn't mean to offend anyone in anyway way, I was just saying how I felt. 377 - I know how you feel...I am sorry things had to be that way. I am sure you are beautiful. If it makes you feel any better, I am trying to look up to women with curves for my inspiration more, my current inspiration is JOAN HOLLOWAY from madmen! She makes having curves MAD hot

No I wasn't offended by your original post. Most women in some point in there life either felt the way you do or wanted to change somthing about there appearnce. I was offended by the poster who said brown skinned girls get weaves because they are trying to be white..

I'm happy you are beginning to see how beautiful you actually are and reallizing that beauty comes in all differant shapes, sizes, and colors. Confidence speaks volumes.