Long story inc: skip if you don't like novels
I had 5 miscarriages and my husband and I were looking into adoption when I got pregnant again. I was told that I couldn't have kids, so this was a surprise. I almost miscarried again at 10.5 weeks, but the ER staff saved my pregnancy. I had my first son two days after I turned 23. By that time I had been married for just over 3 years, and my relationship was stable. Finances were not the best, but I don't think anybody working an average job can ever be "ready" financially for having a baby. By the time I was 24 I'd had my second son. I'd stopped my career to be a stay at home mom, and while finances were tight I know I did the right thing at the time for my family.
A few years later it turns out that both of my kids ended up being diagnosed with mild autism. This was a major blow to my self esteem and my marriage, and we ended up divorcing a few years later from the fallout. When dealt with tragedy some couples just drift apart until they fall apart. My ex and I are on very stable terms now and we're talking about reconciling. My sons are now 9 (10 next month) and 11 years old.
Do I regret having my kids? I never will. I could have put kids aside for my career and never had to deal with autism or the resulting stress. Having my kids at that time was perfect for ME. The three of us are so close today, you cannot drive a wedge between my kids and I. Thanks to aggressive treatment from both the school's special education program and their pediatrician, they are as normal as they are going to get. You can stick them in a room full of other kids, and if you were going just by looks you couldn't tell them apart. Speech and social skills are still something we work on every day, and if that's the worst I have to deal with, I consider myself luckier than most of my peer mothers who have autistic children. Some Moms I know with autistic kids have never had their child look at them and say, "I love you". So yes, I consider myself VERY lucky because I hear that every day, several times a day.
If I could go back and do things different, would I? Probably not, except that I would have handled the aftermath of their diagnosis differently. Maybe then I wouldn't have gone through my divorce. But if somebody had told me before I had kids that there was a possibility that they would be afflicted with a disability, would I still have them? That's a possibility I don't think any mother is prepared for, and the only thing I can suggest before you try for another baby is that you know that you have a good support system with their father, your family, and friends before having a child just in case any surprises come up.
Only you can determine when you are ready, and I wouldn't really rely on age as the sole timer for having kids. One of my cousins waited until her career was stable, she had money in the bank, and now she's 42 and not sure if she can handle running after a toddler at her age. Life changes all the time, but wait a year or so to see where you're headed, and then make the decision after that. Jobs will change, living situations will change, but as long as you know what you want to do with your life and you have a plan to get there in place, then you can fit in having a child.
Best of luck to you
