Originally Posted by jenii
Honestly, the things I thought I wanted at 18, I found I didn't want when I had a chance to grow up a little. Having a baby is a decision you can't take back. I feel like your guilt is what's making you wanna jump into motherhood, and that's really not a good motivation to do it. Just wait, that's my advice. You and your boyfriend might not be together in a few years. I know you're sure he's "the one," but life rarely works out that way. We're sure of a LOT of things at that age, and most of it changes once we've grown and matured. Please give yourself a chance to grow and mature. Don't make life decisions yet, because you're still just a kid (no offense). I know I resented hearing that at your age, but hindsight is 20/20. I really WAS just a kid. |
| Originally Posted by Jeisenne
Long story inc: skip if you don't like novels
I had 5 miscarriages and my husband and I were looking into adoption when I got pregnant again. I was told that I couldn't have kids, so this was a surprise. I almost miscarried again at 10.5 weeks, but the ER staff saved my pregnancy. I had my first son two days after I turned 23. By that time I had been married for just over 3 years, and my relationship was stable. Finances were not the best, but I don't think anybody working an average job can ever be "ready" financially for having a baby. By the time I was 24 I'd had my second son. I'd stopped my career to be a stay at home mom, and while finances were tight I know I did the right thing at the time for my family. A few years later it turns out that both of my kids ended up being diagnosed with mild autism. This was a major blow to my self esteem and my marriage, and we ended up divorcing a few years later from the fallout. When dealt with tragedy some couples just drift apart until they fall apart. My ex and I are on very stable terms now and we're talking about reconciling. My sons are now 9 (10 next month) and 11 years old. Do I regret having my kids? I never will. I could have put kids aside for my career and never had to deal with autism or the resulting stress. Having my kids at that time was perfect for ME. The three of us are so close today, you cannot drive a wedge between my kids and I. Thanks to aggressive treatment from both the school's special education program and their pediatrician, they are as normal as they are going to get. You can stick them in a room full of other kids, and if you were going just by looks you couldn't tell them apart. Speech and social skills are still something we work on every day, and if that's the worst I have to deal with, I consider myself luckier than most of my peer mothers who have autistic children. Some Moms I know with autistic kids have never had their child look at them and say, "I love you". So yes, I consider myself VERY lucky because I hear that every day, several times a day. If I could go back and do things different, would I? Probably not, except that I would have handled the aftermath of their diagnosis differently. Maybe then I wouldn't have gone through my divorce. But if somebody had told me before I had kids that there was a possibility that they would be afflicted with a disability, would I still have them? That's a possibility I don't think any mother is prepared for, and the only thing I can suggest before you try for another baby is that you know that you have a good support system with their father, your family, and friends before having a child just in case any surprises come up. Only you can determine when you are ready, and I wouldn't really rely on age as the sole timer for having kids. One of my cousins waited until her career was stable, she had money in the bank, and now she's 42 and not sure if she can handle running after a toddler at her age. Life changes all the time, but wait a year or so to see where you're headed, and then make the decision after that. Jobs will change, living situations will change, but as long as you know what you want to do with your life and you have a plan to get there in place, then you can fit in having a child. Best of luck to you
|
| Originally Posted by landonsmother
I had my son at a young age. I got pregnant when i was 19 & gave birth when I was 20. Having a baby changes your life in ways you cannot imagine. You're no longer obligated to do what you want, when you want. Decision making gets harder because you need to look out for what's best for the child. If you're ready for a change, then I would say do it! Having a baby changes everything but being a parent is the best feeling in the world. I don't regret anything about having a baby at a young age. Watching my son grow & seeing him develope his own personality is amazing! I'm sure you'll love being a parent & i'm sure you'll be a great one too! |
| Originally Posted by Ms.Amaranthine
This is purely your decision. As a girl who got pregnant at 18, I can tell you now.. if you have a baby at your age, you'll be losing a lot of freedoms you have. I can't even get ready in the morning without having a toddler scream at me. You have another 20 years to have a family. I know about the urges to have a kid. I took care of my niece for a year when I was 16 and would cry over her not being mine. I wanted to be a mother so badly that it hurt. Once I realized I was too young and needed to live life, I got pregnant. I do not regret my decision, because my daughter has breathed new life into me.. but, for her sake, I do wish I had waited longer. She deserves a lot more than I am capable of giving to her right now. I went through bad post-partum depression. I missed being able to just go outside by myself and spend an hour looking at the stars. I couldn't do that when she was a newborn, because she required constant attention. The smallest of things in your life are changed by a child. Every aspect of your life is altered. My situation is different than yours would be, as I was a single mother for the first year of her life, but.. there would be some likeness too. I still struggle with it now, even though there's a man in my life who helps me financially and emotionally with the strain of being a parent. Michael and I can't even go out together without planning. I have to make sure I'll have a baby sitter, enough money to pay the sitter, et cetera. Recently, I had to go out of town for a week to get my boyfriend's stuff from his house (He lived in Kansas and moved here for me), and it took over a month of planning to just leave for those few days. I couldn't take her with me, because we were driving back. I had to wait for my mother to get time off work and that was a luxury, I would've had to find a sitter to stay home with her and pay them a fair bit of money otherwise. Before I had her, I up and left home all the time. There's no more room for spontaneity in my life. Also, It costs a lot to raise a baby. I'm trying to get through college now and raise her.. and it's very hard. What's worse is, I too have baby fever again and want another one. I'm putting my wants aside, because I know that it isn't time. Maybe in five years, but not right now. If you're wanting that badly, make a plan. Give yourself a list of things you need/want to do before you have a baby and have to come home every day and every night to take care of your family. If you like going out with friends, do that as much as you can while you can. The only time I see my friends anymore is when we have play dates. The only friends I have time to see are the ones that have babies. Enjoy your freedom and money. The way I look at it with my baby fever is, if it happens.. I won't be sad about it and I know I'm capable of being a good mother.. but I am not, in no way, trying to have a baby. I'm going to get the rest of my life together before I bring another child into the mix. |
