Bullying

[maclove1]

i seen on news a story that some people can have strong bo and not know it ,so i agree with the two comments .but if its not her b.o just let her know i will pray for her to stay stronge becouse the devil will try to mislead her from her studys its not about those rude girls its about her

 

[kittykit]

I can't believe how childish these 'future' lawyers are! These people need to grow up!

Your friend definitely should go to class tomorrow. She should let the school knows she's been bullied if these bunch of idiots won't leave her alone. That's not acceptable. They're doing LPC not in primary school.

 

[Beauty Mark]

The school probably has a policy on bullying and harassment. It might seem odd, but they must. In the US, if they're aware of issues like that, the administration does something about it. Besides possibly caring, if they choose not to handle the issue, they could be looking at bad publicity and/or a lawsuit.

I really believe that she should talk directly to the professor. If that doesn't work, go to the department head. She needs to keep working her way up until this matter gets settled.

As for why people bully? Insecurity a lot of the time. I think people feel godlike by making another person feel like shit. It's a shame that grown people need to do it, but they do. It may be that only one person really has some stupid issue with her, and the rest just follow along. Recently in my office, some girls decided they didn't like one of the male grad students (he did do some assy things, from what I heard), and they decided to be bitchy about everything with him, even dumb stuff like his wife showing up to see his presentation for class.

People are just awful sometimes.

 

[nunu]

I have asked her if she wants me to go with her but she said no, she's calmed down now and doesn't think about it. I think she got the hang that they are not worth it

Thank you all fo your support and advice!

 

[nunu]

Quote:

Originally Posted by florabundance Is there any chance that you could go with her? Maybe a bit early, and explain to the professors what happened. The thing is, my brother is studying for his LPC, and from the sounds of it, the student/teacher relationship is quite impersonal, because as you said, everybody's grown up (or so you'd think), and many are in employment. But that said, my cousin had a problem where girls (in her last year of uni) were being quite rude and generally bitchy towards her - not outrightly insulting her like these idiots, but treating her badly - and she spoke to her professor about it, and the problem got sorted out. I just find this genuinely sad and surprising

I'm sorry for your cousin! I had problems with a bunch of girls who used to be my "friends" on my last year of Uni, i thought to myself F this i'm not ruinning my last year of Uni because of them. So i just ignored them and cut them out of my life even though sometimes they used to do obvious things just to annoy me.
It is surprising because you would actually thnk that people in their 20's won't react as kids.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Beauty Mark The school probably has a policy on bullying and harassment. It might seem odd, but they must. In the US, if they're aware of issues like that, the administration does something about it. Besides possibly caring, if they choose not to handle the issue, they could be looking at bad publicity and/or a lawsuit. I really believe that she should talk directly to the professor. If that doesn't work, go to the department head. She needs to keep working her way up until this matter gets settled. As for why people bully? Insecurity a lot of the time. I think people feel godlike by making another person feel like shit. It's a shame that grown people need to do it, but they do. It may be that only one person really has some stupid issue with her, and the rest just follow along. Recently in my office, some girls decided they didn't like one of the male grad students (he did do some assy things, from what I heard), and they decided to be bitchy about everything with him, even dumb stuff like his wife showing up to see his presentation for class. People are just awful sometimes.

Thank you, i will talk to her and see what she says.
LOL at the girls in your offiice bitching about his wife showing up, that's childish.

 

[Willa]

Quote:

Originally Posted by nunu I have always wondered why do bullies bully? What do they achieve? Satisfaction? How do you achieve satisfaction by bringning someone else down and pick on them? Urghhh

From what I've learned (been bullied for years in school) it can be for many reasons. Jealousy, scare, snobism...

I was always the fat one, and when I was in school, there wasnt as much ''fat'' people than there is today, so I was the different one... Every occasion to call me fat this or that was good for them.

I'm still a big girl, but I've grown a big shell around me that doesnt let any of that type of comment touch me. These days when a situation like that happens, I just laught about it. THEY are scarred, THEY put themselves aside, THEY create all this madness, not me.

 

[User93]

Damn Nora, I thought that things were left in the highschool...

I think you should tell her that if people are bugging her, they feel some danger coming from her, like she is smarter, or studies better, so they try to put her down like that.

Also, In any big group there tend to be smaller ones, and since they all just met, people try to make themself look "cooler" and feel "safer" just by dodging the bulling to your unfortunate friend

It comes from their own insecurities. Im very sad she is going through this, and you too. Just tell her not to give a damn about them, bottom line she is there to get education, not to make friends, I bet she has enough already.

Im really scared for the future law system though now...

 

[vocaltest]

Did she go into today? What happened??

 

[Luceuk]

I hope it went ok for her yesterday

People like that really need to grow up, you don't expect that to happen at that age. There's no need to be awful and say hurtful things like that, it makes me so mad.

 

[nunu]

Quote:

Originally Posted by vocaltest Did she go into today? What happened??

Yes she did, she said it was tough. She did get some comments but just ignored them and stuck with her friends.

 

[Beauty Mark]

So she does have some friends there? That's good.

I think the more that she stands up to them (even if she isn't directly doing anything), the better off she is. But please, I urge you to have her talk to the professor. This kind of harassment can do really terrible damage to a person, and unfortunately, a "grown up" may have to intervene

 

[ohnna-lee]

Quote:

Originally Posted by nunu Yes she did, she said it was tough. She did get some comments but just ignored them and stuck with her friends.

They do have awesome lightweight digital recorders now. No, I do not play fair.

And imagine the shock and surprise when they hear their petty little hate nonsense being repeated back. No doubt in front of the head of the school.

 

[nunu]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Beauty Mark So she does have some friends there? That's good. I think the more that she stands up to them (even if she isn't directly doing anything), the better off she is. But please, I urge you to have her talk to the professor. This kind of harassment can do really terrible damage to a person, and unfortunately, a "grown up" may have to intervene

yes, she hangs out with 2 people from the same class, although they were the ones who said to her that these people are saying that you smell etc..i don't think they are good friends to her though because i think it's just a convience kind of friendship? I don't know how to explain it but what i am trying to say is that i don't think they value her as a friend.

I keep asking her about what happened and she just keeps giving me short answers. It's really frusterating because i really want to help.
Example:
me: How was college today?
her: ok, just ignored people.
me: anyone said anything.
her: just, whatever..
me: was it bad?
her: yes, tough. comments...

I really want to help but i feel that she isn't giving me details.

I don't know what else to do or say.

 

[Beauty Mark]

Until she wants to talk about it, all you can do is be there for that time.

They probably aren't her BFFs, but I've had great "work only" friendships with people who wouldn't allow people to treat me like that.

 

[nunu]

Now they are calling her by fish names, GREAT.

 

[Beauty Mark]

Your friend needs to go to the professor NOW. I believe especially at the level she is, they're supposed to conduct themselves as professionals.

 

[ohnna-lee]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Beauty Mark Your friend needs to go to the professor NOW. I believe especially at the level she is, they're supposed to conduct themselves as professionals.

They're all bottom feeders.

I'm telling you, it is jealousy. They see her as competition. She will have to fight this her entire career and it won't get any easier.


HUGE COMPLIMENT!!! HUGE!

 

[bebeflamand]

WOW! This brings back some bad memories.

Why is it that when you put a bunch of women together it almost always starts a cat fight? Why can't some ppl get over their jealousy of others?

I can't help but getting a bit angry, it is just so immature! Even 6-year olds behave better than that! I hope your friend hangs in there and finds a way to deal with those bullies.

 

[nunu]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Beauty Mark Your friend needs to go to the professor NOW. I believe especially at the level she is, they're supposed to conduct themselves as professionals.

I have asked her to do so but she doesn't want to talk about it with me. I'm giving her space and we just talk about other stuff but she's not the same

Quote:

Originally Posted by ohnna-lee They're all bottom feeders. I'm telling you, it is jealousy. They see her as competition. She will have to fight this her entire career and it won't get any easier. HUGE COMPLIMENT!!! HUGE!

Thank you for your support.

 

[florabundance]

Quote:

Originally Posted by nunu I have asked her to do so but she doesn't want to talk about it with me. I'm giving her space and we just talk about other stuff but she's not the same

Is she usually the suffer-in-silence type that doesn't really like crying and venting?
If she is, then just be there for her, make her feel special. Dress up and go out or do something that you know she enjoys, that makes her feel good.

If she isn't usually quiet about problems then that just proves how much this is affecting her. And you have to let her know that as much as you understand she doesn't want to talk about it, she's going to have to let someone know. Of course, nobody expects at such a mature age to have to "tell on" bullies...but realistically, when you remove bullying from the typical playground context, it becomes something so much more sinister.
I mean, the behaviour of children is excusable and subject to change, but adults making other adults uncomfortable and unhappy is just...unbelievable, you know?

Sometimes talking about being bullied can make you feel ashamed or weak, and asserting that you're allowing people to change your mindstate etc. is incredibly difficult....I just don't know what to say. I really hope things change for her very soon.