Can a man and woman EVER be JUST friends?

[Indian Barbie]

My best friend just told me he was in Love with me, as a result I was so touched because nobody had ever said that to me and we had a very intimate night together (but no sex).

I told him I couldn't be with him, it's too hard because I'm leaving the country in a month (not to mention he also has a fiance) and now he's not talking to me or responding to my texts, messages and avoiding me at work.

What do I do? I'm so heartbroken over it because I've just lost my best friend.

 

[user79]

Your best friend should not be planning to get married if he has such strong feelings about someone else!

Hopefully he will get over it and your friendship will survive.

But yes, it is possible, I've had male friends where the feeling of non-interest was mutual.

 

[zori]

I think it is possible to have a male friend as your best friend. I have a male best friend and we get along quite happily. We do love each other but we are not "in love" if you know what I mean.

Right now maybe you should give him some space as he may be feeling hurt and rejected. If he truly is your best friend then you guys would come around eventually.

Aside from that, he should really not be getting married if he is in love with someone other than his fiance.

 

[Beauty Mark]

To answer the subject question, yes. People are perfectly capable of not being sexually attracted to their friends of their preferred sex; otherwise, bisexuals would be the loneliest people on earth.

To answer the questions in your post, your best friend has some things he needs to get through. You rejecting him, what his feelings mean in relation to his ex... I would give it some time.

 

[red]

Quote:

Originally Posted by MissChievous Your best friend should not be planning to get married if he has such strong feelings about someone else!

I totally agree here. It worries me that he plans to go thru with the wedding, having strong feelings for another, yikes!

I will go against the flow here and say that given the right situation, anything can happen between a man and a woman. Even with someone you wouldn't dream of in a million years.

Platonic? what's that? When there is a man and a woman alone together, anything can happen ....

Ok you can beat me up now

 

[little teaser]

Quote:

Originally Posted by red I totally agree here. It worries me that he plans to go thru with the wedding, having strong feelings for another, yikes! I will go against the flow here and say that given the right situation, anything can happen between a man and a woman. Even with someone you wouldn't dream of in a million years. Platonic? what's that? When there is a man and a woman alone together, anything can happen .... Ok you can beat me up now

i totally agree^^^
i also think it is possible for a man and woman to be just friends as long as one or the other have zero attraction for the other.
i have never had it work for me seems like at some point the guy always trys to make a move so i feel if a guy is nice and trys to befriend me he has alternative motives..i could be wrong about some but i rather stay in safe waters and not take a chance.

 

[Simply Elegant]

I think it's definitely possible. I have male friends that I'd never hook up with or get into a relationship with and I'm pretty much positive that it'll stay that way.

 

[EmbalmerBabe]

Quote:

Originally Posted by MissChievous Your best friend should not be planning to get married if he has such strong feelings about someone else! Hopefully he will get over it and your friendship will survive. But yes, it is possible, I've had male friends where the feeling of non-interest was mutual.

I agree with you he probably should NOT be getting married if he is in love with the person he is NOT getting married too....hopefully he will have a long talk with his fiance out of respect for her.

My mom was telling me the other day that is is possible to be friends with a guy but somewhere down the line he will probably begin to develop romantic feelings for you and vice versa.

And lets face it guys want to have sex. A lot of them just don't want to be your "friend" they want to have sex. But this is NOT all ways the case of course.

Hopefully your friend talks to his fiance, and decides to remain your friend. After all you did nothing wrong, you just want to be his friend.
I am sure his feelings will be hurt a little but if he values your friendship he will respect your choices.

 

[Pascal]

I have a friend like that, we've been friends for 6 years and that's all we are but I feel like he loves me or is in love with and it gets on my nerves. I love him as a FRIEND, I care about him as a FRIEND, and sometimes he asks me dumb questions like " hey Pascal when are we getting married?", and I'm like " oh hell no man, you can move it on down the road" he makes me mad I will never be with his ass.

Your friend sounds like a pain in the ass just because he didn't get his way, if he can't have you for himself, he should be glad to just be friends with you, and still have communication with him, but now he's pulling that lame shit with not responding to you, tell him to move it on down the road, and keep your head up don't let his ass effect your happiness.

 

[aziajs]

Quote:

Originally Posted by little teaser i also think it is possible for a man and woman to be just friends as long as one or the other have zero attraction for the other.

I agree. I think that men and women can be "just friends" if at least one of the them is not interested. It just seems that at some point down the road one of the people develops feelings.

I have a friend who would sleep with me if given the chance. But I am not interested so nothing has ever happened...and it's been like 8 years. LOL. I will say that with him it's ego, he just likes the challenge.

 

[mzcelaneous]

A lot of my friends are of the opposite sex and one my best friends is a guy so of course I think a girl and guy could have a perfectly platonic relationship. I mean, yea I've had guy friends who wanted "more" than just a friendship but I have even more guy friends who have zero interest in hooking up with me as well.

In regards to your best friend...I agree with the previous posters. Just give him time alone and just cool it for now.

 

[MissMarley]

My best friend is a guy. And I'm married and he's single. It's a situation a lot of people would warn against. I love him with every inch of my being, but I wouldn't want to be with him in a million years. He feels the same. He's my Anam Cara- friend of my soul. It's a relationship that has nothing to do with sex or romance. I believe I've known him all my life, although we've only been friends for three years. It's a relationship my boyfriend (who I then married) had to learn to deal with, and the girls he dates have to deal with. Neither one of us will ever give the other up. After my relationship with God, and with my husband, my relationship with Nathanael is the most important in my life. It is a blessing.

 

[SHARKIA]

Kind Of!!! I Have Learned My Lesson And You Never Date You Best Friend. Me And My Best Friend From High School Were The Best Of Friends Dated 3-4 Years During The Course Bad Things Happen We Broke Up. And It Has Just Now Gotten To The Point That We Are Friends Again..so Good Luck I Hope That One Day You Guys Will Become Friends Again

 

[Ms. Z]

I always thought that men & women could be platonic friends, hey, I had a few to prove it, or so I believed

. Years later I have heard differently from the men.

After about 6 years of friendship, one of them was upset when I got engaged, quite upset he said to me "Oh, so I had to be old to be with you" (we are still friends now, he knows that I have never had any romantic feelings for him; he too now sees me as a sister which is great because he has been a better brother to me than any of my blood relatives). This is now a friend I have had for about 15 years, we have talked about this friendship thing, and he says that its only possible if neither is attracted to the other.

Another friend admitted to me about 4 years after we met that he would like to date me (we met at work and he knew my boyfriend, who by the way also worked with us). He was a great guy, but just that a guy...he was 8 years my junior, undateable in my book. He admitted that one of the reasons he stuck around for so long was to hopefully hook up w/me when I became single again. We are no longer friends, not my choice, but because the girlfriend he met less than a year later was not comfortable w/our friendship.

One guy left me stunned, I also met him at work; he admitted that he was in love w/me and left me speechless, he's married! Yeah, he claimed he would like to leave his wife for me, but I'm no homewrecker. I told him I could only offer my friendship, he said that he could not because he can't be friends w/a woman he's attracted to. I pointed out that he has another female friend at the office, so why can't we just be friends? His reply, he said she is ugly.

I am in agreement with what others here have posted (plus because men have told me), a male & female can only be platonic friends if their is no physical attraction.

 

[MissMarley]

I agree with the post above. I think my best friend is handsome...but attractive? Geez, the guy has had explosive diarrhea in my bathroom (which is my sanctuary)...hell no! And he thinks I'm pretty...but I'm also waayyyy more neurotic and moody than the kind of girl he wants to be with. I really irritate the hell out of him with my issues. We made sure we had boundaries too, so it wouldn't upset my husband- we're careful about what we do together. So, definitely no attraction here.

 

[MxAxC-_ATTACK]

i agree with only if there is absolutely NO attraction what so ever. and that there never WAS any attraction there. My first boyfriend ever, I was 13 and we only dated a few short months. well maybe a year total . we did some breaking up.I stayed pretty good friends with him until I was about 18 He would invite me to go places with Him and his new girlfriend.. all the time.. he would invite me over to her house and now that I think about it.. THAT is weird. well He went overseas for schooling, and during that time his girlfriend just dropped him like an old shoe. He promptly came back to the states, Invited me to dinner and totally vented, was really upset . I considered him one of my best friends. Until the next day when He showed up at my house at Freaking 7 AM wanting sex. ew. no. I was a virgin then and wasn't about to give it up to him! and he kept making all these weird moves on me telling me how He was "meant to be my first " I felt awful.He was using me as rebound. I have seen him once since then..It was a short hug and a tiny bit of chatting.. I felt nervous inside.. Like i wanted to run away. It was an awful feeling. I dont have any guy friends now that arent friends with my boyfriend also. The whole situation made me uncomfortable with myself being friends with a guy. I am not saying it cant happen because I know plenty of people have platonic relationships with the opposite sex without issue. Its just no longer for me.

 

[Urbana]

i cant believe it, all or nothing!! so not fair!
hes not being fair and i think he is the one who looses a good friend, you.

i hate all this too. i met this wonderfull guy and we have a lot in common, but he kind of told me if he werent in a relationship he would like me. so now that he has some feeling hes stopping talking to me!! i dont want nothing from him, just friendship, but there you see it, i lost him!! shame

 

[Beauty Mark]

Quote:

and that there never WAS any attraction there.

I don't agree. Sometimes, exes get along like BFFs. I don't know how they do it, but they have wonderful friendships, though they were attracted to the person to begin with.

 

[MxAxC-_ATTACK]

I kind of think there might always be a small attraction there. I dunno

 

[little teaser]

Quote:

Originally Posted by MxAxC-_ATTACK I kind of think there might always be a small attraction there. I dunno

i agree. seems like ex'es always try to get back in your pants