Can a man and woman EVER be JUST friends?

[MxAxC-_ATTACK]

Quote:

Originally Posted by little teaser i agree. seems like ex'es always try to get back in your pants

Its true ! haha what the heck is that all about.

 

[kaliraksha]

Judgement aside on what your friend should and should not be saying in his current love state- sure, I think a man and a woman can JUST be friends, however I believe it's a conscious effort to remain that way at times. I think it's difficult to be alone, or upset with your significant other or spending so much time with the friend that sometimes you will feel attraction, but you choose to be friends foremost and ignore the attraction, the comfort and the simplicity. Not to say that it doesn't always work out- I'm engaged to my best friend and so far things have worked out for 5 years. We started talking when I was dating someone else and we were fierce fierce friends first with not other intentions. It was a struggle at times- he was alone and had a crush on me and never acted on it and I would be upset in my current relationship and have his comfort but never acted on it.

I think there is always at least one moment in every relationship where you wonder about being with that other person- it's human nature to compare and try to find the best mate for yourself.

 

[Zombygrl]

I think that in a female/male friendship there's always one person who wants more than just a friendship.

I've pretty much always experienced this..the only time I haven't is from my best guy friend who happens to be gay. lol

 

[Raerae]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Zombygrl I think that in a female/male friendship there's always one person who wants more than just a friendship. I've pretty much always experienced this..the only time I haven't is from my best guy friend who happens to be gay. lol

I totally agree.

I think women can be friends with guys, but i dont think a man can be just friends with a girl. At least thats my expierence anyways. Even if they are great friends, I truly believe that deep down, they want more than just a friendship.

 

[Krasevayadancer]

I had a situation in which my male best friend all of a sudden cut me off too, and it definitely left me confused and very upset. He later told me it was because he had feelings for me, but I have a boyfriend so he saw it as hopeless. The way my boyfriend explained it to me was this: once a guy friend becomes really interested-he no longer sees u as his friend, but as an object of desire and strong feelings. When he is rejected he can't deal with seeing you so he cuts u off- though at that point its like cutting off a crush and not a friend. I guess that would make sense :/

 

[MisStarrlight]

Ugh, I wish they could.

I have more examples than I can count of reasons that men & women cannot be just friends. The hardest example being when my best friend admitted that he loved me in high school. I told him that I was flattered & that I loved him, but was not in love with him. Truthfully I was soooo mad at him for telling me that (at the point I was on a crusade to prove that girls and boys really could just be friends). We got over it & remained friends for years, but then we started casually seeing each other....and then he found out his ex was pregnant & he cut me out of his life. He's trying to step up & be the good father he never had & couldn't handle our mutual feelings for each other...I still love him more than anything & I'm pretty sure that he feels the same way.

I have tons of friends that are male, but unfortunately every one of them has hit on me in some form during our friendship...I dunno if it's something that I am doing (am I giving the wrong signals or something?), but if they have a penis (and don't date other men) I have not been able to have a true friendship with any of them...the only exception to this is boyfriends of my friends-they all seem to know better than to mess with me & my (girl)friends like that.

 

[lipstickandhate]

Ugh. Unfortunately, in my experience, no men and women cannot "just be friends." I can be platonic friends after a) I've become involved and realized it can't work; b) I've expressed interest and been shut down and that's that or c) they've expressed interest, I've said no and that's that. For me its always been about attraction.

That said, I'm sure someone, somewhere can have a platonic male-female relationship. I also think, however, there are a lot of people who claim they have one and actually don't- they're interested or the other party is interested and its the 800 lb. gorilla in the room.

 

[kaliraksha]

Yeah I'm a bit shocked at our social circle currently- one of our girlfriends recently broke up with her bf and her best guy friend is seriously trying to get her into bed.

 

[jenii]

My best friend is a dude. Of course it's possible. I've had many male friends that were just that-- friends. Not every friendship between a man and a woman has to have romantic potential. It can just be platonic. Familial, even. My best friend and I are basically like twins.

So, yeah. Speaking from experience, it's very possible for a man and woman to just be friends. I don't view it as being any different from any other kind of friendship.

 

[Raerae]

Quote:

Originally Posted by jenii My best friend is a dude. Of course it's possible. I've had many male friends that were just that-- friends. Not every friendship between a man and a woman has to have romantic potential. It can just be platonic. Familial, even. My best friend and I are basically like twins. So, yeah. Speaking from experience, it's very possible for a man and woman to just be friends. I don't view it as being any different from any other kind of friendship.

To bad you can't hear how he talks about you when he's with all his guy friends heh.

 

[jenii]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Raerae To bad you can't hear how he talks about you when he's with all his guy friends heh.

That was kind of uncalled-for.

But, whatever, I get why some people might not believe it.

 

[Raerae]

Quote:

Originally Posted by jenii That was kind of uncalled-for. But, whatever, I get why some people might not believe it.

I think it's perfectly possible for a girl to have a platonic relationship with a man. But I truly do believe that deep down, every man given the chance, would hook up with his female friends. I mean c'mon, I know you've caught your guy friends (even your best ones) looking at your boobs =p I really just dont think they can just, "turn off" the attraction. What do you think he's thinking about when he does that?

I dont personally have any BFF's that are guys. I just dont see how we would have anything in common. It's not like I can talk to them about things like who's hot, embarassing moments with guys, things I done with men that I'm not proud of, etc. Secrets that only my best friends know, and that I really wouldn't want any of the guys I know, knowing. Not to mention talking about other really important things like BC/Pregnancy and the hopes, wishes, and fears that I have regarding that. Silly things like feeling bloated, or being bitchy because of my period. Or like how I'm excited about getting to help my Mom with the flower arrangements for her house, because I've always wanted her to teach me. Plus we get to spend the day going to all the really neat silk flower shops and interior design stores to pick out materials. I guess maybe if you were more into things that boys like to do you might have more in common, but there are still just things you don't about with men, no matter how close you are. Add in what I said in the first paragraph, and it's like mixing oil and water.

 

[Shimmer]

just because you WOULD sleep with a friend doesn't mean you're GOING to.
The difference is the active level of pursuit.
It's entirely possible to be friends with someone of the opposite gender, whilst acknowledging that it'd be possible to sleep together. It's a matter of whether one actively pursues the other that determines whether the relationship can be platonic or not.
I've several male friends I would have slept with at one point in time, but I'm not going to pursue it. They'd still sleep with me, but they don't pursue it.
Therefore, it's all well and good.
Just because you acknowledge that his parts will fit w/yours and vice versa doesn't change the fact that friendship is possible.

 

[Raerae]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Shimmer I've several male friends I would have slept with at one point in time, but I'm not going to pursue it. They'd still sleep with me, but they don't pursue it.

I think it also depends a lot on the type of person you are, and the interests that you have. You are more into activities and the like that allow you to have common interests with guys outside of just a sexual attraction. Wheras that's not always the case for some women. I think like anything, YMMV. For some, it could be possible, for others not. Which is why we get the difference in opinions.

 

[Shimmer]

But by conceding that it's possible for some women to do it, the concession must also be made that the answer to the original question, "Can a man and woman EVER be JUST friends?" is yes.
Granted, individual situations vary, but that's life on the whole.

 

[Raerae]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Shimmer But by conceding that it's possible for some women to do it, the concession must also be made that the answer to the original question, "Can a man and woman EVER be JUST friends?" is yes. Granted, individual situations vary, but that's life on the whole.

At least until one of them makes a move =p

 

[Shimmer]

there's no guarantee that would ever happen.

 

[Eilinoir]

My only main response would be that we never really know.
I mean, everyone has their friendships for months or years and that is just fantastic. But what we feel, see, or experience and judge to be true may in fact not be the case with the other party. This is not to say everyone's non-SO male and female friends are all dishonest but I'm pretty sure there are more than you would expect who could say otherwise than what's been said here in this thread. I know I'm not the only one who's kept up a wall and denied things to protect my own pride and feelings, not to mention considering the feelings and situation of the other person (or people) and the friendship we share.

I'm a pessimist at heart

 

[snowflakelashes]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Raerae I totally agree. I think women can be friends with guys, but i dont think a man can be just friends with a girl. At least thats my expierence anyways. Even if they are great friends, I truly believe that deep down, they want more than just a friendship.

See I think they can, maybe I've just experienced that because I'm supremely unnatractive? But my pretty friends have also had long term friendships with guy that never crossed any lines. Dunno.. then again I have other girlfriends who seem incapable of spending time with men without it becoming sexual... I think Its about compartimentalizing though which not everyone seems to be capable of doing, some people feel and attraction and can't resist acting on it. Others probably feel it in passing, ignore it and move on for the sake of deeper intellectual and emotional connections.

 

[seonmi]

Oh, I'm sorry. I hope he'll get over it.
I don't think I have any best friends that are males, except gays or at least metrosexual

But I have casual to good male friends, though. To me, it's just so hard to be so close to a guy without something happening (either from me or from the other party). I find it redundant to have a best friend who is male while having a bf because my bf already does the role of the best male friend thing. Anyway, it's just me.