'Casual Encounters' Craig's List

[Beauty Mark]

A friend of mine wants to lose her virginity through one of those. She has no religious or moral reasons why she is one still, but- it seems a little shady to me. I don't put much stock into being a virgin or not, but I am always a little sketched out by Craig's List personal ads.

Should I not say anything or say that I think she shouldn't?

 

[lemurian]

Oh my gosh. I'm not terribly religious or super-moral or anything either, but I think there is overwhelming evidence to support the fact that most people regret losing their virginity on a whim. Furthermore, to ask a total stranger to.. she's just cruising for a bruising, and not just an emotional one. Please stop her!

 

[Dreamergirl3]

Quote:

Originally Posted by lemurian Oh my gosh. I'm not terribly religious or super-moral or anything either, but I think there is overwhelming evidence to support the fact that most people regret losing their virginity on a whim. Furthermore, to ask a total stranger to.. she's just cruising for a bruising, and not just an emotional one. Please stop her!

I agree completely.

 

[Shimmer]

It's her business, but if you offer your opinion once (and only once) there's nothing wrong with that, IMO.

 

[MAC_Pixie04]

^^I'd offer it more than once. That's a very dangerous thing to do, if she's advertising that she's ready to lose her virginity. A lot of internet predators thrive on things like that, on CL and Myspace. She could get herself into a lot of trouble. Someone might seem nice, but just a few ways down the road, dark clouds may start to form and she could find herself the victim of a sexual or physical assault. And people carry diseases, and I hope your friend realizes the danger she could put herself in by advertising herself that way.

I've met people off of CL before. In a public place, always at daytime, and I never let them pick me up, drop me off, or walk me to my car afterwards. Until you have several PUBLIC meetings with someone you meet online or through a friend or dating service, you really shouldn't be taking to to an intimate level, because you aren't able to establish trust with someone after just one or two meetings.

 

[Shimmer]

I see what you're saying but you're not her mother, nor her caretaker. Nagging (as it would be perceived) someone about doing something or not doing it will inevitably drive them away from your intention.

But that's only my experience in dealing with people.

 

[als1626]

How old are you and your friend?

If you or she are living at home and are minors.... I really do think someone in a position of authority should be made aware of what's going on. If her parents aren't abusive and are people she can talk to, maybe talk to them, if not, a counselor in your school or a clergy member or whomever you feel you can trust. Doing this is incredibly dangerous especially for a minor, and if she's truly your friend, she'll eventually understand why you did it, even if she's mad at you now.

If you're both adults, this is *still* incredibly dangerous, I think you need to give her your opinion, several times if necessary, but in the end she's going to do what she's going to do. If you want her to really see the kind of people she's "advertising" to, tell her about some of the things that have been going on with vigilantes "exposing" people on CL - http://www.waxy.org/archive/2006/09/08/sex_bait.shtml . That might make her think twice.

Also, I have to agree with the people who say that even if she isn't physically harmed this is something she will probably regret after she has done it. I know plenty of people who "lost it" by getting drunk and hooking up with random guys, and none of them are happy that they did so.

 

[Raerae]

Quote:

Originally Posted by als1626 Also, I have to agree with the people who say that even if she isn't physically harmed this is something she will probably regret after she has done it. I know plenty of people who "lost it" by getting drunk and hooking up with random guys, and none of them are happy that they did so.

I gave up my v-card that way... I didn't plan on it, it just kinda happened...

I dunno if I regret it or not. Was it my most memorable encounter? No. Was it the worst I've ever had? No.

I think this whole idea that losing your virginity is something special is kinda silly though. It's just a huge setup for disapointment considering that even if you do give it to your boyfriend/husband/whatever, there is no guarentee that it's going to be any better or worse than giving it to RandomGuy01. Especially if your young. I know friends who gave it to BF's who they totally hate now, and regret giving it to them. As well as some who are happy they had a "special" moment with someone they loved. YMMV.

I do however think there are much better and safer ways to get laid for the first time, than craigs list. Craigs list is so gross. And i do agree with the people above that it's def not the way I would recommend going about losing your V card. Advertising as a virgin, minor or not, is opening way to many door with way to many CREEPY people. There are a lot easier ways to get laid than posting a personal ad.

The other thing is...

Whats her rush to lose her virginity? Just cuz everyone else isn't a virgin anymore? It's hardly anything amazing to not be a virgin. Sure you can talk about having sex with your friends, and likes and dislikes, but overall it's not that special. I know I sure didn't wake up the next morning and feel like a whole diff person =P

 

[Raerae]

Quote:

Originally Posted by als1626 How old are you and your friend? If you or she are living at home and are minors.... I really do think someone in a position of authority should be made aware of what's going on. If her parents aren't abusive and are people she can talk to, maybe talk to them, if not, a counselor in your school or a clergy member or whomever you feel you can trust. Doing this is incredibly dangerous especially for a minor, and if she's truly your friend, she'll eventually understand why you did it, even if she's mad at you now.

I dont think she needs to go blab to parents, clergy, school whatever, that her friend is talking about losing her V card. EVen if she is a minor, getting laid for the first time is always a topic of discussion when your young.

I do think as a friend she shouldn't try to change her mind about losing her V card, but she should try to suggest alternative and safer methods of going about this (including reminding her there isn't any rush). There is nothing wrong with wanting to get laid in your teens. The only thing creepy about it, is her idea about placing a personal ad for a random one night stand. And of course reminding her to make sure her and her partner use protection.

 

[Beauty Mark]

We're in our 20s, which is why I think she's so interested. Pretty much she's the only virgin in our group.

 

[lemurian]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Beauty Mark We're in our 20s, which is why I think she's so interested. Pretty much she's the only virgin in our group.

If she's worthy of your friendship, then she's worthy of someone's sincere affection. There is nothing wrong with wanting to have sex, even casual sex, but ADVERTISING that you want some stranger to pop your cherry is dangerous. I think your friend is naive for thinking it'll be "okay" to hook up with some random stranger. There are so many possible hazards involved that I don't even know where to begin! There is no shortage of men willing to have sex with a woman, virgin or not, ugly or not, etc., etc. Shop around! Get to know someone! Why doesn't she just try.. you know.. dating? Match.com or something! Anything but craigslist, jeez. Have some self respect!

Sorry if that sounds harsh, and no disrespect intended

Just my two cents!

 

[Raerae]

I can totally understand not wanting to be a Virgin in your 20's...

Sex is a hot topic of discussion, and if you dont have any firsthand expierence in the subject, your going to be curious. Isn't that what motivated all of us to get laid for the first time? We wanted to know what it felt like. I know I did. Especially after hearing what older friends of mine had done with their boyfriends. Even knowing all that, I still waited till I was 18. Not by choice, the moment just didn't happen until then.

Realistically since your in your 20's... Just go to a bar/club...

It's really not that hard to find a man interested in sex =P And she's going to feel a LOT more comfortable than answering the door to a complete stranger. Not to mention it's a lot safer.

Go out, get some drinks, meet some guys, make out on the back patio of the club, and take him home lol...

 

[Raerae]

Quote:

Originally Posted by lemurian If she's worthy of your friendship, then she's worthy of someone's sincere affection. There is nothing wrong with wanting to have sex, even casual sex, but ADVERTISING that you want some stranger to pop your cherry is dangerous. I think your friend is naive for thinking it'll be "okay" to hook up with some random stranger. There are so many possible hazards involved that I don't even know where to begin! There is no shortage of men willing to have sex with a woman, virgin or not, ugly or not, etc., etc. Shop around! Get to know someone! Why doesn't she just try.. you know.. dating? Match.com or something! Anything but craigslist, jeez. Have some self respect! Sorry if that sounds harsh, and no disrespect intended Just my two cents!

I totally agree with this... The only thing wrong with her approach, is advertising on Craig's list. Please dont let her do this. There are a million other ways that are just as effective, and a lot safer than what she's thinking about doing.

 

[kimmy]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Shimmer It's her business, but if you offer your opinion once (and only once) there's nothing wrong with that, IMO.

ITA with Shimmer on this. if she really wants to go through with it, it's her own business. but, as a friend it would be good of you to offer your opinion, but don't make it a point to talk her out of it.

it probably isn't a good idea. there is alot of danger involved with meeting someone online...if you can meet them in a public place, it takes away some of the danger...but if they're planning on having sex, they can't meet in a public place, obviously. maybe she didn't think of that, so you might point that out to her. that alone may change her mind.

 

[Bernadette]

I think it sounds like the worst idea ever, not to mention insanely dangerous.
I know I take physical relations a lot more seriously than the average person but I really think she will regret this. I think a lot of people end up regretting their first time or the person it was with, I know I do, but this seems like it will kind of guarantee that. Mostly though, I would be concerned with her safety. You never know what people are capable of. Not to mention the risk of STD's. I'm sure she will use protection but can't you still catch the herp with protection?
I would sit her down and have a sincere talk with her about this situation and possible concerns. If she still wants to go through with it at least you know you've done what you could do.
I hope she's safe!

 

[lemurian]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Bernadette I'm sure she will use protection but can't you still catch the herp with protection?

You totally can. And crabs. And scabies. And warts. The prospects make ME totally HOTTTTT!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

[Raerae]

I highly recommend you recommend whoever she finds on craig's list to wear a full body condom =P Can't be too cautious with craigs listers!

 

[Beauty Mark]

Quote:

If she's worthy of your friendship, then she's worthy of someone's sincere affection. There is nothing wrong with wanting to have sex, even casual sex, but ADVERTISING that you want some stranger to pop your cherry is dangerous. I think your friend is naive for thinking it'll be "okay" to hook up with some random stranger. There are so many possible hazards involved that I don't even know where to begin! There is no shortage of men willing to have sex with a woman, virgin or not, ugly or not, etc., etc. Shop around! Get to know someone! Why doesn't she just try.. you know.. dating? Match.com or something! Anything but craigslist, jeez. Have some self respect! Sorry if that sounds harsh, and no disrespect intended Just my two cents!

I haven't talked to her about it yet, but she claims that she's too busy to date. I perused the Craig's List ads out of sheer curiosity today, and it's filled with the sketchiest people on earth. I'll definitely talk to her about it.

I think stress is getting to her, plus wanting to be an 'adult', but I really think this is the dumbest idea. ITA that if she just wants sex, she may as well go to a bar or club and find someone. Not that that isn't dangerous, but it seems less dangerous.

 

[lemurian]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Beauty Mark I haven't talked to her about it yet, but she claims that she's too busy to date. I perused the Craig's List ads out of sheer curiosity today, and it's filled with the sketchiest people on earth. I'll definitely talk to her about it. I think stress is getting to her, plus wanting to be an 'adult', but I really think this is the dumbest idea. ITA that if she just wants sex, she may as well go to a bar or club and find someone. Not that that isn't dangerous, but it seems less dangerous.

No one is too busy for sex. In the most unfortunate (or fortunate, depending on how you look at it) circumstances it takes mere seconds! What is she doing that keeps her busy? Are there no men involved? I'm not trying to be critical, I'm all for getting this girl laid, just relatively safely

 

[Bernadette]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Raerae I highly recommend you recommend whoever she finds on craig's list to wear a full body condom =P Can't be too cautious with craigs listers!

Seriously! Raerae I love your posts