Drug Problem

[SonRisa]

Have you ever had a close friend who had a problem with drugs? Or have you, yourself? How did you deal with it? Over the past 8 months or so, I learned one my best friends was doing coke. Now, I'm not a prude, nor naive, I know it happens. Some people do this (along with other things) maybe twice a year when they party - not safe by any means, but it happens and it's not seen as a big deal. Well, when I first learned of it, I was blown away (no pun intended). My group of friends always grew up smoking weed (it's pretty much legal here in SF) and I've worked in clubs, so I'm no stranger to that scene. But being around people doing coke, ecstacy etc has always bothered me. Now I feel as if it's to a point where she's addicted. She claims she isn't, and that it's not bad, weed is worse, I need to check my facts (blah blah blah). I'm not looking to end my 10 year+ friendship with this girl, but I don't wanna be around that shit. Last night in the time span of 1 hour, I "walked in" on her doing it twice. In past arguements with her, she claims she needs it to sober up. WTF? My ex, who at one point used to sell it, told me that it does indeed "sober" a drunk person up, which is why many people take it. During that specific arguement, I told her to just eat and that she'd sober up. Her excuse was that while yes, that was true, eating would not only make her gain weight (only thing open at this hour was Jack in the Box), but it would also make her tired. She *needed* coke. I pointed out that the fact that she used the term "need", proved she was addicted. I'm just at a loss about what to do. I'm trying not to be judgemental but the other thing that bothers me is that she has a an almost 2 year old son. My personal opinion is that all major drug use should cease once you have children. What happens to them if you OD? I guess it's also a touchy subject because I never met my grandfather - he oded on heroin when my mom was 17 - died in her arms . . . I guess what I'm asking it what would you do? What have you done (if ever in this position)?

 

[kiwicleopatra]

I'd stage an intervention. I've done one so far and it thankfully went as well as it could have. She got really pissed at us (we flushed her stash) but a month later she started talking to us again. She's never actually said thank you (because that would be admiting that we were right and she's never been able to do that lol) but she says it in looks and actions. I know we did the right thing and am thankful that we caught it in time. Could have been a lot worse.

Good luck, and I hope everything turns out ok

 

[breathless]

wow. this isnt a good subject for me to talk upon. i've never been in this situation. but, i'll try my best at telling you what i'd do.
i'd tell her to find immediate help. if she doesnt want to, then the friendship will be over. she obviously cares more for herself and her coke then friendship. but hey. i might be wrong. ooh man. i'm definately no good at this. i hope things get worked out!

 

[Juneplum]

oh wow.. well, i haven't had to deal with anything like this, but i agree with kiwicleopatra about and intervention. just the fact that she says she "needs" it, is very scary. she has to realize there is a small child involved and she has got to live better for him, AND herself! u have been a long time friends of hers, so she must trust you. i personally would approach her family, significant other, close friends and do the intervention. consult with an addicts gropu to find out the best way to approach it so you can get as much info on how it worsk beforehand. maybe a counselor could even be with you guys when it's done. it is going to be HARD! i watched that show intervention on TV and it is no joke.. serious serious stuff. in the beginning she WILL hate you all for it, but u know what, a TRUE friend (you) that cares about her will do her MUCH better in the long run than coke ever will. good luck with that risa. gawd that's a tough one.. keep us posted on her please..

 

[MACgirl]

wow risa that soem stuff, the fact that you dont want to end the ten year freindship means that this girl must really be a good friend aside from her addiction, i mean we arent all perfect. My fiance smokes weed but thats it, i told him not to do any other drugs or i would be gone, its jsut drugs seem low to me (not to say im above anyone), i jsut wouldnt do them, anyway liek said above an intervention (one with you and another person she cares about) would let her know it is a serious problem and its soemthing that bothers the both of you. She then should coem down to senses. Coke is a very scary drug, i had a friend who did it and she would get angry when itold her what it could do, i always wondered why she did it, she never wanted to speak about why, but then i found out thru a friend that she did it to escape tyhe reality of life, funny thing is her life was normal, wehich brings my point to is thier something that is makeing her really stress? find that out and you will help her alot more. Another confeession is that (i cant bleive im saying this but i love you girls here and i confide in yall.) my sister earlier this year was rushed ot the hospitol beucase her heart was beating waaay too fast and she could go into a heart attqack any moment, of course upon hearing this i i broke down and wondered why? all of my family was told that she was stresses with work aand her move to vegas with her fiance and 4 year old son. Well about 3 wks later she moved i nwith me and mom and my other sister till her move to vegas, well one night we werer in our jacuzzi having a sister talk when she startted to say she needed to tell me soemtihng (somehow from a fmaily of nine, mom and dad included, everyoen comes to me to tell me stuff lol) so i stiffened up i was hoping the worst ready to cry, and she let otu that the reaso nshe was taken to the hospitol was becuase that night she had done excstacy with her "friends" and i was shocked i knew she did weed but thats it, i was liek omg, and she looked me striaght i nthe face and said DO NOT EVER DO IT!! she said its so scary and she wasnt ever gonig to do another drug except weed, she felt lie kshe was going to die....it scared me to think my sister couldve died from a drug.....i brought this up becuase im sorry to hear about your granfather and do not want this to happen to your friend (not saying it will but drugs are very mysterious things). good luck risa...were here for you

 

[Eye<3Colour]

good luck girl...

and weed is as just as much as a drug as coke is. drugs are drugs and weed shouldn't be left out of that catagory. im sorry but i get annoyed when people think weed is ok, but anything else than that isn't.

i honestly dont think shes going to give it up until she's ready to. i did xtc for 3 years and i loved it. people never thought i would stop. but there comes a time when you relize enough is enough. if shes smart she will do it before something bad happens. good luck risa, i wish u the best.

 

[AlliSwan]

God, reading your story just made me break down in tears because I went through this my junior year of high school with my best friend. Just like you, I didn't want to end the friendship, but I didn't voice my distaste for the drugs enough, and we're no longer friends. This girl was my fucking soulmate, we were so close for YEARS and she just understood me. She and I were the only ones in our social group who didn't do any drugs, even smoke weed, and we RARELY drank. Well, she got into smoking and not to sound like an after-school special, but that shit IS a gateway drug. I tried to make her stop, but she was just "curious" about other drugs, she "wasn't going to do them often," etc. Maybe if I'd staged an intervention, I could have saved our friendship, but I was just a kid then and didn't want to be the naive, nerdy girl, you know? I put up with her smoking, doing rolls (blunts laced with coke, heroin, rat poison, you never know), acid, shrooms, X, and I finally couldn't take it anymore. She was more interested in her friends who had connections than she was in me. I remember during our last big fight (her pupils were so dilated that her normally pale aqua eyes were plain black), I told her I couldn't be friends with her anymore because I didn't want to go to her funeral.

I ran into her a month or so ago--at the MAC counter!--and we fell right back into our old ways, making sarcastic remarks, keeling over in fits of laughter, like nothing had changed. She's really cleaned up, and she's called me once since then, but she still hangs out with that old crowd (though she now admonishes them for still doing the hard drugs now that we "aren't kids anymore"--like it was ever okay?) and I don't want to be around that. I would love to be able to have her back as a best friend, even an acquaintence, but something is just broken and I don't think I can. I haven't been able to be close to a single female since her. Literally. I have zero friends/acquaintences who are girls, and I don't have one girl's number to call even if I WANTED to hang out with one. I know a lot of it is my personal issues. My boyfriend smoked weed for the first time a month ago and I just LOST it, I was hysterical and he didn't understand....I'm so scared I'm going to lose anyone who even tries drugs because it's happened to me more than just that one time.

The fact that your friend has a KID really scares me. Please don't do what I did, don't give up, don't write her off. Don't let it be that easy for her to continue what she's doing. Get her parents involved, if it's possible. She may hate you for it now, and your friendship will probably change for awhile, if not permanently. If you don't really try to stop her (and Eye<3Colour is right, she won't stop until she's really ready), and if you don't scare her into seeing what could happen to her and her family, your friendship is going to change anyway, and it may be unmendable. Good luck and lots of love...

 

[Cruella]

Risa, I'm so sorry that you are having to deal with this. A person will only quit drugs when they are ready. I would continue to talk to her about this as calmly as possible, bringing up all the negative effects of the drug: cost, damage to your septum, risk of heart attack, risk of addiction, etc.

You might also bring up the fact that her child could be taken away from her if she is ever caught with dope on her or if she ODs and ends up in the hospital. That might frighten her enough.

Don't be surprised if she gets really angry with you. She isn't going to want to hear any of this but keep trying.

Good luck

 

[pumpkincat210]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Cruella Risa, I'm so sorry that you are having to deal with this. A person will only quit drugs when they are ready. I would continue to talk to her about this as calmly as possible, bringing up all the negative effects of the drug: cost, damage to your septum, risk of heart attack, risk of addiction, etc. You might also bring up the fact that her child could be taken away from her if she is ever caught with dope on her or if she ODs and ends up in the hospital. That might frighten her enough. Don't be surprised if she gets really angry with you. She isn't going to want to hear any of this but keep trying. Good luck

I agree with Cruella. She must want to stop before anyone can help her at this point. Its important for her to know that you'll be there when she stops, but you don't have to hang out with her. The drug scene esp. coke, is a dangerous one, not just because of the health risks, but all the bad people that come with it. They say drug addictions are a disease, so you wouldn't abandon someone b.c. they are sick right? Too many people turn their backs on drug addicted people and I find that admonishable.

 

[caffn8me]

The biggest problem you face is getting your friend to realise that she has a problem. Unless she accepts that and wants to take steps to address the problem any intervention is likely to end up achieving very little. This might sound harsh but if she has a child then an intervention by child protection agencies may be one way to force the issue. A mother who is a coke addict is not a good mother.

You might be able to get some help and advice on what to do from San Francisco Area Narcotics Anonymous.

 

[Christina Victoria]

I'm so sorry that you have to go through this, hun. I know how hard any type of drug problem, or addiction in general is.

I have a friend in a similar postition. She does drugs, and other things to basically throw her life down the drain.. It's a tough spot to be since you want to be her friend, but you also want her to stop doing this.

I think that you should sit down with her, while she's sober, and lay it all out. Tell her that you are worried, and the consequences of drugs. Unfortunatley, she'll probably be in denial and think that there isn't anything wrong with it, and not take your words to heart. But repition works, don't give up. Keep stressing how much you care and how she needs to control herself. If she refuses to compromise at all after a good amount of time (2 weeks?) you may wish to seek professional help. Drug abuse is serious, and needs to be treated immediatley.

 

[lovejam]

Do her parents know that she's doing this? If not, I'd say you should tell them, for the little boy's sake. They can help you stage an intervention, and perhaps they can send her to rehab and take care of the boy while she is gone. I think that the courts can force a mother into rehab and put her child in a family member's custody until she is clean.

 

[Hawkeye]

Oh Risa, I'm so sorry this is happening to you.

The thing that concerns me the most is the child. SHe is acting insanely selfishly. And I have plenty more harsh words for her but I will refrain as that will not help you any.

I can say this because there was a similar situation that I have been involved in. The only difference was there was a 7 year old boy who was her son and I just remember hearing him knock on our door and I opened it and saw this boy bleeding and we got him to tell us his mom had done it and my husband went over there and we tried interventions and instead of going home the boy would go to his aunts or to our house after school and then one day for some odd reason he was with her in a car and they got into a wreck. The woman was DUI and the poor kid died and she went to the ER. He died on the scene apparently and we both went up there and I remember telling her how selfish she was when I saw her BEFORE the accident and trying to offer help but she refused it. I'll never forget the lady laying in the hospital bed asking where her son was and I was in there, her husband was in there, and the Doctor was in there. The Doctor just said He's dead. She just stared at him and her husband handed her divorce papers and said, " I didn't know our son's life had a street value." She started crying and he left with me just standing there watching her cry.

Anyway. That's what happened to me with a friend of mine. Personally, if I were you, I would call DEFACS. Get the child out of that situation ASAP. I mean it. Then stage an intervention or do whatever it takes to get her help.

That's what I would do.

 

[mspixieears]

Woah, I'm really sorry to hear that you're in such a difficult position. If it were my good friend, I'd either stage an intervention or if I knew his/her parents, get them in on the act (if I thought it would help and that they actually cared).

I'd probably seek some professional advice from a drug counselling line, you know, those confidential phone lines? I'm sure this cause even has actual premises you could visit where people could point you in the right direction at least.

Slight aside in relation to weed, it's most definitely not a 'soft' drug; I know some people who even when they smoke it chronically, they refuse to drive, saying it's worse than drink driving! I once was seeing someone who was a chronic weed smoker and it turned him into this nasty, paranoid person who just picked fights with everyone, he even got violent sometimes. He was perfectly sweet when straight but near unrecognisable once he lit up. Still gives me shivers thinking about it.

 

[SonRisa]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Eye<3Colour and weed is as just as much as a drug as coke is. drugs are drugs and weed shouldn't be left out of that catagory. im sorry but i get annoyed when people think weed is ok, but anything else than that isn't.

Yes. Weed *is* a drug, but so is alcohol, and cigarettes. I didn't mean to say weed wasn't a drug but with the way that I was raised, I don't see it as such. Or, I don't see it as being illegal. Especially since, technically, I can legally smoke it. As a recovering cancer patient, I have chronic arthritis in my hips (from bone marrow biopsies) and weed was actually a drug that was reccommended to me. I've just to yet to take my prescription down to the cannibis club to get a card.

 

[Eye<3Colour]

Quote:

Originally Posted by SonRisa Yes. Weed *is* a drug, but so is alcohol, and cigarettes. I didn't mean to say weed wasn't a drug but with the way that I was raised, I don't see it as such. Or, I don't see it as being illegal. Especially since, technically, I can legally smoke it. As a recovering cancer patient, I have chronic arthritis in my hips (from bone marrow biopsies) and weed was actually a drug that was reccommended to me. I've just to yet to take my prescription down to the cannibis club to get a card.

o im sorry sweetie, i didnt mean that as ill will towards you. i was just stating that as, i heard that over and over when i was poppin pills from weed smokers. and i would get totally annoyed because these people were preaching to me about drugs, yet they were doing the same damn thing. im sorry if you took that personally. i really do hope you can help your friend and she can get the help that she needs..

 

[KMFH]

Ive been on both end of the spectrum, i was a colehead for about 5-6 years, and quit sucessfully for about 5 years now. i also have had to kick my bf of 15 years outa my house for doing ice. We are bf again now after 2 years of not talking. We (my dh and i) have always smoked pot, but imo this is nothing, and i wont bother embelishing upon that, and that is all we do.

Ok, given all that, i think im pretty in on how this whole thing works. I happened to move to where my family is from and found out fast that they are allmost all cokeheads as well, and imo not gonna last much longer. Sad, i know. As far as someone quitting, interventions are nice and if they work great, but chances are they arnt. No one is gonna quit UNTIL THEY WANT TO. Trust me on this, everyone in this situation should realize that. No matter how hard it is for you, how bad you see them, they dont see things the same. Usually something has to happen to make them open up to the issue, like when my husband went to prison, that was what did it for me, seeing as he went for my stash. But even before that i almost oded about 7 times, on various stuff, and wasnt phased at all. Its just that one thing for everyone. For her sake, i hope that happens, but until then the best thing to do is not watch. Trust me when i say that it hurts the sober person more to sit and hope that they believe you how bad they are, cause they really dont and will be relentless on either getting around and lying to you to do it, or just being a blatent ass.

Sorry for the depressing advice, but in the long run i can almost swear that this is true, short of a miracle. Like i said, the number one most important thing in quiting anything, is that YOU WANT to quit, otherwise it aint gonna stick.

 

[VaJenna]

that is such a difficult position. my roommate started doing coke and ecstacy and moved out only to commit suicide a month later after he *stopped* doing coke. i agree with the other posters though, unless she wants to quit, its going to be hard to make her see that she needs to. it sucks, a lot. i in no way did a lot of drugs, i smoked and drank and everything, but when i realized that it just made me even more stupid, i stopped, because i wanted to. and its hard to watch my best friend fall over drunk everytime i go visit her, but i realize that she will learn... obviously different than your situation, but you know.

i hope everything works out..

 

[ms.marymac]

I am late on this conversation, but I have been through this with a friend-including a couple of overdoses (she survived). If you ever have any questions, feel free to pm me. KMEFH pretty much hit the nail on the head, though, IMO.

 

[kimmy]

i've had many friends involved in drugs like that.

one of them ended up pissing off the wrong people and got shot in the head. perhaps it was divine intervention that saved him, but he spend 3 days in a coma and has severe memory problems now as a result of the shooting.
one of them didn't pay his dealer on time, he was stabbed eight times in the chest. again, it must have been divine intervention, because he also survived the incident. however, he's left with alot of emotional stress and there's certain things about people that he just can't deal with now.
one of them was told by a judge "you can join the military or you can go to jail" he opted for the military. he just told me yesterday that he's being discharged and he's headed for prison.

basically, the outcome if they continue their habit is never good. EVER. like has been said though, there's no way to make her stop unless she wants to. perhaps you can just sit her down and try to have a serious talk with her about it. let her know how much she means to you and to everyone else she knows. let her know where the path she's on goes, and let her know that continuing on said path is rather selfish and will end up hurting everyone in the end...maybe that will get her thinking.

good luck, risa <3