Fostering independence or unbelievable neglect?

[MiCHiE]

This is not uncommon, depending on the maturity of the child. I remember being in high school and seeing kids who were no more than 8-9 riding public transportation. And, this was an Express bus, bypassing the streets, hitting I-10 instead. I got off before many of them, but they somehow survived to do it again the next day.

I think we've become a nation of sissies, to tell the truth. Every person who has a blank stare is a "crazed maniac", every man who smiles at your daughter is "the next R. Kelly" and people who don't fit a particular mold are "just plain weird" and should be kept away from others. I don't doubt we had pedophiles growing up, but I think we were more encouraged back then to be aware rather than become prisoners in our own neighborhoods.

 

[shadowaddict]

To those of you who are thinking about letting your child stay home alone you might want to check what your state laws are. In some states it is against the law to let a child under the age of 12 stay alone. I'm not saying this is right or wrong becuase each child is different and each situation is different. I would just hate for someone to get into trouble. I could never trust my son home alone. Of course he is now 25 and a US Marine and very responsible. He was the kind of kid who would do something just because no one was around or see if he could get away with it. My daughter on the other hand, hell she would have been fine at 6. Although I never left her alone until she was about 12 to run to the store. A responsible parent knows what their child is ready to handle and when. But I didn't have to make those choices because I didn't work so I was home all the time. I made sure that I didn't hover over them either. But single moms have it hard and that's whole different ballgame.

 

[user79]

It depends on the situation and the kid. In this case, the child seemed to be ready for the challenge. I don't think it is a big deal, a lot of people are so over protective of their kids these days. I took the bus by myself growing up in Vancouver from a very early age, and rode my bike home alone to another town when I was back in Germany.

I think it is ok in this case, it would be quite another if the child wasn't up for the responsibility, or if it was in an area rife with crime and seedy people lurking about.

 

[frocher]

........

 

[duckduck]

Lol, my best friend in college had two parents who had immigrated from Poland to New York and had full time jobs. They couldn't possibly take him to school or be at home when he got back, and I don't think they ever thought they needed to. So, from 1st grade on, he got himself up and dressed, on the subway and the bus, and then back home safely. No cell phone, no pager, just a subway ticket and some money for the bus and lunch. So yeah, he turned out with an AWESOME work ethic and highly independent. Not for every kid, I know, but really, a 9 year old on the subway making national news? That's just downright silly.

 

[*Stargazer*]

Quote:

Originally Posted by elegant-one Dr. Ruth Peters, a parenting expert and TODAY Show contributor, agreed that children should be allowed independent experiences, but felt there are better – and safer – ways to have them than the one Skenazy chose. ^^^I agree with that statement. And, IMO 9 is just a bit too young for that particular excursion. And, it troubled me that the child didn't even have a cell phone...uh, kinda hard to find a pay phone if someone is trying to kidnap you.

Or, you know, a pay phone period these days.


She obviously knows her son well enough to make this decision, but there is no way I'm sending my kids anywhere alone when they are 9. I'm not concerned about their maturity, I'm concerned about all the nutjobs out there.

 

[Beauty Mark]

Pay phones virtually do not exist, true; I haven't seen one in years.

I do agree there are other ways to foster independence. While I do agree that kids are too codependent and expect everything handed to them and that the media does tend to sensationalize things, I'm not 100% sure if traveling alone is smart at that age. I'm 22, almost 23, and I've occasionally been followed and harassed by strangers, even in broad daylight in safe areas that have people around. I look young, so maybe that's the motivation, but in any case, I know to dart into a store or how to take care of myself reasonably well. I hope that her child and she have discussed little strategies like that and that he truly is mature enough to remember to do those things.

I'm not saying raise your child to believe every stranger is a child molester but teach 'em street smarts for hypothetical situations. I never thought that I would have been followed around noon in my hometown of 40,000 and have had no one stop the guy who was loudly harassing and following me; instead people laughed or didn't do a damn thing.

(Now that I remember that, it was really scary I was like 16-17 and a year later, that guy continued the same harassment in the same fashion; I believe he's crazy, and I'm slightly afraid of him)

 

[kimmy]

i'm not a parent, but at nine...i don't think so. at fourteen or fifteen, maybe. sixteen, definately. but nine...doubtful.

 

[athena123]

I'm more disturbed by the fact that this story made national news than the fact that a 9 year old was allowed to ride the subway on his own.

Part of the problem with today's generation and the "entitlement" issues we see from so many children and young adults IS the fact that children are protected to a fault. How can you learn how to stand on your own two feet when mom and dad are hovering over you waiting for you to fall so they can pick you up?

I'm glad I was raised in the time and place I was. Geez, in today's world my mom would have had to face the wrath of child protection agencies which is sad. My father died when we were young, so I was raised in a single parent household. At 10 years old, my younger brother and I came home after school to an empty house. Yep, we were latchkey kids for a few hours every day. We never once burned our house down. During the summer, we were told to go outside and play. And play we did, coming home only for lunch and dinner. We climbed trees, road bikes, hiked through the open fields and played cops and robbers or cowboys and indians with toy pistols; all without parental supervision.

The end result? My single mom raised 2 adults who were able to leave the nest by 18 and think for themselves.

I'd be interested to know if surveys about the 30 year olds still living at home were over protected and coddled too much. I'm willing to bet they were.