getting down on the first night?

[Evey]

whatever floats your boat is what I say...personally, I've never been one to give it up just because i'm feelin horny..lol...Honestly, I wish I would have waited to lose my virginity. The person that has it doesn't deserve it and i want it back! LOL....When my husband and I were dating we waited a total of 2 weeks to have sex LOL...but we were emotionally attached to eachother by that time. I didn't know what I was missin until he came along. Needless to say the one that took my virginity didn't know jack squat about pleasing a woman. He was a waste of my virginity...but that's another story. Point is, do what you gotta but, It's not for me.

 

[Melly44]

Thanks, i so agree LOL..
I regret mine too soooo bad!! oh i wish it would have never happend haha he soo didn't deserve it either... his so not good looking now at all and the biggest liar ever, haha what was i thinking??!

 

[FullWroth]

Quote:

Originally Posted by gigglegirl my interpretation of the bolded statement would be that people who you told or who found out you had sex on the first date would frown upon you and not have respect for you doing that so quickly.

Yeah but see that's where I take issue with the statement. I DO expect respect from anyone who'd actually know about my sex life regardless of what I do (well, unless I run out and rape a guy or molest little kids or something). If I'm not getting it, I need to ditch those people and find new ones. If you shouldn't expect respect from people just because you had sex with someone, that's furthering the double standard that women are sluts if they have sex quickly and that it's okay that people think that.

So yeah, I have to disagree if that's really what she meant. You shouldn't need people to respect you to validate the sex you had, but if you just sort of take it as a given that people won't respect you if you have sex... what does that say about your sense of self-worth, and about the people you associate with?

Back to the greater topic, I guess I'm one of the few who doesn't regret losing her virginity to someone other than the guy I'm with now. I don't really think virginity is a big deal, personally, it just makes no sense to me. We don't make a big deal out of the first time someone eats ice cream, or the first time they break a bone, or the first time they get a haircut or something. We do make a big deal when someone first learns to walk or talk, but nobody ever judges babies for taking their first step when they're good and ready, and not on command when both parents are standing by with a camcorder. It just kinda happens when it happens.

I do think sex with someone you've had time to develop strong feelings for is better overall, because that's been my experience, but I don't really understand the idea behind "saving yourself." No offense to those who choose to, I totally respect your choice, I just actually honestly don't get it. I can understand just being afraid of the practical risks associated with sex, because there are a ton, or choosing celibacy for life or something, but I don't understand the "preserving the virginity" mindset at all.

Again, I can totally respect someone's choice to do it that way, I don't think it's wrong or stupid or anything, I just completely cannot wrap my brain around it.

 

[NutMeg]

It's not for me because I connect sex and emotions too much, but at the same time I'm not going to pass judgment on other people's sex lives. It's none of my business how they live their lives, and if other people can have sex right away without getting hurt emotionally then go right ahead.

 

[Beauty Mark]

Quote:

I don't really think virginity is a big deal, personally, it just makes no sense to me. We don't make a big deal out of the first time someone eats ice cream, or the first time they break a bone, or the first time they get a haircut or something. We do make a big deal when someone first learns to walk or talk, but nobody ever judges babies for taking their first step when they're good and ready, and not on command when both parents are standing by with a camcorder. It just kinda happens when it happens.

I can understand it, even if I don't hold that opinion. You are physically letting someone in you and for many people, it's the first time you're letting someone else see you nude. There's also the emotional attachment (though I wasn't emotionally attached to the person I lost my virginity; liked him but wasn't in love and didn't see a future with him).

I do wonder, though, if virginity and sex are a big deal because they are or because society dictates they are

I don't think it's a big deal if you are a virgin or not, though. Personal choices, only bad if you let someone else dictate your life.

I oddly find kissing more intimate than sex.

 

[*Stargazer*]

Quote:

Originally Posted by NutMeg It's not for me because I connect sex and emotions too much, but at the same time I'm not going to pass judgment on other people's sex lives. It's none of my business how they live their lives, and if other people can have sex right away without getting hurt emotionally then go right ahead.

Same here. Or was the same here, when I was not in a committed relationship. I'm too emotionally invested when it comes to sex. But I don't give a good gosh darn what other people do as long as it involves consenting adults and doesn't involve children or animals.

 

[Amber*Christine]

I've basically put out on the first date every.single.time lol, the only time I didn't was cause I didn't have a rubber. Sad I know, but I never got burned by doing so, every single guy asked me out afterwards, even when I considered it to be a one night stand...God I sound like a slut now! But it's not like I've been w/ a whole lot, I jus like to share the love ha-ha!

 

[MiCHiE]

I did it once......in 1995, when I was 18 LOL. I had known the guy for about a week and it was our first date. It was the exception and not the rule, though. I never did that again, and he and I are still very good friends.

 

[Stephy171]

well like most girls i would say that i wish i had waited to loose my virginityy i was WAYYY to youngg lol... but i dont think its wrong if you wanna get down on the first night just be smart about it.... i mean i am one of those that connects sex with to many emotions so i wouldnt be able to do it even thoughh sometimes i feel like it!! hehehe

although the 2 person i ever had sex with was kind of that situation... i had known him maybe a month and we always flirted and i was super attracted to him the first night that we were kind of on a date i went xrazyy had no intention of having sex but it happened... so i kinda see it as the 1 night or something...... now i did grow very attached to him and we had sex several times but to him it was just that.... and i was just setting myself up for heart break so after him i have decided to abstain from sex unless i am in a commited relationship..... or i see him again lmaoooo....

i mean i feel like if i have had sex with him in the past what is the harm in doing it now..... now that i know its only sex thats exactly what it iss

 

[kaliraksha]

Not for me or my foreseeable future. Honestly, don't care if someone else does as long as they aren't being lied to or lying to themselves.

 

[Blushbaby]

Do what you want. I'm past judging people on BS like that! If you're both feeling one another, then do your thing!

 

[florabundance]

I've never done it, but my cousin did and she married the guy - so it can't be all that bad!

 

[benzito_714]

Quote:

Originally Posted by florabundance I've never done it, but my cousin did and she married the guy - so it can't be all that bad!

same thing here. i had sex with my husband the first night (the only time i did the first night thing) and lo and behold he liked it so he put a ring on it.

 

[Lapis]

Quote:

Originally Posted by florabundance I've never done it, but my cousin did and she married the guy - so it can't be all that bad!

Quote:

Originally Posted by benzito_714 same thing here. i had sex with my husband the first night (the only time i did the first night thing) and lo and behold he liked it so he put a ring on it.

Same here.
Dh and I had gone out with friends twice before but the first night we went out alone

we were supposed to have a no strings sex thing and we were engaged in 4 months

9 years later we are still going strong.

This is definately a each to his own thing

 

[lafemmenoir]

I couldn't, it's not safe these days and in court, his word v mine? 2008 and spiking drinks is still happening? I can't do it, I need to be safe and there are some nuts (no pun) out there

 

[shimmyshimmyya]

Quote:

Originally Posted by CantAffordMAC lol true. Well I think many different things can make you a slut. Sleeping around, sleeping around with guys at the same time/same night, not knowing who your babies father is because you slept around, not using protection while you sleep around, sleeping with whoever comes around.... I can go on for days lol.

IMO, being a "slut" or "ho" is about the QUANTITY of people, not the QUALITY of them.

My asshole of an ex, didn't considered himself to be a ho because even though he had slept with 50+ people, he "knew" all of them. To him, it would make you a ho if they were strangers or random people to pick up.

Uh... I don't think so. I want to punch him in the face for saying that to me and for believing it.

If you sleep with 50 people you don't know= You're a ho

If you sleep with 50 people you do know= You're still a ho

 

[shimmyshimmyya]

Quote:

Originally Posted by CantAffordMAC lol true. Well I think many different things can make you a slut. Sleeping around, sleeping around with guys at the same time/same night, not knowing who your babies father is because you slept around, not using protection while you sleep around, sleeping with whoever comes around.... I can go on for days lol.

IMO, being a "slut" or "ho" is about the QUANTITY of people, not the QUALITY of them.

My dumbass of an ex, didn't considered himself to be a ho because even though he had slept with 50+ people, he "knew" all of them. To him, it would make you a ho if they were strangers or random people to pick up.

Uh... I don't think so. I wanted to punch him in the face for saying that to me and for believing it.

If you sleep with 50 people you don't know= You're a ho

If you sleep with 50 people you do know= You're still a ho

 

[florabundance]

Quote:

Originally Posted by shimmyshimmyya If you sleep with 50 people you don't know= You're a ho If you sleep with 50 people you do know= You're still a ho

I agree with that.
But I think the "slut" debate (lmao) is a pointless one because people just view sex differently.
I know many people who will willingly justify sleeping around, and I figure, more power to them...but it's just not something I relate to.

 

[deven.marie]

I did once with this guy i didnt plan on having any kind of emotional attachment to, it was really just physical bc we both wanted each other.. so it kinda just happened, it didnt make anything awkward at all.. but i think if you want someone to take you seriously and think of you as girlfriend material you should hold off for a little while.

 

[stacylynne]

Personally, I would not. I'm very selective.