How my family ruined my birthday

[Chikky]

Adina,

I know that I don't 'know' you like others do, but I've been here a bit now, and I know you from your posts and FOTD's and such... And I just want to say how sorry I am this is happening to you. I don't want to go on about it, because everyone else has said what I was thinking. You're so lucky you have a boyfriend who is so supportive and loves you like he does. Just know we all wish you well, and if I lived near you I would totally be there for a party!! Happy belated birthday!!

Quote:

Originally Posted by leenybeeny I am just blown away by this. I have to thank my lucky stars for my family. It just breaks my heart hearing how much pain you're in.

I know. I feel so lucky, also...

 

[jenee.sum]

i'm sorry to hear that, but you know what babe? you, me, everyone at specktra, your bf...we ALL know how hard you work and how far you have come! don't let their demeaning comments put you down because you should be EXTREMELY proud of yourself for all that you have accomplished! who cares if you didn't go into pharmacy, no amount of money/wealth is going to make you truly happy. i think no matter what do you in life, happiness is the ultimate goal. be happy girl, cuz you have so much to be happy for.

 

[Mabelle]

Blindpassion is 100% right. Fuck em.

this might sound awful, but when my grandmother (dad's mum) passes, i truly hope that we cut that side of the family out of our lives. They are nothing but spoiled money grubbing ingrates. They show up at holidays for a fat cheque and spread negativity wherever they go. Plus they're loud obnoxious drunks. Sad, but my bf and i are talking about getting married in Ireland because i know they won't have the money to fly over. We've already discussed no open bar at the wedding because they would be morons about it.

Anyway, im so sorry to hear about your update. I don't know you at all, but from all your posts you seem like a sweet girl. Do you have anyone you can hang out with ( a side from your bf) during the week?
Sometimes it's really hard to understand how some people are related. One member of the family can be sweet and loving and the rest are two faced and self serving. While this is going on, pamper yourself. Block them out as much as your possibly can. Pick up a bunch of good books to read. Go to cafes and read them there. Get out of the house as much as you can.

I hope this blows over... good luck.

 

[blazeno.8]

Sorry to hear that they're doing that to you. I have some similar issues with my mom after I moved back in. All too often it's the "you're so selfish" guilt trips that drive me up the wall.
Usually for me it helps to do just what you did: turn the music up and write it all down for support. Sometimes I even meet with a very good friend of mine for support.
Other than that... if you're paying for college right now, you know you can defer your loan payments if you enroll in grad school. Even better, if it's a full on academic area (not professional area) they might even pay for you to go to school there. I just got back from visiting two schools that accepted me several weeks ago and I'm going to go back to one this week.

On the whole makeup thing... yeah... family can get really annoying with that. I just keep my stash in my closet and pull it out when I need it.

 

[abbyquack]

Adina, this sucks! I am so sorry that you have to deal with this crap. It's ironic that they're calling YOU childish, when their games are actually more so. Especially when they ignore you, as if that's going to help anything.

I know you said it's not in the cards, but honestly, you gotta get out of there. I can't stress how much that changed my life, when my husband and I were living w/ my mother in law, and finally moved out on our own. Life has become so much better! That's pretty much the best advice I can give you, if you can make it work in any way.

I wish I could make it all better for you, but I truly will hope the best for you, that this situation will go away!

 

[LaVixxen]

sorry for everything your going through hun. My bday was march 26 and to make matters even someone (bf) decided to take me (nowhere) and dropped off the car at the auto shop to fix it. Luckily my mom sent me $250 dollars but that totally went to waste, well not really but since I was sort of broke I spent it on groceries instead of goodies for me. My bday always sucks =(

 

[SassyMochaJess]

Sorry about your family issues. Just be thankful that you are an educated, determined woman with a man that obviously loves you. Stay strong! Happy belated...

 

[Krasevayadancer]

Here is another update.

First of all, I want to send out my heartfelt thanks to each and every one of you who have read about my experiences and have been kind enough to comment and support me. I really felt like I was smacked in the face, and it hurt.

A week later, the dust has settled and I have done a lot of thinking. I think I am just going to lower my expectations and try not to get so worked up over things. Yeah, they have screwed me over many many times but that is who they are and unfortunately I have to accept it.

My sister offered an olive branch and took me to lunch this past week. I explained the situation and while she understood where I am coming from, she also told me that our mother is who she is. Its the way she was raised, and a lot of it can be attributed to our culture supposedly. While I am not buying it 100%, I will leave it as is and push it to the back of my mind.

Oddly, my mother did not speak to me all week, but continued to do things for me like buy foods I love, cook meals for me, etc. Meanwhile she never said a word or apologized. I guess she did feel guilty, but still won't admit she is wrong. Finally, one week later we spoke. Its like the topic was avoided altogether.

My family was supposed to go out to the place I wanted to go to last week but my nephew has strep so my mother actually insisted I went to the place with my bf since I had my heart set on it, and that I can bring home a doggy bag for me and her to share later. I guess that was her way of trying to make amends. She also asked me if I wanted a verizon hub as a gift (i declined)

All in all, i guess my family tried to make it up to me in their own way. it doesn't change what happened or how i feel, but at least it eases my mind a bit.

Thanks again to all who listened.

 

[leenybeeny]

glad things are a little better at least..

 

[LMD84]

i'm glad that you're feeling a little better about everything. you got it in one when you said they are who they are.... same thing with my dad. he's so stubborn he won't admit his wrongs. and that's why he won't speak to me at all as i mentioned before. i guess a plus is that in their own weird way your family have agknowledged what has happened and have tried at least to make you feel more comfortable.

fingers crossed things stay ok for you and try and stay positive!

 

[Mabelle]

glad to hear things are looking up.
some people just cannot say sorry. they feel guilty, and they want to make it up to you, but they don't have the courage to open up and say that they regret their actions.
My dad's father was an extremly abusive alcoholic. when he got older i think he realized all the horrible things he did. He couldnt express how sorry he was, he was obviously too scared. He tried to buy people's forgiveness.

My dad is a bit like that. Its a learned behavior.

either way, im glad your family "saw the light".

 

[mzreyes]

girrrrrl. I feel it. Damn near everyone, but my bf and his fam, forgot about my birthday. Yep, my fam forgot about me too. Keep your head up though k

 

[Khalia25]

I know I'm late, and I hope this doesn't cause you to revisit all this. But I just have to say wow...you are SO strong. You are always the positive, cheerful poster on Specktra. Amidst all the stuff you go through at home with your family, you always maintain an upbeat attitude. If you hadn't shared this with us, I would've assumed you came from a strong, supportive family. So all this, in itself, tells me you'll be fine. You haven't let all this completely turn you into a negative, hateful person, so you have an excellent foundation.

And I know you said you really weren't buying what your sister said, but I do understand the cultural thing. My mother is Japanese, and a lot of Japanese people tend to be stoic. My mother has never once told me she loves me or really given me a hug because it's not really in the Japanese culture to show emotion. But I never doubted for a second she loves me. She shows me in other ways. I know this has nothing to do with what you went through, but all this to say...your mother sounds very set in her ways and somewhat stubborn...and couple that with the possibility of this being a cultural thing for her...it's probably really hard for her to admit she's wrong, so she compensates in other ways by cooking for you and buying your favorite foods. My best friend is of the same ethnicity as I am - black/Japansese...and she's gone through similar experiences as yours. Her mother has disownd her many times, and they've given each other the silent treatment sometimes for months. When her mother is ready to give in, she'll try to reconcile by cooking dinner. I'm sure your mother doesn't intentionally mean to hurt you, but she probably knows of nothing else. She's been this way for a very long time, and it's very hard for people to fundamentally change. You seem like such a great person.....just don't ever change...don't let any of these experiences change you.

 

[Lauren1981]

man that sucks
i'm sorry you went through that and that your family is not as supportive as they should be.
i really don't know what to say so in place of my lack of words, here ya go..

 

[Kalico]

I am so pissed for you. You're such a sweetheart and you don't deserve this treatment.

It's strange though, it reminds me of my ex's birthday (over a year ago). For his birthday his parents and his brother and his brother's gf went to Hawaii together (without the ex), and brought him back a cheesy t-shirt. They belittled me all the time etc etc. Also, could never own up to their behavior and were masters at treating others like crap for feeling upset.

Sounds like your mom feels guilty but doesn't want to admit it or say it out loud. I think it's a good thing you are dropping your expectations of them and also, it might be a good idea to stop putting your feelings out there for them. I know it's hard, especially when you live with them (and godspeed to you getting out of there! Hopefully sooner rather than later, even though it seems in the distant future right now). But you can't keep handing your heart to people who hurt you when you do that, even if (especially if?) it's your family.

Nobody knows how to disappoint us and break our hearts quite like family does.

Happy birthday Adina! and I'm so glad you have such a loving BF (and a loving BF to spend your B-day with.

). Focus on the people who treat you GOOD!