How to approach this guy in the club?
- Thread starter Doowop
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iadoremac
Well-known member
Honestly I know this is the 21st centrury and all but i really do not think you should approach him again. If he feels the same way you do about him I think he would have done something about it by now no matter how shy he is even if it means him asking his friends to talk to you for him. BUt thats just my opinion
Doowop
Well-known member
I just watched He's just not that into You, and that was the message i got from the movie! If he was interested he could have tried harder. But then again we only spoke for like 10 minutes, and saw each other twice. Now I am trying to pick up on the little bits that showed he is into me or not into me. And there aren't many things to recall because I wasn't 100% sober then. And I am finding excuses, like oh maybe he's shy etc. I need so badly to get rid of this obsession that I don't even mind sacrificing some of my dignity next week, it's pathetic I know!
iadoremac
Well-known member
I just read the book hes just not that into you and theres a part in the book that talks about how it takes guys have the time to notice us than we take to notice them. I wouls buy the book if i were you. If you approach him, most likely you might be the one doing the calling and the next thing you are doing all the running around in the relationship when it should be the other way around.
Doowop
Well-known member
the thing is I have no idea if things would ever happen between us, and right now I just wanna know if he's interested. I am rather old fashioned in the sense that I think boys should make the first move. But recently, I asked my guy friends what do they think of girls making the first move, they said they are fine with that. And I have made a pact with my friend that we will be more pro-active in this area and to be more open in making first moves and flirting. She encouraged me to go talk to him, make the first move, if it fails then at least I know i've tried and i wouldn't have to think about him anymore.
LoveMakeup4Real
Well-known member
Quote:
10 minutes is more than enough time for him to realize if he's into you or not (and that could mean getting into a relationship with you, wanting solely a FWB relationship with you, forming a strictly platonic friendship with you or wanting nothing at all to do with the individual) we all place people we meet in categories the first few minutes we interact with them, it's human nature. He seems to have placed you in no, 0, zero, zip, zilch, nada, categories, honestly, I think he's really not interested, not the slightest bit. It took you less than 10 minutes to notice him and form this infatuation; it would take him just as much time or less. He is a guy, men are first lured in by physical attraction (women are too), whatever attracts him he'll approach, no matter how shy, how scared of rejection he may be, nothing will stand in his way to get the woman he really is interested in. It's really that simple. But we women sometimes tend to make it more complicated just so it can benefit us. We want to call men shy and even if they were, they would have a friend approach the woman for them or they will approach her himself, we say they are afraid of rejection...well, who isn't. We say they have been hurt in the past...well, they'll get over that if they really want someone badly. We all first get pulled in by the outer layer/the superficial before getting to know someone's personality. But once you have spoken to someone you get a clue as to what type of person they are.
I think you should forget about him and the next time you see him at the club which I am sure you will see him again...stop following him around, you're sending him stalker-ish vibes. Just dance with your friends and other men, no need to obsess over one man or make excuses about why you're so infatuated by him as if it's something that is destined to be (maybe it is, maybe it is not, do not force it). I know its 2009, but I will never, nor have I ever approached a man. All the men I have dated in the past have approached me and my current b/f of a year approached me in front of my group of friends at a restaurant and he's shy at first meetings. Remember, the time it took you to notice him is the same if not shorter a time it took him to notice you. I would not take your friend's advice and approach him again. You did mention that he has been avoiding you after the first approach..."eventually we separated and he seemed to be avoiding us for the rest of the night after." Take the hint and move on. There are many other men who will want you just as bad as you want him too. But if you really want to approach him just so you won't regret not doing so in the future, well then go ahead, but thought I'd give you my opinion. But I think he already gave you your answer to your question that night. All this club talk makes me want to dance w/ my b/f tomorrow at a club lol
Originally Posted by Doowop
I just watched He's just not that into You, and that was the message i got from the movie! If he was interested he could have tried harder. But then again we only spoke for like 10 minutes, and saw each other twice. Now I am trying to pick up on the little bits that showed he is into me or not into me. And there aren't many things to recall because I wasn't 100% sober then. And I am finding excuses, like oh maybe he's shy etc. I need so badly to get rid of this obsession that I don't even mind sacrificing some of my dignity next week, it's pathetic I know! |
10 minutes is more than enough time for him to realize if he's into you or not (and that could mean getting into a relationship with you, wanting solely a FWB relationship with you, forming a strictly platonic friendship with you or wanting nothing at all to do with the individual) we all place people we meet in categories the first few minutes we interact with them, it's human nature. He seems to have placed you in no, 0, zero, zip, zilch, nada, categories, honestly, I think he's really not interested, not the slightest bit. It took you less than 10 minutes to notice him and form this infatuation; it would take him just as much time or less. He is a guy, men are first lured in by physical attraction (women are too), whatever attracts him he'll approach, no matter how shy, how scared of rejection he may be, nothing will stand in his way to get the woman he really is interested in. It's really that simple. But we women sometimes tend to make it more complicated just so it can benefit us. We want to call men shy and even if they were, they would have a friend approach the woman for them or they will approach her himself, we say they are afraid of rejection...well, who isn't. We say they have been hurt in the past...well, they'll get over that if they really want someone badly. We all first get pulled in by the outer layer/the superficial before getting to know someone's personality. But once you have spoken to someone you get a clue as to what type of person they are.
I think you should forget about him and the next time you see him at the club which I am sure you will see him again...stop following him around, you're sending him stalker-ish vibes. Just dance with your friends and other men, no need to obsess over one man or make excuses about why you're so infatuated by him as if it's something that is destined to be (maybe it is, maybe it is not, do not force it). I know its 2009, but I will never, nor have I ever approached a man. All the men I have dated in the past have approached me and my current b/f of a year approached me in front of my group of friends at a restaurant and he's shy at first meetings. Remember, the time it took you to notice him is the same if not shorter a time it took him to notice you. I would not take your friend's advice and approach him again. You did mention that he has been avoiding you after the first approach..."eventually we separated and he seemed to be avoiding us for the rest of the night after." Take the hint and move on. There are many other men who will want you just as bad as you want him too. But if you really want to approach him just so you won't regret not doing so in the future, well then go ahead, but thought I'd give you my opinion. But I think he already gave you your answer to your question that night. All this club talk makes me want to dance w/ my b/f tomorrow at a club lol
ClaireAvril
Well-known member
I read the book too I liked it but the feeling i got from it was that the ball is always in the man's court.
Hasn't anyone found out about a secret crush a guy had on you and he never made a move because he was scared, or shy or whatever?
Like this situation-- if he liked you then he would say something.. isn't possible that he does like her but is way too scared to say something or gets really nervous just like she is? There are guys out there that aren't that pro-active and would let a girl that he finds attractive go because he was too shy to say something. It's possible.. not all men are very forward.
If we all just sat around and waited for a guy to ask us out instead of making the approach ourselves --well some of us would be here (in single town) forever. We have to take the initiative too.
Some of the messages in the book are spot on.. but some i don't agree wtih.
So my advice would be to approach him again with more confidence. Ask him if he wants to go out sometime.. he could say no he could say yes. If he says no.. oh well.. just move on - can't win em all, but at least you tried.
Hasn't anyone found out about a secret crush a guy had on you and he never made a move because he was scared, or shy or whatever?
Like this situation-- if he liked you then he would say something.. isn't possible that he does like her but is way too scared to say something or gets really nervous just like she is? There are guys out there that aren't that pro-active and would let a girl that he finds attractive go because he was too shy to say something. It's possible.. not all men are very forward.
If we all just sat around and waited for a guy to ask us out instead of making the approach ourselves --well some of us would be here (in single town) forever. We have to take the initiative too.
Some of the messages in the book are spot on.. but some i don't agree wtih.
So my advice would be to approach him again with more confidence. Ask him if he wants to go out sometime.. he could say no he could say yes. If he says no.. oh well.. just move on - can't win em all, but at least you tried.
Doowop
Well-known member
I agree with both sides, that I should make the first move, AND also I shouldn't be desperate and get the hint from the start.
Coincidentally the thing about guys making the effort if they are truly interested, there is this guy whom my friend told me keeps talking about me to her but he has never done anything that gave me the idea he is interested in me when we met in person the few times. my guess is that he is really shy. Maybe club guy is like that, maybe not.
I will see what happens next week, if he doesn't want anything to do with me then I better get him out of my head!! I will have a good time on that day, the main thing is not to embarrass myself because of him lol. It all depends on the situation, if he looks like he smelled something funny the moment he sees me, I will not initiate anything at all.
Coincidentally the thing about guys making the effort if they are truly interested, there is this guy whom my friend told me keeps talking about me to her but he has never done anything that gave me the idea he is interested in me when we met in person the few times. my guess is that he is really shy. Maybe club guy is like that, maybe not.
I will see what happens next week, if he doesn't want anything to do with me then I better get him out of my head!! I will have a good time on that day, the main thing is not to embarrass myself because of him lol. It all depends on the situation, if he looks like he smelled something funny the moment he sees me, I will not initiate anything at all.
LoveMakeup4Real
Well-known member
Quote:
I guess I'll answer since I pretty much oppose women asking men out. I'll respond in pieces below...You're the Bold, I'm in Red
Hasn't anyone found out about a secret crush a guy had on you and he never made a move because he was scared, or shy or whatever?
-Yes, I have, but you posed this question and to an extent it makes sense, but for one to "find out about a secret crush" that crusher must first reveal he has a crush on that woman (however way he'd like to, whether through a friend, letter, email, etc), however he does this revealing of crush we eventually find out, otherwise, that secret crush would forever remain a secret crush/fondness/interest had he not eventually disclose this secret, right? Honestly, this scenario is better than most, at least in this one he somehow exposed this secret lol. So not so bad after all, but now it should be time for him to personally tell her
...isn't possible that he does like her but is way too scared to say something or gets really nervous just like she is?
-Yeah it's possible but no matter how shy a man is, he will always somehow make it clear that he is in fact interested. Even little boys make it obvious that they are interested in a girl. I recall as a child even the shyest of boys who liked me would let me know they do, even if they were immature (as children are expected to be) and tell me I had cooties lol, some would write me letters like this and have it passed down to me in class: "I like you. Do you like me?..Circle Yes or No." Now, there is no excuse for a grown man to not express his feelings. And if he refuses to let a woman know he is interested, even if he's slightly interested, then he really truly is NOT all that interested because if he was, he'd push all insecurities, shy feelings, fear of rejection aside for someone he truly wants to get to know better, trust me I know. She's made plans to talk to him, why can't he. She's shy, scared/nervous too!
It's possible.. not all men are very forward.
-No, not all men are forward (no 2 men are alike), but those are the ones that get creative and think of ways to let her know that he likes her. Creative ways were mentioned in my previous post.
If we all just sat around and waited for a guy to ask us out instead of making the approach ourselves --well some of us would be here (in single town) forever. We have to take the initiative too.
-I agree to an extent, and the ways to let a man know you are interested is by flirting, we all flirt, eye contact, short stares, ongoing conversations, etc. But I really do not agree with approaching a man, it's his job (as bias as that may seem, oh well). Men like the challenge, they like to chase, give them some room to run! That's the only initiative women should make. Let him do the rest, and he gladly will if he's really [FONT="]interested[/FONT]!
She already approached him, he ran off. How many other ways are there to show him that you're interested if approaching already failed. But if you want to take the chance go right ahead, just make sure to update us on how that went
Clearly I have a lot of time on my hands right now
| Originally Posted by ClaireAvril
I read the book too I liked it but the feeling i got from it was that the ball is always in the man's court. Hasn't anyone found out about a secret crush a guy had on you and he never made a move because he was scared, or shy or whatever? Like this situation-- if he liked you then he would say something.. isn't possible that he does like her but is way too scared to say something or gets really nervous just like she is? There are guys out there that aren't that pro-active and would let a girl that he finds attractive go because he was too shy to say something. It's possible.. not all men are very forward. If we all just sat around and waited for a guy to ask us out instead of making the approach ourselves --well some of us would be here (in single town) forever. We have to take the initiative too. Some of the messages in the book are spot on.. but some i don't agree wtih. So my advice would be to approach him again with more confidence. Ask him if he wants to go out sometime.. he could say no he could say yes. If he says no.. oh well.. just move on - can't win em all, but at least you tried. |
I guess I'll answer since I pretty much oppose women asking men out. I'll respond in pieces below...You're the Bold, I'm in Red
Hasn't anyone found out about a secret crush a guy had on you and he never made a move because he was scared, or shy or whatever?
-Yes, I have, but you posed this question and to an extent it makes sense, but for one to "find out about a secret crush" that crusher must first reveal he has a crush on that woman (however way he'd like to, whether through a friend, letter, email, etc), however he does this revealing of crush we eventually find out, otherwise, that secret crush would forever remain a secret crush/fondness/interest had he not eventually disclose this secret, right? Honestly, this scenario is better than most, at least in this one he somehow exposed this secret lol. So not so bad after all, but now it should be time for him to personally tell her
...isn't possible that he does like her but is way too scared to say something or gets really nervous just like she is?
-Yeah it's possible but no matter how shy a man is, he will always somehow make it clear that he is in fact interested. Even little boys make it obvious that they are interested in a girl. I recall as a child even the shyest of boys who liked me would let me know they do, even if they were immature (as children are expected to be) and tell me I had cooties lol, some would write me letters like this and have it passed down to me in class: "I like you. Do you like me?..Circle Yes or No." Now, there is no excuse for a grown man to not express his feelings. And if he refuses to let a woman know he is interested, even if he's slightly interested, then he really truly is NOT all that interested because if he was, he'd push all insecurities, shy feelings, fear of rejection aside for someone he truly wants to get to know better, trust me I know. She's made plans to talk to him, why can't he. She's shy, scared/nervous too!
It's possible.. not all men are very forward.
-No, not all men are forward (no 2 men are alike), but those are the ones that get creative and think of ways to let her know that he likes her. Creative ways were mentioned in my previous post.
If we all just sat around and waited for a guy to ask us out instead of making the approach ourselves --well some of us would be here (in single town) forever. We have to take the initiative too.
-I agree to an extent, and the ways to let a man know you are interested is by flirting, we all flirt, eye contact, short stares, ongoing conversations, etc. But I really do not agree with approaching a man, it's his job (as bias as that may seem, oh well). Men like the challenge, they like to chase, give them some room to run! That's the only initiative women should make. Let him do the rest, and he gladly will if he's really [FONT="]interested[/FONT]!
She already approached him, he ran off. How many other ways are there to show him that you're interested if approaching already failed. But if you want to take the chance go right ahead, just make sure to update us on how that went
LoveMakeup4Real
Well-known member
Quote:
Ok good luck! But just a side note, it does not seem healthy to be this emotionally attached to a man you've exchanged 2 or 3 words with. Too clingy already. Maybe that "obsession" (word you used prior, not me) is what he sees when he looks at you and that can be a major turn off, so if you so choose to approach him, well relax, have fun, beam confidence and don't appear desperate, do not drool
(I just wanted an excuse to use this cute smilie lol. Treat him as you would a friend, in a calm state of mind, don't worry about embarrassing yourself. Have fun! Let us know what happens. Peace.
| Originally Posted by Doowop
I agree with both sides, that I should make the first move, AND also I shouldn't be desperate and get the hint from the start. Coincidentally the thing about guys making the effort if they are truly interested, there is this guy whom my friend told me keeps talking about me to her but he has never done anything that gave me the idea he is interested in me when we met in person the few times. my guess is that he is really shy. Maybe club guy is like that, maybe not. I will see what happens next week, if he doesn't want anything to do with me then I better get him out of my head!! I will have a good time on that day, the main thing is not to embarrass myself because of him lol. It all depends on the situation, if he looks like he smelled something funny the moment he sees me, I will not initiate anything at all. |
Ok good luck! But just a side note, it does not seem healthy to be this emotionally attached to a man you've exchanged 2 or 3 words with. Too clingy already. Maybe that "obsession" (word you used prior, not me) is what he sees when he looks at you and that can be a major turn off, so if you so choose to approach him, well relax, have fun, beam confidence and don't appear desperate, do not drool
Doowop
Well-known member
lol thanks guys. I will update if there's anything to update about. Yea I am obsessed and it is really unhealthy! I have never felt this obsessed before. The last time was a few years ago, and what happened was my friend approached the guy for me and we did go out a few times, but I decided that what I got was a silly crush that was an illusion and when we talked there was no chemistry, so I ceased contact with him lol, I was so childish but he was really nice about it. it's like the same thing here again, but i think I am a little more 'worldly' now.
But if he's really not into women, then as I always say "all the good ones are gay or taken!!".
But if he's really not into women, then as I always say "all the good ones are gay or taken!!".
rockin26
Well-known member
^^^Lara you crack me up!
Quote:
The way I see it sweetie is you're making yourself miserable because you don't know where you stand. So just like a band aid rip it off quickly to reduce the pain. The next time you see him in the club get a couple of drinks into you and build up some dutch courage, then go over and just ask him if he's interested? Either way at least you'll know where you stand and can make a move forward from where you are now, the worst he can say is he's not interested but at least you'll know
Quote:
| Originally Posted by Doowop
lol thanks guys. I will update if there's anything to update about. Yea I am obsessed and it is really unhealthy! I have never felt this obsessed before. The last time was a few years ago, and what happened was my friend approached the guy for me and we did go out a few times, but I decided that what I got was a silly crush that was an illusion and when we talked there was no chemistry, so I ceased contact with him lol, I was so childish but he was really nice about it. it's like the same thing here again, but i think I am a little more 'worldly' now. But if he's really not into women, then as I always say "all the good ones are gay or taken!!". |
The way I see it sweetie is you're making yourself miserable because you don't know where you stand. So just like a band aid rip it off quickly to reduce the pain. The next time you see him in the club get a couple of drinks into you and build up some dutch courage, then go over and just ask him if he's interested? Either way at least you'll know where you stand and can make a move forward from where you are now, the worst he can say is he's not interested but at least you'll know
milamonster
Well-known member
Quote:
im going to agree here.
i mean...havetn we all been here (referring to the last part you wrote).
you know what...dont do it. cuz youre just gonna prolly be pissed off in the end. you kind of got your answer...
you walked up to him so that shoudl have made it clear that one of you guys were interested. i could see if you guys were firneds and he was trying to figure it out...but you guys are strangers. and if he were intersted he woudl have asked for your number before he left or fooudn you agian. Yes youre right, he COULD be shy. He could have bad social skills. he could be married. He could have a gf. He could not like women. He may have just been there ot have a good time. the point is...we don't really know.
Kin d of like the above user said … you’ll call him etc etc and youll proll y continue to make excuses for him because you're already this into him. And if he says yes then youre going to be overcompensating...Just like the book said (hes just not that into you) they talked about how "this could be the exception to the rule...but you dont want to wiat to be that exception".
So leave it up to him and if he is shy that sucks FOR HIM. you gave him the opportuity to show that you are nonthreatening/approachable ...and if he WANTS the opportunity he will take it. And if he's too shy for it...then too bad.
I know this sounds harsh maybe. Maybe I sound cynical but the truth is if he’ll be there next week, he’ll prolly see you…so if he doesn’t come up to you..then you want to go up to him? if hes too shy to approach you after you clearl y showed some interest (without any potential harm in the way like a potentially failed friendship etc etc) then I don’t know how much I could expect him to do stuff on his own like calling etc etc.
Don’t get me wrong…I have guy frneds who tell me they like girls andf stuff…and they are too shy/intimidated to go up to them. And these are genuinely good men. So it can be possible. He could be the exception. But I always tell them to step up! In the end its your choice. I think though that you are going to still approach him. lol. So since there’s a chance you still will, I would suggest you go up and be direct. That way you wont beat around the bush and you can get your answer and get over the “obsession”
| Originally Posted by iadoremac
I just read the book hes just not that into you and theres a part in the book that talks about how it takes guys have the time to notice us than we take to notice them. I wouls buy the book if i were you. If you approach him, most likely you might be the one doing the calling and the next thing you are doing all the running around in the relationship when it should be the other way around. |
im going to agree here.
i mean...havetn we all been here (referring to the last part you wrote).
you know what...dont do it. cuz youre just gonna prolly be pissed off in the end. you kind of got your answer...
you walked up to him so that shoudl have made it clear that one of you guys were interested. i could see if you guys were firneds and he was trying to figure it out...but you guys are strangers. and if he were intersted he woudl have asked for your number before he left or fooudn you agian. Yes youre right, he COULD be shy. He could have bad social skills. he could be married. He could have a gf. He could not like women. He may have just been there ot have a good time. the point is...we don't really know.
Kin d of like the above user said … you’ll call him etc etc and youll proll y continue to make excuses for him because you're already this into him. And if he says yes then youre going to be overcompensating...Just like the book said (hes just not that into you) they talked about how "this could be the exception to the rule...but you dont want to wiat to be that exception".
So leave it up to him and if he is shy that sucks FOR HIM. you gave him the opportuity to show that you are nonthreatening/approachable ...and if he WANTS the opportunity he will take it. And if he's too shy for it...then too bad.
I know this sounds harsh maybe. Maybe I sound cynical but the truth is if he’ll be there next week, he’ll prolly see you…so if he doesn’t come up to you..then you want to go up to him? if hes too shy to approach you after you clearl y showed some interest (without any potential harm in the way like a potentially failed friendship etc etc) then I don’t know how much I could expect him to do stuff on his own like calling etc etc.
Don’t get me wrong…I have guy frneds who tell me they like girls andf stuff…and they are too shy/intimidated to go up to them. And these are genuinely good men. So it can be possible. He could be the exception. But I always tell them to step up! In the end its your choice. I think though that you are going to still approach him. lol. So since there’s a chance you still will, I would suggest you go up and be direct. That way you wont beat around the bush and you can get your answer and get over the “obsession”
milamonster
Well-known member
Quote:
i just wanted to add this in...no doubt this guy (that your friend is telling you about that you think is shy) likes you. i mean, if he keeps talking about you. He might think you're gorgeous and funny and wonderful and maybe he could just be nosy yadda yadda . But it's also pretty clear that he doesn't like you THAT MUCH to approach you and get you on a date...He's just not THAT into you. Which is the point of the book. It was written directed to people in actual relationships or fantasy relaitonships or dating men who "were just not that into them" and it was rwitten because it was hard (really easy though, so easy we miss it!) to decipher if he does REALLY like you or if he just flirts cuz its fun...or a whole other bunch of information. The guy might like you and clearly likes sharing time with you and enjoys you being around but nothing pushes him forward to do more. Like we read the many cases in this book. In this case he ain't asked you out, right? Ther'es a difference. Maybe one day he will get the guts to say something or flirt or give you some hint (other than your friend knowing. and i think the reason he told your friend is cuz he knew she would tell you...and he woudln't have to do the work btw). til then...he is content knowing that you might potentially be swept off your feet by ANOTHER man...
but in these cases, where you KNOW the person likes you, you can flirt and that gives them "the green light" and gives him a huge hint and he needs to take it and run with it. But some guys don't...and that's often how the scenarios happen when the woman does an unequal amount of work trying to get the man to step up or draw it out of him when he's the one who was droolin over you in the first place. lol...iono but this sitaution soudns like one that could be in the book. I agree with the user above, i dont really think he's that into you. not because im being pessimistic but because you said it he seemed to be avoiding you, itryied to get away etc etc. If he really would have wanted to talk to you but was too shy then he wouldve tried to talk to you etc etc after you took the initiative. In my opinion, both these dudes need to step up and no more excuses! so you dont have to wonder.
this is just my pov and im not tryign to offend anybody or anything =)
| Originally Posted by Doowop
I agree with both sides, that I should make the first move, AND also I shouldn't be desperate and get the hint from the start. Coincidentally the thing about guys making the effort if they are truly interested, there is this guy whom my friend told me keeps talking about me to her but he has never done anything that gave me the idea he is interested in me when we met in person the few times. my guess is that he is really shy. Maybe club guy is like that, maybe not. I will see what happens next week, if he doesn't want anything to do with me then I better get him out of my head!! I will have a good time on that day, the main thing is not to embarrass myself because of him lol. It all depends on the situation, if he looks like he smelled something funny the moment he sees me, I will not initiate anything at all. |
i just wanted to add this in...no doubt this guy (that your friend is telling you about that you think is shy) likes you. i mean, if he keeps talking about you. He might think you're gorgeous and funny and wonderful and maybe he could just be nosy yadda yadda . But it's also pretty clear that he doesn't like you THAT MUCH to approach you and get you on a date...He's just not THAT into you. Which is the point of the book. It was written directed to people in actual relationships or fantasy relaitonships or dating men who "were just not that into them" and it was rwitten because it was hard (really easy though, so easy we miss it!) to decipher if he does REALLY like you or if he just flirts cuz its fun...or a whole other bunch of information. The guy might like you and clearly likes sharing time with you and enjoys you being around but nothing pushes him forward to do more. Like we read the many cases in this book. In this case he ain't asked you out, right? Ther'es a difference. Maybe one day he will get the guts to say something or flirt or give you some hint (other than your friend knowing. and i think the reason he told your friend is cuz he knew she would tell you...and he woudln't have to do the work btw). til then...he is content knowing that you might potentially be swept off your feet by ANOTHER man...
but in these cases, where you KNOW the person likes you, you can flirt and that gives them "the green light" and gives him a huge hint and he needs to take it and run with it. But some guys don't...and that's often how the scenarios happen when the woman does an unequal amount of work trying to get the man to step up or draw it out of him when he's the one who was droolin over you in the first place. lol...iono but this sitaution soudns like one that could be in the book. I agree with the user above, i dont really think he's that into you. not because im being pessimistic but because you said it he seemed to be avoiding you, itryied to get away etc etc. If he really would have wanted to talk to you but was too shy then he wouldve tried to talk to you etc etc after you took the initiative. In my opinion, both these dudes need to step up and no more excuses! so you dont have to wonder.
this is just my pov and im not tryign to offend anybody or anything =)
crystalic_oxyge
Well-known member
just wanted to add my story: its not exactly the same but it hits the mark.
last monday i was sitting in starbucks, learning, and on my opposite was a guy whome i found really attractive. he also was looking at me the whole time and it even seemed as if he was about to say or do something, but i guess he just sh*t his pants, and didnt. then he left and there was nothing i could do. i couldnt stop thinking of him and was so dissapointed that i didnt do anything. couldnt stop thinking of him and really wanted to kill myself for missing such a chance.
next day i desided to go there again at the same time... i didnt believe he would come or anything, but i did want to see. went there, and didnt find him. so i spent my few hours there, till i stood up and went to the toilet. couldnt believe my eyes of what i saw....... he was sitting there!!!!! i either didnt look over on that side or i didnt see him come. he looked up at me, but didnt seem to recognize me.... i was trembling when i came back to my seat. thats exactly what i wanted to happen, and it did!!!!!! but i was scared... scared to do something. i mean how often does this happen, i only had him in my mind the last 24 hours and now life gives me a second chance....
so i did go to the bathroom again, this time with my bag and coat, and when leaving, approached him, and put a paper on his table with my phone number. he looked up at me and smiled.
i had an adrenaline rush that is unexplainable, my knees were trembling like sick as i exited starbucks. anyhow he emediately wrote me an sms and now were meeting on monday cause he left for one week to germany.
i still have no idea what age he is, what he does, where hes from, how he is or if he already has someone (yep... men do that -.-")... but im getting a chance to find out. and just cause i used my chance and pulled myself together.
what i want to say is that you never know what will happen and there are tough times in life where things are dissapointing. but if you dont even try... then its obvious that nothing will happen. i am so glad i took the chance that life gave me and now maybe (just maybe but there is a chance) i will soon have a realtionship with an handsome and awesome guy... but atleast this path is already closer, and if i hadnt done that, i would now be hating myself for ever, and just dreaming of him. now that dream can become reality.
hope this gives you some hope and motivation. =) just take what life gives you. im confident about, if things happen... they dont happen unavailingly.
last monday i was sitting in starbucks, learning, and on my opposite was a guy whome i found really attractive. he also was looking at me the whole time and it even seemed as if he was about to say or do something, but i guess he just sh*t his pants, and didnt. then he left and there was nothing i could do. i couldnt stop thinking of him and was so dissapointed that i didnt do anything. couldnt stop thinking of him and really wanted to kill myself for missing such a chance.
next day i desided to go there again at the same time... i didnt believe he would come or anything, but i did want to see. went there, and didnt find him. so i spent my few hours there, till i stood up and went to the toilet. couldnt believe my eyes of what i saw....... he was sitting there!!!!! i either didnt look over on that side or i didnt see him come. he looked up at me, but didnt seem to recognize me.... i was trembling when i came back to my seat. thats exactly what i wanted to happen, and it did!!!!!! but i was scared... scared to do something. i mean how often does this happen, i only had him in my mind the last 24 hours and now life gives me a second chance....
so i did go to the bathroom again, this time with my bag and coat, and when leaving, approached him, and put a paper on his table with my phone number. he looked up at me and smiled.
i had an adrenaline rush that is unexplainable, my knees were trembling like sick as i exited starbucks. anyhow he emediately wrote me an sms and now were meeting on monday cause he left for one week to germany.
i still have no idea what age he is, what he does, where hes from, how he is or if he already has someone (yep... men do that -.-")... but im getting a chance to find out. and just cause i used my chance and pulled myself together.
what i want to say is that you never know what will happen and there are tough times in life where things are dissapointing. but if you dont even try... then its obvious that nothing will happen. i am so glad i took the chance that life gave me and now maybe (just maybe but there is a chance) i will soon have a realtionship with an handsome and awesome guy... but atleast this path is already closer, and if i hadnt done that, i would now be hating myself for ever, and just dreaming of him. now that dream can become reality.
hope this gives you some hope and motivation. =) just take what life gives you. im confident about, if things happen... they dont happen unavailingly.
Deathwish238
Member
I don't think most guys are EVER going to mind a girl coming up to them. At worst, the girl is not quite his thing but still he would probably feel flattered.
Guys don't go to clubs to dance with other guys(or well at least not usually...), they go to meet girls and satisfy their needs.
Next time you see him, go dance with him. Have a few drinks with him...see where it goes. Ever think he doesn't come up to you because he's too shy?
Guys don't go to clubs to dance with other guys(or well at least not usually...), they go to meet girls and satisfy their needs.
Next time you see him, go dance with him. Have a few drinks with him...see where it goes. Ever think he doesn't come up to you because he's too shy?
Doowop
Well-known member
thanks guys for all the helpful advice!
My friends were telling me he's not worth it, because my infatuation is getting out of hand for someone I hardly know!
By the way, I did see him again. And I did try to muster up the courage to talk to him but my friend told me not to. I am not sure if he saw us, but I really thought it looked like he ignored us, so I just gave up. When i see him again, i will just not do a thing unless I'm super drunk. I think that's enough signal to show he's either very shy, or he is not interested. Super frustrating not to get an answer, but I need to get over it.
While i LOVE the idea of talking to him, I don't want to approach one that seems like he's not interested. i'm too proud lol.
My friends were telling me he's not worth it, because my infatuation is getting out of hand for someone I hardly know!
By the way, I did see him again. And I did try to muster up the courage to talk to him but my friend told me not to. I am not sure if he saw us, but I really thought it looked like he ignored us, so I just gave up. When i see him again, i will just not do a thing unless I'm super drunk. I think that's enough signal to show he's either very shy, or he is not interested. Super frustrating not to get an answer, but I need to get over it.
While i LOVE the idea of talking to him, I don't want to approach one that seems like he's not interested. i'm too proud lol.
LoveMakeup4Real
Well-known member
Well at least you have finally taken the hint and did not go embarrass yourself
Listen to your instincts, you know that he's avoiding you as you said "I am not sure if he saw us, but I really thought it looked like he ignored us." Yes, he DID see you as you saw him. So don't try to make it into something it isn't, the proof is in the pudding. Do not get drunk!! That is not going to help you get the man you have your eye on, instead it will make you look like a drunken, sloppy fool. Nothing is attractive about that!
Glad you're "too proud." Remain that way because all women deserve a man that will want them back. Don't kiss ass or put this stranger on a pedestal. Thanks for the update. Take care!
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Quote:
| Originally Posted by Doowop
thanks guys for all the helpful advice! My friends were telling me he's not worth it, because my infatuation is getting out of hand for someone I hardly know! By the way, I did see him again. And I did try to muster up the courage to talk to him but my friend told me not to. I am not sure if he saw us, but I really thought it looked like he ignored us, so I just gave up. When i see him again, i will just not do a thing unless I'm super drunk. I think that's enough signal to show he's either very shy, or he is not interested. Super frustrating not to get an answer, but I need to get over it. While i LOVE the idea of talking to him, I don't want to approach one that seems like he's not interested. i'm too proud lol. |
