I don't know what to do anymore...

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knoxydoll

Well-known member
I'm glad you have your friend to help you get through this. Not to sound like a jerk but I would have serious doubts about staying with your boyfriend after this. He's acting very selfishly and childishly (i don't think that a word but oh well) over very serious matter. It's his problem just as much as it is yours. Ask yourself and him if this had been someone elses birthday or some other day if he would have reacted the same way. It's not like you intentionally tried to get pregnant, nor did he do anything extra to help prevent it (like a condom). And I can totally understand where you're coming from on not being ready for a child. My bf and I are not financially, emotionally, or any other kind of -ly ready for a child and we know this. And as much as I disagree with abortions I wish you a quick recovery and the least amount of pain that you can have. Get better soon.
 

user79

Well-known member
Quote:
Originally Posted by Bernadette
Your boyfriend has to be one of the most immature, selfish total assholes I've ever even heard about. I'm in total shock that anyone is even capable of being so immature. How dare he even open his mouth to say anything less than 100% supportive in this situation. "You're ruining my Birthday" unbelieveable. I'm sorry but I am outragged over this guy! You are in a relationship and you became pregnant, it's a big deal, a lot bigger than anything else he has going on in his life.
I usually wouldn't bother giving such bold advice but this situation is so outrageous that I feel the need to. I can not imagine why you would want to stay in a relationship with such a lousy guy. Someone that is so immature and is dealing with this situation in the terrible manner that he is, shoudln't even be having sex. He is a loser and you can do better, anyone could.
I hope you get through this situation with the help of your friends and family and I really hope this has shown you who this guy really is and what he's really made of. Someone should castrate him.


I totally agree, your boyfriend sounds like a total jerk!! I'm sorry, but he should be 100% by your side. Abortions are not an easy thing to go through, I'm sure, and if he loved you, he would totally call off his silly birthday plans to be there for you, or delay them for the weekend after at least. This is his "fault" as much as it is yours, it always takes 2 to tango and both people are responsible for birth control.

Actually, the fact that he is acting so incredibly selfish and immature, I would even consider breaking up with him. Obviously, his priorities lie elsewhere and he's not man enough to handle a serious relationship and the responsibilities that come with it. A partner is someone who should be there for you always, especially in difficult times, and he's not doing that at all.
 

Moppit

Well-known member
What a selfish jerk! You need to rethink your relationship with this guy because if he is acting this way now I don't imagine he is going to change. You have seen who he really is. He should be concerned about you and what you will have to go through and that you didn't get pregnant by yourself. He isn't taking any responsibility at all.

No one should judge you because of the decision you have made. It is your body and you should make the choice that is right for you.

I don't think you need people here putting guilt trips on you for the decision you have made and you were not asking what you should do about the pregnancy, you were only asking who was being selfish.

I have gone through this myself many years ago and to this day I know I made the right decision for me.
 

Hawkeye

Well-known member
Quote:
Originally Posted by mzjae
Thank you ladies for everything. Seriously. I made my choice to go through the abortion(I haven't taken the first pill yet btw). I'm not emotionally ready or mentally ready to raise a child. I don't think I can support my child financially at the moment & I don't want my parents or my bf's parents paying for things for my child. The child is my responsibility. I do have things I want to do in life to make sure that when I'm actually ready to have one, I can provide for him/her properly. Adoption isn't an option at this point because I don't want strangers raising my child & I don't want my child to go through life thinking I didn't want him/her.

As for my boyfriend, I'm just so angry & upset still. He offered to take care of me now, but I know it's not willingly so I told him no & to celebrate his f'in birthday. My best friends are more than willing to be around me during this time. At the moment I don't know what to do with him. This will make or break our relationship & I think it's going to break it. I love him & everything, but I just don't know now.


Not that it matters but you have my full support. Your reasoning is logical and very well thought out.

Keep your chin up- this storm will blow over soon enough. Start leaning on your friends and us- we're here for you too! And you will get through this.
smiles.gif


*HUGS*
 

Holly

Well-known member
Your boyfriend is such a jerk. You have no reason at all to feel guilty, and you are in no way selfish about having your abortion on that weekend. Even if it is his birthday week, any guy who actually cared wouldnt be upset about moving his birthday stuff to a week later. I hope you have a good recovery
th_hug.gif
 

mzcelaneous

Well-known member
Drop him. Seriously.

If he can't be there for you through a tough time like this, then when will he? Would you want a man BOY like that to completely disregard your feelings & well-being in the future when/if you decide to have children (or any other important life altering event)? I think not.

You shouldn't have to go through this alone. Abortions are not something to be taken lightly, especially by your boyfriend. Hope you realize that you're worth more and deserve better. I also hope for a safe and speedy recovery for you. Take care
th_hug.gif
 

giz2000

Well-known member
I am so sorry that you are going through this...and your boyfriend is being a total ass. He should be supporting you, not making you feel guilty or bad.

I know that you're doing what's best for you...and I am glad that you have good friends there when you need them...sending you a ton of hugs.
 

macface

Well-known member
Quote:
Originally Posted by lipshock
macface, Please do not take offense to this but I do not think it is within your place to tell her that she shouldn't get an abortion based on your personal beliefs on that subject. What she chooses to do regarding the baby situation is her own choice and it appears she has already made up her mind. Abortion is already a touchy subject and saying you think "it's a bad thing to do" and that she seems to be "taking it out on the baby", which I don't think so at all, might upset others and ruffle some feathers.

Now, mzjae, regarding your boyfriend, ditch him. I cannot believe that anyone could be so insensitive about such a situation. If I were you, I would walk away from him. Without a second thought, but that is just me. During a time like this you need someone who will be there for you, both physically and mentally and he seems like he is too preoccupied with himself at the moment.

I've had friends who have taken the medicinal abortion and I know just how scary it can get. I wish you well and I know you'll pull through. Don't second guess your decision (on him, the baby, the abortion), either. Only you know what it's best for you.


she could whatever she wants with her body i didnt judge her i just said my opinion because at a point in my life I went through the same thing.
 

mzjae

Well-known member
As of right now, I'm taking my 2nd pill and I'm completely hurt by all the things that have been going on in the past few days. My boyfriend said he'd be there for me & all that stuff, but bailed out on me when I told him how I felt about him being out so late last night for his birthday drinking. I was up all night & cried like crazy. Now he's turned off his phone & I've just about given up. I can't believe this is happening at the moment but things happen for a reason.

Yesterday when I took the first pill I was a bit relieved but at the same time a little hurt. The bill hurt me financially like crazy. $525 for the procedure. I had to borrow money from friends to pay for it because I didn't have enough money in my bank account so I think I need to sell some of my makeup to pay for the bills. Sigh. Things are going all wrong right now & I'm just stuck. =[


BTW, thanks to all you ladies that have responsed in this. You guys are so wonderful.
 

TangoMango

Well-known member
I hope things look up for you in the future. You're right, things happen for a reason, a situation like this showed you that you don't need a man like that in your life.
 

Iridescence

Well-known member
hey hun, I couldn't imagine what you are going through right now. It seems like the world is crashing down upon you right? I agree with the other ladies here. I can't believe that your bf isn't helping you financially with this let alone being there for the woman he supposedly loves. What I would say to him is, "how would you feel if you were me? Would I be there for you?" make him feel horrible about it. I would sit down and talk to him and straight out ask him why he couldn't stay home with you and take care of you. If he thinks his bday is way more important than his gf and what he has taken part in causing, then he needs to find another girl. Honestly, at times like this, you realize who your true friends are, who actually cares about you and who is willing to be there for you.

Obviously there is a huge immature factor there on his behalf. I don't know you but you've made some pretty adult choices and thought what is best future wise for yourself and your bf. The ladies and gents on specktra can only voice their opinions and support you with words but you are the one to make the choices in your life. If you want to stay with him, I wish you the best and if not, I respect you. You know in your heart what is right, just choose if you wish to follow it.

Thinking of you hun....

Feel better.
 

kaliraksha

Well-known member
Oh sweetheart, I am so so sorry. When you are much stronger please reconsider your relationship with your boyfriend.

I would be appalled by my significant other if he refused to contribute to what he helped make- financially and emotionally. The truth of the matter is, he's not responsible for his actions and does not want to face consequences. What kind of future does a girl have with a guy like that? This guy should not even consider having sex if he's going to be such a dud.

I'm sorry, I know how it feels to hear crappy things about your SO and for that I feel terrible. I am not usually judgmental but I think you can do so much better and you deserve better support in your love life.

Take care of yourself!
 

Dawn

Administrator
Staff member
I'm so sorry you've had to go through this without your boyfriends support. I'm sure it was a very difficult decision to make and it took alot of courage to post it here too. Please post an update so we know how you are doing.
 

Beauty Mark

Well-known member
I hope you mean that you've just given up on your boyfriend, who sounds like a grade-A asshole... It sounds like you have some good friends, so please surround yourself with them this time.

I know things are so bleak now, but I know you can and will get through this.
 

NutMeg

Well-known member
Aww sweetie, I wish I could hug you. I know that the decision you've made is the wrong one for me, but you are the one who has to live with the consequences, and I think you've chosen what is best for you.

In regards to your boyfriend, I firmly believe that one should never have sex without being prepared for the possibility of pregnancy, STIs, stc. No birth control method is one hundred percent, and a sexually active person needs to be aware that they may have to make the difficult choice that you have been faced with. Your boyfriend clearly doesn't understand this as he is blaming you for "not taking your pill", rather than accepting responsibility for his decision to have sex (it is rather difficult to impregnate yourself). He also seems to think that you are ruining his birthday. Well I'm sure this situation has made his birthday much less fun, but tough shit. Bad things do happen, and all we can do is deal with them in the best way possible.

The fact that your boyfriend isn't accepting responsibility for his actions, is leaving you to deal with the fallout, doesn't care enough about you to be there for you in what must be an incredible difficult time, and has the unmitigated gall to blame you for all of it, come on sweetie. You deserve so much better than that. It worries me that he is manipulating you into feeling like it is your fault. Get out, let him grow up, and take care of yourself. Enough said. *HUG*
 

Tash

Well-known member
You've been through such a tough situation, but look at the bright side. You've found out who you can count on now. Although it might be very depressing now that your boyfriend in reacting the way that he is, isn't it better to know that now, then a year or five years down the road??

You deserve something so much better than what you have now. *hug*
 

little teaser

Well-known member
Quote:
Originally Posted by Tash
You've been through such a tough situation, but look at the bright side. You've found out who you can count on now. Although it might be very depressing now that your boyfriend in reacting the way that he is, isn't it better to know that now, then a year or five years down the road??

You deserve something so much better than what you have now. *hug*


i agree^^^ its times like this is when we realize who our true friends are and whos there when we need them the most.. im not gonna elaborate on your relationship and your boyfriend i just wish you the best and hope you feel better soon.
 

giz2000

Well-known member
Quote:
Originally Posted by Tash
You've been through such a tough situation, but look at the bright side. You've found out who you can count on now. Although it might be very depressing now that your boyfriend in reacting the way that he is, isn't it better to know that now, then a year or five years down the road??

You deserve something so much better than what you have now. *hug*


Totally agree as well...please take really good care of yourself and let us know how you're doing.
 

honyd

Well-known member
wow.. that really sucks... im sooooo sorry for u.... I know its easier said then done but u need to think about u and leave him. HE is sooo selfish. I went throught the same thing a few years ago with my ex...except i had a miscarriage. Ill never forget the day i told him he told me that i ruined his weekend. Of course he tried to be there after...but u can never take back something like that. And u kno what i loved him more than anything then...but THAT was the turning point. I left him and never went back to him. He helped u get pregnant...u didnt do it on ur own...and he should be there to love and support u no matter what. His actions alone should make u rethink things. I am in no way telling u about ur relationship...but believe me u will never forgot thoes things he said to u... and no matter weather u stay together or not.... its always gonna be in the back of ur mind. SO put u first...stick by the ones who love u...ur friends ur family... Ur feelings are just as or even more important than his dumb 21st b-day... Sorry...lol i dont mean to go on but believe me.. i was so made reading ur post...and it was like i knew excatly how u feel. (((((hugsss))))))
 
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