I dunno what to do :(

kaliraksha

kaliraksha

Well-known member
I have been in a similar situation as you. I was with my boyfriend for 6 months and we had gotten together out of luke warm feelings and it never developed into much more. We both liked each other as people but there was no fire ever. The relationship wasn't bad, but it wasn't good so I couldn't get myself to leave him. I met my current bf at school and we started talking up to 18 hours a day... we never crossed the line, but I felt terrible and confused because I thought of him more than my bf... just in general thinking about stuff we talked about etc. I did break up with my bf when I finally admitted to myself that I liked my current bf. The beginning of that new relationship was the most passionte and emotional and just great... Everything that other relationships lacked this one made up for and with balance and grace. However, that was just the beginning... of course like all relationships our relationship sizzled and we do ocassionaly get caught in the moment and talk for hours but more than anything we sit in the same room doing separate things but we feel much better when the other is near. I love him despite his flaws or is it because of his flaws.

Earlier in our relationship we took a break because my bf found himself attracted to someone new. He was attracted to all the new things, all the exciting things, all the same feelings we had once shared. Less than 2 months later he was at my doorstep begging me to get back with him and telling me those feelings never manifested into real feelings. Just be careful with your decision.

Later in our relationship, I also got caught up in the emotions and excitement of getting to know someone new, but I compared it to what I had with my current bf when I first started talking to him and nothing has compared. Does the passion and excitement with Carl compare to what you had with Darren in the beginning- if it doesn't, what is it going to sizzle down to in 2 or 3 years?
 
blindpassion

blindpassion

Well-known member
In my honest opinion...

When you're with someone for that length of time, the exciting feeling goes away, and its very easy to become infatuated with someone else. I think it's really important to remember that you love your boyfriend, and he loves you, and just because you're infatuated with this other guy doesn't necessarily mean that you would ever love him or the relationship would ever progress that far.

Even if you ended up breaking up with Darren, it would be important that you did it because you weren't happy being with him, not because you think you're happier with someone else... and it would also be important for you to have a solid amount of time being single, because you cant jump from relationship to relationship, everything just takes the path of failure when that happens. You would have to spend time single and see if Carl is really someone you would want to be in a relationship with, its impossible to figure out if you want to be with someone while you're in a relationship with another. If you catch my drift?

My suggestion is, (and this is coming from someone who was in a two in a half year relationship and this exact situation happened to me),

a: work on your relationship with darren. Talk to him about spending more time together, what your issues and concerns are, where he sees the relationship going, what you both need to make things the best they can be.
b: if you need to, take a break from darren, clear your head, see how you feel away from him.
c: under no circumstances cheat (I know you wouldn't, I just think its important to state) you will loose darren as a boyfriend and carl as a friend if you do this, inevitably things will crumble.
d: be honest with darren, if you're hanging out with another guy, he should know you are... as hard as that is to imagine, if you're hiding something from your significant other, then its not okay.

You are a really fantastic girl from what I know of you Becky, definitely take your time and think about things carefully, but dont get too wrapped up in them, dont let it stress you out, make sure you dont do anything that would inevitably hurt yourself (like cheating) and make sure you talk to Darren and always be honest with him.

And always keep in mind, infatuation and love are not the same thing.

<3 good luck
and if you ever need someone to talk to, you know my username
smiles.gif
 
chaut_01

chaut_01

Well-known member
there are a lot of posts that i agree with like for instance the "spark" between you and your bf has sort of gone..like you said he's working and you guys dont seem to spend as much time as before..maybe there is a gap missing somewhere that just needs to be fiiled and carl just happens to fill it. but really though if i were you i wouldnt invite carl over even though you wont do anything together it gives a sense of "wrong doing" cause your boyfriend doesnt know & that just tells you right there that its wrong if your trying to keep it a secret.
i say as long as your boyfriend is still at least trying to spend time with you, has the decency to call you and talk to you (and has a job!) he' seems like like an okay guy.
Somtimes i wish my boyfriend would be more exciting like the old days too! But as months past on and that turns into years, there's not much excitment anymore cause you've done everything already. the best you can do is hope your making the right choices for yourself and learn from your mistakes! (like i have!! i could tell you stories about my ex you wouldnt believe! but..i dont think you wanna hear that!)
 
smh28

smh28

Well-known member
I've been there too. It sucks. When it came to that point in my relationship it was because there was something not working in the relationship I was in. The being interested in another guy was a symptom of problems with my current boyfriend of the time. That being said, I have now been happily married for 8 years to the guy that caught my attention while I was in another relationship. He is the love of my life. I did break up with the boyfriend before I let anything happen with the other one thought. Just be careful. I have learned that sometimes you don't realize what you have until you realize you might lose it (and that could apply to either your boyfriend or Carl). It is a tough thing to have to figure out. Good luck!
smiles.gif
 
Mabelle

Mabelle

Well-known member
i was in a similar situation. When i was 16 i met this guy, ray, at my friend's house. We found out we were soooo a like, and basically i developed a crazy huge crush on him. problem; he was 20, i was 16. So we talked and were friends, but nothing came of it and after a bit we stopped talking. Fast forward a year, i start dating a guy ive known for years, bryan. He's a nice guy and we date for a about 3 months when raymond comes back into the picture. I only saw him once, but he was all i could think about. We were at a hockey game, i didnt even want to sit next to bryan, i want to be with ray. Anyway, i didnt think ray felt the same about me, so i stuck with bryan even though my feelings were fading fast. We ended up dating for a total of 8 months. By the end of it i hated him. I was forcing myself to be with someone i had no feelings for, and well, i became mean. After we broke up Ray and i started to hang out again. We hung out for 5 months before he asked me out. We've been dating for 4 years now and having been talking about marriage and where we're going to get a house. He's my soul mate, if you believe in that sort of thing.

I would give your bf some time. While maybe the relationship has become stale and your feelings are fading, it could also be that you're just intrigued by the shininess of the new guy. Like someone else say, the "butterfly feeling" is a strong attraction. I wish you the best of luck. If you decided to break it off with your bf, don't hold out forever. It would suck if you became bitter and sour towards him. That's what happened with me. Sure bryan did/said stupid things, but he didnt deserve the things i said.
 
laperle

laperle

Well-known member
I've said last night, but again: I hope you're doing well, Becky. You're a very sweet person, I wish you the best.
 
MAC*alicious

MAC*alicious

Well-known member
poor becky...
th_cheerup.gif


I wish you only the best and hope you will be happy at last!
Maybe it's better for you both, you will see it in next time and when you're happy you did the right!
 
Jot

Jot

Well-known member
Only just seen any of this thread now. Big hugs hun. Make sure you take some time to look after yourself and do what is best for you. You'll get through it all stronger out the otherside and there are plenty of people about to help you out.
I know its hard, i'm currently seperated from my husband so know exactly how you feel.
Take care sweetie xx
 
jbid

jbid

Well-known member
i hope you're doing ok. and i think you did the right thing as you were so confused. i've gone through the same thing.
be single for a moment. in time, you'll find out how you feel about both of them and then you'll make the right decision. trust me, i found my way and so will you.
 
LP_x

LP_x

Well-known member
So sorry you're going through this, hope you're okay *hugs* Relationships are hard. For what it's worth, I think you need a bit of time on your own to work out what or who it is you want. Hope things work out for you x
 
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