I paid on VALENTINES !!!
- Thread starter Pascal
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ohnna-lee
Well-known member
I am not a queen nor a princess, am I adored by my SO, yes very much so. Do I demand that people that do not know me adore me, no not at all.
To be put on a pedestal so high I feel is someone else doing, not your own. When you do it yourself it kind of sounds like the poster said... like you are on your high horse. That is how I read it and feel about it also.
So if you are already with someone who feels this way about you then it is way different then expecting it from a stranger.
To be put on a pedestal so high I feel is someone else doing, not your own. When you do it yourself it kind of sounds like the poster said... like you are on your high horse. That is how I read it and feel about it also.
So if you are already with someone who feels this way about you then it is way different then expecting it from a stranger.
jackie100
Well-known member
I always like to pay 50/50. To be honest, I used to pay for my ex bf almost every single time we went out. I wouldn't do that anymore but instead 50/50 is ideal for me. I would not want a guy paying for me all the time, it's a bit patronizing. I'm asian but I am not traditional whatsoever.
I am not a helpless person. I am more than capable of fending for myself and paying for myself.
I also don't feel like I'm a princess. I am not a princess and life is definitely not a fairy tale. I don't feel like a man needs to cater to me etc just because I'm a woman. I don't think just being female makes me that superior or special. I feel like I am equal to a guy and can do anything he can and I can pay too.
I kinda feel like whoever pays the most has more power. I wouldn't want any man having that power over me.
I am not a helpless person. I am more than capable of fending for myself and paying for myself.
I also don't feel like I'm a princess. I am not a princess and life is definitely not a fairy tale. I don't feel like a man needs to cater to me etc just because I'm a woman. I don't think just being female makes me that superior or special. I feel like I am equal to a guy and can do anything he can and I can pay too.
I kinda feel like whoever pays the most has more power. I wouldn't want any man having that power over me.
TISH1124
Well-known member
More Power??? Thats interesting.....I don't think my dh and I get into who has the most power...in the scheme of things his money is my money and my money is his money...so I guess we both have the power...There are certain decisions I trust him to make and vice versa...But no power trips in my house
jenee.sum
Well-known member
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well then u caught a good one!
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exactly! i just think of it as a term of endearment. u kno?
Originally Posted by Lapis
really? My dh tells me all the time I'm the queen has for the last 9 years, I'm not on a high horse, I am a sahm and he tells me all the time it's our money and that I shouldn't feel guilty for spending it, he never uses money against me, I actually used to make more than he did and he never said anything 
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well then u caught a good one!
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| Originally Posted by TISH1127
My dh calls me his Queen too...and he is certainly my King.....I don't think that means we think we are superior to anyone...But my Dad calls my Mom his Queen as well...I personally like it.... |
exactly! i just think of it as a term of endearment. u kno?
Beauty Mark
Well-known member
I think with being traditional, you have to think about why this tradition came about and is it really that important to keep up? I don't think having the guy pay is an important tradition to keep up.
Lapis
Well-known member
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It's food not a house, damn girl!
are you married or in a serious relationship? I think there's a point where you let each other's strengths dictate who does what, and sometimes those strengths don't bring finacial gain to the relationship but it works for that couple.
It also means letting go of preconcieved ideas that we may have or that we grew up with, may it be the father being the stay at home parent and the wife bringing in the finanical support, or the wife with 2-3 degrees and a masters taking a lower paying job because it gives her the hours she needs to do what she must for the family.
Jenee
if only people knew my dh also has aspergers and while he has his romantic moments, they are few and FAR between
| Originally Posted by jackie100
I kinda feel like whoever pays the most has more power. I wouldn't want any man having that power over me. |
It's food not a house, damn girl!
are you married or in a serious relationship? I think there's a point where you let each other's strengths dictate who does what, and sometimes those strengths don't bring finacial gain to the relationship but it works for that couple.
It also means letting go of preconcieved ideas that we may have or that we grew up with, may it be the father being the stay at home parent and the wife bringing in the finanical support, or the wife with 2-3 degrees and a masters taking a lower paying job because it gives her the hours she needs to do what she must for the family.
Jenee
LoveMakeup4Real
Well-known member
You did nothing wrong, he should be ashamed! He offered to treat you on a date, you accepted, then he has the audacity to text you while you're on your way (he did not even have the decency to give you a phone call) and tell you that he is broke...wow, what an ass. He was tactless, a smooch and a jerk. He made his stomach full at your expense. It was unexpected, so can't really blame you. It's not even a culture thing, he is still a jerk. When I go on dates with men for the first time I always bring my own money. I pay for myself and when he tries to pay, I don't want him expecting anything intimate so I always have money on me. It's not so much that, I just always feel the need to pay for myself when him and I are not in a serious relationship.
You've learned your lesson and have now moved on. The next time he tries to contact you ignore him. He should be embarrassed for letting a woman pay on a date that he invited you to; especially on Valentine's Day. He's not a real man.
You've learned your lesson and have now moved on. The next time he tries to contact you ignore him. He should be embarrassed for letting a woman pay on a date that he invited you to; especially on Valentine's Day. He's not a real man.
jackie100
Well-known member
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I used to be in a serious relationship with my ex where we lived together for 2 years. I like to be the woman who brings in the money etc. I am not traditional and being a homemaker is not for me. I am 30 now and I already know that I would never want kids so being a housewife is definitely for me.
I am really independent. I just like to pay for myself, I really dislike a man paying for me.
when I was with my ex I was making WAY more than he was so I don't see how him paying for things would dictate his strength. It would dictate my strength however since I was making much more. I guess I'm just aggressive by nature, I don't like being coddled and treated like a princess.
| Originally Posted by Lapis
It's food not a house, damn girl! are you married or in a serious relationship? I think there's a point where you let each other's strengths dictate who does what, and sometimes those strengths don't bring finacial gain to the relationship but it works for that couple. It also means letting go of preconcieved ideas that we may have or that we grew up with, may it be the father being the stay at home parent and the wife bringing in the finanical support, or the wife with 2-3 degrees and a masters taking a lower paying job because it gives her the hours she needs to do what she must for the family. Jenee
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I used to be in a serious relationship with my ex where we lived together for 2 years. I like to be the woman who brings in the money etc. I am not traditional and being a homemaker is not for me. I am 30 now and I already know that I would never want kids so being a housewife is definitely for me.
I am really independent. I just like to pay for myself, I really dislike a man paying for me.
when I was with my ex I was making WAY more than he was so I don't see how him paying for things would dictate his strength. It would dictate my strength however since I was making much more. I guess I'm just aggressive by nature, I don't like being coddled and treated like a princess.
NutMeg
Well-known member
Currently, and almost always in our relationship, my bf pays for the majority of things we do. Why? It's not because either of us think that's the way it should be, it's because I'm currently going to school and he's making anywhere from 5-10 times as much as me in any given year. Paying for my dinner when we go out is something that his budget doesn't even notice, whereas that might be all I have for entertainment in any given month. He'd rather pay for things like that than not be able to do them with me at all.
It works for our relationship. Everyone has an arrangement that may or may not work for them. The flip side to this agreement is that we both make sure that the other one feels loved and appreciated. He knows that I'm not with him because he pays for me to go out to a club. Hell, I bring him homemade bread, it has to be love!
It works for our relationship. Everyone has an arrangement that may or may not work for them. The flip side to this agreement is that we both make sure that the other one feels loved and appreciated. He knows that I'm not with him because he pays for me to go out to a club. Hell, I bring him homemade bread, it has to be love!
ginger9
Well-known member
Money can't buy respect but sometimes people view money as a tool to show love and often confuse it with respect as well. ie. If you love me/treasure me you'd show it by taking me out for dinner, buying me presents etc. A person can shower you with all the material wealth in the world and not truly love you or even respect you. Obviously if they do, then it's a bonus.
For me personally, after all that courtship stuff in the beginning. It comes down to respect and love which isn't at all dependent on a persons monetary means.
For me personally, after all that courtship stuff in the beginning. It comes down to respect and love which isn't at all dependent on a persons monetary means.
LoveMakeup4Real
Well-known member
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Regarding the bolded text above...You want to be a housewife yet you're playing house with a man who wasn't your husband but just a b/f? I don't understand how women allow themselves to live with a man for years and give him all that a wife would give, all the benefits and such (sex, cooking, etc) and then get mad at the man once he decides to end the relationship. I mean, can you blame him, you've played the role of the wife and he played the role of the pretend husband without the marriage license. No wonder he becomes an ex. I guess I'm just old fashioned, there is no way I would move in with my b/f (although he has brought the topic up) without him first being my husband because I don't intend to play house for several months or years. This isn't necessarily regarding you, just used your situation as an example, sorry. I kinda got off topic.
| Originally Posted by jackie100
I used to be in a serious relationship with my ex where we lived together for 2 years. I like to be the woman who brings in the money etc. I am not traditional and being a homemaker is not for me. I am 30 now and I already know that I would never want kids so being a housewife is definitely for me. I am really independent. I just like to pay for myself, I really dislike a man paying for me. when I was with my ex I was making WAY more than he was so I don't see how him paying for things would dictate his strength. It would dictate my strength however since I was making much more. I guess I'm just aggressive by nature, I don't like being coddled and treated like a princess. |
Regarding the bolded text above...You want to be a housewife yet you're playing house with a man who wasn't your husband but just a b/f? I don't understand how women allow themselves to live with a man for years and give him all that a wife would give, all the benefits and such (sex, cooking, etc) and then get mad at the man once he decides to end the relationship. I mean, can you blame him, you've played the role of the wife and he played the role of the pretend husband without the marriage license. No wonder he becomes an ex. I guess I'm just old fashioned, there is no way I would move in with my b/f (although he has brought the topic up) without him first being my husband because I don't intend to play house for several months or years. This isn't necessarily regarding you, just used your situation as an example, sorry. I kinda got off topic.
Macnarsandlove
Well-known member
Quote:
I have to say my mouth dropped open when I saw this. Playing house???
When divorce rates are sky rocketing and relationships are being put to the test everyday whats the problem? I can see old fashioned but I also believe you should test drive the car before you buy it.
Living with someone can greatly change the dynamic of a relationship sometimes if u dont test it. From bill paying to chores, these are some things that u just have to experience.
I "played house" with one of my ex's and everything from fiscal responsiblity to infidelity came up in my mind. Thankfully I found these things out and avoided him like the plaugue. I can definity attribute this to living with him.
And to the bolded text above from the original post its sounds like he is an ex cause he was a mooch and and a user.
Before u crap on someone else life style maybe ask urself a question?
Is that nessasary? Im sure the original poster prob feels some way about it anyway. There is no need to be rude.
| Originally Posted by LoveMakeup4Real
Regarding the bolded text above...You want to be a housewife yet you're playing house with a man who wasn't your husband but just a b/f? I don't understand how women allow themselves to live with a man for years and give him all that a wife would give, all the benefits and such (sex, cooking, etc) and then get mad at the man once he decides to end the relationship. I mean, can you blame him, you've played the role of the wife and he played the role of the pretend husband without the marriage license. No wonder he becomes an ex. I guess I'm just old fashioned, there is no way I would move in with my b/f (although he has brought the topic up) without him first being my husband because I don't intend to play house for several months or years. This isn't necessarily regarding you, just used your situation as an example, sorry. I kinda got off topic. |
I have to say my mouth dropped open when I saw this. Playing house???
When divorce rates are sky rocketing and relationships are being put to the test everyday whats the problem? I can see old fashioned but I also believe you should test drive the car before you buy it.
Living with someone can greatly change the dynamic of a relationship sometimes if u dont test it. From bill paying to chores, these are some things that u just have to experience.
I "played house" with one of my ex's and everything from fiscal responsiblity to infidelity came up in my mind. Thankfully I found these things out and avoided him like the plaugue. I can definity attribute this to living with him.
And to the bolded text above from the original post its sounds like he is an ex cause he was a mooch and and a user.
Before u crap on someone else life style maybe ask urself a question?
Is that nessasary? Im sure the original poster prob feels some way about it anyway. There is no need to be rude.
jackie100
Well-known member
Quote:
I'm not traditional and don't really care to get married... I never lived with him with the expectation to even get married, it was never the goal in the first place. Not all women are traditional and even care about marriage.
We just lived together and had an experience together. It was fine that it didn't work out, where did I state that I was upset that it didn't work out? I'm not upset at all
Nothing in life is a guarantee or absolute, everything is a learning experience. I never expect any relationship to last forever, most things in life don't.
I never cooked for him either, I am definitely not the cooking/cleaning type. As I said, I'm not traditional and the housewife kind. We mostly ate out/food to go.
As for sex, that was for my benefit, I don't think of it as "giving something up", I did it because I wanted pleasure for myself. lol In today's modern age I hardly think having sex is "giving it up", why do people assume it's the woman giving something up? Perhaps he was giving something it up to ME! lol I don't see why sex is so sacred or special that one must attach all sorts of connotations to it, like as if it's only appropriate to only have it with someone who wants to make you his wife, for some people it's only about pleasure. I never even wanted to get married in the first place.
| Originally Posted by LoveMakeup4Real
Regarding the bolded text above...You want to be a housewife yet you're playing house with a man who wasn't your husband but just a b/f? I don't understand how women allow themselves to live with a man for years and give him all that a wife would give, all the benefits and such (sex, cooking, etc) and then get mad at the man once he decides to end the relationship. I mean, can you blame him, you've played the role of the wife and he played the role of the pretend husband without the marriage license. No wonder he becomes an ex. I guess I'm just old fashioned, there is no way I would move in with my b/f (although he has brought the topic up) without him first being my husband because I don't intend to play house for several months or years. This isn't necessarily regarding you, just used your situation as an example, sorry. I kinda got off topic. |
I'm not traditional and don't really care to get married... I never lived with him with the expectation to even get married, it was never the goal in the first place. Not all women are traditional and even care about marriage.
We just lived together and had an experience together. It was fine that it didn't work out, where did I state that I was upset that it didn't work out? I'm not upset at all
I never cooked for him either, I am definitely not the cooking/cleaning type. As I said, I'm not traditional and the housewife kind. We mostly ate out/food to go.
As for sex, that was for my benefit, I don't think of it as "giving something up", I did it because I wanted pleasure for myself. lol In today's modern age I hardly think having sex is "giving it up", why do people assume it's the woman giving something up? Perhaps he was giving something it up to ME! lol I don't see why sex is so sacred or special that one must attach all sorts of connotations to it, like as if it's only appropriate to only have it with someone who wants to make you his wife, for some people it's only about pleasure. I never even wanted to get married in the first place.
LoveMakeup4Real
Well-known member
Quote:
Blah, I still stand for what I stated above, I call it playing house, you call it 'test driving a car before buying it.' There was no reason why your jaw dropped, please pick it back up! It was NOT that serious!! I believe you could have found these red flag signals even if you had not moved in with your ex, but honestly, I really do not care to know about your private life. If I offended you maybe it's because the truth hurts; as the saying so eloquently puts it. Besides, your opinion is like my assh0le (I'm sure you know what comes after). Perhaps you should dig a little bit deeper to see why my inoffensive comment triggered a nerve of yours. Who knows, you may just find an underlying reason! Oh, and before you decide to make rude, hyper responses as if everything you say are facts and everyone else have to abide by your beliefs, since I simply stated my opinion just as you just did...maybe you should ask yourself...Is THAT necessary? I don't think what I said was rude, but I guess that's where opinion comes into play. I think your comment was uncalled for. Anyhow, you're not getting another response from me. Shall we get back to the original topic. Ta ta now dear.
| Originally Posted by smith130
I have to say my mouth dropped open when I saw this. Playing house??? When divorce rates are sky rocketing and relationships are being put to the test everyday whats the problem? I can see old fashioned but I also believe you should test drive the car before you buy it. Living with someone can greatly change the dynamic of a relationship sometimes if u dont test it. From bill paying to chores, these are some things that u just have to experience. I "played house" with one of my ex's and everything from fiscal responsiblity to infidelity came up in my mind. Thankfully I found these things out and avoided him like the plaugue. I can definity attribute this to living with him. And to the bolded text above from the original post its sounds like he is an ex cause he was a mooch and and a user. Before u crap on someone else life style maybe ask urself a question? Is that nessasary? Im sure the original poster prob feels some way about it anyway. There is no need to be rude. |
Blah, I still stand for what I stated above, I call it playing house, you call it 'test driving a car before buying it.' There was no reason why your jaw dropped, please pick it back up! It was NOT that serious!! I believe you could have found these red flag signals even if you had not moved in with your ex, but honestly, I really do not care to know about your private life. If I offended you maybe it's because the truth hurts; as the saying so eloquently puts it. Besides, your opinion is like my assh0le (I'm sure you know what comes after). Perhaps you should dig a little bit deeper to see why my inoffensive comment triggered a nerve of yours. Who knows, you may just find an underlying reason! Oh, and before you decide to make rude, hyper responses as if everything you say are facts and everyone else have to abide by your beliefs, since I simply stated my opinion just as you just did...maybe you should ask yourself...Is THAT necessary? I don't think what I said was rude, but I guess that's where opinion comes into play. I think your comment was uncalled for. Anyhow, you're not getting another response from me. Shall we get back to the original topic. Ta ta now dear.
LoveMakeup4Real
Well-known member
Quote:
Well, at least you commented respectfully, unlike someone else. I appreciate that, thanks. But I used your situation as an example because you mentioned "so being a housewife is definitely for me." Therefore,I took that to mean you wanted to eventually get married since you used the word housewife, that could only mean one thing. Maybe I should not have done that in the first place. Anyhow, I never really thought about the sex thing as you put it, pleasure for both people
I guess it's my strict upbringing, but it makes total sense. Anyhow, I apologize if I offended you, but I clearly stated I used you as an example and I regret doing so. Have a great night!
| Originally Posted by jackie100
I'm not traditional and don't really care to get married... I never lived with him with the expectation to even get married, it was never the goal in the first place. Not all women are traditional and even care about marriage. We just lived together and had an experience together. It was fine that it didn't work out, where did I state that I was upset that it didn't work out? I'm not upset at all
I never cooked for him either, I am definitely not the cooking/cleaning type. As I said, I'm not traditional and the housewife kind. We mostly ate out/food to go. As for sex, that was for my benefit, I don't think of it as "giving something up", I did it because I wanted pleasure for myself. lol In today's modern age I hardly think having sex is "giving it up", why do people assume it's the woman giving something up? Perhaps he was giving something it up to ME! lol I don't see why sex is so sacred or special that one must attach all sorts of connotations to it, like as if it's only appropriate to only have it with someone who wants to make you his wife, for some people it's only about pleasure. I never even wanted to get married in the first place. |
Well, at least you commented respectfully, unlike someone else. I appreciate that, thanks. But I used your situation as an example because you mentioned "so being a housewife is definitely for me." Therefore,I took that to mean you wanted to eventually get married since you used the word housewife, that could only mean one thing. Maybe I should not have done that in the first place. Anyhow, I never really thought about the sex thing as you put it, pleasure for both people
jackie100
Well-known member
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No, what I mean was being any kind of wife is not for me but housewife definitely not for me... I like being single and having my options open.
I'm 30 now and feel no desire to get married or have kids. It's just not for me.
| Originally Posted by LoveMakeup4Real
Well, at least you commented respectfully, unlike someone else. I appreciate that, thanks. But I used your situation as an example because you mentioned "so being a housewife is definitely for me." Therefore,I took that to mean you wanted to eventually get married since you used the word housewife, that could only mean one thing. Maybe I should not have done that in the first place. Anyhow, I never really thought about the sex thing as you put it, pleasure for both people
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No, what I mean was being any kind of wife is not for me but housewife definitely not for me... I like being single and having my options open.
I'm 30 now and feel no desire to get married or have kids. It's just not for me.
LoveMakeup4Real
Well-known member
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Ah ok, gotcha! I read that wrong. That's cool, not all of us desire to live the cookie cutter mold lifestyle
| Originally Posted by jackie100
No, what I mean was being any kind of wife is not for me but housewife definitely not for me... I like being single and having my options open. I'm 30 now and feel no desire to get married or have kids. It's just not for me. |
Ah ok, gotcha! I read that wrong. That's cool, not all of us desire to live the cookie cutter mold lifestyle
