I paid on VALENTINES !!!

[Beauty Mark]

Quote:

Originally Posted by LoveMakeup4Real Regarding the bolded text above...You want to be a housewife yet you're playing house with a man who wasn't your husband but just a b/f? I don't understand how women allow themselves to live with a man for years and give him all that a wife would give, all the benefits and such (sex, cooking, etc) and then get mad at the man once he decides to end the relationship. I mean, can you blame him, you've played the role of the wife and he played the role of the pretend husband without the marriage license. No wonder he becomes an ex. I guess I'm just old fashioned, there is no way I would move in with my b/f (although he has brought the topic up) without him first being my husband because I don't intend to play house for several months or years. This isn't necessarily regarding you, just used your situation as an example, sorry. I kinda got off topic.

I find that incredibly offensive you refer to living with your SO as "playing house." It really is demeaning to people who live with their SO by using that phrase, since it likens what they're doing to a child's game. Not everyone is inclined to get married or can even get married.

I'm happy that you know don't want to live with your SO until marriage, but that doesn't mean what people put into their relationships prior to marriage is any less. An ex will become an ex if things go amiss; it has nothing to do with a license or anything.

 

[Shimmer]

Slow your roll.
Be respectful of all viewpoints, and refrain from being condescending and snide in postings, please.

 

[Macnarsandlove]

Quote:

Originally Posted by LoveMakeup4Real Blah, I still stand for what I stated above, I call it playing house, you call it 'test driving a car before buying it.' There was no reason why your jaw dropped, please pick it back up! It was NOT that serious!! I believe you could have found these red flag signals even if you had not moved in with your ex, but honestly, I really do not care to know about your private life. If I offended you maybe it's because the truth hurts; as the saying so eloquently puts it. Besides, your opinion is like my assh0le (I'm sure you know what comes after). Perhaps you should dig a little bit deeper to see why my inoffensive comment triggered a nerve of yours. Who knows, you may just find an underlying reason! Oh, and before you decide to make rude, hyper responses as if everything you say are facts and everyone else have to abide by your beliefs, since I simply stated my opinion just as you just did...maybe you should ask yourself...Is THAT necessary? I don't think what I said was rude, but I guess that's where opinion comes into play. I think your comment was uncalled for. Anyhow, you're not getting another response from me. Shall we get back to the original topic. Ta ta now dear.

put the claws away

 

[LoveMakeup4Real]

*yawns*

 

[Eire3]

I know many couples who have been living together for 20 years, have kids but are not married and they're happily a family the same.
I personally don't believe in religious wedding so if i'll ever get married (not in church) it will be because in the state i'll live in (hope it will be not Italy in the next years) there will not be the same laws for kids of a non-married couple and for kids of a married couple (in Italy non-married couples has disadvantages while in other EU countries it's not like that...i don't know what's the situation in the US).
I don't think that marriage can make a couple or a family stronger, since you can easily divorce and statistics prove that.
So please don't call it house playing. Living together has the same joys and difficulties both for married and non married couples.
Everyone has its own opinions and it's right that everyone can express them freely, but i think that we should never think that our way of thinking is the right one for everybody. I think that calling living together without being married "house playing" is like saying that your point of view is universally right and the opposite is universally wrong. They probably would have broke up if they were married too and that's because i think that is love who keeps two people together, not a contract. I would feel bad if my man stayed with me only because we're married and not because he loves me.
(but it seems we're a bit OT, ugh)

 

[aleksis210]

I'd def. go on another date with him...pick the restaraunt and order twice as much as he did...he may be a jerk, but I tend to be able to put up with anyone after a few "$10 martinis" lol

 

[Pascal]

Quote:

Originally Posted by LoveMakeup4Real Regarding the bolded text above...You want to be a housewife yet you're playing house with a man who wasn't your husband but just a b/f? I don't understand how women allow themselves to live with a man for years and give him all that a wife would give, all the benefits and such (sex, cooking, etc) and then get mad at the man once he decides to end the relationship. I mean, can you blame him, you've played the role of the wife and he played the role of the pretend husband without the marriage license. No wonder he becomes an ex. I guess I'm just old fashioned, there is no way I would move in with my b/f (although he has brought the topic up) without him first being my husband because I don't intend to play house for several months or years. This isn't necessarily regarding you, just used your situation as an example, sorry. I kinda got off topic.

Im with you all the way on this one call me old fashioned too but I'm not into the whole pretense husband lifestyle either. No nooky before marraige and no free rides.

 

[Pascal]

Quote:

Originally Posted by NutMeg Currently, and almost always in our relationship, my bf pays for the majority of things we do. Why? It's not because either of us think that's the way it should be, it's because I'm currently going to school and he's making anywhere from 5-10 times as much as me in any given year. Paying for my dinner when we go out is something that his budget doesn't even notice, whereas that might be all I have for entertainment in any given month. He'd rather pay for things like that than not be able to do them with me at all. It works for our relationship. Everyone has an arrangement that may or may not work for them. The flip side to this agreement is that we both make sure that the other one feels loved and appreciated. He knows that I'm not with him because he pays for me to go out to a club. Hell, I bring him homemade bread, it has to be love!

I see exactly where your coming from and that was my point at the beginning of this post.
You sound happy girl... and you know what your talking about... now tell me where I can find a gentleman like yours ... lol Nothing but losers around here

 

[Lapis]

Quote:

Originally Posted by jackie100 I used to be in a serious relationship with my ex where we lived together for 2 years. I like to be the woman who brings in the money etc. I am not traditional and being a homemaker is not for me. I am 30 now and I already know that I would never want kids so being a housewife is definitely for me. I am really independent. I just like to pay for myself, I really dislike a man paying for me. when I was with my ex I was making WAY more than he was so I don't see how him paying for things would dictate his strength. It would dictate my strength however since I was making much more. I guess I'm just aggressive by nature, I don't like being coddled and treated like a princess.

So he brought no strengths to the relationship?
You brought financial strenght and he brought?? zip? a penis??

I think what you should say is I like control, I don't like to defer, because I am aggressive from the jobs I've held to my family, I come from a matriarchal family for over 100 years now, I am a fully empowered woman yet when it came to being a wife I cringed, I was a single mom had no problem, but the idea of not controlling EVERYTHING did make me twitch

Also a man treating you well does not mean you are being coddled, it could be as simple as you working and suck at the house stuff but your SO cooks well, and keeps the house looking wonderful, he has a strenght there you don't because he may not be able to buy an entire MAC line doesn't take away from the fact that he offers you a peace within your home life.

 

[jackie100]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Lapis So he brought no strengths to the relationship? You brought financial strenght and he brought?? zip? a penis?? I think what you should say is I like control, I don't like to defer, because I am aggressive from the jobs I've held to my family, I come from a matriarchal family for over 100 years now, I am a fully empowered woman yet when it came to being a wife I cringed, I was a single mom had no problem, but the idea of not controlling EVERYTHING did make me twitch Also a man treating you well does not mean you are being coddled, it could be as simple as you working and suck at the house stuff but your SO cooks well, and keeps the house looking wonderful, he has a strenght there you don't because he may not be able to buy an entire MAC line doesn't take away from the fact that he offers you a peace within your home life.

He mainly offered companionship, someone to spend time with, watch tv with, eat with me, sleep with me (not even necessarily sex, just someone to sleep with), someone to go out with. I'm not a really picky person and I was really lonely so I didn't ask for much, I was just happy to have someone, anyone to talk to me.

Now I'm a bit pickier, I would want someone who would contribute in some way, whether it be cooking, doing chores, etc... I just don't need anyone to pay for my dinner etc. I just really hate that, I find it patronizing and condescending. I love paying for myself.

I am not necessarily even looking for someone. I kinda like being alone.

 

[Devoted2MAC]

First, after he bought the first drink with his LAST $10 I would have left.

Second, if I decided to stick around, after eating, I would have told the waiter to only charge me for my portion of the bill and then I would have left the asshole to deal with the consequences. I'll be dammed if I'm going to pay for a guy like that or even any guy for that matter. I'm a little traditional.

 

[Mabelle]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Shimmer bullshit. It's not a man's responsibility to pay just because he has a penis...anymore than it's a woman's entitlement not to pay because she has a vagina. Chivalry is all well and good, but he warned you up front he was broke, and you went anyway. *shrug*

Normally i would totally agree with you, but i think this guy is a grade a douche bag.

If he offered to treat you, he shoul have reschedualed if he didnt have the money. That's what treating someone is. Paying for them. It's not "Hey i'm treat you! You can pay for me! What a freakin treat!"

The selfish a hole spent his last 10$ on himself, and expects you to fork over the $ for dinner(and a movie?!)

Ordering drinks when someone you don't really know HAS to foot the bill is rude imo. Especially if it's someone you hardly know. Besides, he has to dirve back... 3 drinks is enough for me to call it drinking and driving.

The guy sounds like a douchebag. Pointe finale.

If this were a situation between a couple it would be completly diffrent.Even a situation between freinds... but ugghh. This guy screams a sleazy moocher.
Sometimes my bf foots a dinner bill, sometimes i do, most of the time we split it. Same with a friend. But never woud i offer to treat someone, tell them i hvae no money and ask them to pay, and order a bunch of drinks. yuck!!

 

[Susanne]

I can't see the problem. I pay my bills on my own, also the one at Valentine's day when we were out for dinner.
No problem for me at all. I have a full-time job and I am proud that I can pay for the things I want.

Love does not mean for me getting paid my bills all the time.
I loved being on a dinner with him on Valentine's day and enjoyed the time together. This is important, not the money.

 

[milamonster]

this thread has kind of taken a detour lol.
but i think you got your answer.
this dudes a jerk , rude and inconsiderate.
true, you should have either set rules for how much money you had OR turned back and rescheduled, HOWEVER you didnt. And you learned from that so that's good.
It sounsd ot me that he was using you and wanted a free ride.
I don't think its much the isuse of him being a man but it's the principal moreso. there's this friend i have who takes adavantage of people and waits til she gets to the place to say "she has no money" or "forgot her wallet" and will sit there and order way too much food. Assuming that the person has enough money to pay for it. And she sometimes has the nerve to say it AFTER.(good for those of us who catch on to this game, right?) MAN OR NOT that's just rude and no manners. You have to stand your ground, in the future it's good you know what not to do next time. because there's always people in life, men, "friends" , family members, etc who will try to take advantage of you
and i hope you stick to not datin dude again, not even for him to "double treat" you because he may come up with another lame excuse. lol

 

[AdlersMommy22]

blah.. this reminds me of an ex I had. He played minor league baseball for the Chicago Cubs and got signed for 2.2 million at the age of 18.... When we were dating I was paying my way through college, bills, etc... he literally made me charge plane tickets to my credit card in order to come see him in Florida, and would NEVER come see me... it blew.. but I had really low self esteem and huge problems and while it was a REALLY dumb thing to do, I got myself into $4,000 worth of debt going to see a guy who, while I was there, would drop $600 @ best buy just on games and movies to watch on the road.

Not to say he should have been paying for all my plane tickets, but he should have at least been helping me... as a kid who does nothing but play baseball and has 2.2 million....whatever. that's guys.. some guys are just REALLY selfish ...esp when it comes to money.

 

[MAC_Whore]

Disclaimer: My POV re my life....

If my DH ever called me his queen or his princess, I would throw up in my mouth. To me, Queen or Princess stirs up images of something dainty requiring worship. I am all about equality. I treat him well, he treats me well. Neither one of us think we are royalty. I think it is unfair of a woman to expect more of a man than she expects of herself.

I don't mean this to be offensive to those who use the term in another manner (as a sign of affection), it's just when it's used by others in the "worship me" manner than it rubs me wrong way.

 

[rockin26]

Quote:

Originally Posted by MAC_Whore Disclaimer: My POV re my life.... If my DH ever called me his queen or his princess, I would throw up in my mouth. To me, Queen or Princess stirs up images of something dainty requiring worship. I am all about equality. I treat him well, he treats me well. Neither one of us think we are royalty. I think it is unfair of a woman to expect more of a man than she expects of herself. I don't mean this to be offensive to those who use the term in another manner (as a sign of affection), it's just when it's used by others in the "worship me" manner than it rubs me wrong way.

Here here!! I respect everyone's view but if you pulled that I'm a Queen and should be treated as such in Australia the guys would just think you were full of yourself. If a man treats me right, cares about me and is there for me, I'm happy and I don't need anything more to make me feel special, being with a man that loves me deeply makes me feel special enough

 

[jenee.sum]

Quote:

Originally Posted by rockin26 Here here!! I respect everyone's view but if you pulled that I'm a Queen and should be treated as such in Australia the guys would just think you were full of yourself. If a man treats me right, cares about me and is there for me, I'm happy and I don't need anything more to make me feel special, being with a man that loves me deeply makes me feel special enough

off topic...but a man with an aussie accent can be so sexy. haha not ALL aussie men, but a lot are. hugh jackman...

 

[milamonster]

iono...i take queen as a compliment. it has nothing to do with worship to me. i would consider him my king too. queen and king like a couple. a pair. not like a queen and her servant. not the queen that i bow to and orders me around...it's not like that. or at least, that's not how i take it. i take those as affectionate terms and do not show unequal status. to me...its like you're THE ONE in my life. clearly though, calling someone your queen or king (in my mind) does mean that i am with you and love you/married to you and you are the one i love and choose to be with...not some other chick. That is to say that doesnt mean youre perfect or roses all the time. Youre not on a pedestal. Youre not Jesus, Allah, or Shiva. You are you and he shows his appreciation for you by calling you that affectionate term. people have other ways to say/express this idea, so people may not use such a strong word...

and when i would say someone treats me like a queen, i t just means that they respect me. and not that they put me on a pedestal but take good care of me...the same i would him. it's a mutual thing. And i do think alot of guys who say this use it in an equal way...

i think im missing something. Im just talking about the term in general tho...of being called a queen. And i do see why some could be uncomfortbale. Just saharing my pov.

 

[TISH1124]

^^^ Don't worry...most of us were speaking of it as a term of endearment...not entitlement...