infidelity

[xiomara]

Sorry, i'm a noob. but need your advice ladies. Thanks in advance.

I just found out that my spouse has a myspace account and he flirts and tries to hook-up with different girls, saying that he isn't married. I snooped in his phone and got his password, and found numerous friend requests with girls & some graphic emails with a girl he is planning on moving in with! The thing is I'm that girl! I hi-jacked his myspace and then put him to the test. I made a fake account and started to send him emails to get to know him, now i realize that he is ready to leave me! I'm devastated! Sometimes we don't get along, but i never imagined all the plans he has to Leave Me!
What do you think about this? I know I'm wrong for doing this, but I just needed to make sure he wasn't cheating on me! He told this girl (fake myspace girl) that he doesn't love me and that he's going to leave me, and that we wants to be more than just friends with the girl, and even leave together to Florida.

I feel divorce coming my way, but I still love him and had no idea he is so deceitful.
help?

 

[Asela88]

thats horrible but at least you found out before it happens..I guess now just try to be prepared if he does leave you

 

[gildedangel]

I know that you love him, but you have to let him go. He is obviously not going to stay with you from what you have told us, so divorce him. You have more than enough evidence to do so. I am so sorry to hear your story and I hope that it all works out in the end for you. You deserve much better than this guy. Good luck hun!

 

[xiomara]

thanks ladies for your support!
do you think i should present the evidence & confront him? or not?

 

[VintageAqua]

If you want to put him to the test, try to set up a meeting arrangement between "the girl" and him. If he shows, you will have your answer. If he doesn't, he may realize that your marriage is more valuable than he appears.

I know how much of a tough call that is to have to decide, but for now I would keep quiet about it until you decide to get your things in order or confront him and try to make things work.

Each situation is personal but believe me, if you love him enough and visa versa, you can work through this. However, if you feel that this could be an ongoing trend, deal with it before you lose yourself. Your happiness is ultimately what matters most.

 

[n_c]

Quote:

Originally Posted by xiomara thanks ladies for your support! do you think i should present the evidence & confront him? or not?

Nah... just do yourself a favor and get the divorce process started. No point in confronting him is there?

edit: Maybe because he hasn't actually hooked up with someone there might still a chance to "save" your marriage. Personally, I wouldn't tolerate the whole myspace thing, but that's just me.

 

[xiomara]

From what he says to the myspace girl, it's like i'm married but i don't love her and i want to leave her, will you come with me
He has already set a "meeting" for this weekend, specifically while i'm at work... but i'm curious if he's serious!
That would be the final straw!
Ugh! my stomach is really sick!

 

[User38]

agree with above posters, especially n_c -- if he has gone thru all this to get women, then he isn't worth the aggravation.

Confronting him without any witnesses will not lead to anything except more headaches later on. Get a lawyer and know your rights... and be ready to let go of this emotionally.. no matter how much it hurts

 

[xiomara]

ok, so maybe i'm crazy, but we've been having a deep conversation via yahoo messenger (by the way i'm acting as the myspace chick) and he's divulged so much personal info of our relationship, but overall keeps asking to hookup and have sex, i've tried to ask him what's the problem in "their" marriage but he's making up lies that i want to get back together with my child's biological father. Which isn't true! He's making up lies....so I started to say that I like women and that i'm bisexual, and can't have kids...whatever I say I'm trying to put him off, and he keeps persisting....
well I guess when the weekend arrives and I don't show up for the hookup,
(haha for him!)
by the way he has also sent photos of himself to the myspace girl

edit: sorry for making so many posts but i need advice

 

[CandiGirl21]

Quote:

Originally Posted by xiomara Sorry, i'm a noob. but need your advice ladies. Thanks in advance. I just found out that my spouse has a myspace account and he flirts and tries to hook-up with different girls, saying that he isn't married. I snooped in his phone and got his password, and found numerous friend requests with girls & some graphic emails with a girl he is planning on moving in with! The thing is I'm that girl! I hi-jacked his myspace and then put him to the test. I made a fake account and started to send him emails to get to know him, now i realize that he is ready to leave me! I'm devastated! Sometimes we don't get along, but i never imagined all the plans he has to Leave Me! What do you think about this? I know I'm wrong for doing this, but I just needed to make sure he wasn't cheating on me! He told this girl (fake myspace girl) that he doesn't love me and that he's going to leave me, and that we wants to be more than just friends with the girl, and even leave together to Florida. I feel divorce coming my way, but I still love him and had no idea he is so deceitful. help?

That quote alone should tell you what to do.

I know that my advice was a quick one, but sometimes we fail to realize the hardest decisions in life is actually the easiest one..

Hang in there...

 

[almmaaa]

I'm sorry to hear that you are going thru this, but that is terrible talking with a girl on myspace that he dosent even know, but if you think about it, he like fell in love with you all over again. You know what I mean?
My two cents.

 

[joey444]

Oh my gosh, what a horrible situation to be in! This sounds like a movie. Well, the meeting is set and if he shows, I would confront him then and see what happens. I know it's such a hurtful way to find out how your husband feels about you but he should know he got caught and then see where it goes from there. Couples have gotten over worse but always know your options and divorce is definitely one of them.

I wish you the best and keep us posted.

 

[MAC_Whore]

Quote:

Originally Posted by xiomara .....so I started to say that I like women and that i'm bisexual, and can't have kids...whatever I say I'm trying to put him off, and he keeps persisting........

Saying you are bisexual and that you don't want kids will pretty much attract a large part of the male population like ants on sugar, not put them off.

 

[Lapis]

Oh I'd take this weekend off, leave like normal wait until he leaves for the meet and have a family member change the locks and another pack the SoB's shit while I'm "meeting" him
He'd be waiting for random chick he'd like to dick down and I'd walk right up, hi I'm ________, sit down order a drink and watch the son of a bitch try to talk himself out of it.
When he got home, he would have to take his crap and GO!
Yes I'm a crazy sadistic bitch.

You don't want to stay with this man, you'll always wonder if he's really changed!

 

[NutMeg]

Honestly, I'm not sure what you're waiting for. The question isn't whether he will actually go through with the meeting, the question is if you find his actions up until now acceptable. Are you ok with being with someone who goes behind your back, talking to other women about sexual things, asking them to live with him, telling strangers that he's going to leave you before he talks to you about?

You have the right to handle this however you want. Personally I never would have taken things this far, I'm not comfortable playing games and deceiving my partner in order to find out if he's telling the truth. I would feel demeaned by all of this creating online identities to catch him out. I'm not sure what you're looking to gain by meeting up with him, because I can gaurrentee it won't end pretty.

 

[user79]

It kind of sounds like a bad movie...

It does seem like a lot of trouble to go to, you must have been pretty insecure about your relationship to begin with to go to such lengths to find out his stance. Whatever happened to trying to work things out? I don't know, if marriage counseling is out of the question for you and discussing things openly with your husband, then I honestly don't know why you are still in this relationship.

 

[FiestyFemme]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Lapis Oh I'd take this weekend off, leave like normal wait until he leaves for the meet and have a family member change the locks and another pack the SoB's shit while I'm "meeting" him He'd be waiting for random chick he'd like to dick down and I'd walk right up, hi I'm ________, sit down order a drink and watch the son of a bitch try to talk himself out of it. When he got home, he would have to take his crap and GO! Yes I'm a crazy sadistic bitch. You don't want to stay with this man, you'll always wonder if he's really changed!

Damn straight. And that's not even nearly as mean as you could be. IMO, there is no fixing this... I'd get my ducks in a row financially and legally and be done with his ass. They do not change. Ever.

 

[xiomara]

ok girls, i couldn't help myself...i confronted him...asked him about it
and he tried denying it the whole way! then he said he wanted to separate for a while, and mentioned he was better off while he was single!
then he said he didn't want to separate & would try to work things out. his beef is that he saw some pictures of me on myspace where i was drinking at a birthday party...it was my b-day party last year...and there were pics where i was hugging a friend (male) laying on a bed (it was a hotel party) and where i had a long skirt on and pulled it up to make it into a dress, he thought i was getting naked in front of people, but it was just a joke between me and my girlfriends.
pretty dumb, right!

 

[xiomara]

Quote:

Originally Posted by MAC_Whore Saying you are bisexual and that you don't want kids will pretty much attract a large part of the male population like ants on sugar, not put them off.

these were things that i know for a fact that would turn him off.

 

[Shimmer]

Just a few thoughts:
A. He was likely NOT looking to actually leave you. Just cheat on you. The old "I've got a wife, but man. That bitch is crazy and I'm looking for the best way out" schtick.
B. Whatever YOU decide is best for YOU based on the information at hand, you need to keep your children (did I read correctly that you have at least one child) and their best interest in mind first.
C. If he hasn't cheated on you yet, he WILL. There's no way around it.


You can stay married, it's cheaper, it's easier than divorce, and things can just go status quo.
You can stay married and work on things. That's hard. Really hard. Because you'll have to face some truths about yourself too.
or
You can finish it.