infidelity

[Lapis]

Quote:

Originally Posted by xiomara ok girls, i couldn't help myself...i confronted him...asked him about it and he tried denying it the whole way! then he said he wanted to separate for a while, and mentioned he was better off while he was single! then he said he didn't want to separate & would try to work things out. his beef is that he saw some pictures of me on myspace where i was drinking at a birthday party...it was my b-day party last year...and there were pics where i was hugging a friend (male) laying on a bed (it was a hotel party) and where i had a long skirt on and pulled it up to make it into a dress, he thought i was getting naked in front of people, but it was just a joke between me and my girlfriends. pretty dumb, right!

whatever he's excusing his behavior by blaming you!
I still think you should have waited! His meeting the online chick would have been confirmation of his intentions, now he can lie and go he never intended to meet her, while still talking to others that you have no clue about.

Don't be stupid, this man does not deserve your trust and putting the blame on you is wrong, altho where was your husband when you had your birthday party?
How old are you people? Sorry but both of you need to grow up! Seems trust is lacking on both sides.

Quote:

Originally Posted by xiomara these were things that i know for a fact that would turn him off.

These were things you thought would turn him off, obviously he lied.

 

[xiomara]

yeah, i'm pretty stupid!
but the pictures i'm talking about are from when we were just boyfriend & girlfriend and he was living in a different state.
i'm a glutton for punishment!
we're on yahoo messenger and he still plans on taking off with this girl, geez, that f**ker, well i guess Sunday, i def see how far he's willing to go with this...

 

[NutMeg]

For god's sake, why?? Don't you know enough already? Why do you want to put yourself through this soap opera?

 

[couturesista]

Quote:

Originally Posted by NutMeg For god's sake, why?? Don't you know enough already? Why do you want to put yourself through this soap opera?

Exactly!

: wtf:

My smilies pretty much summed up my reaction to this story and I'm not trying to be rude , but seriously, either ur staying or leaving there's no in between, get on with it!

 

[Ms_Slick]

For some reason, I have reason to suspect that you saw this coming. People in trusting relationships don't snoop in each other's phones to begin with. I would never look in my boyfriend's phone without his knowledge and when someone calls and Im closest to his phone, I'll hand it to him without even looking who it is.

I am also wondering how old you are? If your marriage is still very new then you can bet that this will continue 10 years, 20 years, down the line when he really does get bored with the relationship (if he isn't already).

He sounds like a dog to me. If it was my relationship, the second I even found out about him trying to hook up with other women, I would've been out the door. Why're you wasting your time? It sounds like you're still very young and you still have plenty of time to find someone who cares about you and loves you like it should be.

 

[Lapis]

Quote:

Originally Posted by xiomara yeah, i'm pretty stupid! but the pictures i'm talking about are from when we were just boyfriend & girlfriend and he was living in a different state. i'm a glutton for punishment! we're on yahoo messenger and he still plans on taking off with this girl, geez, that f**ker, well i guess Sunday, i def see how far he's willing to go with this...

see my post above.
if he can get back in the house after he goes to meet the "myspace chick", you deserve to call yourself stupid

 

[User38]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Lapis Oh I'd take this weekend off, leave like normal wait until he leaves for the meet and have a family member change the locks and another pack the SoB's shit while I'm "meeting" him He'd be waiting for random chick he'd like to dick down and I'd walk right up, hi I'm ________, sit down order a drink and watch the son of a bitch try to talk himself out of it. When he got home, he would have to take his crap and GO! Yes I'm a crazy sadistic bitch. You don't want to stay with this man, you'll always wonder if he's really changed!

AMEN!!

 

[VintageAqua]

Okay, with the updated information, you should really re-evaluate your financial and personal situation at hand.

I've gone through an extremely similar situation before and trust me, BLAMING YOU and MAKING EXCUSES for his actions is extremely typical for pre-cheating activity.

You could wait to see what happens this weekend, but like Lapis said, prepare yourself for the worst. At this point, "HE" is taking action to violate your marriage NOT YOU, because you are trying to protect yourself and assets.

Whatever you do, don't feed into his manipulation. That will only lead to additional lies, cheating, physical and emotional abuse if it hasn't resulted in that way already. Trust that this is not the first time he has done this too. Clearly, he knows what he's doing. :-(

Good Luck and don't call yourself stupid. You can rise above this.

 

[ForgetRegret]

You're certainly not stupid, sweetie...don't call yourself that.
I apologize if I offend anyone, but I have to say this; for those of you who are berating this poor girl and telling her to leave, asking her why she doesn't know, and generally yelling at her; quit it. You're not in her situation...yes, this is a subject most of us feel passionately about, but keep in mind that if/when you are/were in a similar situation, you probably didn't appreciate people telling you what you should do. She came here for advice, not to have someone else make her decisions for her. *steps off soapbox*
That being said...sweetie it doesn't sound like a very good situation...the fact that you two talked about it, he denied everything, and then said he was thinking about separating, but didn't really want to...and is STILL making arrangements to meet "Myspace chick" doesn't really sound like something that a guy who wants to stay in a marriage would do. I think that waiting it out for the weekend might put you through more pain than you should have to go through. If it's really what you want to do, then go for it, but my honest opinion would be to talk to a lawyer and start divorce proceedings ASAP...and hold on to the e-mails and everything between him and "myspace chick"...you may need them as proof that he was intending to end the marriage, etc, in the event that he tries to put blame on you.
Whatever you decide to do, good luck, and keep your head up, you're a smart, beautiful woman, and this guy clearly doesn't deserve you...that just means the one who does is still out there. *hugs*

 

[kaliraksha]

In the mean time, while you figure out what you want, I would make and keep copies of all the evidence for your possible future lawyer in case you do go the divorce route. I would take the opportunity to be ahead of the game and establish independence and stability, if you don't already have that.

I agree with others that there have obviously been trust issues in the past for you to go to this length to test him... you have to look at why you even put yourself here in the first place and think about all the work you're both going to have to go through and ask yourself if he's worth it.

 

[Lauren1981]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Ms_Slick For some reason, I have reason to suspect that you saw this coming. People in trusting relationships don't snoop in each other's phones to begin with

exactly.
i have snooped twice in the past and the ONLY reason i did it is because i saw red flags popping up everywhere. the snooping was just to confirm so that i could leave.

of course you're married tho so it's more difficult and complicated as far as leaving but if this man is asking for his space since you brought his sneaky ways to his attention why not just give him what he wants and you can make plans for yourself and move on.

 

[VintageAqua]

Hope you're hanging in there, xiomara.

One more thing I thought of (though it's kind of personal) is you might want to get tested for any STD's, things of that nature just to be safe. Unfortunately my aunt found out her ex husband was cheating when she went for a check up and found out she had transmitted a disease...from her husband.

 

[Lauren1981]

Quote:

Originally Posted by VintageAqua Hope you're hanging in there, xiomara. One more thing I thought of (though it's kind of personal) is you might want to get tested for any STD's, things of that nature just to be safe. Unfortunately my aunt found out her ex husband was cheating when she went for a check up and found out she had transmitted a disease...from her husband.

good advice

 

[xiomara]

ok ladies. update!
tonight i put the evidence in his face! and after crying & fighting he left!
He wants to be Single!
i'm almost 30 for those who thought i am young.
and for those who ever suffered abuse or depression can possibly sympathize. i didnt grow up with self esteem!

 

[kaliraksha]

xiomara, I'm so sorry.. regardless of whether he was a "bad egg" breaking up and hearing those things do not feel good. Hang in there... things will get better if you truly want them to and you make sure they do. And, at least in my opinion... 30 is young!

 

[Lauren1981]

Quote:

Originally Posted by xiomara ok ladies. update! tonight i put the evidence in his face! and after crying & fighting he left! He wants to be Single! i'm almost 30 for those who thought i am young. and for those who ever suffered abuse or depression can possibly sympathize. i didnt grow up with self esteem!

sorry this happened but he was a loser anyway. no woman (or person for that matter) deserves that. hopefully now you can take this time to work on your self-esteem so that you will be good and ready for the man that DESERVES you

 

[ForgetRegret]

Quote:

Originally Posted by xiomara ok ladies. update! tonight i put the evidence in his face! and after crying & fighting he left! He wants to be Single! i'm almost 30 for those who thought i am young. and for those who ever suffered abuse or depression can possibly sympathize. i didnt grow up with self esteem!

Oh sweetie...

I certainly do sympathize with you...and I know what it's like to have zero self-esteem...but almost 30 is NOT old! I know that right now it sucks...you're hurting, and the pain isn't going to go away overnight...BUT him leaving was the best thing for you. Your constant questioning of whether or not he was being truthful would've made you miserable. Try and hold your head up, spend time with your best girlfriends, and you'll get through it.
Plus, you've always got us.

 

[User93]

Girl, I know it feels really bad now, but you know, this moments don't think about good things you had together, but all this crap he put you through. Read your posts in this thread. You don't need a man like this by your side no matter how old are you. 30 is not old at all, and you're lucky not to find out what a jerk he is after 10 more years wasted on him. Just remember it's only better for you and will keep getting better and better.

 

[L1LMAMAJ]

that is so horrible. i'm afraid i would be so confused if i was in your situation. he can't be trusted...i'm sorry.

 

[NutMeg]

Hang in there lady, you didn't deserve the way he treated you and now you have a chance to find someone who will be good to you. Take care of yourself.