Is this a bridezilla moment?

[BlahWah]

Okay, I'm wondering if I'm biased/naive here, so I'd like to hear your thoughts. My sis is getting married and has told us 7 (yes, seven) bridesmaids in February (i.e. 4-5 months ago) that she's thinking of red dresses for all of us and would like us to have matching red shoes as well. Some of the girls - let's call them, The Ladies - expressed to me that they'd prefer not to purchase red shoes as they know they'd never wear them again. I figured there'd be no way for us to find a red shoe which would be good for everyone and for the dress anyway, so I told them I'll try to convince my sis black shoes would be better/easier.

When we started to actively look for red shoes a month ago (mind: none of them have helped look for any shoes) they were quite insistent to my sis that red shoes would be unreasonable. Now she's opted for black shoes but still wants them to match, so we've been out shopping around for shoes which everyone would be happy with. Instead, The Ladies are keep asking to wear their own shoes, "if that's okay". I'd think it's not okay! It's HER wedding day and we're there to support her, not demand one thing over another!

Btw, we all paid for our dress (under $200Cdn) but my sis is taking care of all our hair and makeup, and the shoe should be under $100 for sure. Also, while everyone came to the Jack and Jill, a couple of the girls didn't come out to the bachelorette, not even to drop by, and The Ladies got completely smashed while the bride remained sober and watched out for them.

I'm trying not to be the over-protective older sister, but I'm finding The Ladies to be so demanding on the bride when it's her big day, not theirs. It's not too much to ask for them to pay for dress and shoes, is it? Especially when they decided to drop big money on the bachelorette on themselves more than her.

If I was the bride (which I was 2 years ago) I'd cut them out already!

Lastly, the wedding is in 1.5 weeks. I wish they'd just suck it up and fork over for the shoes - she's got enough on her plate!

 

[Dizzy]

I don't understand why they can't just get cheapish red shoes? I had to get yellow ones for a wedding I was in about 2 years ago, but the bride at least went to Payless and picked them out. They ended up being like $15, super cute with the dress, and were comfortable enough for an afternoon wedding. It's not like she's asking them to buy designer shoes.

In this case, I think the bridesmaids are overstepping their bounds a bit. It's not their wedding and it sounds like your sister is being quite reasonable in trying to accomodate them, especially since they haven't helped look for the shoes.

 

[BlahWah]

Thank you!!!!!

Unfortunately we couldn't find any red shoes for less than $50 which would go with the dress (it's like an evening cocktail dress) because most were too casual or too "blingy", so to speak, or too high (which most red shoes do). But now that we're compromising to a black shoe it'll be easier to find one which suits most, if not everyone, and is cheaper simply because of the wider range available. I don't get why they can't just go along with that!

 

[MiCHiE]

They could also get a cheap white shoe and have it dyed.

 

[BlahWah]

Dying a white shoe is a great idea and we thought about that too, but it's been so hard rounding them up for stuff that to get them to try out the shoes and then have them dyed... they won't go around doing it themselves, so they'll say save the hassle and just get a black shoe, which has now turned to get no shoes... they're using the "save the hassle" argument now so as not to get any shoe, which my sis is now considering but fears someone will argue that their shoe is "good enough" when it's not the look she wants (e.g. she wants dainty strappies and they push for chunky heel). It's like she (we?) can't win with them. =/

 

[kuuipo1207]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Dizzy I don't understand why they can't just get cheapish red shoes? I had to get yellow ones for a wedding I was in about 2 years ago, but the bride at least went to Payless and picked them out. They ended up being like $15, super cute with the dress, and were comfortable enough for an afternoon wedding. It's not like she's asking them to buy designer shoes. In this case, I think the bridesmaids are overstepping their bounds a bit. It's not their wedding and it sounds like your sister is being quite reasonable in trying to accomodate them, especially since they haven't helped look for the shoes.

Especially with the last point. If the bridesmaids really cared about your sister, and knew how important this day was to her, they would be willing to take at least two hours out of their day (if that) and get together to find shoes - especially since your sister has already made changes to accommodate them (AND took care of them during her bachelorette party).

 

[Ms. Z]

In my opinion as long as they agree on a color, the style of the shoe should be at the taste (as long as it goes w/the dress) & comfort of the wearer. I for one would never wear cheap dyed shoes again (like the ones sold at Bridal Shops & stores like Payless) they are uncomfortable & so tacky looking when dyed, nor would I dye an expensive pair of shoes.

 

[BlahWah]

Quote:

Originally Posted by ZLoves2Shop In my opinion as long as they agree on a color, the style of the shoe should be at the taste (as long as it goes w/the dress) & comfort of the wearer.

That's exactly what she's been trying to go for, making sure it's wearable, re-wearable, classy but flexible with outfits, and affordable. They could have had some more say in the shoe by just shoe-shopping with us (or even checking some out on their own), but whatever.

I was hoping she'd pick out this really nice (and comfortable! - and affordable!!) Nine West ones 2day but she settled on another one which will hurt a bit but I can work around it. She's basically going to ask them to bring the shoe they'd like to wear and if she doesn't like it as much as the one she found today then they'll have to pick up the pair she likes. That should be fair enough, esp. with just over a week to go!

 

[frocher]

Being a bridesmaid is about being there for one of your girlfriends. Part of it is paying for a dress and matching shoes you may not find attractive. They should do this without hassling her about it, it is part of the unwritten agreement. You aren't being overprotective, these ladies are behaving badly.

 

[YvetteJeannine]

In *most* formal weddings, the bridesmaids' shoes match their dresses...Usually, they'll get a white pair of shoes dyed. It's not too much of your sister to ask. I've heard of some REALLY over-the-top demands from brides; but this ain't one of 'em.

 

[user79]

See, this is why I am not a fan of traditional weddings with all the get up. I mean, it's shoes. This has obviously caused you and probably your sister quite a bit of stress, over shoes, when probably no one besides your sister and yourself are going to be paying much attention to the shoes the bridesmaids are wearing on the day of the wedding. Also, if she wanted to have 7 bridesmaids, she should have considered the fact that problems like this to arise is more likely.

 

[~Valerie~]

I have to agree with the above poster. This is exactly why I am not having a traditional wedding.

 

[BlahWah]

Quote:

Originally Posted by MissChievous See, this is why I am not a fan of traditional weddings with all the get up. I mean, it's shoes. This has obviously caused you and probably your sister quite a bit of stress, over shoes, when probably no one besides your sister and yourself are going to be paying much attention to the shoes the bridesmaids are wearing on the day of the wedding. Also, if she wanted to have 7 bridesmaids, she should have considered the fact that problems like this to arise is more likely.

I totally agree with that, but my issue is that since the girls agreed with this months ago, I don't understand why they're making such a big fuss over it now. As to the traditional wedding stuff and such, my sis hasn't had much going for her and while I know others have had much harder lives, of all times for people to agree to your request is for your wedding day! It will stress her out noticing something that she wanted is out of place, especially when it can be easily taken care of. Although many will be there and not really see anything, it matters to her that she'll see it - it's a presentation to her, so to speak.

About the number of girls involved, she didn't want 7 bridesmaids, tho I think she could have stood her ground a bit more on that one. I warned her but well, it's her decision in the end. But right now it's like the girls are just.... complaining. They haven't done much else to help out with anything or even call my sister up to see how she's doing, nevermind ask how they can help. Then to complain about the shoes, which they agreed they'd buy??

 

[Shimmer]

The thing about the shoes...it's really distracting in wedding pictures to have 3 bridesmaids wearing black strappy shoes, one wearing black peep toe shoes, and one wearing grandma pumps. Wedding pictures last forever, and having people see them for the first time only to hear "OH MY GOD WHY IS SHE WEARING THOSE SHOES???" gets rather old.
Quite simply, the bridesmaids agreed to participate in the wedding (actually they sound like they demanded they participate...) and for the bride, it's her day.

 

[YvetteJeannine]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Shimmer The thing about the shoes...it's really distracting in wedding pictures to have 3 bridesmaids wearing black strappy shoes, one wearing black peep toe shoes, and one wearing grandma pumps. Wedding pictures last forever, and having people see them for the first time only to hear "OH MY GOD WHY IS SHE WEARING THOSE SHOES???" gets rather old. Quite simply, the bridesmaids agreed to participate in the wedding (actually they sound like they demanded they participate...) and for the bride, it's her day.

Thank you, Jamie. Well said. That's exactly how I feel, too.

It may seem like this is all an unnecessary fuss (and there are some bride demands that truly ARE ridiculous...a la the TV show Bridezillas)...But I think this one makes sense. It's only practical for a bride to want her wedding party to look nice, and uniform. If a gal agrees to be a bridesmaid in a formal wedding, she knows what she's getting into...She knows she will have to pay for her dress, and shoes. The bride is covering all the makeup and hair expenses (which, is very generous, because most bridesmaids cover that on their own).

So, knowing that in a typical wedding, the bridal party covers their expenses, these girls shouldn't be putting up such a fuss, IMO. Now, if the bride said she wanted a certain shoe that was terribly expensive, that would be one thing; but getting a pair of white satin pumps, and having them dyed to the desired color is not only NOT too much to ask; it's done ALL THE TIME. My sister and I had to do that for my older sisters' wedding.

Now, I know this is a cliched thing to say (and it's often used by many a bride to justify outlandish demands, but in this case the demand isn't too much to ask), but this is HER wedding day. Her special day when she should have things the way she wants (within reason, of course). I got married on the beach in the Carribean, but IF I had a formal church wedding with bridesmaids and the whole bit, I know I would want their gowns and shoes to match, too. This bride isn't being selfish; she just wants her big day to turn out nicely.

 

[MAC_Whore]

7 of "The Ladies" is a lot to coordinate. If the 7 can't make minor concessions to make the bride happy on her special day, then the 7 should become the 1,2 or 3 Ladies who can.

Bridesmaids are supposed to "reasonably" be there to support and help the bride. That's pretty much the job description. If they couldn't fill the role, then they shouldn't have said yes. Since they have said yes, they need to pony up for the red shoes.

Listening to the experiences with the shoes and the hen party, sounds like some of The Ladies just want to put on a pretty dress and play in a wedding. That's too bad that they can't look past their needs during your sister's special time.

I hope everything goes OK for your sis.

 

[MxAxC-_ATTACK]

haha . Hen party.

I love it.

Sometimes you just have to suck it up! I was like 2 inches away from wearing a HIDEOUS dress in a wedding which I had to PAY FOR on my own. It didn't fit my body, It looked rediculous, and it was a atrocious color! (mother of the bride wanted not so pretty dresses for the bridesmaids so the bride would stand out! who wants an ugly wedding party!?!) ... anyways...
I didn't say a word, I said Yes to being a bridesmaid, and I was gonna suck it up and go with it! (the wedding was called off before I choked out the money to pay for the thing!)

 

[BlahWah]

Quote:

Originally Posted by MxAxC-_ATTACK haha . Hen party. I love it. Sometimes you just have to suck it up! I was like 2 inches away from wearing a HIDEOUS dress in a wedding which I had to PAY FOR on my own. It didn't fit my body, It looked rediculous, and it was a atrocious color! (mother of the bride wanted not so pretty dresses for the bridesmaids so the bride would stand out! who wants an ugly wedding party!?!) ... anyways... I didn't say a word, I said Yes to being a bridesmaid, and I was gonna suck it up and go with it! (the wedding was called off before I choked out the money to pay for the thing!)

THAT ^ is what I would completely understand any girl compaining over! And that attitude is what we thought the girls would just come to (i.e. "suck it up and go with it"), even if it's something we wouldn't do. They can "not" do *fill in blank* when it's their wedding, but if you agreed to attend to a friend at her wedding, attend to her, don't add more stress!

That's pretty ... well, rude of the mother to make all the other girls ugly like that! Unfortunate that the wedding got called off but I'm glad you didn't have to pay for the dress!

As to the 7 becoming smaller, there was a possibility, but my sis decided to forego the shoes for the sake of her friendships, which is pretty big of her... I know it's such a small issue and shouldn't be such a big deal for her to let it go, but it's her party, she gets to call the shots, and it wouldn't have been such a fuss were they to simply agree.

Muchos gracias for all your comments and perspectives, btw.

I've been doubting myself when reading situations and my sis is going nuts with the wedding, so it's been good for us to hear objective (I hope!) comments, from all points of view.

 

[macslut]

Quote:

Originally Posted by MAC_Whore 7 of "The Ladies" is a lot to coordinate. If the 7 can't make minor concessions to make the bride happy on her special day, then the 7 should become the 1,2 or 3 Ladies who can. .

THANK YOU! If someone wasn't going to say it, I was. If they show up with the wrong shoes on, make sure they have seats at the back. Having matching shoes is not a terrible request especially at a reasonable price. $500 jimmie choos, I don't think so.

 

[Raerae]

LOL...

They are really arguing over shoes?...?...

That blows my mind... Like seriously... Who cares if your wearing them once. It's not like we all don't buy plenty of things we only use once for a special occasion, and anything under $50.00 for shoes is not that big of a deal to wear for a day.