Is your boyfriend the breadwinner...or you?

[CantAffordMAC]

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Originally Posted by anaaliyahfan03 me and my man work..i have my own bills and he has his own bills..but he is the breadwinner and the other bills that are ours, he pays for those..he gives me money and buys me things, but i give him money and buy him things as well (hell, i just bought him a $1200 laptop!)..we are not married so we dont have joint accounts, but once we are married then we are getting one, but still have out own seperate accounts..even though he makes more money, i believe or relationship is equal..its not about if he makes more money then, HE DA MAN!..its about how you make that work and make it equal and thats what we are doing..we have been together almost 4 years so we are at the point where we can depend on each other (i didnt before cause i didnt know if we were gonna last..gotta make sure )im quitting my job right now to apply at mac and until that happens i probably wont have a job for a while, but we have talked about it and have a mutual understanding about this situation..with our money situations, we're good

Thats great. I just wish sometimes me and my boyfriend could be a better couple. We argue so much about things that everyone else has no problem with. Most of you ladies have a very good view on the financial part of your relationship...you both give and take and work together. When it comes to my relationship, I feel like I pay for too much. He didn't have a job for months, and it got to the point where I was paying for the food, gas, entertainment, etc. Thats like he was dependant on me. And thats not cool. Then he'd go as far as to say that I barely made any money anyways, and that he didn't need it. I have no problem paying for my things, and sharing responsibilities with him..I never have.

It worries me though,, because we don't even live together yet.

 

[anaaliyahfan03]

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Originally Posted by CantAffordMAC Thats great. I just wish sometimes me and my boyfriend could be a better couple. We argue so much about things that everyone else has no problem with. Most of you ladies have a very good view on the financial part of your relationship...you both give and take and work together. When it comes to my relationship, I feel like I pay for too much. He didn't have a job for months, and it got to the point where I was paying for the food, gas, entertainment, etc. Thats like he was dependant on me. And thats not cool. Then he'd go as far as to say that I barely made any money anyways, and that he didn't need it. I have no problem paying for my things, and sharing responsibilities with him..I never have. It worries me though,, because we don't even live together yet.

well it wasnt always easy for financial situations...thats because we were only together for about a year or a little over that...so yea we argued alot, but we have been together for a long time and have worked those problems out..communication is the key too...we live together too, but we have never moved in together..lol..i know that makes no sense...we live on campus..the lease is under my name..he pays the rent, we stay with each other and then there are other personal bills we have...we have never gone apt hunting and bought furniture and all that stuff, we also share a car too..technically its his car cause he is the breadwinner and he takes it the work mostly...but it has my name on the car and the insurance as well as his...so we do married like things...but we have come so far and have had great communication that we dont let it mess up our relationship...it was hard at first, but it gets better..unless if ya dont make it better

 

[Beauty Mark]

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Then he'd go as far as to say that I barely made any money anyways, and that he didn't need it.

Why are you giving him money then? He's not your responsibility. Maybe he'll be more motivated if he's not getting money from you.

If you still want to do things, there's plenty of cheap or free things to do, from going to art galleries to just sitting at home, watching TV

 

[Chastity]

My boyfriend always pays. I do have a job but I don't make much at all. Because of school.
But he doesn't mind, he likes to take care of me and well, I love to be taken care of!

 

[Jaim]

My boyfriend makes more than me but we like to take turns paying for things. It usually turns out that I pay for fast food and he pays for the nice meals, but I try. Haha. I pick him up presents and stuff now and then and he does the same for me, we split things down the middle.

 

[Azuresyren]

50 / 50.

We try to split everything equally. The same as how I don't want to be "the one" who piles all the effort in emotionally with our relationship, I don't want him to be the one to pile all the effort in financially in our relationship. I can't stand feeling as though I'm the one who puts MORE effort in one way or another, so I always plead to pay half towards things if we go for a meal out or whatever and it feels the best that way.

Because neither of us are either rich or too completely driven by materialism, we tend to treat one another with affectionate gestures like candelit baths, romantic little picnics, sharing a box of chocs... things like that feel like the absolute best.

 

[Miss Pumpkin]

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Originally Posted by Beauty Mark Money doesn't equal love. If the person you date is using how much money s/he spends on you as a means of compensating elsewhere, that's an issue, and it's sad to me, because material comforts will never replace true affection and emotion. I think it's stupid for people to expect the male in the relationship to be the "breadwinner." Unless you're a stay at home wife (where I presume your duties at home would be equivalent to having a 9-5 paying job) or something similar, you're not providing him with any more than he's providing you. Especially if you're both on equal footing, finance-wise, there's no excuse to not split everything 50/50. I don't want to be treated like a kept woman or an escort. I'm not wealthy and never have been, but I have enough money to buy what I want or do whatever I want. If I'm broke, there are always free or cheap alternatives. I think it's nice when people pay for things, but it isn't obligatory and I think it's perfectly fine down the line that I pay the tab. Not keeping it obsessively even, but at the same time, not thinking I don't have to pay my way most of the time. Both parties should pull their weight equally in the relationship.

I couldn't agree more!!!

 

[Miss Pumpkin]

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Originally Posted by glam8babe i dunno what id do without him, i wouldnt have as much MAC, i wouldnt have went to the Caribbean and other stuff

It really scares me when I read stuff like this...

What happened to "I don't know what I'd do without him, he loves me so much, he comforts me on those hard times, he makes me smile..."

Jesus christ.

 

[user79]

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Originally Posted by Miss Pumpkin It really scares me when I read stuff like this... What happened to "I don't know what I'd do without him, he loves me so much, he comforts me on those hard times, he makes me smile..." Jesus christ.

I understand what you are saying and agree, but I don't think she meant it like that entirely. I think since this topic is about who earns more, she was saying that her boyfriend treats her a lot and she appreciates him. I should hope that's not the only reason she values being together with him.

 

[glueme]

We split everyting proetty equally, but it's never been vocal. I think in a good realtionship, theres an equal or near equal amount of give and take, whether it be finances, chores, gifts, care, etc. It comes natural for us - say, he paid for last night's dinner, so next time I'll probably pay. Or he paid the bill at IKEA, ok, so for the next few times I'll pay for household supplies. Nothing's in concrete, and if one of us feels a little tight in the bank for deadlines and such, there's not shame in asking if the other can spot for that time. Same oges for chores. We've been living together for 2+ years and we've fallen into an unspoken division of chores - I cook, he does the dishes, I do the laundry, he cleans the bathroom, I keep the room tidy and he keeps the viruses off my laptop (haha!).

And the thing is, we are both students right now. I am not on any loans (thanks to my parents, I owe them my life, literally), but everything bsides tuition and rent I pay through my measly part time job. He on the other hand, is on student loans, however he does graphic design work on the side and makes enough to keep the debts at a resonable amount. It works out that we both have about the same amount of money we can spend on our relationship.

So in technicalilty, he's making more money, but it has nothing to do with the practical sum, and all to do with what we think is worth spending on - which is each other.

 

[messhead]

When my fiance and I got together, he was in the police academy and I was working full time. After he graduated we both worked for about seven months until I was layed off because the industry was slow due to the winter time (I worked at a motorcycle dealership).

I haven't "worked" since, I am a nanny but I only work two days a week! We talked about the working situation and he said he would rather me stay at home and take care of things at home than having me work... I still pay for my car and insurance and credit card bills and so on, he pays for our mortgage, household supplies, etc.

So I guess that makes him the "breadwinner." Not because I want him too (though it is nice), but because that was the mutual decision between us!

 

[ompietubs]

I'm still at university so my fiance pretty much pays for everything. i do feel extremely guilty that he has to pay for most things and we moved in together 2 years ago. I try to help by paying for the groceries when possible and when same goes for when we go out. i also try to take care of the house, keep it nice and tidy and i try to cook and have dinner ready for him when he gets home. He has never complained about me not contributing financial because he is so supportive of my studies and the longtime goal of it.

I think even though it seems unfair that you're paying for most things you have to be supportive of your man coz im sure he feels down in the dumps about you paying for everything. Now, if he HAD a full-time job and he was still letting you pay for everything thats a different sotry, thats just...wrong.

 

[NutMeg]

I think a relationship should be 50/50... wherever that division is made depends on the individual relationship. I mean, you can have one person paying for everything and still have an equal contribution from both parties, if that's how you've negotiated your division of labour, so to speak. For me, I probably won't ever pay for half of our expenses, as my boyfriend makes way more than me now and always will, but I will always pull my weight in our relationship. Just because financially we won't be contributing equally doesn't mean that I am the dependant partner.

And just to clarify, women didn't fight for equality so that we can either split things evenly or pay for it all... We fought for equality so we have the right to choose how to live our lives, and this is what I choose. It doesn't make me any less as a woman, or mean that I am taking away from women's equality.

 

[TIERAsta]

money has been a bit of a struggle for me and my BF, almost since the beginning.

when we first met, he was tottaly living with roommates, which was a struggle for him since he's not from this country and doesn't have any family for help or support.

shortly thereafter, he moved into his own house, which was really expensive. in fact, his rent/utilities took up almost ALL of his paycheck. while we weren't TECHINCALLY living together, i was there at least 75% of the time. so i took on the household $$$ responsibilities, like groceries/toiletries/etc, and paid for most of our going out.

unfortunately, things have gotten worse. due to a mix-up in social security/immigration paperwork, he is unable to work right now, until everything clears up. he's moved in with an aunt that he has here, but the living situation there SUCKS, but that is a whole different story.

so for now i'm taking care of everything. we struggle, A LOT, but i don't mind, well, too much! i pay my tithing at church, and as long as he and i are doing okay, i know everything will work out!

 

[melliquor]

My husband and I share everything equally. I earn twice as much as he does so we split our bills by our income. I think the share is like 40% he pays and I pay 60% of the bills. We both put money into savings. We share all chores equally. He does like to pay for our going out himself but I like to take turns. I do spend more on buying stuff for the house but I like to buy new curtains or lamps or duvets. I guess it evens out because he mostly pays for our dinners or theater. We both contribute equally for anything our daughter needs.

Next month we are getting her a new bed and new furniture. Its going to cost like £3000 and we have both been putting in money for the pot equally. Household bills and groceries we split it up by our income. I want him to have enough money for him to get his gadgets. I have around £2k a month left over after everything and that is more than enough for me.

Even though he makes less than me, he has more money saved than me. I think that has to do with my Mac, designer bags, and clothes addiction.

Sometimes, he does say that he wishes he made more money than me but we have different professions.

 

[V15U4L_3RR0R]

We both are but he earns more than I do. We're both self employed (I run my own business while he's part of a family business). As he makes more than me, he pays for most things but I do contribute and occationally buy him gifts to make up for the fact that I can't pay in 50/50 yet. But I'm really independent when it comes to money. I dislike the idea of living off of other people and getting other people to pay your way and so on so I feel bad that I can't contribute more yet.

When we go out for meals we split it 50/50 or when we go on road trips up to my dads then I'll give him petrol money and such.

 

[IcePrincess2250]

I am the breadwinner 100%.

I have a very good job at a NYC club and he is currently unemployed.

Of course he wasn't always....but I suppose I am to blame for allowing him to "take his time" finding a new job.

(Yeah like going on 3 months worth of "time" now....)

But regardless, I have always made more and I wouldn't have it any other way. I don't like to answer for anything I buy or how much I spend, and paying for 100% of my things ensures this, no questions asked. I guess its a matter of personal preference!

 

[MsCocoa]

Good topic, I always felt like I have to be independent and I won't allow a man to take care of me until I had a discussion with a male and it made realise how much they can feel the need to be the alpha male.

If I was a house wife I'd have to have children too to make it even, but I've now come to the decision that I wouldn't mind the man being the breadwinner as long I have my own funds ie; a home business, part time job etc.

 

[alien21xx]

My bf doesn't like me spending for both of us. It's a man thing for him and I guess something very culturally ingrained in Filipinos not to mention my salary is like equivalent to only one month worth of tax for him. So on regular days, it's mostly his treat. But I have always filled in the blanks when needed.

Like recently, he's into some financial difficulties but we wanted to go out, so it's my treat for everything.

I guess it's kinda different when we're not living together yet? Maybe he'll notice the amount he spends when we move in together? I don't know, though we've both agreed that money will never be a reason for us to fight.

 

[CaraAmericana]

My ideal world would have me working part time while kids are at school. And having my man bring home the bacon but let me handle the finances. =)