Living Together Before Marriage

[gnippy]

I think it is up to each individual couple. Personally, I was against living together before marriage. My husband knew I wouldn't live w/him w/o being married when we initially started dating, so it was no surprise to him and he felt no pressure to marry.

Almost 14 years later and we are still going strong!

 

[kaliraksha]

Quote:

Originally Posted by moonrevel I totally support living together before marriage. My ex and I had a long distance relationship while in college, so during summers when he would come home he would live with me. I quickly saw that there were just things about him that were more obvious when we were living together that I would have a hard time dealing with for the rest of my life (not just the abysmal cleanliness habits, but finances, motivation, disposition, etc.). Living with my current boyfriend has proved much more successful, because while he does things that bug me, it's nothing that would drive me crazy for the rest of my life. I guess I just kind of feel that if you're going to buy a car, you gotta take a test drive, you know? I take the commitment to marry very seriously, and I wouldn't want to jump into it without knowing how we function together in the same space on a daily basis. Love conquers most, but I think there are certain things it just won't solve if there are qualities of your mate you simply can't tolerate.

I like what you said, Moonrevel! Just commenting =)

 

[lovejam]

I don't think it'd be wise to marry someone you haven't lived with, since you won't truly know what you're getting yourself into until it's too late. Well, not too late, just at a point where it'll be a complicated situation to try and get yourself out of if you change your mind.

 

[Jeannine8]

To each his own, i'm not 'against' living together before marriage or anything, but it's just not for me personally.

 

[IslandGirl77]

Right now my bf and I are living together. The first time I met him...was when I was moving here. People thought I was crazy, and I was just following my heart. It's been a year almost. We have gone through alot in this short period of time. And I think living with somebody does really help you to see how things will be. You really see a persons true self. If it's something your ready to do, I say go for it.

 

[matthea]

My husband I lived together for a year before getting engaged (we've been now married for two years). Before full-time living together we were always at eachothers places for weeks at a time. It worked great for us. Our relationship got better the more time we spent together

I know someone who is getting married to their long time boyfriend but has never lived with him or spent a large amount of time together straight. I wonder how thats going to turn out...

 

[sarahbeth564]

I don't live with my boyfriend and I feel like we know eachother better than his older brothers who are married, one of which who has been married for 5 years. During the beginning of our relationship I was in California and he was in Idaho. We now both live in Idaho, him living with his parents and me being in an apartment with 5 other girls. We see eachother a lot during the day, yet we have a curfew at night (the school's rule) and his parents won't allow us to be at his house alone. And I still feel like I know him so much better than I even know myself. Quirks and all. So I don't think its necessary to live together before you're married.

 

[bebs]

I've lived on and off with my husband for about 3 and 1/2 years we dated and moved into together when I was 16 and got married when I was 18, he's an army ranger so not home all the time -our house is about 5 minutes from my parents, so sometimes when he is gone I stay with my parents cause I dont like being in a house alone.

 

[kradge79]

My DH and I have been married for 14 months, were together for 3 1/2 years before we got married and never lived together. Due to personal reasons, we don't believe in living together before marriage. It worked for us. It might not work for others. But trust me, I didn't go into this blindly. I don't know how you can not know how someone lives if you've been with them a significant amount of time. I knew DH has a tendency towards messiness, I knew he is not easy to wake up, I knew all his habits, etc. He knew all the same stuff about me. But like Pushpa said, to each their own. My best friend from college is living with her BF right now and it works for them and I'm happy for them. I've learned that what is so right for one may be so wrong for another.

 

[karen]

My husband and I lived together for 3 years before getting married. He was my best friend(and no more) when he moved in with me, though.
Within 2 months of him living with me, it progressed to more than friendship. hehe

 

[kimmy]

i'm totally in support of it. when i turn 18, my boyfriend and i are likely to move in together and by then, we will have only been together as a couple for about 4 months. i'm pretty sure that he's the one, so i think that living together will either solidify that or change my mind you know?

i personally think that it's a wonderful idea to live together before you get married, because that way you know how that person is all the time. morning, day, night. happy, sad, mad. tired, awake and whatever else. cause it would reallly suck to marry someone, and THEN move in and find out you can't stand them hahaha.

 

[.nicole.]

Currently I'm living with my boyfriend of 2 years, and we've lived together for 2 months. I really think its a good idea to because then you can't hide all your faults or all your pickyness about things...

 

[Jennifer Mcfly]

I'm on my third live-in boyfriend!

If I had gotten married to either of those two goons before living with them I would've been in a world of shit the rest of my life! That being said, I do think though that people give up too easy nowadays when it comes to relationships.
I think living together before marriage is a good idea, but at the same time, it makes things so much easier to bail when the going gets tough. It's a catch-22 in my book.

 

[luminious]

My boyfriend and I have been together a little over a year and we're not gonna be moving in with each other for awhile. I think maybe in a year or so we will but I def wont be waiting for marriage.

 

[lackofcolor]

I think it is a must, my mom was the one who actually told me that it is the best idea. Most of my friends are living with boyfriends right now.
One of my friends lived with her finacee for about 8 months and realized she cannot live with him for the rest of her life and broke it off. Better that then finding out after they are married. You just see d ifferent things once living together you can never see when you are not

 

[JMKess]

I lived with my husband before we got married, we lived together before we got engaged. We basically started living together once we started dating. I think it's a personal choice. I don't judge those who do, and I never judge those who don't. For me, it just felt right and very comfortable. It was easier for me to stay at his apartment than to take a train back to Long Island late at night. It helps you understand the core of a person when you live with them and it gives you an appreciation and an understanding for "personal space". You learn how to be alone in 400 sq. ft. when someone is on the couch next to you. You also learn how to give your roommate that type of space as well.

 

[SugarAsh182]

I think alot of the time culture and parents can come into play... at least that's what's happening in my relationship.

My SO and I have been together for five years and counting. We go to different colleges, but on the weekends, we basically "live together" in his apartment. However, his mother and father can't know that I'm there because he comes from a hard-core, old-fashioned Greek family... and we both totally respect the fact that we can't live together before marriage without seriously disrespecting his family.... plus, we're young, so we're going to wait. It does suck that I have to be quiet when his mom calls though

It doesn't help that I'm blonde... and not Greek at all. But that's another story for another thread

However, if it was up to us, we'd be living together.... but I feel like we still have some kind of an idea of what living together would be like. I already know that his bathroom is a mess lol

 

[koolmnbv]

I truthfully think regardless of where you both live (together or apart) b4 marriage makes no difference. Because I think when both ppl. decide to rely on each other (whether it be marriage or just living together) if both ppl. aren't in it for the right reasons it won't work. You can want something so bad and try so hard but if the other person doesn't want to put the work in it won't ever work out. It will not matter where you live, or how long you live together. Obviously a test drive is good for problems that might have went unseen w/o living together but as far as long term seriousness, both ppl. have to be in there trying together regardless of anything else or their surroundings.

BTW - I did not live w. my husband b4 marriage ..we have been married a little over a year and we have had some VERY bad times and some VERY good times. My reason to not live together was a personal thing. I wanted to remain a virgin until I was married (which I realize you can do if you live 2gether) but it would have been harder LOL but there were many other reasons as well.

But like I said above, I think you could ask all day and the ppl. that loved each other and were both trying to make it work (at the same time) and worked hard for their relationship will still be together and in love (regardless of their prior living arrangements) and the ppl. that might have loved each other but couldn't figure it out or couldn't get both ppl. trying to work thru things together will more than likely not still be together no matter where they chose to live be4 marriage.

I think you could find good and bad of both all day long!
Also it's probably a lot to do with where you are as a person at that particular time in your life. Last year I was up for alot more than I am today, and probably that will change again this time next year lol!! Just my lengthy 2 cents worth!!

But I will also edit this to add there are things that I definitely did not know about him until after we got married and NO WAY IN HELL could I have dealt with them unless we were married. If I would have been either engaged or other I would have bolted LOL (I hope he doesn't find this hahah) No seriously, no matter how much you "think" you know someone you will be amazed how different living together is!

 

[Urbana]

ive been living with my boyfriend almost a year and... everyday im more and more tired!
i love him, but i dont know...

 

[faerie_bel]

I've always been for couples living together before marriage, despite a religous upbringing. It just made more sense to me.

My bf and I bought our house 1 year ago - before that we were dating (and living separately) for a bit over 5 years. We didn't rush in but it was a natural progression. I think my parents would like to see me married but they love my bf to death so they don't mind too much.