Living Together Before Marriage

[alt629]

funny this comes up, i'm with someone that really really really wants me to move in with him and i'm just not sure how i feel about it! i know it's not good to base too much on what other people would think, but i know my parents would be scandalized. plus i am a huge commitment-phobe and i'm really scared of taking things to that level. that being said, for all practical purposes we are pretty much living together b/c we never spend more then a couple hours apart and always stay over at each other's places. one of his points is that it would be so much cheaper and easier to simply maintain one apartment than two. and i'm not afraid of the whole "why buy the cow" argument either, it's just commitment makes me feel pressured! when i feel pressured i get super stressed and unhappy, so i think for me it's an emotional maturity issue.

that said, i had a boyfriend for two years while i was in grad school and i ended up having to live with him for about a month due to unexpectedly having to move out of my apartment. i HATED it. he hated it. we broke up about a month later.

so i guess it's true, no hiding anything!

but yes, you should really have a written understanding of what each's obligations will be to each other while living together. it will save so much drama if something goes wrong!!! i feel the same way about pre-nups, heheheheh.

 

[Brianne]

My fiance and I are living together, I wouldn't have it any other way. We'll really get used to living under the same roof, plus we'll save a fortune by only having one apartment. I definitely think it's a good idea.

We went into this knowing we were getting married, so I can see issues arising with couples who move into together without any concrete plans of a future, but we already know what is going to happen - we're setting a wedding date soon.

 

[M.A.C*Attack]

wow compared to all of you i did everything too fast...lol

damn lets see a week after we met we got together about 2 weeks after that he asked me to move in with him and i did!...lol.....and like no more than2 more weeks later he asked me to marry him and we got married with in 6 months we were married and weve been Happily married 10 yrs now!( we just renewed our vows on aug.5th,2006 ,our 10th year annivasary .. put the year incase u guys forgot what year were in..lol..j/k)

I think its better to move in b4 marriage so u get to see what he is really like and hey if u dont like it at least you didnt get stuck with him!..you will save ur self from a huge headache.....lmao

but I would try my hardest to prevent my daughter/s from doing it...lol

 

[NFTP]

i currently live with my boyfriend. we have been living together for a total of a year. we dont plan on getting married anytime soon. we both look at living with each other as an opportunity to spend more time with each other. also, i think its great that we get to get used to each others habits in case one day we do decide to get married.

 

[Lalli]

me and my bf have been together for 2 years, im a person who believes in no sex before marriage. im going to be at the same uni as my bf in september and we're going to be "living" together he has a studio apartment and mine is just dwn the road, ive stayed down his before and i know hes the one 4 me as he has the same beliefs as me, ie no sex b4 marriage

but its important i do spend more time with him physically, as in the same room n stuff so we can get used to each others habits

 

[giz2000]

I didn't live with my first husband before we got married...and that didn't turn out well. I also didn't live with my 2nd husband (we'll be married 13 years this November) because we both had kids from our previous marriage, and didn't think it was right.

That's not saying that I am against living with someone before marriage...I think it's a good thing to do, but it doesn't guarantee that there won't be problems in the future...every couple is their own world!

 

[ohhhhhthehorror]

I don't think there is anything wrong with it. I understand that some people have religious beliefs that prohibit them from doing so, but I do not so my boyfriend and I currently live together =)

 

[~LadyLocks~]

I think it's a good idea. You have to see what the person is really all about and living together is the only way of finding out a persons true colors. What if you hold off on living together before the marriage and then when you finally do you...you find that you can't stand the persons ways or come to find out what the person is really all about. There goes the marriage...

I'd say it's a good way to see if you guys will really last.

 

[mandymoore]

my boyfriend is totally against it but i think it would be a good idea. but it's just a matter of talking him into it. lol

 

[marreyes38]

my boyfriend and i really want to move out together but my parents would have a heart attack if we did...theres only 3 ways to get out of my parents house, married, college, or dead...lol

in my opinion its a good idea but its a bit of a risk if you're still young....YOU HAVE TO REALLY THINK ABOUT IT

 

[braidey]

Now days it is normal for couples to live together and I don't have a problem with it for other people. But I could not see myself living with anyone especially with the common law marriage issues. My dad lived with a woman and he had to get a lawyer to get her removed out of HIS house, then go to court to stop her from trying to get his money and property. So, living together without marriage is out of the question for me.

 

[V15U4L_3RR0R]

Ok so a few of you have said, " Don't do it when your young!". Well it can work out sometimes. However this is just my personal Story lol.

I moved in with my OH when I was 17 *Shock horror* and we have now been together 1 year and 3 months. I wasn't actually going out with him when I moved in and he was just helping me out but we both really fancied each other and really got on so we decided to go out with each other. We are still going strong and getting stronger every day. So it does work out for some of us young'uns lol. Well at least for now heh.

I have no problems with couples living together before marriage and all that jazz but I do understand it's a personal choice and it may not be for everyone. If it feels right, do it.

 

[TrueRiot]

Quote:

Originally Posted by kradge79 My DH and I have been married for 14 months, were together for 3 1/2 years before we got married and never lived together. Due to personal reasons, we don't believe in living together before marriage. It worked for us. It might not work for others. But trust me, I didn't go into this blindly. I don't know how you can not know how someone lives if you've been with them a significant amount of time. I knew DH has a tendency towards messiness, I knew he is not easy to wake up, I knew all his habits, etc. He knew all the same stuff about me. But like Pushpa said, to each their own. My best friend from college is living with her BF right now and it works for them and I'm happy for them. I've learned that what is so right for one may be so wrong for another.

I agree with you. You don't always have to live with someone to get to know them well. Especially if you're a very observant person anyway.



For me, there will be no living together until marriage. It would be too complicated. I've seen it work wonders for some, and end in disaster for others. I just know that personally I can't see myself sharing a space, bills, and property responsibility with someone unless our union is recognized by the government.

 

[xiahe]

well, i'm in college and i live in these townhouses which are basically like apartments but the university still considers them as dorms. my boyfriend also lives in the townhouses (about 2 down from me) and i practically LIVE at his place - i sleep and shower there and i'm always over there hanging out...basically "my" townhouse is where i keep all of my stuff lol. we've been doing this for about 5 months now and everything is great =)