Mixed Nuts- A thread for the mentally interesting
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Funtabulous
Well-known member
Quote:
Wow, does this ever sound familiar. This is kind of what it was like at the treatment centre I mentioned. I wasn't kept in a bed with restraints (geez!) but I was locked away in a 'quiet room' a number of times (no, it did not have padded walls). I know how you feel about not wanting to show signs of there being something wrong anymore. I keep most of my problems inside now, because I fear being treated that way again. I found it incredibly dehumanizing.
chelseadawn, your post really struck me. I actually know the feeling you talk about of having your hands feel like they aren't your own. I wouldn't say I've ever become delusional (actually thought they weren't mine) but I know I am having a full-blown panic attack when I feel almost completely detached from my body. I get a feeling that I'm not real and my body feels 'wrong'. This kind of makes me feel like I am going crazy! Does anyone else get this?
Originally Posted by Camnagem
My experience in the hospital was like something out of a terrible movie. I was kept in my bed with restraints, overly medicated, and constantly monitored...even when going to the bathroom. It was a nightmare. I decided I had to get out, and started BSing and lying my way through the group and individual sessions. It worked, and after 48 days I got to go home. I was even more depressed...but I put on an act for everyone else around me to see and life went on. There was no way in hell I'd ever show signs of depression again to anyone else. |
Wow, does this ever sound familiar. This is kind of what it was like at the treatment centre I mentioned. I wasn't kept in a bed with restraints (geez!) but I was locked away in a 'quiet room' a number of times (no, it did not have padded walls). I know how you feel about not wanting to show signs of there being something wrong anymore. I keep most of my problems inside now, because I fear being treated that way again. I found it incredibly dehumanizing.
chelseadawn, your post really struck me. I actually know the feeling you talk about of having your hands feel like they aren't your own. I wouldn't say I've ever become delusional (actually thought they weren't mine) but I know I am having a full-blown panic attack when I feel almost completely detached from my body. I get a feeling that I'm not real and my body feels 'wrong'. This kind of makes me feel like I am going crazy! Does anyone else get this?
pennybeau
Well-known member
Growing up for me was really hard, I was always being bullied for being Korean or gay or for wearing makeup or girl's clothes. I also lived in Oklahoma which is not the best place to grow up as someone who is 'different'.
I've been hospitalized around 7 times for cutting, taking drugs, and having overdoses. One time I did try to commit suicide and was unconscious for 4 days and had to be rehabilitated for about a month. I've seen psychiatrists and counselors since I was about 13 to when I was 18. I was diagnosed with major depression and dysthymia which my doctor explained to me as 'being very sad or being very happy but rarely being just okay'.
I've also suffer from anxiety attacks (one time my parents called an ambulance because they had no idea what was happening) and from oral OCD. (It's where I have to say certain words or phrases a certain amount of times in a certain way. This really is so frustrating and makes me feel absolutely crazy...)
I'm 19 years old now and I have an amazing relationship with my family which I didn't use to have. I've completely accepted my sexuality but I still have a lot of trouble accepting myself/feeling confident about what I want to look like physically.
I don't take medication anymore but I've learned to live with my depression and anxiety through coping techniques.
For anyone out there who is like me, I just want to say, never ever give up. Your life will change. You will be happy. You will have people who love you for who you are. But, you also have to work on being a strong person, loving yourself even when people make you feel like you don't deserve self affection. It's always hard to feel like things can get better, it's just hard if you're in high school and you're not really able to make decisions for yourself. Just never lose hope!!
I've been hospitalized around 7 times for cutting, taking drugs, and having overdoses. One time I did try to commit suicide and was unconscious for 4 days and had to be rehabilitated for about a month. I've seen psychiatrists and counselors since I was about 13 to when I was 18. I was diagnosed with major depression and dysthymia which my doctor explained to me as 'being very sad or being very happy but rarely being just okay'.
I've also suffer from anxiety attacks (one time my parents called an ambulance because they had no idea what was happening) and from oral OCD. (It's where I have to say certain words or phrases a certain amount of times in a certain way. This really is so frustrating and makes me feel absolutely crazy...)
I'm 19 years old now and I have an amazing relationship with my family which I didn't use to have. I've completely accepted my sexuality but I still have a lot of trouble accepting myself/feeling confident about what I want to look like physically.
I don't take medication anymore but I've learned to live with my depression and anxiety through coping techniques.
For anyone out there who is like me, I just want to say, never ever give up. Your life will change. You will be happy. You will have people who love you for who you are. But, you also have to work on being a strong person, loving yourself even when people make you feel like you don't deserve self affection. It's always hard to feel like things can get better, it's just hard if you're in high school and you're not really able to make decisions for yourself. Just never lose hope!!
revinn
Well-known member
I've always been anxious, though through my childhood, it was usually expressed physically, through IBS, and severe nausea. I had a sleep-phobia until I was 15, and horrible insomnia because of this.
Every night, my brother would have to sleep in my room, or I'd have to go in with my parents. The mere thought of going to bed brought on massive panic attacks, which usually ended in me vomiting or passing out. BUT I started going to a cognitive behavioural therapist at 15, and within months I was about as normal sleepwise as one could ask to be. I take sleeping pills for my insomnia now, but things are still much better.
I've always had low self-esteem, and I struggled with bulimia in junior high. I wonder to this day if I had a touch of BDD, as I was SO, SO tiny, but remember myself feeling huge every day.
In high school, my nausea and IBS turned into panic attacks, and around the age of 16, after the death of my grandfather, I began to feel tired, unmotivated, and absolutely horrible every day. I started pushing away friends, had a terrible break-up with my then boyfriend, and got fired from a job I'd had for two years (17 at this time). By the start of my senior year, I was so depressed that school, something I'd LOVED, was absolutely unbearable and I had panic attacks almost daily.
My friends got tired of me being even more sensitive then usual and being a general downer, and gave up on me as I continued to push them away. If I didn't have the amazing family that I do, I know I wouldn't be alive today.
I finally got help the summer before university, after going two years undiagnosed. Within a month of being on my anti-depressants/anti-anxiety meds, I felt so much better, and I continued to see a therapist until this past June.
I've gained a lot of weight, so my self-esteem is still shot, but my friends and I are back to normal now and I've made so many more. I'm currently in my third year of university, and my general anxiety is so much less of an issue. However, I find that there are a lot of lingering effects from my depressive episode; I have terrible social anxiety, more then I ever did..I constantly think people are judging me and laughing at me. I don't date very often since I assume anyone interested in me is just desperate, and I am terrified about the thought of commitment. I'm still too moody and sensitive, but I've come so far since I was 17 that I try to be happy with that.
I hate that the girl I was before my depression seems to be gone; I keep waiting for her to come back, but I don't think she exists anymore. Has anyone else felt this way? Any tips for coming out of a shell you've really only had for a few years?
I'm so appreciative of this thread; having mental health issues can be so isolating...you think you're the only one who understands, but there really are so many of us out there.
Every night, my brother would have to sleep in my room, or I'd have to go in with my parents. The mere thought of going to bed brought on massive panic attacks, which usually ended in me vomiting or passing out. BUT I started going to a cognitive behavioural therapist at 15, and within months I was about as normal sleepwise as one could ask to be. I take sleeping pills for my insomnia now, but things are still much better.
I've always had low self-esteem, and I struggled with bulimia in junior high. I wonder to this day if I had a touch of BDD, as I was SO, SO tiny, but remember myself feeling huge every day.
In high school, my nausea and IBS turned into panic attacks, and around the age of 16, after the death of my grandfather, I began to feel tired, unmotivated, and absolutely horrible every day. I started pushing away friends, had a terrible break-up with my then boyfriend, and got fired from a job I'd had for two years (17 at this time). By the start of my senior year, I was so depressed that school, something I'd LOVED, was absolutely unbearable and I had panic attacks almost daily.
My friends got tired of me being even more sensitive then usual and being a general downer, and gave up on me as I continued to push them away. If I didn't have the amazing family that I do, I know I wouldn't be alive today.
I finally got help the summer before university, after going two years undiagnosed. Within a month of being on my anti-depressants/anti-anxiety meds, I felt so much better, and I continued to see a therapist until this past June.
I've gained a lot of weight, so my self-esteem is still shot, but my friends and I are back to normal now and I've made so many more. I'm currently in my third year of university, and my general anxiety is so much less of an issue. However, I find that there are a lot of lingering effects from my depressive episode; I have terrible social anxiety, more then I ever did..I constantly think people are judging me and laughing at me. I don't date very often since I assume anyone interested in me is just desperate, and I am terrified about the thought of commitment. I'm still too moody and sensitive, but I've come so far since I was 17 that I try to be happy with that.
I hate that the girl I was before my depression seems to be gone; I keep waiting for her to come back, but I don't think she exists anymore. Has anyone else felt this way? Any tips for coming out of a shell you've really only had for a few years?
I'm so appreciative of this thread; having mental health issues can be so isolating...you think you're the only one who understands, but there really are so many of us out there.
Bjarka
Well-known member
Some of these things really do sound familiar to me.
I was depressed as a child/ early teens. I used to feel very out of place with people at school. I found them kinda childish. Then when my grandfather died when I was 8 it sorta set me of. I had a lot of questions and doubts about life.
As I kit my teens I started having trouble with my mom. We just clashed big time. And she would always try and force her pocket therapy on me which made me just tell her everything was ok, just so I wouldn't have to listen to it.
I would be alone at home after school, and I used to spend hours crying and screaming. Then getting very quite and distant and just sit and debate ways to make it all stop. Jumping of the local bridge, taking pill, injecting air into my veins (never cutting). Then I'd scream some more, and then put on a face for when people started to come back home.
It should at the same time be said, that my sister started to develop OCD at this time too, and it took a lot of attention and energy from everyone. She's germafob, washes her hands too often and wont use a towel to dry them, wears plastic bags if she needs to touch her own laundry.... And then she will have days when people aren't allowed too touch her or stand near her.
Now again my mom wanted to handle it herself. This means, that to this day my sister haven't had a proper diagnose, treatment and I've only ever once managed to get her to admit that it is a problem. My mom doesn't help cause she'll try and push her (touch her when she wont let you stand near her etc.)
But I managed some how to pull out of the suicide thoughts. It helped starting high school. I got along better with people, and I felt a lot better when I moved away from home.
But uni brought on stress. At one point my body just shut of and I slept for a whole weekend, only up 2 by 3 hours to eat. The doctor had me in for regular checks after that.
Then my dad got cancer, and I had moved from DK to the UK. It made it really hard to deal with.
I was home at one point, and my dad had had a day of tests, and my mom had been phoning home to keep us updated. But when she got home she flipped, and it blew into a horrible argument. I had to leave the room, cause I thought I was going to physically hurt her. She said some things, that I don't want to get into, but it completely shattered what relationship we had. I've not trusted her since.
About 1 1/2 year after my dad died, I had to move back in with my mom.
And that turned out to be the worst thing ever. She would bring things up that would upset me. I found it hard having to be happy around her.
In the end I became so depressed I'd spend the whole day crying. Then some random little thing would make me smile, and I'd go insanely happy for a few hours, and then cry again. In the end my bf told me I had to talk to the doctor about this (he'd had depression before and had medication). So I went, and had a depression test and I was said to be severely depressed. I was given diazepam to just get me through the first few days after that, and then I was sent to a therapist and was given citalopram. I was really against the drugs at first, but my bf, doc and therapist put my worries at rest. I was afraid I wouldn't feel like me, or that whatever emotions I'd have on the meds wasn't actually real. But it worked wonders. The therapist helped me figure out my triggers, helped me with ways to get my self out of bed in the morning and have structured days again.
I know this is long, but I feel that talking about it takes away the tabu. And maybe it'll help some one else not to feel alone. I'm so glad I never actually tried suicide.
And I think it's great that this thread has been started. And I think it's great that everyone is sharing, cause it isn't always easy.
I was depressed as a child/ early teens. I used to feel very out of place with people at school. I found them kinda childish. Then when my grandfather died when I was 8 it sorta set me of. I had a lot of questions and doubts about life.
As I kit my teens I started having trouble with my mom. We just clashed big time. And she would always try and force her pocket therapy on me which made me just tell her everything was ok, just so I wouldn't have to listen to it.
I would be alone at home after school, and I used to spend hours crying and screaming. Then getting very quite and distant and just sit and debate ways to make it all stop. Jumping of the local bridge, taking pill, injecting air into my veins (never cutting). Then I'd scream some more, and then put on a face for when people started to come back home.
It should at the same time be said, that my sister started to develop OCD at this time too, and it took a lot of attention and energy from everyone. She's germafob, washes her hands too often and wont use a towel to dry them, wears plastic bags if she needs to touch her own laundry.... And then she will have days when people aren't allowed too touch her or stand near her.
Now again my mom wanted to handle it herself. This means, that to this day my sister haven't had a proper diagnose, treatment and I've only ever once managed to get her to admit that it is a problem. My mom doesn't help cause she'll try and push her (touch her when she wont let you stand near her etc.)
But I managed some how to pull out of the suicide thoughts. It helped starting high school. I got along better with people, and I felt a lot better when I moved away from home.
But uni brought on stress. At one point my body just shut of and I slept for a whole weekend, only up 2 by 3 hours to eat. The doctor had me in for regular checks after that.
Then my dad got cancer, and I had moved from DK to the UK. It made it really hard to deal with.
I was home at one point, and my dad had had a day of tests, and my mom had been phoning home to keep us updated. But when she got home she flipped, and it blew into a horrible argument. I had to leave the room, cause I thought I was going to physically hurt her. She said some things, that I don't want to get into, but it completely shattered what relationship we had. I've not trusted her since.
About 1 1/2 year after my dad died, I had to move back in with my mom.
And that turned out to be the worst thing ever. She would bring things up that would upset me. I found it hard having to be happy around her.
In the end I became so depressed I'd spend the whole day crying. Then some random little thing would make me smile, and I'd go insanely happy for a few hours, and then cry again. In the end my bf told me I had to talk to the doctor about this (he'd had depression before and had medication). So I went, and had a depression test and I was said to be severely depressed. I was given diazepam to just get me through the first few days after that, and then I was sent to a therapist and was given citalopram. I was really against the drugs at first, but my bf, doc and therapist put my worries at rest. I was afraid I wouldn't feel like me, or that whatever emotions I'd have on the meds wasn't actually real. But it worked wonders. The therapist helped me figure out my triggers, helped me with ways to get my self out of bed in the morning and have structured days again.
I know this is long, but I feel that talking about it takes away the tabu. And maybe it'll help some one else not to feel alone. I'm so glad I never actually tried suicide.
And I think it's great that this thread has been started. And I think it's great that everyone is sharing, cause it isn't always easy.
Bjarka
Well-known member
Quote:
I know what you mean. I'm only just starting to be my "normal" self again (according to the people close to me). But in the end I don't think I'll ever be quite the same again. It does change you, I just hope that as time goes it becomes a more insignificant part of you.
| Originally Posted by revinn
I hate that the girl I was before my depression seems to be gone; I keep waiting for her to come back, but I don't think she exists anymore. Has anyone else felt this way? Any tips for coming out of a shell you've really only had for a few years? I'm so appreciative of this thread; having mental health issues can be so isolating...you think you're the only one who understands, but there really are so many of us out there. |
I know what you mean. I'm only just starting to be my "normal" self again (according to the people close to me). But in the end I don't think I'll ever be quite the same again. It does change you, I just hope that as time goes it becomes a more insignificant part of you.
martiangurll
Well-known member
Quote:
I don't feel I will ever be "normal" again & I blame myself because I took drugs when I was in college and I think I damaged brain cells that regulate my mood. But I also hate the idea of taking medications, because true they help me feel less depressed, but then I don't feel anything. Sometimes I would rather be sad, just to feel something! But wanting to kill myself a few times a week sucks too. I say I would never do it, but one night I went to bed thinking that if I did not wake up feeling better, I would take an overdose the next day. I really meant to do it too. Luckily I had a mood swing and just woke up feeling less bad.
I guess I would not suicide because I do not want to hurt my family but I wish it was an option sometimes to feeling so crappy all the time and hating myself on a pretty regular basis. I have tried therapy, yes it helps but it doesn't change the fact that life sucks and I am not happy with myself. I have actually left therapy sessions feeling worse because I just wanted someone to give me a reason to live, and of course no therapist could do that. At least she was an honest therapist that did not try to psyche me into feeling better like all the cognitive behavioral therapists have tried to do.
Bottom line I guess I would rather feel sad than be dead or feel numb all the time but I have to function too. I don't wanna lose my job. So I guess I have no choice but to live and to try and get my mood problems treated.
And yes, it does get better sometimes. I can say that my pessimistic candy-ass is sometimes pleasantly surprised by the little things.
I find it really interesting how many of the posters in this thread have bipolar issues. Wonder if our makeup obsessions are related to the so-called manic spending sprees. Well, that could be a little too much disclosure, we better not go there.
| Originally Posted by Bjarka
I know what you mean. I'm only just starting to be my "normal" self again (according to the people close to me). But in the end I don't think I'll ever be quite the same again. It does change you, I just hope that as time goes it becomes a more insignificant part of you. |
I don't feel I will ever be "normal" again & I blame myself because I took drugs when I was in college and I think I damaged brain cells that regulate my mood. But I also hate the idea of taking medications, because true they help me feel less depressed, but then I don't feel anything. Sometimes I would rather be sad, just to feel something! But wanting to kill myself a few times a week sucks too. I say I would never do it, but one night I went to bed thinking that if I did not wake up feeling better, I would take an overdose the next day. I really meant to do it too. Luckily I had a mood swing and just woke up feeling less bad.
I guess I would not suicide because I do not want to hurt my family but I wish it was an option sometimes to feeling so crappy all the time and hating myself on a pretty regular basis. I have tried therapy, yes it helps but it doesn't change the fact that life sucks and I am not happy with myself. I have actually left therapy sessions feeling worse because I just wanted someone to give me a reason to live, and of course no therapist could do that. At least she was an honest therapist that did not try to psyche me into feeling better like all the cognitive behavioral therapists have tried to do.
Bottom line I guess I would rather feel sad than be dead or feel numb all the time but I have to function too. I don't wanna lose my job. So I guess I have no choice but to live and to try and get my mood problems treated.
And yes, it does get better sometimes. I can say that my pessimistic candy-ass is sometimes pleasantly surprised by the little things.
I find it really interesting how many of the posters in this thread have bipolar issues. Wonder if our makeup obsessions are related to the so-called manic spending sprees. Well, that could be a little too much disclosure, we better not go there.
Funtabulous
Well-known member
Yeah I totally agree with not wanting to take medication. I was medicated for years and I had that numb feeling too. I remember when I went off lithium it took me a while to actually recognize that I was happy, it was such a foreign feeling to me at that point.
I know the feeling of wondering if I'd ever be the person I used to be. Quite honestly, I've become obsessed with this question. Last year, I was pretty much convinced that person was gone forever. I have a history of marijuana use (daily for about a year) and I thought I'd never recover from that. Honestly, I don't think I have. The first time I ever had a panic attack was while I was smoking mj, and they continued to get more and more frequent when I smoked, so I stopped. Ever since then, I've had problems with panic attacks. It's like it 'broke the seal' and I can never go back to my pre-panic existence. Anyone who gets panic attacks knows what a constant struggle that can be. It did a lot more to my mind than that too, like making it more difficult to concentrate and remember things, but luckily that's improved a lot with time. I take fish oil and believe that may help.
I do have times where I feel like the person I used to be, and it's the greatest feeling in the world. I'm actually feeling that way right now, and I think it's because I recently got back into an old hobby of mine that I found mentally engaging/challenging (web programming/coding). To a certain extent, I think a lot of my problems stem from simply boredom/mental inactivity. I love the feeling of working through a problem, it makes me feel so alive! (such a dork)
I wonder, how many of us have been on or are currently on hormonal birth control? I stopped taking Yasmin in February and I noticed my depression/numbness magically disappeared about a month later, and hasn't returned since. My anxiety has been much better lately, too (but I can still get panic attacks around ovulation and before my period, times of hormonal fluctuation). It even says that depression can be a side effect of the pill in the insert, but for some reason I always attributed it to something else!
I know the feeling of wondering if I'd ever be the person I used to be. Quite honestly, I've become obsessed with this question. Last year, I was pretty much convinced that person was gone forever. I have a history of marijuana use (daily for about a year) and I thought I'd never recover from that. Honestly, I don't think I have. The first time I ever had a panic attack was while I was smoking mj, and they continued to get more and more frequent when I smoked, so I stopped. Ever since then, I've had problems with panic attacks. It's like it 'broke the seal' and I can never go back to my pre-panic existence. Anyone who gets panic attacks knows what a constant struggle that can be. It did a lot more to my mind than that too, like making it more difficult to concentrate and remember things, but luckily that's improved a lot with time. I take fish oil and believe that may help.
I do have times where I feel like the person I used to be, and it's the greatest feeling in the world. I'm actually feeling that way right now, and I think it's because I recently got back into an old hobby of mine that I found mentally engaging/challenging (web programming/coding). To a certain extent, I think a lot of my problems stem from simply boredom/mental inactivity. I love the feeling of working through a problem, it makes me feel so alive! (such a dork)
I wonder, how many of us have been on or are currently on hormonal birth control? I stopped taking Yasmin in February and I noticed my depression/numbness magically disappeared about a month later, and hasn't returned since. My anxiety has been much better lately, too (but I can still get panic attacks around ovulation and before my period, times of hormonal fluctuation). It even says that depression can be a side effect of the pill in the insert, but for some reason I always attributed it to something else!
Bjarka
Well-known member
Quote:
I used to feel that way about the meds, but I was actually surprised that I could still feel while I was on mine (think it might depend on what drug they put you on though, cause the diazepam did make me totally numb).
My therapist did actually suggest trying to pick up as many of my old hobbies as possible, cause she had found that to be a big help for people with depression. Makes us feel like we can do something well
As for the pill, I actually stopped taking mine just as I'd come of the citalopram... I didn't actually connect the two. I just had to change brand, and as I was sitting reading the side effects, I just thought it wasn't worth the risks.
| Originally Posted by Funtabulous
Yeah I totally agree with not wanting to take medication. I was medicated for years and I had that numb feeling too. I remember when I went off lithium it took me a while to actually recognize that I was happy, it was such a foreign feeling to me at that point. [...] I'm actually feeling that way right now, and I think it's because I recently got back into an old hobby of mine that I found mentally engaging/challenging (web programming/coding). To a certain extent, I think a lot of my problems stem from simply boredom/mental inactivity. I love the feeling of working through a problem, it makes me feel so alive! (such a dork) I wonder, how many of us have been on or are currently on hormonal birth control? I stopped taking Yasmin in February and I noticed my depression/numbness magically disappeared about a month later, and hasn't returned since. My anxiety has been much better lately, too (but I can still get panic attacks around ovulation and before my period, times of hormonal fluctuation). It even says that depression can be a side effect of the pill in the insert, but for some reason I always attributed it to something else! |
I used to feel that way about the meds, but I was actually surprised that I could still feel while I was on mine (think it might depend on what drug they put you on though, cause the diazepam did make me totally numb).
My therapist did actually suggest trying to pick up as many of my old hobbies as possible, cause she had found that to be a big help for people with depression. Makes us feel like we can do something well
As for the pill, I actually stopped taking mine just as I'd come of the citalopram... I didn't actually connect the two. I just had to change brand, and as I was sitting reading the side effects, I just thought it wasn't worth the risks.
martiangurll
Well-known member
I am glad so many specktraites posted on this thread. It really has helped me feel less abnormal. (less nuts?) Or at least more accepting of being nuts!
You know I really hope no one took too much negativity from my post about medications. I think overall finding the right one can be very, very helpful. But it does seem to be a balancing act to find the right one that doesn't make you feel too crummy while getting rid of the icky symptoms. That doesn't change my wish to be better without medications but it is just a wish. I know that I will get back on them when I find the right doctor because my mood will not be normal without them.
And I totally agree you have to do things to be good to yourself like engaging in things you feel passionate about. You know, other than just hoarding makeup LOL.
When I get the courage, I am going to go see a doc to get on some medications because this time of the year is the pits for me. If anyone else here gets really depressed in the winter with the shorter nights, a lightbox really helps!
You know I really hope no one took too much negativity from my post about medications. I think overall finding the right one can be very, very helpful. But it does seem to be a balancing act to find the right one that doesn't make you feel too crummy while getting rid of the icky symptoms. That doesn't change my wish to be better without medications but it is just a wish. I know that I will get back on them when I find the right doctor because my mood will not be normal without them.
And I totally agree you have to do things to be good to yourself like engaging in things you feel passionate about. You know, other than just hoarding makeup LOL.
When I get the courage, I am going to go see a doc to get on some medications because this time of the year is the pits for me. If anyone else here gets really depressed in the winter with the shorter nights, a lightbox really helps!
Lyssah
Well-known member
Thanks for posting this topic, I feel less of a nut now.
I had a traumatic childhood, and I started with depression around the age of 12..Which i now believe was post traumatic stress.
During that time i suffered depression I self harmed (only stopped when I turned about 22).
In past 6 years or so, I have noticed a progressive development of Social Anxiety .. to the point I think people hate me, they'll laugh at me or they think i'm weird.. Because of this I get awkward and embarassed anytime I talk to anyone.
My Anxiety sometimes get to the point of almost paranoid; it affects my life - like I'm certain bad things will happen, even though the chances that it will actually happen are silm.
I never sought help for my depression or anxiety I've always hidden it while suffering and now that I've passed my depression I still feel trapped to get any medical help for anything due to the social stigma of self harm... I'm worried people will think i'm crazy.
I had a traumatic childhood, and I started with depression around the age of 12..Which i now believe was post traumatic stress.
During that time i suffered depression I self harmed (only stopped when I turned about 22).
In past 6 years or so, I have noticed a progressive development of Social Anxiety .. to the point I think people hate me, they'll laugh at me or they think i'm weird.. Because of this I get awkward and embarassed anytime I talk to anyone.
My Anxiety sometimes get to the point of almost paranoid; it affects my life - like I'm certain bad things will happen, even though the chances that it will actually happen are silm.
I never sought help for my depression or anxiety I've always hidden it while suffering and now that I've passed my depression I still feel trapped to get any medical help for anything due to the social stigma of self harm... I'm worried people will think i'm crazy.
MichaelaLou
Well-known member
This is such a good idea.
My mental health issues lead me to become a psychiatric nurse. (Im a student at uni).
I suffered from bulimia and depression with self harming and suicidal tendancies. I was hospitalised 4 times from suicide attempts.
But now I love that my experiances help other people. I work with people daily with schizophrenia or depression ect. People who feel they have no where to turn except a knife or pot of pills.
Im a firm believer that medication wont cut it. I see so many people who are perscribed anti depressants/anxiety, heck even anti psychotics and its not enough. I think therapy/meds work, i think its rare one will without the other.
If anyone ever wants to chat you can email me
My mental health issues lead me to become a psychiatric nurse. (Im a student at uni).
I suffered from bulimia and depression with self harming and suicidal tendancies. I was hospitalised 4 times from suicide attempts.
But now I love that my experiances help other people. I work with people daily with schizophrenia or depression ect. People who feel they have no where to turn except a knife or pot of pills.
Im a firm believer that medication wont cut it. I see so many people who are perscribed anti depressants/anxiety, heck even anti psychotics and its not enough. I think therapy/meds work, i think its rare one will without the other.
If anyone ever wants to chat you can email me
hannahchristine
Well-known member
i have suffered from anxiety, depression, and eating disorders for my entire life. i have never gotten help because i have always denied it......... and now im in college and i dont know if there is anywhere to get help..
Courtney <3
Well-known member
ive had issues ever since 7th grade. my friends back then started to drift away, because they all made better grades than me, and i just struggled. i had also lost my grandmother the year before. i remember sitting on the floor against the lockers in the room one day, and a "friend" sat down next to me to show me a cool new trick she found. she found that she could take a mechanical pencil and could actually scratch herself with it, she though it was so cool. i tried it, and all it did was look like a white scratch, you know? not bad enough to bleed, but it left a mark.
i remember how great that feeling was. it took everything else away. i didnt feel anything. at that moment in time it was just me and a mechanical pencil. i got home and did it again, and again. untill i was a freshmen in high school, thats what i did whenever i got stressed out, which happens all the time.
my boyfriend at the time suggested i tell my parents. they sent me to so many people to "talk to" since they couldnt get through to me. it didnt help. they just gave me a medicine to help with the depression and anxiety issues.
the end of my freshmen year of high school was absolutely horrible. i was involved in the JROTC program, and while that helped raise my esteem and would pull me out of my funk every now and then, it was also a source of a lot. i just remember that class being very.... im not sure, you had to be very involved, speak out, present things. and i remember being so scared to get in front of the class, thinking they would think i was weird, or fat, or stupid, or anything like that.
my junior year of high school didnt get much better. i had a rough break up with my ex, i got in a fist fight with my then best friend at school and got suspended for 2 weeks, and i lost a lot more friends in general. i tried to commit suicide at least 3 times. one time i took a handful of over the counter sleeping pills, i just happened to be texting a friend and he came by, police and all. i ended up being fine, didnt have to go to the hospital, they said drink water and flush my system since they were so weak, over the counter ones.
high school became so hard to go to everyday i ended up failing the second half of my junior year. in the state of kentucky, you have to pass at least 4 of your 6 classes to keep your liscense, so needless to say, i lost my liscense, so that just added to it.
my senior year, i found an "alternative" high school, everythings done on computers. all you do is go to the school like you would regular school, but youd sit down in front of a computer and pick whatever class you wanted to work on that day. it was one of the best things ive ever done, it took me 3 weeks to do half my junior year, and half my senior year.
i just recently started hair school. before i started i thought itd be a good idea to get off the meds, since i had been so good. the boy who saved my life was now my boyfriend, i wasnt in high school with people who i felt looked down on me, and i was in a happy place mentally, so i flushed the whole bottle down the toilet.
hair school wasnt what i thought it was going to be, sure i love the whole comsetology thing. but the girls..... man theyre just plain mean. i took a one month leave for december, i was so stressed out i had a second strain of mono. i had a nervous breakdown on christmas eve, and another on new years eve.
i just recently had another breakdown, this one was the worst one ive had in a while. i went to the dr yesterday and explain to her that maybe i needed to get back on my medication. she prescribed me with lexapro, a stronger dose this time though. she also signed papers saying i can get another leave from school.
so far in my life ive been diagnosed with social anxiety disorder, depression, anxiety, and bipolar. ive attempted suicide at least 4 times, i self harm, i havent in a while, but i still struggle with it everyday.
long story short, does anyone have any tips on how to stay positive and self aware?
i plan on calling a local mental health help place in the morning, but i was wondering if anyone had any good self affrimations they tell themselves daily to help stay positive. i love school, but its such a big stress trigger in my life, and i havent a clue on how to deal with my stress in a good way
i remember how great that feeling was. it took everything else away. i didnt feel anything. at that moment in time it was just me and a mechanical pencil. i got home and did it again, and again. untill i was a freshmen in high school, thats what i did whenever i got stressed out, which happens all the time.
my boyfriend at the time suggested i tell my parents. they sent me to so many people to "talk to" since they couldnt get through to me. it didnt help. they just gave me a medicine to help with the depression and anxiety issues.
the end of my freshmen year of high school was absolutely horrible. i was involved in the JROTC program, and while that helped raise my esteem and would pull me out of my funk every now and then, it was also a source of a lot. i just remember that class being very.... im not sure, you had to be very involved, speak out, present things. and i remember being so scared to get in front of the class, thinking they would think i was weird, or fat, or stupid, or anything like that.
my junior year of high school didnt get much better. i had a rough break up with my ex, i got in a fist fight with my then best friend at school and got suspended for 2 weeks, and i lost a lot more friends in general. i tried to commit suicide at least 3 times. one time i took a handful of over the counter sleeping pills, i just happened to be texting a friend and he came by, police and all. i ended up being fine, didnt have to go to the hospital, they said drink water and flush my system since they were so weak, over the counter ones.
high school became so hard to go to everyday i ended up failing the second half of my junior year. in the state of kentucky, you have to pass at least 4 of your 6 classes to keep your liscense, so needless to say, i lost my liscense, so that just added to it.
my senior year, i found an "alternative" high school, everythings done on computers. all you do is go to the school like you would regular school, but youd sit down in front of a computer and pick whatever class you wanted to work on that day. it was one of the best things ive ever done, it took me 3 weeks to do half my junior year, and half my senior year.
i just recently started hair school. before i started i thought itd be a good idea to get off the meds, since i had been so good. the boy who saved my life was now my boyfriend, i wasnt in high school with people who i felt looked down on me, and i was in a happy place mentally, so i flushed the whole bottle down the toilet.
hair school wasnt what i thought it was going to be, sure i love the whole comsetology thing. but the girls..... man theyre just plain mean. i took a one month leave for december, i was so stressed out i had a second strain of mono. i had a nervous breakdown on christmas eve, and another on new years eve.
i just recently had another breakdown, this one was the worst one ive had in a while. i went to the dr yesterday and explain to her that maybe i needed to get back on my medication. she prescribed me with lexapro, a stronger dose this time though. she also signed papers saying i can get another leave from school.
so far in my life ive been diagnosed with social anxiety disorder, depression, anxiety, and bipolar. ive attempted suicide at least 4 times, i self harm, i havent in a while, but i still struggle with it everyday.
long story short, does anyone have any tips on how to stay positive and self aware?
i plan on calling a local mental health help place in the morning, but i was wondering if anyone had any good self affrimations they tell themselves daily to help stay positive. i love school, but its such a big stress trigger in my life, and i havent a clue on how to deal with my stress in a good way
katred
Specktra Bestie
I haven't found things that automatically make me feel better, but I have found that simply looking at the things that I've managed to accomplish without having a meltdown helps. Simply knowing that I've managed to hold my anxieties at bay is a victory for me. Once you face a fear and know that you can defeat it, it becomes incredibly empowering.
As far as staying self-aware, I usually try to maintain some sort of journal of my moods and what happened, so that I can figure out what triggers me to panic and depression. Once you can identify patterns of behaviour, it becomes a lot easier to break them.
As far as staying self-aware, I usually try to maintain some sort of journal of my moods and what happened, so that I can figure out what triggers me to panic and depression. Once you can identify patterns of behaviour, it becomes a lot easier to break them.
mayflower
Well-known member
I have to admit that I'm a bit surprised to find a topic like this on here, but I guess the nuts are just everywhere 
It wasn't until I was 13 when I noticed something was wrong with me. I began cutting myself and had my first "real" phase of depression. Within the next couple of years, I started to realise I had been harming myself in various ways all throughout my childhood.
I hung out with the wrong people, everyone had ther fair share of undiagnosed mental problems and all of them were almost twice my age, so I started to believe my problems weren't severe and it generally fuelled my feelings of worthlessness. My parents were divorced and I lived with my father who either trusted me a lot, or just didn't want to deal with me, so I went out days and nights, and saw things that aren't for any 15-year-olds eyes. Everyone around me was on all kinds of drugs and I'm still proud of myself for always saying no when everything along the lines of cocain, heroin, pills and all were just at my fingertips. I fell for pot, though. That's when my anxiety attacks began, and even though I quit after 1 year of heavy, daily use, I still struggle with them.
When I was 16, I had my worst cutting experience. I would've had to get stitches before, but I'd just take care of everything myself and it always worked out but that time I got so scared that I called my dad. We rushed to the hospital and the doctor started asking questions, but my dad wouldn't leave the room and I didn't want to say anything in front of him. We took the doctors advice, though, and saw a therapist for some sort of evaluation, but again, my dad was there the whole time basically answering my questions and they got to the conclusion that I was just acting up.
From that experience on, it took me 3 years to finally be willing to look for a therapist again. During that time, I managed to quit cutting, moved out of my dads house, graduated highschool as one of the top people of my grade and got out of an abusive relationship. To everyone else, it seemed like I had my life in order now and I felt like I could hear a sound of collective relief from everyone around me, but I still felt bad. I started University and during the first semester, I broke down from the panic attacks. I was absolutely positive I had some sort of brain tumor, or internal bleeding, or anything else that was going to end my life in a second and nobody would be able to do anything about it until it was too late. I got checked various times from various doctors and of course everything was ok, but I kept researching online and matched my symptoms to any illness I could find. I would have an anxiety attack and call an ambulance and go to the hospital where no one ever found anything.
Somehow in the midst of that, I pulled all my strength together and found a therapist. We discussed my past, and came up with strategies to help me in the future. I was making progress until I hit my head on the corner of the bed. I had a concussion and ended up being hospitalized for 2 weeks because I was scared of going home, when all they did in the hospital was putting my on over-the-counter pain medication. I demanded further tests, but the wouldn't listen to me and it just made me feel worse. By the time I got home, all the progress I'd made in therapy until then was blown away. I also stopped going to university once and for all, because I already missed so much of it. On top of that I got pregnant and had an abortion.
I felt like everything I had worked for and accomplished just didn't matter anymore, that everyone around me was just telling me I was ok to not deal with me anymore. My depression hit again, I couldn't get myself out of bed, let alone pay rent, so eventually I was forced to move in with my dad again.
I met my fiancé in all that chaos. He had been through depression, anxiety and other things aswell, and for the first time, I felt understood. I told him everything, even that I was still pregnant when we met, and expected it to push him away, but he stayed. I think it gave me the strength to continue therapy, find a job, and a flat for myself. On one hand, I find it a little pathetic that a guy had to come around for me to start another attempt to sort my life out, on the other, I am beyond grateful that I don't have to do this alone anymore. I feel like I tried and tried so many times, but never had any support from my so-called friends. I don't see any of them anymore, but I'd rather be friendless now than having a bunch of fake people around me.
I feel like the biggest difference in my life now as opposed to a year ago is that I have plans now. I have goals for the future and things to look forward to. I make a point to do things I like, because I always find it hard to relax and take my mind off things that worry me. That's part of why I'm here! I admitted my love for makeup, stopped scolding myself for liking something that most people find completely superficial and just enjoy the fact that I like pretty things. It kind of feels like the ad, but I do feel I am worth it now I love spending my free time trying to find a foundation that works with my skin, and who's in a position to judge that? It feels a lot better to find something you like to do instead of doing things you're supposed to do.
It wasn't until I was 13 when I noticed something was wrong with me. I began cutting myself and had my first "real" phase of depression. Within the next couple of years, I started to realise I had been harming myself in various ways all throughout my childhood.
I hung out with the wrong people, everyone had ther fair share of undiagnosed mental problems and all of them were almost twice my age, so I started to believe my problems weren't severe and it generally fuelled my feelings of worthlessness. My parents were divorced and I lived with my father who either trusted me a lot, or just didn't want to deal with me, so I went out days and nights, and saw things that aren't for any 15-year-olds eyes. Everyone around me was on all kinds of drugs and I'm still proud of myself for always saying no when everything along the lines of cocain, heroin, pills and all were just at my fingertips. I fell for pot, though. That's when my anxiety attacks began, and even though I quit after 1 year of heavy, daily use, I still struggle with them.
When I was 16, I had my worst cutting experience. I would've had to get stitches before, but I'd just take care of everything myself and it always worked out but that time I got so scared that I called my dad. We rushed to the hospital and the doctor started asking questions, but my dad wouldn't leave the room and I didn't want to say anything in front of him. We took the doctors advice, though, and saw a therapist for some sort of evaluation, but again, my dad was there the whole time basically answering my questions and they got to the conclusion that I was just acting up.
From that experience on, it took me 3 years to finally be willing to look for a therapist again. During that time, I managed to quit cutting, moved out of my dads house, graduated highschool as one of the top people of my grade and got out of an abusive relationship. To everyone else, it seemed like I had my life in order now and I felt like I could hear a sound of collective relief from everyone around me, but I still felt bad. I started University and during the first semester, I broke down from the panic attacks. I was absolutely positive I had some sort of brain tumor, or internal bleeding, or anything else that was going to end my life in a second and nobody would be able to do anything about it until it was too late. I got checked various times from various doctors and of course everything was ok, but I kept researching online and matched my symptoms to any illness I could find. I would have an anxiety attack and call an ambulance and go to the hospital where no one ever found anything.
Somehow in the midst of that, I pulled all my strength together and found a therapist. We discussed my past, and came up with strategies to help me in the future. I was making progress until I hit my head on the corner of the bed. I had a concussion and ended up being hospitalized for 2 weeks because I was scared of going home, when all they did in the hospital was putting my on over-the-counter pain medication. I demanded further tests, but the wouldn't listen to me and it just made me feel worse. By the time I got home, all the progress I'd made in therapy until then was blown away. I also stopped going to university once and for all, because I already missed so much of it. On top of that I got pregnant and had an abortion.
I felt like everything I had worked for and accomplished just didn't matter anymore, that everyone around me was just telling me I was ok to not deal with me anymore. My depression hit again, I couldn't get myself out of bed, let alone pay rent, so eventually I was forced to move in with my dad again.
I met my fiancé in all that chaos. He had been through depression, anxiety and other things aswell, and for the first time, I felt understood. I told him everything, even that I was still pregnant when we met, and expected it to push him away, but he stayed. I think it gave me the strength to continue therapy, find a job, and a flat for myself. On one hand, I find it a little pathetic that a guy had to come around for me to start another attempt to sort my life out, on the other, I am beyond grateful that I don't have to do this alone anymore. I feel like I tried and tried so many times, but never had any support from my so-called friends. I don't see any of them anymore, but I'd rather be friendless now than having a bunch of fake people around me.
I feel like the biggest difference in my life now as opposed to a year ago is that I have plans now. I have goals for the future and things to look forward to. I make a point to do things I like, because I always find it hard to relax and take my mind off things that worry me. That's part of why I'm here! I admitted my love for makeup, stopped scolding myself for liking something that most people find completely superficial and just enjoy the fact that I like pretty things. It kind of feels like the ad, but I do feel I am worth it now
I love spending my free time trying to find a foundation that works with my skin, and who's in a position to judge that? It feels a lot better to find something you like to do instead of doing things you're supposed to do.
V15U4L3RR0R
Member
I have PTSD which mostly manifests as anxiety and paranoia and it has lead me to hiding under tables and finding it very difficult going out at night time and such. I also have Depression which stems from a lot of things like being bullied very badly and a bad home situation/rubbish childhood but I think a lot of it comes from being trans. I also had an eating disorder a few years a go but I managed to overcome that. I am also an aspie too which adds an interesting dimension to everything else.
I personally find meds and talking therapy in tandem helpful but I am having to really fight to get it because my GP isn't great and the mental health provisions in this PCT are rubbish.
I personally find meds and talking therapy in tandem helpful but I am having to really fight to get it because my GP isn't great and the mental health provisions in this PCT are rubbish.
