"nappy" vs. straight hair??

[MJsJesusjuice]

Okay, much ado has been made in the black community about should we wear our hair relaxed or natural...

Obviously, many have heard about "Good Hair" (which is not playing in my town, unfortunately). Good hair, as we should all know, is straighter hair, the type that reflects the sun and falls down your back.

I wear my hair natural. I had a perm (not a relaxer) from 7th grade to 12th grade and from Sept 2007 to present, I have been loving having my natural hair back.

Why did I go back to basics? A lot of people, I guess, tend to associate natural hair on a black woman with radicalism, etc. While, I definitely have some radical in me LOL, there really is nothing like washing your own hair after so many years with a perm!!

So, I wanna just hear people's opinions on this issue.

For me, if I may add, I have an issue with people relaxing their hair and calling it more manageable. My sister wrote a paper on this. She said, "What gauges maneability?" I think that black women need to understand that manageable for a white, asian, or hispanic woman is NOT the same for a black woman.

Also, can someone explain to me why you would give a relaxer to a young girl still in single digits? I had a friend whose mother put a relaxer on her hair when she was little girl; we were in the 7th grade and she could hardly put her hair in a ponytail with a THIN RUBBER BAND!

I'm of the opinion that it is a woman's choice to do what she wants with her own follicles but don't lie about the reasons. I truly believe that black women get relaxers, weaves, etc. because they believe that black hair is not as pretty as "silkier" hair, since we are all inundated with images of what is beautiful from the mass media. Tit is unlikely to see our own faces in the mags, on TV, in movies, the way we are NATURALLY...

Am I wrong?

 

[YesicaElana]

Sometimes natural doesn't mean convenient. It's a lot of work keeping natural hair maintained and sometimes its just easy to braid it all up and throw a weave on it. It's not about natural v. processed, it's about what looks good on an individual and what works. But keep in mind, scalp burns and balding are never stylish.

 

[GlamQueen21]

^Agreed. It's a lot of hard work to keep your hair maintained the way that you want it to be and sometimes it's not easy.

 

[Jackie O]

Natural definitely does NOT mean convenient! I agree with these ladies above. A perfect example is when I went to basic training (I'm in the Army) I couldn't afford NOT to have a perm. You get up in the morning and you get about 15 minutes to shower, brush your teeth, and be ready for a work day. LITERALLY, every single day. Trying to comb out my hair and figure out what to do with it would've been impossible with the limited time we had. And without caring for my hair due to that, I probably would've either went bald, or my hair would've matted up really badly!

 

[Lapis]

For some relaxer is more manageable, many black women have NO idea how to handle and style their natural hair, my mom, aunt and grandma have very soft thin hair, thanks to g-gma's mixed parentage, they didn't have a clue as to how to deal with their own hair further more mine (super thick, afro hair), my mom is 60+ and pays someone to braid her hair because she can't plait, braid, cornrow anything! Relaxing was the easy way out.

Hell I've had dreads 9 years, been natural 10+ and I STILL am learning my own hair, plus my dd's who's hair is thick like mine but TOTALLY different as to what it needs, I think lots of women really don't get what their hair needs, I mean I'm washing my dd's hair twice a week sometimes more, and growing up you heard we aren't supposed to wash our hair this much etc

 

[Tashona Helena]

My mom permed my hair when I was under age 10. I kinda wish she never did. My hair is so damaged from the constant chemical usage I seriously feel like I need to go to a hair doctor. I mean I could wear my real hair out, but why bother now. She didn't like doing my hair because it was so "thick". I feel like if my hair stayed natural I definitely would know how to manage it, especially with all the new advances in beauty today.

 

[chocolategoddes]

To me, it doesn't matter if your hair is straight, curly, or "nappy"... hair can be beautiful if it's taken care of, healthy, and styled nicely.
My hair is at it's natural state of tight corkscrew curls, but I got it relaxed regularly from the ages of 7-12. Then my hair started to fall out and i had a bald patch on the back of my head. My hair has grown back since then, but it's very weak and it grows much slower than the hair surrounding it.

I honestly don't have an opinion on the whole "is wearing weaves and straightening hair "de-ethnicizing" (idk if that's even a word) issue... but I want to see Good Hair sooo bad! chris rock is one of my comedy idols!

 

[SeaHen]

I was relaxed once at 7. My hair promptly fell out. two weeks later.

I have natural hair and my hair is very manageable, if i'm trying to get it to do something i don't want, then thats when i get into trouble.
I have no qualms when people relax their hair. I truly don't care. Now if you talk ish about natural hair then i will have something to say.

I care more about the fact that i see children with no hairlines, and 2 teaspoons of hair because their parents relax and then don't bother to take care of it. ( you need to care for relaxed hair, it needs regular protein treatments and moisture treatments, porosity etc. Its not just wash and go)Then they add extensions on top of it! Why does a 2 year old need kinky twists or a 9 year old a weave???? Or a baby in a pram with a relaxer?? Its madness!

Plus people missuse relaxers. You don't not need to perm your hair every 2 weeks. Or every 4. Relaxers aren't even meant to get your hair bone straight. They are supposed to straighten it out some, but to get a truly straight look a rollerset/blow out/flat iron is supposed to do the rest.
By relaxing bone straight, you are breaking down the bonds of your hair to such a degree that it becomes too weak, fragile and thin.

I think many black women natural and relaxed have lost the art of caring for our hair. ( i can't be bothered, i'll throw on a wig /weave- not as a protective style- and then they neglect it) that is the saddest thing of all.

I'm sorry it may be a bit of a rant i just see so many natty wigs weaves and extensions in my area.( i mean i love a good weave my self but why keep it in for 4 mon ths and not even comb it?) It really gets to me. Seeing black women with healthy hair( or well kept realistic extensions) regardless of the state is a rare sight for me!

 

[Morena.Doll]

To me it's all about a personal preference.
Some people prefer to get their hair permed and some people prefer to be natural. Just like some people prefer to wear weaves & wigs instead of their actual hair.

"Good Hair" is simply healthy hair to me. I hate when the term is used in an ignorant way. I feel like you can't knock someone for doing what they want with THE HAIR ON THEIR HEAD. If they end up bald from overprocessing their hair, then that's them. If they are ashamed to wear their real hair because they feel like it's not good enough, then that's them & ETC.

At then of the day all African Americans do not have the same hair textures.
True some people may get perms because they want to "fit in" with society, but that is not the case for everyone..

 

[j4lyphe]

I for one am glad that i grew up in Jamaica (the island) where it is natural and common place for girls to wear there hair natural...My mother kept my hair natural for all my life until I was 20 (2 yrs ago) I decided that I wanted a change and so I got a relaxer. My natural hair was VERY THICK and long and over the yrs I found ways to take care of my hair (once I started high school, my Mom passed the hair reigns over to me) bcuz I was a competitive swimmer in high school. Mind you I think natural hair was the way to go esp since I was a swimmer because most if not all of my friends who did have relaxers their hair started to thin out and break off bcuz of the chlorine....My relaxed hair is still THICK and even longer than before (so much so random ppl tug my hair to see if its a weave) but I believe thats because I didnt relax my hair bone stright...in fact after my very first relaxer I waited like 5 months to get it relaxed again and I had to Re-relax everything bcuz my hair had basically reverted back to its natural state LOL...I dont think my hair will ever be bone straight without a rollerset, blowout or flatirion. I jus think that most African American mothers put a relaxer in their daughter's hair way too young, I feel sorry for the little ones having to go through the scalp burning and burn spots at such a young age for no good reason other than the fact that their mothers are too lazy to deal with their hair

I relax my hair every 3-4 months and I let it air dry 99% of the time, I use my CHI flatiron maybe once during that time period lol Some women over- process their hair thats why it falls out, ur not supposed to be relaxing ur roots every 2 weeks, u need to give ur hair time to breathe and grow...
I think all hair is beautiful as long as its healthy, whether it be natural or relaxed.
P.S. why are other black women so "bad mind" (Jamaican term), they're always giving me looks because of my hair (my friend and I get these looks all the time because we're black and have naturally long hair...tho she's Jamaican and Colombian and I'm Jamaican and Cuban we're obviously black LOL)

 

[HeatherNicole]

Quote:

Originally Posted by j4lyphe I didnt relax my hair bone stright...in fact after my very first relaxer I waited like 5 months to get it relaxed again and I had to Re-relax everything bcuz my hair had basically reverted back to its natural state LOL...I dont think my hair will ever be bone straight without a rollerset, blowout or flatirion. I jus think that most African American mothers put a relaxer in their daughter's hair way too young,

I totally relate to this. I'm 22, and come from mixed heritage, including african american and cuban.
My hair texture has cork screw curls at the root, and thick spiral curls at the tip. My hair was wavy and thin when I was little, and then at 2, I repeat TWO, my grandmother gave me a relaxer. First and foremost, my texture changed completely, and my mom has spent alot of time trying to nurse my hair back to health. Now, my routine is to relax it every ten - twelve weeks, and wear it straight (flat ironed) of naturally curly in that time. I've recently discovered Garneir Triple Nutrition, which has Shea Butter, Olive Oil, and Avacado. Which really brings out the curl from the bone straight relaxed ends I have. When I'm in a hurry and want "good hair" I go to a local dommican hair salon, and let them burn the hell out of my hair and me, and thus I have 'good hair'.
With all of that said, I'm learning my hair is good, as long as I learn to put whats good for my hair.
So i've laid off the domminican shops, and I don't pull my chi out as often, I wash it, and let it lay.

 

[YesicaElana]

Oh my gosh, I don't think people mention this much anymore...but if you are of mixed heritage especially latin or native american...relaxers are THE worst. I guess because our hair is so soft, the relaxers just destroy it. You're better off suffering through the fires of hell in a Dominican salon.

 

[iadoremac]

I'm african (grew up in W. Africa) my friend got her hair relaxed when she was 5 bc combing her natural hair was a constant struggle. I had my hair relaxed at 13 and have been wearing weaves for almost 10 yrs. Why? Because it is convenient, easier to manage and you can style your hair w/o the dangers of damaging it. Personally I do not think any type of hair is prettier, i like natural hair but i like to switch up my hair styles alot

 

[User67]

I am biracial, but both my parents who raised me are white (I'm adopted). So neither of them knew how to handle my hair, so they starting getting it relaxed when I was very young, probably around 7-8. I remember the first time my hair was relaxed that I had really bad burns all over my scalp. I don't remember losing any hair though. My hair has been relaxed ever since then, and it has always been strong , healthy & thick. I used to have really long hair & like some of the ladies mentioned above people used to ask me if I was wearing a weave. The past year I have cut it all off & love wearing it short. Sometimes I think about maybe shaving it down & going natural. But, I don't even know what my natural hair texture is like or if I could handle it. Right now I am just trying to deal with my daughter's hair. I don't know how to do braids or any of those cute little things that other black mothers do with their little girl's hair. So I have to depend on my DH family members to do it for me. But, I refuse to perm her hair. I want her to wear it natural for as long as possible & when she is old enough to care for her own hair, then we will discuss perming if that it something that she wants.

 

[MJsJesusjuice]

very interesting perspectives, thank you!!

When I had my perm (I hate to admit what it was, but it was a jheri curl LOL *dying of embarrassment*)--I don't know if anyone else has experienced this--I was thought of as "cute" and guys looked at me more.

Now that my hair is natural (I coil it all over my head after washing and conditioning with orgainc shampoo from Whole Foods and using an all-natural fruit based gel called Lock It Up-->a great product btw), I don't get looked at as much. I don't have a problem with that, to be honest, but it definitely is different.... Has anyone else experienced that??

My own hair is "nappy" but it falls in Os and Ss and is very shiny. I think I probably have my dad's hair (he's biracial black mom/white dad). Maybe the chemical for curls aren't as harsh as relaxers because my hair never broke off LOL.

I brought all of this up because I think there probably was a time when I WAS trying to erase my ethnicity (and you can see by my avatar that I'm black LOL). As ridiculous as it sounds NOW, I was saying I was *MIXED* because the curl I had was very natural-looking and not greasy at all.

For shame... sometimes I think I wasn't alone in that thinking process; I think many black women still have antiquated notion of beauty and hair. I'm glad I don't think like that anymore...

 

[Prototype83]

I'm also West African and my natural hair is very coily. I have been both relaxed and natural, both by force (my mother had my hair relaxed @ 6 and then chopped it off to start over at 8) and also by choice (as an adult). Either way, it takes work and patience to keep up a healthy head of hair IMO.

I am currently relaxed, reason being that it's my current style choice. It has nothing to do with wanting to fit in with European standards or easier styling. I like the look of thick straight hair on myself right now, I like the versatility of my hair. I'm not relaxed completely bone straight so when it's washed and airdried I get mistaken for a natural...when it's pressed out, it's silky and I get weave checked lol!

ETA: As for mothers relaxing their child's hair at a young age...I disagree with it. When I was growing up, alot of the mothers in my neighborhood relaxed our hair for convenience...because it was easier to style and didn't get frizzy as often which meant that it didn't have to be redone often. We were often banned from doing things like swimming in a pool, playing outside on a rainy day...anything that got our hair wet (basically anything fun lol!!). Slowly, but surely our hair would break off due to the fact that no one knew how to maintain relaxed hair. I remember before my first big chop, my mother took me to a salon to get a relaxer and the woman left it on for 1 1/2 hours because she forgot. I had bald patches on my temples for years. If I am blessed to have a daughter...I will not relax her hair.

 

[gabi03]

I love both my natural and relaxed hair. I didn't get a relaxer until I was 14 and then I let it go natural again since I swam competitively. Since it was always getting wet why bother even doing anything extensive to it. Then I ended up getting one at 20, then letting it go natural again and I just started getting relaxers about a year ago again. And now i'm on the path to going natural. Its a cycle with me and I just love the versatility of black hair.

I do hate when people say that girls who choose to relax are not happy or satisfied with their natural hair. We aren't running from who we are nor do we feel as if "silky" hair is better. We all do different things to our hair because its what we choose to do, whether it be convenience, style choice preference or maybe that person does like silky straight hair better. No choice is wrong.

 

[Lapis]

Quote:

Originally Posted by j4lyphe P.S. why are other black women so "bad mind" (Jamaican term), they're always giving me looks because of my hair (my friend and I get these looks all the time because we're black and have naturally long hair...tho she's Jamaican and Colombian and I'm Jamaican and Cuban we're obviously black LOL)

I don't think they can help it, it's like they are conditioned to think it has to be fake and if it's not they get pissed, a couple weeks ago this chick told another girl who complimented my hair I had a Erica Badu special

So I laughed my ass off and told her thanks, since my hair looked so good she thought it was fake, I've had ppl pull my dreads to see if they would come out all kinds of craziness

 

[ShugAvery2001]

I've been natural for 10 years plus and loc'd for the last 5 years. I LOVE my hair. That being said I have no problem with other women rocking perms weaves bald heads .. to me it's all about freedom of choice. If you like it I love it. My problem comes when people discriminate or "hate" on another because of their hair. and no one's exempt. in the loc'd community you're bound to catch judgment if your locs aren't tightly twisted (so your parts and scalp show) while myself.. I like a little thickness in my roots. go figure

DO YOU!

 

[IvyTrini]

I agree a lot of the comments that are stated here. I am currently transitioning back to natural. I don't for one second miss my relaxed hair. I have nothing against people who relax, wear weaves etc. but I have a problem with thinking that if you have kinky, nappy hair, its automatically 'bad' hair. Thank God for my parents because they made me appreciate my dark skin and kinky hair. As for relaxed hair being more manageable, I have to disagree. I think whatever style you wear takes time. I think we have spent decades as a society researching straight hair and how to make it work. Between getting relaxers every 6 wks, then the Dominican blowouts every 2 wks and the wrapping every night, money spent on the hair products, for me it was very time consuming. I must admit that as a child, I did not know how to style and take care of my natural hair, and probably neither did most other kinky haired folks. I have learnt a lot in the last 1.5 years researching natural hair. I think if we put forth the same effort into natural hair as we do straight hair, we would be able to get over the good hair, bad hair phenom.
But I'll tell you, as bad as people hold on to their relaxed, 'good' hair, I could never see myself with thin, see thru ends, broken edges and burnt scalp. No gracias!!!