Such crap....
- Thread starter Hilly
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nunu
Well-known member
thats awful, i know you must have tried this before Hilly, but i would advice you to talk to him about it and let him know how you feel.
Tell him that you would love to spend more time together etc..Tell him to try a certain days per week to devote some time to spend time just with each other. If he can't even do that then thats bad. Or even spend a couple time together at a certain time, cook for each other etc..
The best way it to tell him exactly how you feel and he should change and make time for you, because you are in this relationship as well.
hope this helps
hugs
Tell him that you would love to spend more time together etc..Tell him to try a certain days per week to devote some time to spend time just with each other. If he can't even do that then thats bad. Or even spend a couple time together at a certain time, cook for each other etc..
The best way it to tell him exactly how you feel and he should change and make time for you, because you are in this relationship as well.
hope this helps
hugs
girlsaidwhat
Well-known member
Hilly, I'll just say that you deserve better.
If he doesn't know that...maybe it's just a mismatch. That's not the way to /be/ in a relationship if you're really /wanting/ that relationship.
If he doesn't know that...maybe it's just a mismatch. That's not the way to /be/ in a relationship if you're really /wanting/ that relationship.
SparklingWaves
Well-known member
Addictions can be almost to anything. The level of them is what can make them so destructive to relationships. I would do some serious evaluation of this relationship. There are some red flags here to me. This stuff doesn't get better with time or just go away without the person doing something about it themselves.
CaraAmericana
Well-known member
My ex had this very same disease. BUt then one day, I said "can I play" and he said "yeah right" and I said "you scared". He then let me play and when the game was done. He was impressed that I took a walk in his world. So every once in while I will play with him and in turn he played a little less and did more with me. And then I cheated on him and we broke up.
All things don't end happily ever ever after.
All things don't end happily ever ever after.
MACATTAK
Well-known member
I think like Nunu said you should definitely talk with him and let him know how this is affecting you and him. Hopefully you guys can come to an agreement of how much time should be spent on these activities. Hopefully he will think this is important enough to change for.
redambition
Well-known member
my other half doesn't play games (thank goodness), but he does spend many, many hours on the computer.
usually i can drag him away if i want to spend time with him, but sometimes not.
first, understand your enemy:
a lot of the newer games (those massively multiplayer something-or-others) are really quite addictive and destroying to a person's social life.
rather than a traditional game that you could save and come back to, these games continue when you're not there... and the more time you spend on them, the quicker you level up. there's that pressure to be online and playing in case you miss something - especially if you have a lot of friends that are into the same game.
there's no easy way to get someone off these games if they play them all the time. it's an addiction - first they have to realise that they have a problem. they have to acknowledge that they are spending too much time on the game instead of in the real world.
Hilly, I'm so sorry i can't give you a neat solution. it's such a tough one because it has to be approached delicately. definitely try talking to him. hopefully he'll understand that sometimes you want to spend some time with him too.
usually i can drag him away if i want to spend time with him, but sometimes not.
first, understand your enemy:
a lot of the newer games (those massively multiplayer something-or-others) are really quite addictive and destroying to a person's social life.
rather than a traditional game that you could save and come back to, these games continue when you're not there... and the more time you spend on them, the quicker you level up. there's that pressure to be online and playing in case you miss something - especially if you have a lot of friends that are into the same game.
there's no easy way to get someone off these games if they play them all the time. it's an addiction - first they have to realise that they have a problem. they have to acknowledge that they are spending too much time on the game instead of in the real world.
Hilly, I'm so sorry i can't give you a neat solution. it's such a tough one because it has to be approached delicately. definitely try talking to him. hopefully he'll understand that sometimes you want to spend some time with him too.
spectrolite
Well-known member
Definitely talk to him and let him know how you are feeling. See what his response is and try to come to an agreement on the game. Personally I think that he needs to stop playing entirely and focus on the relationship for a while.
If talking doesn't work then I'd be giving him an ultimatum - its ME or the game. Seriously he needs to put down the keyboard and pay attention to you. WoW and those kinds of games are extremely addictive and some people need a big fat reality check to force them back to the real world. Honestly, what man in their right mind would want to lose a sweet lady like you over a game? Does he realize that all of those hours/days/weeks/months spent gaining levels and casting spells, is just time wasted? In the end it's not really going to matter what level Paladin you are when you are alone and sad with no one to go home to.
I hope you can work something out. You deserve to be happy and with someone who's main interest is YOU.
If talking doesn't work then I'd be giving him an ultimatum - its ME or the game. Seriously he needs to put down the keyboard and pay attention to you. WoW and those kinds of games are extremely addictive and some people need a big fat reality check to force them back to the real world. Honestly, what man in their right mind would want to lose a sweet lady like you over a game? Does he realize that all of those hours/days/weeks/months spent gaining levels and casting spells, is just time wasted? In the end it's not really going to matter what level Paladin you are when you are alone and sad with no one to go home to.
I hope you can work something out. You deserve to be happy and with someone who's main interest is YOU.
SparklingWaves
Well-known member
I am so glad you saw that he has a problem with this early in your relationship and I am glad to hear that both of you discussed this. Thanks for the update. Wishing both of you the best.
tara_hearts
Well-known member
As fun as video games are you have to seperate them from reality. And reality is how long will your fiance wait around if you are choosing halo3 over quality time with her. Didn't mean for my video game thread to rub you the wrong way. Good luck with your fiance. My little brother is addicted to warcraft, he's failing school because he stays up on it all night and sleeps during class. Some doctors are trying to say that there is a mental disorder and video games are an addiction. I think it's a load of crap, here's an article on it.http://www.cbsnews.com/stories/2006/...n1773956.shtml
Jot
Well-known member
Big hugs to you for a start.
Glad you talked to him but now you need to see if he has listened.
i'm guessing this love of video games isn't a five minute wonder so you need to see what he's going to do about it and if its something you can live with if he doesn't change.
My friend at work plays WoW and it seems to take over his life, its not something i could deal with.
Don't forget you deserve the best
x
Glad you talked to him but now you need to see if he has listened.
i'm guessing this love of video games isn't a five minute wonder so you need to see what he's going to do about it and if its something you can live with if he doesn't change.
My friend at work plays WoW and it seems to take over his life, its not something i could deal with.
Don't forget you deserve the best
x
majacat
Well-known member
hey hilly.
My boyfriend had the same problem... it all began when he started playing final fantasy... i thought it was a pretty game so i sat there watching him play... but slowly it took up all the free time he had. He even called in sick once just to play. then he started on World of warcraft and OMG i thought he couldn't play more.. man was i wrong he was typing in the chat while we were eating, he played so late that i went to bed alone every night EVERY night I even tried standing naked next to him to see how long it took for him to notice.. the answar 15 mins and then he said wow and played on. Theres no i mean NO way to minimize this sickness.. he has to go cold turkey. the only way he could notice me was staying completely away from gaming.
So im sorry to say.. pull the plug on the game or on the relationship cause you will fell more and more neglected in the end. cant say how many times i was crying in bed cause i felt alone all the time.
My boyfriend had the same problem... it all began when he started playing final fantasy... i thought it was a pretty game so i sat there watching him play... but slowly it took up all the free time he had. He even called in sick once just to play. then he started on World of warcraft and OMG i thought he couldn't play more.. man was i wrong he was typing in the chat while we were eating, he played so late that i went to bed alone every night EVERY night I even tried standing naked next to him to see how long it took for him to notice.. the answar 15 mins and then he said wow and played on. Theres no i mean NO way to minimize this sickness.. he has to go cold turkey. the only way he could notice me was staying completely away from gaming.
So im sorry to say.. pull the plug on the game or on the relationship cause you will fell more and more neglected in the end. cant say how many times i was crying in bed cause i felt alone all the time.
landonsmother
Well-known member
i had the same problem before & i felt the same way. it's really frustrating & irritating at how guys can just sit in front of a screen & play for hours at a time & not even devote 30 minutes of their time for their girl, yah know? it was so bad with us that it lead into "deep/huge" arguments. it was crazy! there were time where i'd pack my shit & leave. so after all that craziness, i gave him an ultimatum. i told him that it's either me or his ps2. i told him that i don't want him to completely stop playing, it's just that there has to be a limit & soon enough, he started drifting apart from his ps2 which made me happy.
i'm not saying that you should leave your fiance but this is something that you both need to talk about on a serious note because if he wants to marry you, he should start taking you seriously. give him a limit or a schedule when he's allowed to play & how long for. i just wish you guys the best & i hope that you folks can overcome this obstacle.
just a random thought, what does he think or feel about your MAC addiction? LOL.
i'm not saying that you should leave your fiance but this is something that you both need to talk about on a serious note because if he wants to marry you, he should start taking you seriously. give him a limit or a schedule when he's allowed to play & how long for. i just wish you guys the best & i hope that you folks can overcome this obstacle.
just a random thought, what does he think or feel about your MAC addiction? LOL.
Hilly
Well-known member
Thus far after our talk (basically he was defensive and I was sad/bitching), I have not been friendly with him, talking to him more than I have to. It's apparent I am still upset...I don't care if he comes home with some MAC and cookies, I sitll will be pissed..I need to see him change. He did rent some movies last night, but I got out of work late.
Well see. He was still playing last night and acting as jovial as ever.
The thing with just packing up and giving him that ultimatum, is I cant. My family and life prior to this is Chicago. I work here and all that. I could stay at a friends house perhaps.
I need a better ultimatum because me moving back or breaking up with him can't work or cut it at this point. And believe me...i've tried witholding sex as well lol.
Well see. He was still playing last night and acting as jovial as ever.
The thing with just packing up and giving him that ultimatum, is I cant. My family and life prior to this is Chicago. I work here and all that. I could stay at a friends house perhaps.
I need a better ultimatum because me moving back or breaking up with him can't work or cut it at this point. And believe me...i've tried witholding sex as well lol.
user79
Well-known member
Instead of just being argumentative with him (guys tend to zone out after a while of being bitched at), why not take a proactive stance and suggest things the two of you can do together? Show him what you mean.
Like, instead of coming home and being like, "Get off the Internet!" You could suggest something like, "Honey, why don't we cook a nice dinner together, enjoy a bottle of wine, and then take a bath together?" Or on weekends, suggest a day out together doing something you enjoy, like going to a museum or a concert, whatever. Try to actively plan in "couple time" into your lifestyle together, go out on "dates", and then when you both have free time, both persons can do what they want. That way you will still have time for yourself to do what you want, he can still play his games, but you will also have time shared together.
If he's unwilling to budge at all and go along with doing things together, well, then it's obvious where his priorities lie and you need to make a choice about what you're willing to give up to be together with him.
Like, instead of coming home and being like, "Get off the Internet!" You could suggest something like, "Honey, why don't we cook a nice dinner together, enjoy a bottle of wine, and then take a bath together?" Or on weekends, suggest a day out together doing something you enjoy, like going to a museum or a concert, whatever. Try to actively plan in "couple time" into your lifestyle together, go out on "dates", and then when you both have free time, both persons can do what they want. That way you will still have time for yourself to do what you want, he can still play his games, but you will also have time shared together.
If he's unwilling to budge at all and go along with doing things together, well, then it's obvious where his priorities lie and you need to make a choice about what you're willing to give up to be together with him.
