Such crap....

[girlsaidwhat]

Hilly...my experience says that ultimatums don't work.

He has to be grown up enough to recognize that there is a problem and take steps inside of himself to fix it if there is any hope of things getting better. You're not his mother, mothers give out ultimatums. You don't want to set yourself up for that kind of role in a relationship.

If he truly loves you, your distress will /really/ matter to him, and he'll be willing to take a very hard look at things. If he doesn't, he'll continue to be defensive and do what he wants to do.

You deserve better! You're beautiful, kind, smart and fun.

Relationship require that you actually...relate. They're hard work. It takes a lot of work to build a good relationship...work that can't be done if he's taking it for granted and spending all his spare time playing games.

 

[Temptasia]

http://www.wikihow.com/Stop-Your-Boy...ld-of-Warcraft

I wish I knew what works.

Is there a support group for us gfs?

 

[Hilly]

oy..i sent him that link and he was super defensive. He doesn't see it as an addiction. He sees it as a way to socialize with his friends from Chicago...BUT only a couple play from chicago..it's all his co-workers that he sees everyday.

And of course being the person I am, I just want to not go home tonight and not tell him. Oh what the hell...i'll just go to MAC.

 

[jenii]

Try and find a middle ground. Maybe look into two-player games that you could play together.

I mean I'm a gamer myself, but I'd be pretty upset if my husband were playing World of Warcraft all the time. Luckily, none of us in our house play it. We all are in the "I don't want it to eat my life" camp.

Ask him if there's any games you could play together that wouldn't be totally boring for you.

You could always go with a fighting game! My husband and I love whooping each other's asses at Super Smash Bros. Melee!

 

[Temptasia]

Last night I suggested a two month break.

We had already tried to compromise by having specific days of the week be WoW days. He did not follow through and he went back to his old habits.

I told him that it is really important for our relationship that we try this break. See what's it's like to not have this game in our lives. He has agreed to try it but only starting in January. Preferrably, I would like to start sooner than later, but I know it would be a big step for him to be away from the game for two months.

I'll update this thread after the break and see if anything changes. I am hoping that he will find other less time consuming hobbies to enjoy, take the initiative to plan our time together, and do things he has been putting off since he started playing. This is not about me wanting all of his attention (I have plenty of things to do outside of the relationship to keep me well occupied).

This will benefit his brother and friends who play as well. They all want gfs, but won't leave their computer chairs!

 

[Hilly]

Good for you Temptasia! Please update us and let us know how it works. Any ideas you may get, please throw them my way

 

[Willa]

Addiction is bad

Its not the same, but I can compare.
My father is an alcoholic, also he has a personnality problem, borderline. My mother game him ultimatums sooooo many times. 3 weeks ago she did it again. But I know his old habits will come back and he'll started again to be what my mother don't like (he's mean to her, nobody go visit them anymore because he's always grumpy and mean).

Ultimatums rarely work.
I guess you could do what misschevious says and add up some activities to make together. Tell him that you dont mind he plays, but you want to make clear that your time together comes first. That you don't like when he gets mad/grumpy when you talk to him about this, it only shows that you have concernts about it.

In a relationship, the key is the communication. And remember, men don't think like woman, so even if you think that he'll notice your ''staying at the store later'' or no sex for a week thing, maybe he wont realize why you do it... You have to talk, and talk. If he doesnt change or keeps being grumpy defensive, its because he doesnt realize he has a problem.

 

[Dark_Phoenix]

World of Warcraft Role Playing and Birth Control Device

I was waaaay into World of Warcraft before I met my boyfriend and we raid together in the same guild, it works because I'm a warlock and he's a tank so we don't compete over gear. If your boyfriend is really into WoW then he has a raiding schedule, every guild does and any other raids outside of it are called PUGS (pick up groups) and they aren't that important. I think understanding the addiction and what goes into it (raiding, pugs, farming, etc..) is important to making compromises with the player.

I met my boyfriend doing something nerdier than WoW... World of Darkness role playing. It's "real life" and yes, you do sit around a table and pretend to be different characters. It rocks.

 

[CandyKisses1018]

I know this post is kinda old but.. i know how you feel.... i just deal with it, I'm on specktra while he's on his xbox and i guess it's ok.. sometimes i just lay down and just think about how pist off I am that he spends more time on that box than on me.. but then he always makes me change my mind.. until the next night.. lol

 

[greentwig]

(I know I am a really bug nerd... ok maybe super nerd ...you will understand as you read on)

I used to hate it but then I got my own xbox. When I first got my XBOX we started playing Final Fantasy XI, which is online and takes HOURS UPON HOURS to do things. At first I liked it a lot and we would play for hours, almost everyday of the week. It is a really fun game... just take wayyyy to much time

Well we played the game for probably 6 months and for those 6 months we would play for 4+ hours a night during the week and a LOT on the weekends too. After the six months(estimate) we both got really tired of all the time we were putting into it, theres just a never ending stream of things to do in that game. Seriously, they do updates every couple months and keep adding new expansions for people to do so you can get new stuff in the game.

Ok so anyways we took like a 2 week break... which was nice but the game is pretty fun so we went back and played it again...

I dont know why I just typed all this... well hmmm... I guess what I probably should have said is that I can understand how he is having a lot of fun and my not want to get off. But when I think about it... If my bf didnt play Video Games then I probably would not spend as much time as I do on them. We just really enjoy playing together.

I play first person shooter games w/ him too, like Call of Duty 4. I'm hooked on it right now. I used to suck at shooter type video games and then he gave me some pointers. Now he is the leader of a Call of Duty 4 "Clan" LOL. I am a member too lol. I've gotten pretty good so some of the teammates said that I should join lol.

I really dont know what to tell you. I kind of just joined in. Now that we play together I have a lot more fun. We still go out together too when we feel like it or if theres a good movie out. Things got better once I started playing w/ him.

I guess I'm of no help unless u want to join him... sorry

 

[Simply Elegant]

I don't know if this is still a problem for you, but anyway..

Maybe make a list of priorities- both of you make one, and then compromise on the combined list of what is most important for your relationship and try to see your side and his as well.

 

[_trimm_trabb]

My ex boyfriend was addicted to WoW. We didn't live together, so it was even worse because I NEVER got to see him, and when he did come over, he brought his laptop so he could play! One night my parents were going out of town (I was going to a local college so still living with my parents), and keep in mind we never got alone time together because we didn't live together. So I invited him to stay the night (hint hint) and he said NO because he had a "raid" or something! Even his geeky WoW friends told him he was insane.

That was 2 and a half years ago, and now I have an amazing fiancee' who likes games, but plays maybe 2 hours a week max (unless it's us playing super smash bros together ;p) and actually LIKES to spend time with me. If the ultimatum and talking doesn't work, I think ditching him is the only solution.

 

[urbanlilyfairy]

this is long ..... sorry lol

Well ...Hilly I must say I totally understand where you are coming from on being agitated on yoru man playing these games. I have been there in that battle with the online gaming thing ..and not being payed attention too. My Husband discovered a few years ago this game called Everquest ( or evercrack as I like to call it) Everquest is like the pioneer of games like World of Warcraft.

My hubby a few years ago started playing because one of his coworkers introduced him to the game. This weird internet game that I ddint understand started take up all of his free time. At first I didn't mind it ..seeing as he works ...he comes home ..and he is entitled to want to relax and escape the real world and into whatever he wants to do right. Well lets just say I got tired of him being in front of that computer 24/7 and me doing things by myslef, watching tv alone, going to rent movies by myself, spending more time with my friends to make up for the time I wasn't spending with him. Well that got old quick ...and I had a long drawn out talk with him ...and we both expressed how we felt about the situation me being angry him feeling guilty but then he also really enjoyed playing this game.

I truley didn't get it ..and I said well ok we need to come to some sort of compromise ...so we did ...when I aksed him to do something with me he did not hesitate to turn off his game and chill with me ..... and when he was on some crazy mission and almost about to win whatevetr it was he was doing I gave him time to finish up and then it was time for us time.

I dunno I didn't get it for a long long time ...we both had to give and take on the subject. But slowly it worked out and I didn't hate the game so much. THen he went to Iraq for 6 months ..and I asked him well so what do you want to do when you get back ? He says Play some everquest !!! ..im lik oh crap..... well he laughed and he said why dont you try and play ..ad then we can play together? ...so i gave it a shot it took me a while ...

and now ...My charecter on Everquest became my advanced uber whatever than his lol ...I must say it has been a game that has given me much pleasure in playing ..which i never thought i would play some silly game the way I did.

these MMO games like everquest and World of warcraft and even Halo i think when they link up with other people ..Are super social games ...You have to socialize with other players in order to progress and get things accomplished in the game. So its not like they are just playing with them selves they are socializing with little pixel charecters that are being played by real life people. SO it brings a whole new aspect to gaming.

anyway so yeah i actually retired from my Raiding guild in everquest today actually. ( yes my little pixel charecter was in a guild (kinda of like a bunch of people playing at the same time togther to take down super big monster in the game to kill them and then loot their corpsies for loot for our charecters lol ) Raiding took a lot of time and dedication ... but since i have moved overseas the guild i am in raids or gets together and plays at 1:30 am my time in italy ..and its like 6 pm in the states ..I just cant put up with that ..so i called it quits. but I truley wish i had the time to play ..i love the game that much ..

this is my guild Immortals Rising ..and my charecter was/is a Level 80 Wizard called Deligirl lol ... but anyway sorry

what I suggest is talking to him about it and if he cares about you and realizes how much u have given up to be with him ..he should be able to compromise and give you his girl that moved hundreds of miles to be with him some damn attention ! ..srsly ... If he is a reasonable guy he should see that u his RL (real life) girlfriend is way better than some pixelated charecters on his puter screen.

but maybe give one of the games he likes so much a try ? and it might turn out to be something u enjoy and can do together. You never know =)

I hope things work out for you

hugs

 

[Moppit]

Warcraft was the beginning of the end for a 6 year relationship I was in. He started playing as soon as he got home from work and didn't stop until late in the morning and then just crashed on the couch. Every waking moment was spent on Warcraft. He even went on ebay and purchased virtual 'stuff' for the game.

I'm pleased to report that my new man doesn't play video or computer games.

I hope you can resolve this before it ends the relationship.

 

[*Stargazer*]

No obsession that is so time consuming is ever good, regardless of what it is or whether or not you can "join in."

For me, that would be a deal breaker. Best of luck, OP.

 

[greentwig]

Quote:

Originally Posted by urbanlilyfairy but maybe give one of the games he likes so much a try ? and it might turn out to be something u enjoy and can do together. You never know =) I hope things work out for you hugs

I honestly would say to do this too. I did and it helped me to understand why my BF played so much. He still needs to spend more time w/ you, it sounds like hes going overboard on his gaming time though. Some of these games are tons of fun, but some people are not balanced enough about taking time to do other things too.

Good luck. Just talk to him and ask if he can try to be more balanced with his time because u feel really lonley, ignored & left out of his time.

 

[KitCat007]

One of my friends had this happen to her. Her husband would come home from work and then disspear into his "room" for hours and play the games. It is an addiction, and she could never get him to break it, she tried for years. Hate to say this to you, but she eventually just divorced him.

You can't be with someone who doesn't notice you and lives in fantasy video land all the time.

 

[kimmy]

Quote:

Originally Posted by girlsaidwhat Hilly, I'll just say that you deserve better. If he doesn't know that...maybe it's just a mismatch. That's not the way to /be/ in a relationship if you're really /wanting/ that relationship.

i couldn't have said it better myself.

 

[Calhoune]

I used to be somewhat addicted myself, not WoW but FFXI and every waking hour would go towards this game.
I did poorly in school, I lost most of my friends and I lost contact with my parents. I never went out with them, I just sat there and played.

These games are okey at first, but after a while, as you get to the more advance stages it will require more and more of your time if you want to get the good stuff or do well in the game. This is where people start to get addicted.
Because this is when the schedules will appear, times when he HAS to be there, for events that will take hours and hours.

I no longer play it 12+ hours a day, I play a couple of hours every now and then, maybe 3-4 times a week and I came to this point when I asked myself this question one day:
WHY am I doing this?

I have no social life, it takes all my time, and really , you get nothing for it. (He might say, oh yeah but I got that and that item) But guess what? That's not real, you've just wasted a great deal of your life on this thing, and you have nothing to show for it.
That's what made me ease up on playing and maybe that's what you need to help him realize.

He needs a wake up call. No game is worth it.

It has been a while since you posted this but I hope all is going well for you and your boyfriend, he loves you, that never changed, he just doesn't realize how much it hurts you.

 

[XShear]

Just my two cents ... my bf does play WoW, and he plays it ... alot. Well, like you ladies, I got fed up with all the hours upon hours of him playing - spoke my two cents, but nothing really came out of it. Instead of arguing with me, he asked me to play it with him, so I can see why he plays it so often. I did, and I absolutly adore the game. We play it together, and we found it as another activity to do together! He doesn't play it as much as he use to, but it was a good insight to see why he plays as often as he does. I still play it ... with or without him.

So, maybe we should try and interest ourselves into our other halves interests? My SO isn't so intrigued by the world of MAC, but he tries.