Oh that sex store one is bad...
Working retail at a body products store, we get our share of crazies. Here are a few:
One of my managers, at her old store, got a guy whose English was not that good (Arabic was his first one), and he was looking for a wash for his wife, because he said that the wife smelled. She tried to show him stuff but he said "No, no..." and then pointed "down there". She tried then to send him towards a drugstore to get a douche, but he wasn't understanding-so she had to draw a stick figure.
One Sunday, I was working and these two ladies who also do not speak much English came in asking for some sort of wash and I thought they said baby wash, and we don't carry Mustela in our core stores. Well they go to our brand new sales leader, who had been around for less than a week, and she thinks they ask for vanilla wash, but then they tell her to be quieter and it turns out they want...vagina wash. And they said to be quiet so that their male friend, who was also in the store, would not hear.
Another Sunday last November, our manager is up in the front of the store, and some people ask "We really love your products, but we were wondering if you carried lubricant."
This happened to someone I know who was a CM back in the Midwest-this one lady comes into the store, and she is looking around. She goes up to the register with her return and she's like "I didn't know that there would be a guy working" and pulls out one of our old salt scrubs and she said "This salt scrub-it lacerated my vagina".
Another time, I was helping this guy get some scrubs, and he was like "My girlfriend and I-we take the scrub and we like to rub each other down in the shower".
We do get a lot of the people using the lipgloss testers straight from the tube (we have spatulas, ya know) and then people who steal the testers.
We have a certifiable looney bin around our mall. There's this one older lady who comes in every morning, goes to our Wild Honeysuckle fragrance, and sprays herself a good 20 times, in the same spot, with the body splash. Then she goes up to whoever is working up front and yells "BAG!" in a very witchy tone. Well by the time she is done spraying herself, she is dripping in the spray. One time though, she grabbed our Fekkai glossing spray. Note: it is a HAIR product, with OLIVE OIL and SILICONE. I almost vomited when I heard that.
And at our stores, the squat and spray has been perfected-to our chagrin. (SPRAYING STUFF UP YOUR VAJAYJAY WILL MAKE IT SMELL WORSE AND IRRITATE IT!) Well we got these three bogans who came in last summer and they obviously shared a brain-well they go around the store, spritzing stuff everywhere, and making us go insane-then the leader takes a very sickeningly sweet fruity blend and does the squat and spray. Then she goes up to my manager and is like "HEY! What's this?", not noticing that the tester she used is only different than one on the shelf because it has a sticker on it and has been marked out. But still-it's a fragrance that should not be worn above the age of 12 because it is that sweet.
Going along those lines...there was this crazy girl who would always come in last summer and be like "I need two applications". (one of my managers would be like to me "For her invisible friend?") Well one day, when it was frickin' hot during the summer, she went over to our Sensual Amber section and grabbed the body splash, then spritzed herself 30 times with the tester. Note: Sensual Amber is our strongest fragrance. Then she grabs the EDT, which is the actual perfume, and does a good 20 sprays. Then of course? The Squat & Spray! She REEKED so badly clients got sick. During the holiday season, she came back in for THREE applications, and then doused herself with half a can of our hair/body glitter spray. Note: I douse myself in it because it is my job to look shiny and promote the product. Unless you're a freshman going to formal for the first time, or you work at the store, YOU LOOK TACKY WITH THAT MUCH GLITTER ON YOUR HAIR.
lol i used to work in a Tim Hortons (coffee place mostly in Canada lol i dont know if US people know what it is) and we would get so much gross stuff... like people asking us to reuse half eaten butter cups... But now i work in a drugstore and some people are just so gross... I don't have any particular stories but let's just say I test the products when we get them and I'm first, and then, thats it!! If i get freebies i use so much alcool to sanitize them that there's almost nothing left 
