MissMarley
Well-known member
...i haven't purged in over a month and my BMI is in the normal range!
Trying to make this right.
- Thread starter MissMarley
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kaliraksha
Well-known member
Quote:
Just wanted to let you know that I have been reading your journal from the beginning and encourage you to keep doing sooo well! You are so strong, keep it up =)
| Originally Posted by MissMarley ...i haven't purged in over a month and my BMI is in the normal range! |
Just wanted to let you know that I have been reading your journal from the beginning and encourage you to keep doing sooo well! You are so strong, keep it up =)
farra712
Well-known member
Hi, I am really sorry to hear about your battle with bulimia and also about your trouble with depression medications. I just started my own fitness journal and, as I posted there, my mother is bulimic and I have seen how horribly it effects her. I am so happy to see that you are at least trying to do what you can to make a recovery. You don't know what a difference you will make to your life if you just keep trying. My mother has been doing this since before my older sister was born (30 years ago) and I have seen her go through so many health problems (and I have also had a lot of health problems because of her doing this while she was pregnant with me). She has lost her teeth, broken bones from the slightest bumps, and was unable to carry my sister after giving birth to her. She has refused help and it makes me very sad to see her live like this. I hope that even if you slip up along the way, you will keep picking yourself up (though I know it is easier said than done) and doing the best you can and knowing that it is a disease and not something that is your fault at all. I will pray for you and if you don't mind I will keep reading your posts and do all I can to encourage and support your recovery. (sorry for the novel, btw)
MissMarley
Well-known member
well girls, i'm still not purging, but i'm starting to get back into my bad body-image habits of telling myself how ugly and fat i am. it's bringing me down like crazy. i can't even look in the mirror, and that's how this cycle starts every time.
MissMarley
Well-known member
.started purging again.
kaliraksha
Well-known member
Oh Miss Marley, I'm not sure how much it will help but just rememebr what we see ourselves isn't always accurate.... our mind does a lot of filtering for us... and I just want to let you know that I think you are gorgeous! Great eyes... beautiful bone structure... lovely skin and hair... and honey, I think you are toooo thin!
I also agree with the lovely Wattage... the most important part is that you are recognizing a cycle and trying to stay ahead of it. You don't just quit cold turkey... just don't give up on yourself =)
I also agree with the lovely Wattage... the most important part is that you are recognizing a cycle and trying to stay ahead of it. You don't just quit cold turkey... just don't give up on yourself =)
MissMarley
Well-known member
i'm trying. i really am. i hadn't purged in a while since my last post, but then did again this weekend. also have been skipping dinner every night- telling husband i'm "too tired". i'm wearing size six jeans, i feel like an absolute cow. i hate my body, i can't stand to have sex with my husband because i feel so unattractive. i exercise as much as i can, but i never feel well because i'm being so unhealthy. i feel stupid, i know it's wrong, but i can't stop. i think to myself, "i'll be happy when i fit into a size 2", but i know when i get there, it'll take an even lower weight to make me happy.
ToxicAllure
Well-known member
Quote:
You know a size 6 is considered the "perfect" size.
Your perfect hun.
I used to be bulimic, back when I was in 8th grade and off and on throughout my freshmen year of high school. Its a hard thing to overcome, it took me awhile.
You just have to take it one day at a time.
I remember when I was trying to stop I would avoid lunch at school, come home and look in the mirror and throw a fit until I got sick from crying so hard. It was my dirty little secret, no one knew about it, and most people still don't.
Its something you can never really forget about, its a hard habit to break. I haven't purged in almost a two years now but everytime I'm in the bathroom I think about it, and whenever I go shopping and I can't find my size I think about. But in the end, its not worth it, and I know this. What matters most is I have friends who love me for me and I have people who are attracted to me for me.
Just remember that you have people who love you and what they want most is for you to be healthy.
Also...
I suggest seeing a naturopath (yeah ok we've come to the conclusion that Tessa can't spell). Their methods are a lot lighter then regular ones and for some people they work better.
Oh!
And try yoga, if you can. It works wonders!!!
Originally Posted by MissMarley
i'm trying. i really am. i hadn't purged in a while since my last post, but then did again this weekend. also have been skipping dinner every night- telling husband i'm "too tired". i'm wearing size six jeans, i feel like an absolute cow. i hate my body, i can't stand to have sex with my husband because i feel so unattractive. i exercise as much as i can, but i never feel well because i'm being so unhealthy. i feel stupid, i know it's wrong, but i can't stop. i think to myself, "i'll be happy when i fit into a size 2", but i know when i get there, it'll take an even lower weight to make me happy. |
You know a size 6 is considered the "perfect" size.
Your perfect hun.
I used to be bulimic, back when I was in 8th grade and off and on throughout my freshmen year of high school. Its a hard thing to overcome, it took me awhile.
You just have to take it one day at a time.
I remember when I was trying to stop I would avoid lunch at school, come home and look in the mirror and throw a fit until I got sick from crying so hard. It was my dirty little secret, no one knew about it, and most people still don't.
Its something you can never really forget about, its a hard habit to break. I haven't purged in almost a two years now but everytime I'm in the bathroom I think about it, and whenever I go shopping and I can't find my size I think about. But in the end, its not worth it, and I know this. What matters most is I have friends who love me for me and I have people who are attracted to me for me.
Just remember that you have people who love you and what they want most is for you to be healthy.
Also...
I suggest seeing a naturopath (yeah ok we've come to the conclusion that Tessa can't spell). Their methods are a lot lighter then regular ones and for some people they work better.
Oh!
And try yoga, if you can. It works wonders!!!
little teaser
Well-known member
oh gosh i just ran across this today and im sorry your going through this but i also ran across your post in the thread about jesus and i cant help but wonder do you belive in god im not being a smart ass it just sound like to me you were spirutal so have you prayed i have battel my own demons and not from eating disorders but it took divine intervention and i think that is what you need not drugs i will keep you in my thoughts and prayers
MissMarley
Well-known member
Quote:
Yes, I am a Christian. I pray for deliverance from this, but my own weakness and sinfulness pulls me back in every time. It just goes back and forth all the time- some days, I'm confident and feel fine. Then the next day, I feel worthless and repulsive. It's always different. I do know that I have a chemical imbalance that does require medication to correct, but I do know that God will help me through this.
| Originally Posted by little teaser
oh gosh i just ran across this today and im sorry your going through this but i also ran across your post in the thread about jesus and i cant help but wonder do you belive in god im not being a smart ass it just sound like to me you were spirutal so have you prayed i have battel my own demons and not from eating disorders but it took divine intervention and i think that is what you need not drugs i will keep you in my thoughts and prayers |
Yes, I am a Christian. I pray for deliverance from this, but my own weakness and sinfulness pulls me back in every time. It just goes back and forth all the time- some days, I'm confident and feel fine. Then the next day, I feel worthless and repulsive. It's always different. I do know that I have a chemical imbalance that does require medication to correct, but I do know that God will help me through this.
MissMarley
Well-known member
oh lord, i just weighed myself and i'm having a panic attack and crying. my husband isn't home. i weigh 145 pounds. i'm 5'8". at this time last year i was 115 (i started therapy last november). i feel so disgusting, i don't know what to do. i wish someone was here
ToxicAllure
Well-known member
Quote:
Did you know that Tyra Banks weighs 145?
And Miriah Carey weighs 150?
145 is considered "thin" for people who are in the 5'5 range. I'm 5'5.5 and last time I went to the doctor I weighed in at 130.1 lbs and he said I should gain 10 pounds.
And remember scales don't tell you how much "fat" is in your body, they tell you how much your body weighs in all. That includes bones, organs, fluids, and MUSCLE (which weighs more than fat).
Keep up the good work. Your doing great and you will beat this.
| Originally Posted by MissMarley
oh lord, i just weighed myself and i'm having a panic attack and crying. my husband isn't home. i weigh 145 pounds. i'm 5'8". at this time last year i was 115 (i started therapy last november). i feel so disgusting, i don't know what to do. i wish someone was here |
Did you know that Tyra Banks weighs 145?
And Miriah Carey weighs 150?
145 is considered "thin" for people who are in the 5'5 range. I'm 5'5.5 and last time I went to the doctor I weighed in at 130.1 lbs and he said I should gain 10 pounds.
And remember scales don't tell you how much "fat" is in your body, they tell you how much your body weighs in all. That includes bones, organs, fluids, and MUSCLE (which weighs more than fat).
Keep up the good work. Your doing great and you will beat this.
MissMarley
Well-known member
it just keeps getting worse and worse...restricting food, purging all the time, constantly worrying and obsessing about my weight. i just don't see any hope to beat this anymore.
MissMarley
Well-known member
i hate everything. my best friend moved to nashville this week, ten hours away. he's the only one who supported me and helped me. it was really unexpected too. it was supposed to be a trip to a conference, and he decided to stay there for good. i hurt so bad. i just want to hurt myself all the time. purging, cutting, starving. the medication isn't working anymore. i lost five pounds this week. actually, since wednesday. i can't keep anything down and i'm not even trying.
