Trying to make this right.

[Femme]

MissMarley, I've seen a lot of your pictures, and I must tell you.. you look great! You look perfectly fine and not fat at all.. I think its just all a matter of being comfortable in your own body, and being satisfied. Because to me, you look great!

But keep trying to break out of this bad habit! I know you can do it.. just a matter of will and how much you really believe in yourself!

 

[yummy411]

i just came across this too ms. marley.. how are you feeling..?? it's been about a bit over a month since you last posted. in your pics you look so beautiful and the makeup is gorgeous, you have great skill.. to learn this breaks my heart.. but there is still hope because you are still here... we know you can do it! go marley go marley go marley!

hang in there chica!

 

[Krasevayadancer]

Marley, I totally understand your struggles. Eating disorders consume and sometimes you feel like the only way you can cope is to take solace in your disorder. I would love to talk to you on aim or through pm. I would love to share experiences.
Pinkdance1 if you have aim.

Hang in there, I know its rough but support helps.

 

[MissMarley]

thanks for asking girls...not too well, honestly. i have a psychiatrist appt. to be weighed again and have my medication adjusted on monday. i'm purging regularly and feeling pretty sick. i'm also having a big relapse in depression/anxiety

 

[hoemygosh]

MissMarley, I just wanted to let you know that earlier this year i started struggling with anorexia. i lost over 25 pounds now. I thought i was going insane. everytime i was around food i would get terrible anxiety. It's almost as if i had this notion that food was the worst thing ever. I don't know how i became this way. But it was horrible. I can hardly go out to eat anymore. Because food makes me uncomfortable. It's weird. And just like you, I'm going through this without my best friend. I'm doing it without anyone, i wish my boyfriend was here, but he's in iraq. my mom thinks im crazy. hahaha. I guess the best thing that can help you overcome this is support, are you thinking of going into a rehab? if it really gets that bad you should think about it. because bulimia is no way to live. sorry for venting a little bit, I should be giving you advice. I just wanted you to know that you're not alone. & you CAN get through this. =]

 

[hoemygosh]

by the way, your gorgeous!!!

 

[MissMarley]

i just can't do this anymore. i cut up and down my side tonight, over a foot of cuts. i haven't eaten all day and i'm shaking, but i'm drinking like crazy. i'm drunk. i can't stop crying. i hate everything. i want to hurt myself so that the people who i love who hurt me will feel pain too. oh god, where are you? where are you?

 

[Hilly]

call 1800 suicide
Its a line that is 24/7 with people that can help you right now!!!!!!
It can help you TREMENDOUSLY!
Please do it!

 

[Hilly]

Its one thing for any of us to say, dont cut yourself, dont purge, etc. Its hard, but please call someone to come over and spend time with you right now. Friends, family?
Just being with someone or getting a hug is going to help !

 

[MissMarley]

my husband is here, i'm not going to kill myself. i don't want to kill myself. i want to hurt myself.

 

[Hilly]

the suicide hotline is also for people in crisis. anyone can call no matter what

 

[Krasevayadancer]

Marley, please. Talk to someone. I think I can speak for everyone when we all say we are worried

 

[MissMarley]

i appreciate you guys. i'm on the phone with my best friend right now. i talked to my husband for a while when he got home too. i'm just so fucking lonely. i'm going to be ok. i have an appointment with my psychiatrist on monday. i think something is really wrong with my meds. i've been going up and down drastically for about two months. it's been getting worse and worse. i'm having horrible dreams and i wake up exhausted. so i'm really tired, my medicine is screwy, my husband has been gone constantly, and my best friend moved to nashville, 8 hours away, and it's all breaking my heart. i'm struggling. i really am. i appreciate your concern and i covet your prayers.

 

[little teaser]

honestly.. i think you need help and you should consider getting treatment in a treatment center for eating disorders and mental health. do it for yourself your husband and the people that care about you.. and if you love and care about your husband family and friends ,get help.. it has to be very hard for them to see you do this to yourself. its probley causeing them to be depressed and honestly no one wants to stay around and watch someone they love self destruct and kill thereself.. its up to you to want and make the first step in getting better.. im sorry if this sounds harsh but its just my honest opinion...

yes you do want and are slowly killing yourself and it doesnt have to be this way but the choice is YOURS.. if you dont care about yourself at least care about your husband and his mental health.

 

[MissMarley]

i have gotten treatment in a mental hospital though...honestly, it made things worse. i started getting better after i left. i'm terrified to ever go back to a treatment center because of things that happened there.

i am getting help from a psychiatrist and therapist. i take my medication, i do talk therapy, i go to church and pray for healing..

i want to get better. but this is an addiction, and it's deathly hard to break.

 

[MissMarley]

It's been a little over two years since I posted in this thread....thought I'd give an update....

I am really proud to say that I haven't purged in three months. Before that it had been 5 months. I haven't cut in a year. Therapy, support from great friends and a great husband, and lots of hard work have paid off. I'm not saying that I'm totally cured- it will always be a temptation. But I look back on these posts where I was at the bottom, and I'm proud that I've come so far- even through awful situations like my parents' divorce and finding out my father wasn't really my biological dad, I've kept my health together. I'm still not thrilled with my body, but I accept that it's what I have, and I'm grateful to be alive. Honestly, one of the things that helped the most was hypnotherapy- I can't tell you how much that helped. I wanted to thank you girls who supported me and cared about me enough to encourage me to seek help- your push, along with my IRL friends and family got me here. Thank you so much.

 

[NutMeg]

Thanks for the update Marley.

*hug*

 

[kaliraksha]

So glad you've been doing great. Support of friends and family really goes along way. Thank you for updating us and I wish you continued success and happiness with your relationship with your body.