How jealous are you and what would you consider cheating?

[Shimmer]

All I can say to any of that is I'm married not dead.
I love my husband, and I'm in love with my husband, but I'll freely and fully admit that there are men and women whom I meet who I would tear UP if I weren't attached.
But I am.
So, it's a mental acknowledgment that there's sexual tension, and I go on.
Flirting is FUN. I feel good, the person I am flirting with feels good, and we go on about our business. I'm not disrespecting my husband by flirting. I would be disrespecting my husband by hiding my flirtation. Or by becoming emotionally attached to the person I'm flirting with.

On the flip side, I have no control over what my husband does when I'm not looking. I can only hope his sense of honor will keep him from doing something that will hurt me.

 

[V15U4L_3RR0R]

Interesting answers there ladies, thanks.

Ok next question and you don't have to answer this if it's too personal or you just don't want to. What is your parents relationship like and how do you think it has affected your relationships or how you view your own relationships?

 

[Shimmer]

My mom and dad have been married for 30 years. *shrug*

 

[Beauty Mark]

My mother died and my father was extremely controlling.

CantAffordMAC- Well, I can see how checking other girls out may be bothersome, but I think most people do that. I know I do. I'm pretty, cute, whatever, as are so many other people. My SO knows that, too. He's with me, because he likes my personality as well; I'm not just a pretty face or T&A

Also, sometimes people start friendships with people of the opposite sex because friendships happen. I came off of a stint of having no male friends (single sex college combined with losing touch with all my female friends). It's a personality thing with friendships, not necessarily wanting to bed the other person.

 

[SparklingWaves]

Oh, I forgot to add. I don't know if this was part of the question or not. I do not believe in going after someone else's mate. No way. Before my husband and I got married, he said I had "the killer look" when a woman came his way to hug & kiss him. I think it's really uncool to flirt your ass off with a taken person and you are fair game for "the killer look".

 

[Loveleighe]

My parents have been divorced since i was four. While they were married, my father was abusive and unfaithful. He cheated on her and gave her HPV which at the time i suppose was not really something the health system warned women about like they do now. she was diagnosed with cervical cancer and was pretty much sick all throughout my childhood until i hit highschool and her cancer went into remission. The worst part is that my mother knew all of his girlfriends and the whole african community constantly gossiped about her.

I don't want to blame my parents for my relationship history but i kinda do feel not having a functional and caring relationship to learn from has effected my choices in the men i choose. I can honestly look back and say a good majority of the men i've dated had a lot of similarities to my father. so i guess it has had some effect on me.

 

[Evey]

I used to be an EXTREMELY jealous person but, I think it was mainly because my ex boyfriend would give me reason to be. I haven't felt threatened since I've been with my husband. He just has never given me reason to be jealous or to feel insecure about myself. Sure he has his girlfriends that he talks to on a regular basis but I don't mind because he hasn't given me reason to think that it's anything besides a friendship. As for him, he's not a jealous person at all. I think when you're OVERLY jealous it tends to spoil the relationship and honestly it's not healthy at all.

 

[S.S.BlackOrchid]

Quote:

Originally Posted by V15U4L_3RR0R Interesting answers there ladies, thanks. Ok next question and you don't have to answer this if it's too personal or you just don't want to. What is your parents relationship like and how do you think it has affected your relationships or how you view your own relationships?

My father was a controlling, ego maniacal, douchebag. He was always very condescending to my Mom, sister and me. He used to abuse us till I pressed charges against him in middle school.

He's one of those guys that is ugly as hell, but called my Mom derogatory names because she had a "flabby stomach" (note: she was still thinner than he was and looked younger for her age). He also used money as a way to control her ("if you don't like me, you can just go be homeless instead"). He would say those things to me too. He would say I was fat and ugly and I'd never get a guy (I was 8 or 9 at the time.)

I grew up having very low self esteem and thinking, why would anyone want to be with me. I have been in abusive relationships myself. I'd just let the guys call me names and demean me. I have since worked on myself a LOT, to prevent myself from getting into bad relationships. I just refuse to be a doormat for a guy. I have standards and don't feel that I should lower them to keep a guy. I think I am a good person with a lot to offer. I'm not going to be the "cool girlfriend" who sucks it up, puts up with everything. I speak up even if I risk losing the guy. I have learned that I'd rather be single than end up with a guy like my dad.

 

[xIxSkyDancerxIx]

I used to be jealous when we were start going out for a lot of different reasons. But now that I'm secure with myself and the relationship, I honestly don't get jealous over things that I might of back then. I used to get so jealous when this girl he used to like would text and call late at night, but now if she does then I don't care. I think it's because back then he would try to hide everything from me, but now he understands that I don't care as long as he tells me and communicates with me.

I don't care if he flirts with other girls (but he's not a flirty person so *shrug) but I think he gets a little upset when I'm friendly with other guys he doesn't know but doesn't care if he's someone he DOES know (i cant' really understand that...)

Kissing is a no-no for both of us, but if he goes to a strip club then I'll be pissed if he doesn't invite me!

 

[*Stargazer*]

I am not jealous at all. I know my husband is unequivocally devoted to me as I am to him.

I think cheating is whatever the partners in the relationship define it to be. In my marriage, it is any kind of emotional or physical connection or contact with someone other than the spouse. Works for us. Doesn't mean that he and I are completely blind. I see hot guys and girls all the time and I know he notices hot chicks. Thing is, he's not stupid enough to risk losing me to pursue them. He gets hit on ALL the time, particularly when it is just him and our baby. The baby is a total chick magnet

 

[CantAffordMAC]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Loveleighe Dude i think it's a Jersey thing... you don't even know how many times we've been out and some girl has rubbed up against my fiance, or given him her number like right in my face our arms linked and all. I would never disrespect someone like that esp. not myself. I honestly think out loud "some f*ckin' balls you have lady". I'm always sort of just amazed and we find it humorous. and the guys are the same way i've been groped in front of my boyfriend, "holla'd" at on numerous occassion. i really don't get it. Even if i was a huge flirt i'd have some nerve to be like "yea we can chill, get drunk and see where it goes" (yes i've been asked this in front of him).If i did that He would kick me right in the neck and walk out. Neither of us are violent but i do feel there is a certain level of possesiveness on both parts. I'll share everything i have but not my man

I like Jersey a lot but maybe you're right. People have a lot of nerve!

Quote:

Originally Posted by V15U4L_3RR0R Interesting answers there ladies, thanks. Ok next question and you don't have to answer this if it's too personal or you just don't want to. What is your parents relationship like and how do you think it has affected your relationships or how you view your own relationships?

My mom and dad were married for awhile and separated a little bit before I was conceived/born and finally divorced a lot of years later. my dad cheated on my mom with her best friend, my aunt, etc. Just not a good relationship. now my mom remarried and is a lot happier. I don't know how its affected my relationships though. I never really thought about it. I think this relationship I'm in was more affected by guys in my past lying, sleeping around, using me, talking shit about me, etc. Not by my mom and dad...

Quote:

Originally Posted by Beauty Mark Also, sometimes people start friendships with people of the opposite sex because friendships happen. I came off of a stint of having no male friends (single sex college combined with losing touch with all my female friends). It's a personality thing with friendships, not necessarily wanting to bed the other person.

very true. We just don't do that though. The last time I had guy friends, they weren't really friends. They were talking about me behind my back or trying to sleep with me. Thats not a friend. His friends were more like associates from church, school, past jobs. He feels no need to have friends of the opposite sex and I feel the same way. It may be technically healthy, but it would do nothing but cause problems with us. Even if it just so happened that he made a friend, or vice versa.....I guess we'd have to just see what happens. I'd be uneasy but he is his own person. I can't control him nor can he control me. I just try to have respect for him and our relationship. We aren't going to start doing something like having friends of the opposite sex out of the blue.

I hope I'm making sense...

 

[_trimm_trabb]

Quote:

Originally Posted by CantAffordMAC Oh, and the whole "thinking about other girls/looking at them" kills me. It absolutely kills me. I've asked him before if he looks at other girls, of course he tells me no. He knows how I get. i know he looks...he has to! I can honestly say that I don't look. I can shamefully say that I have in the past but would never take it to that level--EVER. We have both done questionable things but I think that was more like the first 6 months of our relationship. We have become more mature and faithful and honest as the years go by. It kills me to think that he would ever look at another female and think "damn she looks good" Oh my God, that hurts my heart. But then on the flip side, I want to know if hes doing it--don't lie to me! He just seems so sincere and honest when I ask him, like I truly believe he only loves me and only has eyes for me. But if a really attractive woman walks past, of course I'd expect him to look and have thoughts. And to consider that cheating is silly--a person is entitled to their own thoughts...but then I don't feel that its right either. There have been times we were in the car stuck in traffic and he is looking around and I'll think he is looking at the young girls in the car besides us. There have been times girls in tight pants were walking right in front of us and I thought he may have been looking at her ass. Is this jealousy that he was or my imagination/insecurity? Its just scary to think he could ever be attracted to anyone else. Its like a slap in the face, and it makes me even more insecure.

Of course he looks...it's natural to. It would be one thing if a girl walked by and he let his jaw drop to the floor, his eyes bulge out of his head, and say to you, "did you see the ass on THAT one??" Because that would just be distasteful and rude. But why is there so much wrong with recognizing a beautiful woman or man? Grilling him about it and making him feel bad about it will only make him hide it from you, which is exactly what you don't want.

As for my fiance and I, I point out attractive girls and guys occasionally, usually on TV or in a movie rather than out and about. And I don't mind if he does the same. We are both honest people who love each other very much and I have absolutely NO worries as far as cheating goes. His best friend is a girl, my best friend is a guy, but we all know each other and are cool with each other. I think a lot of this kind of stuff is just a matter of insecurity within relationships.

 

[NutMeg]

I'm not a jealous person. I know he would never cheat on me, isn't interested in other girls, etc. We live in different provinces right now while we're synching up our educations, so jealousy would kill us. In spite of whatever problems we may have had over the years, I have complete faith that he would never get involved with anyone else. He can go out clubbing and dance with other girls, whatever. To me, the standard of asking if he would do it if I was standing right there doesn't really apply... Of course he wouldn't dance with other girls if I was there, he'd be dancing with me.

That being said, I absolutely don't share. I'm not into the idea of a threesome, our sex life and our intimacy is private. For both of us, no kissing, no handholding, no intimate touching (besides what's appropriate for dancing at a club because we both love to dance!), etc.

The issue of opposite gender friends hasn't really come up. He has female friends, but no one really close. I have male friends, but the closest is a very good mutual friend who he knew first so he trusts both of us.

ETA: I almost forgot. My parents have been happily married for 22 years, and I think having them as an example shows me what I should be looking for.

 

[cubachinita]

Wow, Cantaffordmac, you and i have many similarities. I am very jealous. I am insecure too.

 

[xxsgtigressxx]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Loveleighe Dude i think it's a Jersey thing... you don't even know how many times we've been out and some girl has rubbed up against my fiance, or given him her number like right in my face our arms linked and all. I would never disrespect someone like that esp. not myself. I honestly think out loud "some f*ckin' balls you have lady". I'm always sort of just amazed and we find it humorous. and the guys are the same way i've been groped in front of my boyfriend, "holla'd" at on numerous occassion. i really don't get it. Even if i was a huge flirt i'd have some nerve to be like "yea we can chill, get drunk and see where it goes" (yes i've been asked this in front of him).If i did that He would kick me right in the neck and walk out. Neither of us are violent but i do feel there is a certain level of possesiveness on both parts. I'll share everything i have but not my man

Hahahaha i love how you said you thought it was a jersey thing, im a jersey girl, and i was like omg whaaaaaaat when everyone was saying they werent jealous and didnt mind... Im very secure with myself and my relationship, my bf kisses the ground i walk on. However...i look at it more as a disrespect thing if someone was trying to flirt with my bf. etc. I mean I was in a bar a couple years ago with my bf and this drunk girl stole his hat and put it on her head, and when i got in her face she was like (in drunk whiney voice)"its not about you, i steal a guys hat to get his attention so he'll talk to meeeeeee! "... i was def. tipsy so I basically told her that if she wanted to fight i would end it with her in the hospital. ps im not psychotic, im from jersey, we're all bitches. =) ps. my bf knows that if he ever cheated on me he'd be buried somewhere around giants stadium hahahahaha jk

 

[CantAffordMAC]

Quote:

Originally Posted by xxsgtigressxx Hahahaha i love how you said you thought it was a jersey thing, im a jersey girl, and i was like omg whaaaaaaat when everyone was saying they werent jealous and didnt mind... Im very secure with myself and my relationship, my bf kisses the ground i walk on. However...i look at it more as a disrespect thing if someone was trying to flirt with my bf. etc. I mean I was in a bar a couple years ago with my bf and this drunk girl stole his hat and put it on her head, and when i got in her face she was like (in drunk whiney voice)"its not about you, i steal a guys hat to get his attention so he'll talk to meeeeeee! "... i was def. tipsy so I basically told her that if she wanted to fight i would end it with her in the hospital. ps im not psychotic, im from jersey, we're all bitches. =) ps. my bf knows that if he ever cheated on me he'd be buried somewhere around giants stadium hahahahaha jk

lol! Thats what I say when everyone doesn't mind flirting and all that....huh??? It'd be a lot easier and less stressful if I didn't mind, but I can't help how I feel. It bothers me. I don't understand how some people can be so....loose in a relationship (I'm not saying its a bad thing). i know some people who don't mind going to the strip club and buying their bf a lap dance. Yeaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah right! LoL never in my life.

I'm not from jersey but I've been here for 7 years now. the girls are so disrespectful. A lot of girls flirt with my man but some do it directly and some try to act like they're not. I'm a girl, I know that you're flirting. I'm not stupid. I told my boyfriend that if he ever cheated on me I'd cut his dick off and shove it up his ass.
His response:

Wow.

It must be Jersey growing on me. lol

 

[Shimmer]

I'm not going to stress myself over what I can't control, and I can't control other women and what they do.
It's much more unsettling to them to just look at them with amusement and then tell them to run along than it is to be worried about 'respect' and whether they give it or not.

I'm not sure how old some of you are, but a large part of your perspective may come from where you're at in life vs how your personality truly is.


Oh, as far as lapdances, strippers rarely want anything more from a customer than the fee for the dance and a tip. Usually the customer is forgotten even before she moves on.

 

[glam8babe]

i dont get jealous because i know my bf doesnt have interest in any of the girls who try to flirt with him... hes a very friendly guy who talks to boys AND girls but i know he would never flirt because he is against cheating 100%, something happened in his family when he was about 8 where his dad cheated on his mother and since that happened, everytime he thinks about cheating the memory of his dad cheating comes back to him.

I would NEVER ever cheat on my bf.. although i met my bf when i was going out with my ex, he was an ass hole, treated me like SHIT and if i didnt meet my current bf, i would probably still be with my ex because he made me feel so stupid n stuff all the time it was hard to break up with him.

My current bf gets abit jealous when boys stare at me or something or if one of my guy friends talks to me. One time we were out clubbing and this guy who knew my ex bf was near us and we were all dancin, this guy grabbed my ass twice apparently but i was too drunk to notice and my bf went upto him and punched him and popped his nose haha.. was funny but he was soo upset, i didnt blame him because if a girl did that to my guy i would probably spit in her face and give her a black eye.

I dont see the point in cheating at all, whats the point in having a one night stand if you are in a long term relationship? people dont realise that you could mess up something so perfect by fucking about for ONE night.

 

[V15U4L_3RR0R]

Well I suppose I should answer my own questions too heh.

I'll start with my parents. They were married for 15 years but split up when I was around 8. I can't say I was too shocked because a part of me knew it was coming. Anyway my mum is now in a poly relationship. she has a girlfreind and boyfriend and I beleive they play with others too. My dad however has just remarried but both my parents are very happy with their partners. Has this affected my view on relationships and jealousy? I would say yes to that one.

I think i answered what I considered to be cheating in my first post but like Shimmer said, anything that's hidden. If he tells me or asked me and I was allowed to be a part of it then No it's not cheating. Me and him will be walking around town and we'll both be saying things like "Cor look at the tits on that one" or "He's got a nice bum" etc so we don't mind admiring other people infront of each other and quite often we'll be checking outt he same person anyway lmao. I'm lucky to have someone that I can do that with. Would he let me sleep with another girl? Yes but again only if he could join in a bit.

I've been in a very jealous and controlling relationship before and never ever again. If that's what suits you, then fine by me but it was far too suffocating for me and I couldn't stand it. I'm very glad I got out of that relationship in the end.

 

[flowerhead]

if they were interested in someone else, i'd generally tell them to fuck off. if a relationship isn't special, i wouldn't want to be in it