Interracial relationships

[RedRibbon]

Re: Off topic post re: Language

Quote:

Originally Posted by free09 Hey I just wanted to say that if a kid grows up hearing two languages, he will not be confused. They might mix up words at time like "mummy i hurt my cabeza" but it actually makes them more verbally agile. Also bilingual brains are better at math and music. I would really recommend speaking non-English language the majority of the time, because no matter what, the kid will end up speaking perfect fluent English since he is attending school here. But the other language can be easily lost. And no, he won't speak either with a thick accent...kids pick up accents perfectly at this age, so i'd really take advantage of it

I grew up hearing Punjabi and English and I can speak both Punjabi and English really well now, those who say that speaking a non English language in the home will hinder the child are always those who have no direct experience. God, that sounds really harsh..

Regardless of that, my is from India and only came to England when she got married so she doesn't speak English as if she was educated here whereas my dad does. Both spoke a mixture of Punjabi and English to me and my brothers and even to this day we mix sentences as we go along.

I so agree with the point that the other language can be lost. My cousins are so whitewashed that they won't speak a word of Punjabi in the house in case it shows them up in front of their white neighbours (their words) but they attend a Punjabi school where they are taught the language they should know anyway, how does that make sense?

My parents spoke Punjabi to me and I intend on speaking it to my kids. Mr RR isn't Punjabi but to his credit he's been learning it and he knows a fair bit which is good but not so good when I want to swear at him and he knows what I'm saying.

 

[cupcake_x]

Re: Off topic post re: Language

Quote:

Originally Posted by free09 Hey I just wanted to say that if a kid grows up hearing two languages, he will not be confused. They might mix up words at time like "mummy i hurt my cabeza" but it actually makes them more verbally agile. Also bilingual brains are better at math and music. I would really recommend speaking non-English language the majority of the time, because no matter what, the kid will end up speaking perfect fluent English since he is attending school here. But the other language can be easily lost. And no, he won't speak either with a thick accent...kids pick up accents perfectly at this age, so i'd really take advantage of it

This is exactly what I was going to say! I wish my mother had taught me Spanish as my first language, then I could have picked up English naturally.

 

[Fataliya]

I'm white, my husband is Native American. His tribe speaks not only the Indian language, but also Spanish, since the tribe originated in Mexico. Hubby says when he started school, he didn't know English at all.

He's teaching our daughters Spanish here and there, and we've got Spanish flashcards for them, as well.

Never had a problem with interracial relationships. If people stare, they get the side-eye and a "What?!?" from me. I ain't afraid to go all bitch on someone, if they're being ignorant.

 

[Almond_Eyed]

I've always been in interracial relationships because I'm Asian and, so far, I've only dated Caucasian guys (I have a thing for blue eyes ok!!!). Some people accuse me of being racist against my own race, but in a joking way.

Where I live, it's pretty much expected to accept interracial relationships since my city is very multicultural. My parents have no problem with me dating "white boys." I do notice that there are some ethnic groups in my area that still look down on it. It's usually the case of "it's ok for them, but not for my child!"

Personally, I've never had any problems with my boyfriend's families, they're all very accepting. I think religion is a bigger issue in a relationship, but that's another topic =p

<3 A

 

[sweetbabyblue]

Quote:

Originally Posted by blackeneddove Hey, sorry I took so long to reply, I've been MIA- I suppose we could teach them both languages, but I'd rather not confuse the kid by teaching both at once.. I've seen how his sister raised her kids, she raised off of Spanish until they were about 4 and then she used flashcards, games, etc to teach them English once they were fluent in one language. So I'm really just basing my thoughts on this, because it's all I've seen. I guess it's worth a shot though, right? My main concern was confusion, but thanks for responding!

I'm not in the same situation, but I think it's completely possible to the kids to know both languages. I'm chinese and I'm fluent in both cantonese and english (although my chinese literacy skills are not up to scratch, but that's purely because I hated Saturday school). I agree with what some of the posters have said. If they speak english at school, then home is where they should practice speaking another language. If I didn't speak chinese at home, I would've lost that language skill, and I know many of my friends who have lost it because their parents insisted on speaking only english to them for fear that their child will not be able to speak english at school?
I did not know any english when I started attending preschool at the age of 4, but I learnt quickly and it's impossible to tell that I wasn't born here. It's absolutely fine when the child is that young. I have abit of an Aussie accent too

I wish my parents had spoken even more chinese to me when I was younger though, certain vocabulary still stumps me, but being bilingual is such a useful thing, with my job it comes in handy all the time and employers like that in a resume

And getting back on track with the OP, I'm chinese and my bf's vietnamese. His mum made the offhand 'I don't like chinese!' comment, but she doesn't really mind. My parents on the other hand are just horrible. My mum has decided years ago that she pretty much only approves of other chinese people because of the 'language barrier' but it's really just that she has racist views and she is completely against my bf because he's viet. She says horrible things that I'm not going to repeat here. My dad insists that it's not the race thing, but he thinks my bf looks 'shifty'. We're still going out though, 3 years and going strong!

If we ever have kids, I'm going to teach them cantonese anyway. An extra language is always useful to have up your sleeve!

 

[liciouslilly]

I guess I am fortunate to live in Hawaii where it is a melting pot of ethnicities. I am filipino/spanish and my fiancee is chinese, puerto rican, and portuguese. I personally have never experienced racism based on my relationships but have experienced racial slur as a filipino women by ignorant people.

 

[MAG0TS0UUL]

Im just gonna be honest and say that I haven't read every post in this thread, so I may be reposting some of the same info,

But I have never been in a relationship with someone of the same race. I am a filipina, more on the thicker side, and have noticed that many filipino men prefer smaller, skinnier, more petite women, which is fine, i understand people have a preference, but also, I have ONLY been in relationships with African-American men, not because of any specific preference on my part, but because that's really the only race that seems to approach me. As far as peoples' reactions, honestly, my parents don't like the fact that i only date black men, they would prefer me dating/marrying a filipino or white man, but i could really care less. Also, I noticed that his side of the family doesn't really mind EXCEPT for his mother and grandmother. They both pretty much hate me. We both have accepted this though and still go on with our relationship.

Hope it helps? lol, maybe not ..

 

[Bar]

Hmm... idk

 

[HeatherNicole]

Wow I've enjoyed this thread!
I have to honestly say, I too, have never been in a relationship with someone of the same the race. Ultimately because I'm the daughter of two people who are mixed. So its kinda hard to find someone the same multiples as me! lol

As for me an interracial relationships, its not an issue about skin, its an issue about heart and values. I dated a guy for two years, he's white, Cherokee and Italian. I'm black, Cuban, Italian, and Cherokee.
We didn't have an issue, until I realized how culturally different we were. Maybe cultural is bad word, so values.
We shared different values concerning the home, values concerning work, kids, our relationship. So we ended up fighting more than being in love with each other. I think beyond the racial aspect lies the issue, as it does in any relationship, can we agree or agree to disagree. So again, we worked well just being "lovers" but the way we would solve things and expected things to go were totally different and ended up being our demise, which was a good think if you ask me.
We weren't as compatible as we thought, its was simply because of our core values.

 

[User67]

Well, I have a lot to say on the subject because I am the product of an interracial relationship. My mother was Irish & Cherokee Indian, my father was African American. So just that alone always makes people especially strangers curious about me, because to look at me people usually assume I am either Latin or part Asian. To top if off I am adopted & my adoptive parents are both white. So I remember especially as a little girl there were a lot of family members who were not pleased to have me as a family member. I definitely remember getting strange looks & rude comments from people (mostly white) when we would be doing simple things like grocery shopping. My mother being white, never knew exactly what to do with my hair when I was younger, so I usually had this crazy afro going on lol! My whole life I have been asked that "Where are you from/what race are you question?" Which doesn't bother me if you are someone who I am acquainted with because I feel it's part of the process of getting to know someone. However, if you are a complete stranger in the line behind me at the grocery store, you are not going to get an answer to that question, because I think it's rude & I would never ask nor care about the race of a complete stranger.

Now onto the interracial couples part. Because most people can't figure out my race, they assume my DH who is a dark skinned very handsome black man married outside his race when they see us together. I have noticed that we mostly get dirty looks from black women, I guess it all goes back to that whole "There are no good black men because they all want someone of another race" attitude that some ignorant people have. Some of the women in his family treat me like crap or just totally ignore me at family events. His Mom is very racist & treats me better since I have given her a beautiful granddaughter who she adores. But, she used to always call me "White girl" because I guess I am too proper acting for her. also because she is old fashioned & believe in that whole "One Drop" rule. Which I told her it ridiculous & that I am proud to be bi-racial & I will never choose one race over another. When I fill out an application I either check all the races that apply or I choose other. She thinks that is stupid & I should only choose black. When the men in my DH family would tell him he had a beautiful wife or would pay me any kind of compliment, she would roll her eyes & do this sarcastic laugh. I remember one day my DH almost put her out of our house because he has an older son from a previous relationship & his son is also biracial & very lightskinned like me. So one day his Mom is sitting at the dinner table & she goes "Your son used to think he could get away with anything because of his WHITE skin, well I used to beat his little WHITE ass! It took all my strength not to slap her across the face! Trust me it hasn't been easy having a MIL like her. She has said so many hurtful things to me over the years that I won't even get into. But, at the same time I am a stronger person today than I was back then & now I put her in her place. So I guess she thinks twice about what she says around me now.

I honestly don't know what the big deal is about color today. My God it's 2009 people! Obama is president! But, just a few months ago me & my DH were in TN visiting some family. We were in McDonald's & this middle aged black women walks up to us & goes "You aren't from around here are you?" We tell her no & ask why she is asking. She goes "We don't see a lot of the mixing of the races around here." Me & my DH were just like, um okay.

It even trickles down to my job because some of the black women who come to get their make-up done, only want another black woman to do it. So when I walk up to them they look at me like I am crazy & go "You know how to do make-up on me? I was expecting someone with my complexion to do it!" If they give me a chance, by the end of it when they see how I made them look they usually eat their words. Then there are the women who just come to the counter looking to buy some items & if there is a choice between me helping them or a black woman helping them they usually don't choose me lol! Even if I greet them, they will totally ignore me & go right to the other person.

It even involves my daughter because she is on the darker side & strangers will ask me if she is mine. My best friend is black & when I am out with her & my daughter people always assume that my baby is hers & they will be like "Oh, you have such a beautiful little girl!" then when I tell them she is mine, they look at me funny & are like "Oh!".

I have been through so much in my life because I am bi-racial, because of who raised me & because of who I married. But, I think it has just made me a stronger person. It's made me a more tolerant person, because with all the racism I have dealt with in my life. How could I not be accepting of everyone KWIM?

 

[ShugAvery2001]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Nyla2120 It even trickles down to my job because some of the black women who come to get their make-up done, only want another black woman to do it. So when I walk up to them they look at me like I am crazy & go "You know how to do make-up on me? I was expecting someone with my complexion to do it!" If they give me a chance, by the end of it when they see how I made them look they usually eat their words. Then there are the women who just come to the counter looking to buy some items & if there is a choice between me helping them or a black woman helping them they usually don't choose me lol! Even if I greet them, they will totally ignore me & go right to the other person.

Nyla, You know why that is though right. Alot of towns and cities in this country are still extremely segregated, and so you'll still run into white artist and hair dressers that don't know how to work with other ethnicity's. It's nothing personal. I like diversity and but i moved to the burbs that's majority white. I tried to be objective and took my son for a HAIRCUT. I let the white girl do it. CHILD PLEASE. she couldn't do the styles that a black barber would do.. and you know i'm talking about a FADE. i didn't hold it against her or anything but i wasn't shocked she didn't know how to do it. And again there are some white artist that have never even touched a black face. thats real talk. Alot of people don't know how to work with asian eyes.. because they don't come in contact with asian people like that you know.

That being said I don't have anything against interracial relationships although i've married/dated black men all my life. I had a white boyfriend when i was a teen and also dated some puerto ricans.. but again the neighborhood i was in was much more diverse. One thing that should be apparent though to everyone is that white supremacy as a school of thought is still alive amongst minorities. I mean "white girl will; give you power".. I mean come on really. I don't subscribe to that school of thought. Because I've lived around enough white people in my life to know they have alot of the same issues everybody else does. whether it's teen pregnancy, poverty, high school drop outs, or drugs. That's the only thing i hate about it. But thats why I try to deal with people as individuals. I couldn't date someone who subscribed to stereotypes about races. It irritates me

It is 2009 but there's still alot of racism going on. Alot of "tribalism". Alot of segregation. racism doesn't leave peoples hearts. Luckily in america the laws give minorities some protections from peoples overt racism. But they still move. Have you heard of the recent trend called WHITOPIA

A Black Author's Journey Into American 'Whitopia' : NPR

 

[User67]

Quote:

Originally Posted by ShugAvery2001 Nyla, You know why that is though right. Alot of towns and cities in this country are still extremely segregated, and so you'll still run into white artist and hair dressers that don't know how to work with other ethnicity's. It's nothing personal. I like diversity and but i moved to the burbs that's majority white. I tried to be objective and took my son for a HAIRCUT. I let the white girl do it. CHILD PLEASE. she couldn't do the styles that a black barber would do.. and you know i'm talking about a FADE. i didn't hold it against her or anything but i wasn't shocked she didn't know how to do it. And again there are some white artist that have never even touched a black face. thats real talk. Alot of people don't know how to work with asian eyes.. because they don't come in contact with asian people like that you know.

I know what you mean. But, I can say that where I live there is a huge mix of all different races. And I can only speak for my counter, but we all have experience & are very good at doing make-up on people of all races. They just have to give us a chance

 

[L1LMAMAJ]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Nyla2120 Well, I have a lot to say on the subject because I am the product of an interracial relationship. My mother was Irish & Cherokee Indian, my father was African American. So just that alone always makes people especially strangers curious about me, because to look at me people usually assume I am either Latin or part Asian. To top if off I am adopted & my adoptive parents are both white. So I remember especially as a little girl there were a lot of family members who were not pleased to have me as a family member. I definitely remember getting strange looks & rude comments from people (mostly white) when we would be doing simple things like grocery shopping. My mother being white, never knew exactly what to do with my hair when I was younger, so I usually had this crazy afro going on lol! My whole life I have been asked that "Where are you from/what race are you question?" Which doesn't bother me if you are someone who I am acquainted with because I feel it's part of the process of getting to know someone. However, if you are a complete stranger in the line behind me at the grocery store, you are not going to get an answer to that question, because I think it's rude & I would never ask nor care about the race of a complete stranger. Now onto the interracial couples part. Because most people can't figure out my race, they assume my DH who is a dark skinned very handsome black man married outside his race when they see us together. I have noticed that we mostly get dirty looks from black women, I guess it all goes back to that whole "There are no good black men because they all want someone of another race" attitude that some ignorant people have. Some of the women in his family treat me like crap or just totally ignore me at family events. His Mom is very racist & treats me better since I have given her a beautiful granddaughter who she adores. But, she used to always call me "White girl" because I guess I am too proper acting for her. also because she is old fashioned & believe in that whole "One Drop" rule. Which I told her it ridiculous & that I am proud to be bi-racial & I will never choose one race over another. When I fill out an application I either check all the races that apply or I choose other. She thinks that is stupid & I should only choose black. When the men in my DH family would tell him he had a beautiful wife or would pay me any kind of compliment, she would roll her eyes & do this sarcastic laugh. I remember one day my DH almost put her out of our house because he has an older son from a previous relationship & his son is also biracial & very lightskinned like me. So one day his Mom is sitting at the dinner table & she goes "Your son used to think he could get away with anything because of his WHITE skin, well I used to beat his little WHITE ass! It took all my strength not to slap her across the face! Trust me it hasn't been easy having a MIL like her. She has said so many hurtful things to me over the years that I won't even get into. But, at the same time I am a stronger person today than I was back then & now I put her in her place. So I guess she thinks twice about what she says around me now. I honestly don't know what the big deal is about color today. My God it's 2009 people! Obama is president! But, just a few months ago me & my DH were in TN visiting some family. We were in McDonald's & this middle aged black women walks up to us & goes "You aren't from around here are you?" We tell her no & ask why she is asking. She goes "We don't see a lot of the mixing of the races around here." Me & my DH were just like, um okay. It even trickles down to my job because some of the black women who come to get their make-up done, only want another black woman to do it. So when I walk up to them they look at me like I am crazy & go "You know how to do make-up on me? I was expecting someone with my complexion to do it!" If they give me a chance, by the end of it when they see how I made them look they usually eat their words. Then there are the women who just come to the counter looking to buy some items & if there is a choice between me helping them or a black woman helping them they usually don't choose me lol! Even if I greet them, they will totally ignore me & go right to the other person. It even involves my daughter because she is on the darker side & strangers will ask me if she is mine. My best friend is black & when I am out with her & my daughter people always assume that my baby is hers & they will be like "Oh, you have such a beautiful little girl!" then when I tell them she is mine, they look at me funny & are like "Oh!". I have been through so much in my life because I am bi-racial, because of who raised me & because of who I married. But, I think it has just made me a stronger person. It's made me a more tolerant person, because with all the racism I have dealt with in my life. How could I not be accepting of everyone KWIM?

 

[L1LMAMAJ]

Re: Off topic post re: Language

Quote:

Originally Posted by free09 Hey I just wanted to say that if a kid grows up hearing two languages, he will not be confused. They might mix up words at time like "mummy i hurt my cabeza" but it actually makes them more verbally agile. Also bilingual brains are better at math and music. I would really recommend speaking non-English language the majority of the time, because no matter what, the kid will end up speaking perfect fluent English since he is attending school here. But the other language can be easily lost. And no, he won't speak either with a thick accent...kids pick up accents perfectly at this age, so i'd really take advantage of it

Yep this is exactly what my mother thinks. So happy she spoke to me in Chinese as a child.

 

[jungleland]

Well, I don't know about interracial relationship, I mean I don't have any direct experience on it and I think that it's no one else business except the 2 people involved.
But I have a bilingual child and I would like to add my 2 cents on the issue.
My son now is perfectly fluent in Italian and English, Italian is the language we speak at home and English is the school language and the world outside language.
Obviously we don't live in Italy.
At first he was a little bit confused but now is perfectly fine.
So if you have the opportunity to have a bilingual child don't deny your offspring with this fantastic opportunity.
They really can learn so fast and I don't think I have to mention all the pros of knowing different languages.
Just my opinion . of course!

 

[SuSana]

Quote:

Originally Posted by HeatherNicole I have to honestly say, I too, have never been in a relationship with someone of the same the race. Ultimately because I'm the daughter of two people who are mixed. So its kinda hard to find someone the same multiples as me! lol

Exactly! I'm always going to be in an interracial relationship unless I happen to find someone 1/2 white, 1/4 Spanish & 1/4 Mexican...probably not gonna happen.


Quote:

Originally Posted by Nyla2120 I honestly don't know what the big deal is about color today. My God it's 2009 people!

Thank you. I honestly don't understand the problem, it's just a skin color.

 

[User67]

Wow, look at this story from the front page of AOL news......

http://news.aol.com/article/interracial-couple-denied-marriage/719806?icid=main|main|dl1|link4|http%3A%2F%2Fnews. aol.com%2Farticle%2Finterracial-couple-denied-marriage%2F719806

Sorry, I don't know how to post this so it shows up as a link?

 

[HeatherNicole]

'interracial marriages don't last long.'

What a sad outlook, while in my viewpoint I've seen a few interracial marriages fail, but the cause was because of other issues, rather than race.
The same issue everyone else divorces over: money, drug use, abuse, incompatibility and etc.

 

[User67]

Quote:

Originally Posted by HeatherNicole 'interracial marriages don't last long.' What a sad outlook, while in my viewpoint I've seen a few interracial marriages fail, but the cause was because of other issues, rather than race. The same issue everyone else divorces over: money, drug use, abuse, incompatibility and etc.

Exactly, & marriages fail whether the people are of the same race or different races. I can't believe how ignorant people still are today. Just sad...

 

[Shadowy Lady]

I think I read somewhere that most ppl divorce coz of money issues....that sounds quite right to me. I don't know many ppl who are divorced but the ones that are have the same race, lol!