is thirty too old for a nineteen year old?
- Thread starter kimmy
- Start date
eighmii
Well-known member
I dated a 26 year old when I was 17..
I was googoo over him. Seriously.. I think it was the fact that I saw him as so mature. And so manly.. and not a stupid teenage boy that is so codependant of his parents. Because I'm a very independant, mature girl.. And I wanted a guy that was more mature than me. I was tired of the BOYS. I wanted a MAN.
But I'm not gonna lie.. I'm 90% positive he was just in it for the sex. I mean yeah.. we could sit for hours and talk.. and be all cute. But I'm very sure he just wanted me for sex.
I was googoo over him. Seriously.. I think it was the fact that I saw him as so mature. And so manly.. and not a stupid teenage boy that is so codependant of his parents. Because I'm a very independant, mature girl.. And I wanted a guy that was more mature than me. I was tired of the BOYS. I wanted a MAN.
But I'm not gonna lie.. I'm 90% positive he was just in it for the sex. I mean yeah.. we could sit for hours and talk.. and be all cute. But I'm very sure he just wanted me for sex.
user79
Well-known member
Quote:
I agree with this. Dating would prob be fine since there's no committment, but if it does get serious, you might find yourself on a different level as to what each person wants. He may want to settle down at some point, and you may not be ready. This is just hypothetical, but age difference is more noticeable if the person is 19 and the other 30, less noticeable if one person is 40 and the other one 51.
Just read the rest of the comments in this thread, seriously chill out peeps. She's not marrying the guy yet, she said she only wants to date and explore what's out there, and seemingly, so does the guy. I've found some older men attractive as well, if I was dating and just out for some fun and was interested in someone older, I wouldn't make a big deal of it.
So I say, go for it, but tread carefully.
Originally Posted by Shimmer
Keep in mind both of you have different expectations at this (and future) stages of life. Exploration of options is great..and I totally endorse that, but keep in mind that (and I speak from experience here, my husband is 16 years older than I am) there will be moments when you butt heads because y'all are both at different phases in your life. |
I agree with this. Dating would prob be fine since there's no committment, but if it does get serious, you might find yourself on a different level as to what each person wants. He may want to settle down at some point, and you may not be ready. This is just hypothetical, but age difference is more noticeable if the person is 19 and the other 30, less noticeable if one person is 40 and the other one 51.
Just read the rest of the comments in this thread, seriously chill out peeps. She's not marrying the guy yet, she said she only wants to date and explore what's out there, and seemingly, so does the guy. I've found some older men attractive as well, if I was dating and just out for some fun and was interested in someone older, I wouldn't make a big deal of it.
So I say, go for it, but tread carefully.
MrsJames
Well-known member
Quote:
I'm sorry, but I agree with this post. There's a lot you still have to learn at 19.
| Originally Posted by Bernadette
Yes, it is too old. Simple answer. There aren't many things that a thirty year old and a nineteen year old should have in common that would make them have a compatible relationship. Chances are, he just wants a piece of nineteen year old tail. Sorry to be so blunt but unless he is seriosuly stunted in his life and personailty, he shouldn't be able to relate to a nineteen year old on a level that would make her girlfriend material. |
I'm sorry, but I agree with this post. There's a lot you still have to learn at 19.
xIxSkyDancerxIx
Well-known member
Well.. I would say just go for it. You seem to have a good head on your shoulders, so just use it and go with what you think it good for you. Give him a chance and get to know each other better, just be careful since it is a little strange that he's 30 and you're 19, but I've always believed that age doesn't matter. My psychology teacher is married to someone who's 10 yrs younger than he is, and they have a wonderful relationship together.
=)
=)
melozburngr
Well-known member
I'd say go for it, too. When I was 19, I dated someone who was 31, and he was one of the best boyfriends I ever had. He was respectful, sweet, and caring...and MATURE...and contrary to what seems to be the common thought, he wasn't in it for the sex... in fact, we never had sex. I still have a tendency to seek out older men, as guys my age are immature, and I tend to have a lot more in common with older men...plus they're sexy sexy sexy 
(when I say older, i mean like 10 or so years.. give or take...Im no Anna Nicole..)
(when I say older, i mean like 10 or so years.. give or take...Im no Anna Nicole..)
kaliraksha
Well-known member
Hum that would be an interesting "test"- maybe express that you aren't interested in getting physical for a while to see if he would stick around. Unless that's something that you're in it for as well =)
kimmy
Well-known member
he already knows that there won't be anyhing physical, save for the small things like kissing and holding hands, for a very long long time.
and meloz, i'm glad that you mentioned the respect thing because i've noticed that about this guy as well, he's very respectful which isn't something you really see in guys my age because they're all about the sex and most of them couldn't even spell respect if you put the dictionary in front of them haha!
i'm going to finally see him again on monday night so hopefully that will clear some of this up.
i'm going to finally see him again on monday night so hopefully that will clear some of this up.
Eilinoir
Well-known member
You know what, Kimmy?
Do what you feel is right.
In all honesty, regardless of what you tell us or what many of the members here have witnessed or experienced, we can only speculate and warn or send you off with hugs and kisses. In the end, it really all just comes down to you.
I'm 22 and my boyfriend of four years is 13 years older than me (if you look strictly at birth years). I have to say, quite frankly, that I am shocked and a bit appalled at the opinions expressed here but then again, that's just what they are: opinions. And everyone's entitled to them, of course.
But reading some comments like, what would a "normal" 30-year-old guy have in common or want to talk about with someone that much younger than him. First of all, Kimmy, if I were you (and I sorta am
), I'd be insulted because what does that question ask of you? Because apparently we have to be the same age to communicate with each other. Harmless opinions aside, shame on those comments. Why is everyone generalizing everything? One's experience does not count as a worldwide standard. This is why so many people in the world have to hide things as wonderful as relationships--because they know people will judge on hearing and say this is right, this is wrong. And that bit about older men wanting younger ass? That may be for some guys out there but speaking for my boyfriend and I'm sure many others, do not ever dare to categorize someone you don't know. It is a disrespectful remark and I would think most people would know better than to be so unwittingly callous. Of course, we like to judge without hearing the full story first, right? Stereotypes and labeling are what get us into trouble.
As hard as it is sometimes, you have to remember: you are not the one in the relationship so your words serve only as advice.
And another thing that pisses me off? People who say that 10 or 12 years makes a guy old enough to be a girl's father. I don't know about everyone else's parents but my dad wasn't part of my life when he was a preteen. Stop being so dramatic and think before you speak (or type, in this case). We get it. You think he's old. Case closed.
Sorry for the rant. I'm just so sick of this nonsense.
Best of luck to you, Kimmy, whatever you choose to do.
Do what you feel is right.
In all honesty, regardless of what you tell us or what many of the members here have witnessed or experienced, we can only speculate and warn or send you off with hugs and kisses. In the end, it really all just comes down to you.
I'm 22 and my boyfriend of four years is 13 years older than me (if you look strictly at birth years). I have to say, quite frankly, that I am shocked and a bit appalled at the opinions expressed here but then again, that's just what they are: opinions. And everyone's entitled to them, of course.
But reading some comments like, what would a "normal" 30-year-old guy have in common or want to talk about with someone that much younger than him. First of all, Kimmy, if I were you (and I sorta am
As hard as it is sometimes, you have to remember: you are not the one in the relationship so your words serve only as advice.
And another thing that pisses me off? People who say that 10 or 12 years makes a guy old enough to be a girl's father. I don't know about everyone else's parents but my dad wasn't part of my life when he was a preteen. Stop being so dramatic and think before you speak (or type, in this case). We get it. You think he's old. Case closed.
Sorry for the rant. I'm just so sick of this nonsense.
Best of luck to you, Kimmy, whatever you choose to do.
NicksWifey
Well-known member
In my opinion, love knows no age. However, I made a serious mistake (I would give anything to this day to take it back) with a man that was 13 years older than me at one point. He is a real piece of shit...
But that is besides the point, you do what feels right, it's only up to you to decide who is right for you
But that is besides the point, you do what feels right, it's only up to you to decide who is right for you
Beauty Mark
Well-known member
While that's true and there are exceptions, where one is at age 18-19 is different from where one is generally at 30. Hell, I'm amazed at where I was at 19 and where I am now at 22. Age is not really a bad measure at times. There are certain things that rarely happen at a younger age than that happen at an older age, like the distance between high school and you or graduating college.
I'm not saying it's the end all, be all of measures, but there are major life differences in larger age gaps and that they are legitimate items to consider.
I'm not saying it's the end all, be all of measures, but there are major life differences in larger age gaps and that they are legitimate items to consider.
hunnybun
Well-known member
just my POV. I'm 24 and my husband is 37. that's a 13 yr difference. we met when i was 22 and he was 35 and have been happily married now for just over a year. needless to say, it's by far the best relationship i've ever been in and the age is total non-issue. i actually think older men are easier to date because they are more mature and have their lives together enough to be able to take care of a significant other. that's just my opinion, but i think if you're into him, go for it.
kimmy
Well-known member
i love hearing everyone's opinions, its given me so many differen perspectives on this subject.
a little update: i talked to him for a few hours the other night about relationships and he kept telling me how he's tired of being with random girls, and that he's ready to tell me why he's been so afraid to get into another relationship but that he wants to wait until he comes home so we can talk about it in person rather than on the phone or aim.
one of the girls at the station said (and most of my friends agree) that this is a good thing, him wanting to talk about it in person. something to effect of it must be really difficult for him to talk about and he's going to need someone there to comfort him and that it's a positive that he trusts me with that. i think that idea sounds a little far fetched...but bottom line, i'm glad he's finally going to tell me.
so that's where it stands right now. i still want opinions, and advice (especially on the "we need to talk about it in person" thing.
) so lemme have it ladies, and gents!
a little update: i talked to him for a few hours the other night about relationships and he kept telling me how he's tired of being with random girls, and that he's ready to tell me why he's been so afraid to get into another relationship but that he wants to wait until he comes home so we can talk about it in person rather than on the phone or aim.
one of the girls at the station said (and most of my friends agree) that this is a good thing, him wanting to talk about it in person. something to effect of it must be really difficult for him to talk about and he's going to need someone there to comfort him and that it's a positive that he trusts me with that. i think that idea sounds a little far fetched...but bottom line, i'm glad he's finally going to tell me.
so that's where it stands right now. i still want opinions, and advice (especially on the "we need to talk about it in person" thing.
brookeab
Well-known member
Quote:
That isn't always true, my mom met my dad when she was 19, and he was 29. They got married when she was 22, he was 32 and they have been married for 21 years. My dad had even been married once before. I don't think age is that big of a deal, if you hit it off with someone then go for it! (My opinion of course.)
I don't let age stop me from getting into a relationship with someone, if you have a lot in common with someone and you get along really well, then I don't see a problem with trying out a relationship.
| Originally Posted by Bernadette
Yes, it is too old. Simple answer. There aren't many things that a thirty year old and a nineteen year old should have in common that would make them have a compatible relationship. Chances are, he just wants a piece of nineteen year old tail. Sorry to be so blunt but unless he is seriosuly stunted in his life and personailty, he shouldn't be able to relate to a nineteen year old on a level that would make her girlfriend material. |
That isn't always true, my mom met my dad when she was 19, and he was 29. They got married when she was 22, he was 32 and they have been married for 21 years. My dad had even been married once before. I don't think age is that big of a deal, if you hit it off with someone then go for it! (My opinion of course.)
I don't let age stop me from getting into a relationship with someone, if you have a lot in common with someone and you get along really well, then I don't see a problem with trying out a relationship.
SparklingWaves
Well-known member
Well, I would have to say this - If you were 30, would you date a 19 y/o guy.
It puts things in perspective when its you doing the action. Most 30 y/o women don't think about dating 19 y/o guys. Men do. Think about why.
What defines an adult? Yes, there are guys in there 50's and older that act and think like they are 16 literally. Do you want to date them? How great do they look walking around with an adorable 19 y/o? They love it. In their mind they are literally younger than you. But, their face and body could make me want to down several beers.
Older guys are smooth they have been around and may be better in bed, etc. But, do you want to be a with a grey-haired sagging crotch early and be a widow early? How about viagra man coming to your house sooner than necessary? Do you want to kiss on a turkey neck 12 years sooner?
Oh, but you love him right. Did you know that they are finding out that men have a biological clock too? There is a defiant link between schizophrenia and the age of the man when a child is created.
I have known so many older women left alone, because they married a much older man. I don't want to be all alone in my elder years. Do you? They take care of these dudes too like Mommies before they die. Not here, sister. I want a man by my side and not stool in diapers, because I married an a guy old enough to be my Father. Hey, that's sounds gross.
It puts things in perspective when its you doing the action. Most 30 y/o women don't think about dating 19 y/o guys. Men do. Think about why.
What defines an adult? Yes, there are guys in there 50's and older that act and think like they are 16 literally. Do you want to date them? How great do they look walking around with an adorable 19 y/o? They love it. In their mind they are literally younger than you. But, their face and body could make me want to down several beers.
Older guys are smooth they have been around and may be better in bed, etc. But, do you want to be a with a grey-haired sagging crotch early and be a widow early? How about viagra man coming to your house sooner than necessary? Do you want to kiss on a turkey neck 12 years sooner?
Oh, but you love him right. Did you know that they are finding out that men have a biological clock too? There is a defiant link between schizophrenia and the age of the man when a child is created.
I have known so many older women left alone, because they married a much older man. I don't want to be all alone in my elder years. Do you? They take care of these dudes too like Mommies before they die. Not here, sister. I want a man by my side and not stool in diapers, because I married an a guy old enough to be my Father. Hey, that's sounds gross.
Beauty Mark
Well-known member
That's really not a fair assessment. What if you date/marry someone in a high risk job, like a police officer or a fire fighter? What if something happens to your SO where you do end up taking care of him?
OhSweetJane
Member
Quote:
It's only old when he wants to take you to a bar/club and you realize he can get in, and you can't!
| is thirty too old for a nineteen year old? |
It's only old when he wants to take you to a bar/club and you realize he can get in, and you can't!
kimmy
Well-known member
Quote:
hahaha funny thing is...i work in law enforcement. you make a good point, beauty mark.
Quote:
this totally made me lol, i love it.
well, here's how it is at the moment..i've realized that when i'm with him, i don't know what's so different but there's a huge difference. i'm always just so damn happy when he's with me, it's ridiculous. he's my favourite person to wake up to (no, i haven't slept with him in any kind of naughty way haha!) but i'm realizing that he knows this might be real and right now, that scares him. i'm not going to wait for him because i promised myself i'd never wait around for anyone again, but everything seems to be smooth. it pretty much rules.
| Originally Posted by Beauty Mark
That's really not a fair assessment. What if you date/marry someone in a high risk job, like a police officer or a fire fighter? What if something happens to your SO where you do end up taking care of him? |
hahaha funny thing is...i work in law enforcement. you make a good point, beauty mark.
Quote:
| Originally Posted by OhSweetJane
It's only old when he wants to take you to a bar/club and you realize he can get in, and you can't!
|
this totally made me lol, i love it.
well, here's how it is at the moment..i've realized that when i'm with him, i don't know what's so different but there's a huge difference. i'm always just so damn happy when he's with me, it's ridiculous. he's my favourite person to wake up to (no, i haven't slept with him in any kind of naughty way haha!) but i'm realizing that he knows this might be real and right now, that scares him. i'm not going to wait for him because i promised myself i'd never wait around for anyone again, but everything seems to be smooth. it pretty much rules.
