is thirty too old for a nineteen year old?
- Thread starter kimmy
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kalest
Active member
I dont think an 11 year difference is a big deal.... HOWEVER!!!!!
Im 32, if I were to date a 21 year old.... I would feel dirty and perverted.
So thinking about this 30 year old... wanting to possibly get into a relationship with someone that isnt even old enough to drink is just kinda dirty and perverted to me LOL
Who knows, maybe down the road when youre a bit older things may be different and you could really have something. But right now youre at the beginning of adult life. have fun!
But you know what you want, so all in all its up to you and your decision. Go get that booty if ya want it!
Im 32, if I were to date a 21 year old.... I would feel dirty and perverted.
So thinking about this 30 year old... wanting to possibly get into a relationship with someone that isnt even old enough to drink is just kinda dirty and perverted to me LOL
Who knows, maybe down the road when youre a bit older things may be different and you could really have something. But right now youre at the beginning of adult life. have fun!
But you know what you want, so all in all its up to you and your decision. Go get that booty if ya want it!
captodometer
Well-known member
He's too old for you. At 19, you can't even get into a bar: how will you feel when he decides to go without you? You will have no way of knowing what he's doing in there when you're not around. It will probably involve serious flirting with other women.
But I just started dating a 23 year old guy. He's 10 years younger than me, so no real difference in the age gap between your situation and mine. But I think there is less of a life experience gap in my situation. He's a working professional and has been out of college for three years; his income is the same as mine. There are also common interests: I'm a veterinarian, he grew up on a large sheep farm, we have both travelled extensively, like to cruise open houses and look at other people's stuff, etc. I just happen to be older than he is: we are both in the same relative stage of life. So I'm just going to go with the flow and see what happens.
However, if he were 19 and I were 29 I would not go out with him. That intervening 4 years is incredibly important: it gets him into the functional adult category where I have been for a while. And this is the problem that I see with your scenario: in theory he's an adult and at 19 you are still in transition. So if I were you, I would pass. And if it's really meant to be, he'll still be around in 4-5 years.
But I just started dating a 23 year old guy. He's 10 years younger than me, so no real difference in the age gap between your situation and mine. But I think there is less of a life experience gap in my situation. He's a working professional and has been out of college for three years; his income is the same as mine. There are also common interests: I'm a veterinarian, he grew up on a large sheep farm, we have both travelled extensively, like to cruise open houses and look at other people's stuff, etc. I just happen to be older than he is: we are both in the same relative stage of life. So I'm just going to go with the flow and see what happens.
However, if he were 19 and I were 29 I would not go out with him. That intervening 4 years is incredibly important: it gets him into the functional adult category where I have been for a while. And this is the problem that I see with your scenario: in theory he's an adult and at 19 you are still in transition. So if I were you, I would pass. And if it's really meant to be, he'll still be around in 4-5 years.
xmrsvindieselx
Well-known member
right now, i'm seeing someone who is 32. I know I'm going to have a lot of people disagree with it since I'm 18, BUT he is NOT in it for sex at all. I have always noticed I like older men, but never actually went for it but after getting to know mike, I'm so glad I did. ( plus he looks like vin diesel. hell yess.
haha)
do what YOU feel is right. not all guys are in it for the sex. and you never know,you might find out he may be perfect for you
do what YOU feel is right. not all guys are in it for the sex. and you never know,you might find out he may be perfect for you
ilovexnerdsx
Well-known member
for a year and a half i had a (long distance) relationship with a guy about twice my age (from when i was 14-16, he was 29-31.)
we don't speak anymore, but it's not because of our ages.
it was a beautiful relationship and i learned a lot. i grew from it.
and isn't that the point of relationships? to feel better about yourself, have someone you can lean on? to have someone you are happy to care for? to feel security and feel amazing reciprocating that security?
that's how it was. so what, he was older. maturity always varies and i don't think there should be ANY rule that should even TRY to mess with that.
if you feel good about, go for it. the relationship may be difficult and taboo, yes, but it will make you feel -that- much better when you prove everyone wrong.
we don't speak anymore, but it's not because of our ages.
it was a beautiful relationship and i learned a lot. i grew from it.
and isn't that the point of relationships? to feel better about yourself, have someone you can lean on? to have someone you are happy to care for? to feel security and feel amazing reciprocating that security?
that's how it was. so what, he was older. maturity always varies and i don't think there should be ANY rule that should even TRY to mess with that.
if you feel good about, go for it. the relationship may be difficult and taboo, yes, but it will make you feel -that- much better when you prove everyone wrong.
i don't know if anyone has said it already (?)
but if you know Hayden P. and Milo V. then you're just like them i guess, except she's 18, but he is 30 :S
i think the age gap is too large for me, but if he doesn't act his age and you guys get along well, i guess there's no harm in it...
but if you know Hayden P. and Milo V. then you're just like them i guess, except she's 18, but he is 30 :S
i think the age gap is too large for me, but if he doesn't act his age and you guys get along well, i guess there's no harm in it...
Ms.Amaranthine
Well-known member
It's only too old if the younger half is young minded. I have a friend that's 20, she recently began dating a 34yr old. She's very intelligent and very mature, so he suits her quite well. They seem happy and have a lot of common interests and things to talk about. When I was 17, I met a 30something man that I found charming and could hold a great conversation with. He was lovely. I let my worries about the age difference get in the way and I somewhat regret not taking the chance now.
I suppose if you're 19 and act 19, partying a lot and doing things teens do, it would be a stretch to date somebody that is considerably older than you are. The priorities and goals in life would be vastly different.
I think it's all up to you though. You and how you feel. If you can look at it and see a future, then I say.. go for it. Don't worry about what society finds acceptable. Feelings are feelings and they cannot be helped!
I suppose if you're 19 and act 19, partying a lot and doing things teens do, it would be a stretch to date somebody that is considerably older than you are. The priorities and goals in life would be vastly different.
I think it's all up to you though. You and how you feel. If you can look at it and see a future, then I say.. go for it. Don't worry about what society finds acceptable. Feelings are feelings and they cannot be helped!
MsCuppyCakes
Well-known member
Quote:
I'm currently seeing (a little over 4 years) someone 11 years my senior. I think it depends on the people involved. As with any dating/relationship you will have to compromise, be understanding, have disagreemets, etc. It's all a part of getting to know someone, either you'll have a relationship or you won't. I say, "exercise your options, you do have them!"
Originally Posted by kimmy
i'm thinking of getting back into the dating scene, because i've been put off from the idea of a relationship for quite some time due to past experiences...and i think i'm back to where i was before (meaning i can easily deal with things if they go wrong) the guy i have in mind is eleven years my senior though. i'm nineteen and he's thirty. he doesn't act or look thirty by any means though haha. he's a really sweet guy and i love talking to him because we have alot in common and everything is just so natural and relaxed with him which is new to me. i know he'd never pressure me for anything, which i know is what most people worry about when it comes to the subject of an age difference. i've experienced him after way too many drinks, and he's still a gentleman...so that's nice (and very new to me), as well. the only thing that is making me really think whether or not i should go for it is the age difference. i don't think that love knows an age, but it's far too early to call it "love" so i don't know really...is an eleven year age difference too steep? |
I'm currently seeing (a little over 4 years) someone 11 years my senior. I think it depends on the people involved. As with any dating/relationship you will have to compromise, be understanding, have disagreemets, etc. It's all a part of getting to know someone, either you'll have a relationship or you won't. I say, "exercise your options, you do have them!"
ratmist
Well-known member
When I was 18 I dated a guy who was 28. He had been in a six year long relationship before me, and he was definitely in it for the sex. I wasn't, but I was too naive and young to realise what I was getting into at that time.
I'd be surprised if your 30 year old man hasn't had at least one long relationship. Just be careful and be certain about what you want and expect. There is a helluva difference between 19 and 30 that cannot be calculated in age alone.
I'd be surprised if your 30 year old man hasn't had at least one long relationship. Just be careful and be certain about what you want and expect. There is a helluva difference between 19 and 30 that cannot be calculated in age alone.
glamqueen1
Well-known member
when I was 19, my best friend, also 19 ,got together with a 30 year old guy. we were all shocked with the age difference, her whole family turned against the relationship, but they stayed together, and they just fitted together, naturally. This guy was in no way immature, their personalities just transcended the age difference. Now they have been together for 19 years and they have 5 children. No-one would even think of the age difference.
V15U4L_3RR0R
Well-known member
I say go for it. When I was 16 I was going out with someone who was twice my age (which is perfectly legal int his country). We had a good relationship and we're still good freinds. My current BF is 11 years older than me (I'm 18 now) As long as it's legal and you feel comfortable with it then age gap doesn't mean a thing.
ETA - I should add that me and my current feller live together happily and we've been together for ages. Our difference in age haven't stopped us from doing anything together. Sometimes we have disagreements about stuff but that's perfectly normal in any relationship. We work together fine and both my parents and their respective partners both know him and like him and are very supportive.
ETA - I should add that me and my current feller live together happily and we've been together for ages. Our difference in age haven't stopped us from doing anything together. Sometimes we have disagreements about stuff but that's perfectly normal in any relationship. We work together fine and both my parents and their respective partners both know him and like him and are very supportive.
*KT*
Well-known member
I always dated older guys so I've been in the same situation at two different times in my life. Once when I was 19 and again at 25. First one was a really great guy, but as we got closer and closer, he was ready for someone to be serious with and I was still in college and not ready for that. The story might have been very different had I met him later, because at 25 I started dating someone 9 years older than me. That was 5 years ago and I'm happily married to that man. =)
If he truly is a sweet guy with pure intentions, he's probably at a greater risk for getting hurt than you are... just like with my older-guy relationship at 19. It was hard for him to understand that I wasn't ready for more because '19' was a distant memory to him and it really hurt him to know that I was out dating other people. It was a very very long time before we became friends again.
If I would have met my husband at 19, I guarantee you it would have ended differently... because the person I was at 19 was quite different from the person I was by the time I turned 25. I think this holds true for just about everyone: regardless of how much more mature you are from other people in your age group, you'll likely still change a lot from age 19-24ish. Like others have mentioned, it's a transition period from school to the real world packed with a lot of experiences that will further mature your personality.
The more honest you can be with each other when it comes to your feelings and expectations, the better.
If he truly is a sweet guy with pure intentions, he's probably at a greater risk for getting hurt than you are... just like with my older-guy relationship at 19. It was hard for him to understand that I wasn't ready for more because '19' was a distant memory to him and it really hurt him to know that I was out dating other people. It was a very very long time before we became friends again.
If I would have met my husband at 19, I guarantee you it would have ended differently... because the person I was at 19 was quite different from the person I was by the time I turned 25. I think this holds true for just about everyone: regardless of how much more mature you are from other people in your age group, you'll likely still change a lot from age 19-24ish. Like others have mentioned, it's a transition period from school to the real world packed with a lot of experiences that will further mature your personality.
The more honest you can be with each other when it comes to your feelings and expectations, the better.
zabbazooey
Well-known member
I'm 20, and dated a guy who was 35. He is so immature, it's not even funny. Think about why he's interested in girls your age. The guy I dated could never get a girlfriend that's 35...why? They are in a different place in their lives. They're ready to act like adults and not teenagers. My ex stopped maturing at about 18, I am estimating.
I'd say try finding something more in your age range. My fiance is 25, and at my age, a 5 year difference is the most I'd want.
I'd say try finding something more in your age range. My fiance is 25, and at my age, a 5 year difference is the most I'd want.
ArsenicKiss
Well-known member
When I was eighteen, I dated a thirty-two year old. That was not the best decision that I had ever made in my life. He seemed nice, and sweet and like we had things in common and originally, he even lied to me about his age. (He told me he was 27, when I was younger I held pretty fast to a policy that eight years was the largest gap that was acceptable when it came to dating. And, well, ya know, what was just one extra year between friends.) We started dating and it quickly became obvious that things were not going to work out, because we really were in different places.
Almost immediately, the talk of marriage started, and let's be honest here, at eighteen, getting married was the very last thing on my mind. I wanted to go out, have a good time, club, and all that kind of thing. And, he wasn't against it, but he also wanted me to seriously think about marrying him. And kids. He wanted them, baddly. Now, I don't know that I will EVER want children, but even know, three years later, I still know I'm not ready to have children. I need to finish college and feel secure in my own life before I'm ready to do something like that.
The fact is, dating a guy that much older than you means that there will probably be major differences in what you two are looking for in the here and now. Sure, there are exceptions to the rule, but you should probably try to make sure that you two are REALLY in the same place, first.
Almost immediately, the talk of marriage started, and let's be honest here, at eighteen, getting married was the very last thing on my mind. I wanted to go out, have a good time, club, and all that kind of thing. And, he wasn't against it, but he also wanted me to seriously think about marrying him. And kids. He wanted them, baddly. Now, I don't know that I will EVER want children, but even know, three years later, I still know I'm not ready to have children. I need to finish college and feel secure in my own life before I'm ready to do something like that.
The fact is, dating a guy that much older than you means that there will probably be major differences in what you two are looking for in the here and now. Sure, there are exceptions to the rule, but you should probably try to make sure that you two are REALLY in the same place, first.
chocolategoddes
Well-known member
I think older guys are hot! If it makes you happy I see no problem with pursuing it but like all relationships there are going to be some troubles and the age thing will be one of them. Just know that.
gatsby
Well-known member
Well, I would say "no", but that's because I am a 19-year-old dating a 30-year-old.
And for the record, I was very sketched out at first too.* It really, really depends on the people involved -- most 25-year-olds are in a totally different headspace than I am and are therefore 'too old for me', but my not-so-Young Man associates mostly with people in their twenties because that's the crowd he ended up with in university (and then he met their friends and their friends...) so he works from the mindset of someone who is much younger. If I wasn't dating the person I'm dating, I'd say that he's way too old for you -- but that's because so much depends on the person, and usually someone that much older is not who you think/want them to be. Approach With Caution, but it's not necessarily an out-and-out impossible.
*Young Man thought I was in my mid-twenties when we met. He has a boyish face, so I actually thought he might be younger than me!
*Young Man thought I was in my mid-twenties when we met. He has a boyish face, so I actually thought he might be younger than me!
Jennifer Mcfly
Well-known member
in reality...
your situation is different from everyone else's b/c you are both different people from everyone else.
there are times when this type of love connection worked and times when it didn't...
however, you'll never know if you don't try.
if it feels right and you want to do it, then do it.
nobody else can tell you how to feel, or what to do.
you'll learn many lessons, good or bad, and that knowledge is indispensable!!
**and i have experience dating a man 13 years older then me, but that has no bearing on your situation**
your situation is different from everyone else's b/c you are both different people from everyone else.
there are times when this type of love connection worked and times when it didn't...
however, you'll never know if you don't try.
if it feels right and you want to do it, then do it.
nobody else can tell you how to feel, or what to do.
you'll learn many lessons, good or bad, and that knowledge is indispensable!!
**and i have experience dating a man 13 years older then me, but that has no bearing on your situation**
