Mom Says Men Always Cheat, So Expect It...

[S.S.BlackOrchid]

I think your Mom is biased because of her personal experience. Not ALL men cheat. I think men are more complex than people make them out to be and that they are not just a bunch of cavemen.

Btw, my Mom has had a terrible marriage, and she is VERY biased about what men are like.

 

[ShugAvery2001]

alot of marriages also survive infidelity....

Just because a man cheats doesn't mean the marriage ends...

as demonstrated by our foremothers who actually had marriages that lasted longer than 5 years.

not to say you're supposed to put of with all of a mans shyt but.. in order to deal with other individuals means you have to put up with somethings.. disappointment.. let downs.. etc. we're not perfect as human beings

I honestly don't think cheating is the WORST thing a man can do to a woman.. or visa versa....

but you know people have different priorities

believe me when I was in my 20's .. I thought cheating was a big deal .. now that I've actually taken into consideration some of my elders wisdom and had a chance to observe and analyze my own and others relationships.. I'm more willing to understand that part of human nature.

night you guys....

it's great to see you're secure in your relationship Tish

I'm certainly rooting for you

 

[TISH1124]

^^^ Well mine would 100% end...that is a fact well communicated....No if's and's or but's .. The vow is broken the marriage is broken....That is in MY marriage ....There is no forgiveness or second chances where infidelity is concerned. What, am I gonna do wait around until he brings me something back from one of his romps that I can't give back and am therefore medically & emotionally stuck with for the rest of my life... Ahhh No...Not gonna happen. Hell to the Hell No

 

[TISH1124]

Good Night Chica...I'll read all your notes in the morning!

 

[OfficerJenny]

except for the stupid greedy i must fuck everyone guys, I don't think a man cheats unless he is unhappy with his current love situation, and cannot bring himself to break up with the girl.
I'm not condoning it, but it's another way of looking at it. There almost always is an underlying reason as to why someone cheats

 

[NutMeg]

I was talking to my bf when I clicked on this thread, and I asked his opinion. To quote, "Some guys cheat, some guys don't, it has a lot to do with who they're with." I agree. Then of course we got into a debate over whether or not he could hide it from me if he cheated (he thinks he's good at lying... he isn't). I mean, he lives in another province, he could hide it from me very easily, but I believe it would come out eventually, because he would feel guilty and I would figure out something's up. Not that I think he will, but it would come out eventually.

I guess I have to live with the assumption that he won't cheat, because I love him and I trust him. Could he get away with it if he was so inclined? Yes. But I choose to not live my life in fear or paranoia.

 

[maclove1]

;; i love my daddy(rip) but he cheated on my mother :/ and it hurted every one so i know how you fill .so i have to agree with your mother becouse it seems true .i hope not im sure all men dont act this way.

 

[Lapis]

Quote:

Originally Posted by ShugAvery2001 alot of marriages also survive infidelity.... Just because a man cheats doesn't mean the marriage ends... as demonstrated by our foremothers who actually had marriages that lasted longer than 5 years. not to say you're supposed to put of with all of a mans shyt but.. in order to deal with other individuals means you have to put up with somethings.. disappointment.. let downs.. etc. we're not perfect as human beings I honestly don't think cheating is the WORST thing a man can do to a woman.. or visa versa.... but you know people have different priorities believe me when I was in my 20's .. I thought cheating was a big deal .. now that I've actually taken into consideration some of my elders wisdom and had a chance to observe and analyze my own and others relationships.. I'm more willing to understand that part of human nature. night you guys.... it's great to see you're secure in your relationship Tish I'm certainly rooting for you

Shug I get what you are saying and trust me I still wonder if I'd be like see ya or if I'd throw his ass out the master bedroom and make life a living hell for him then work on it, (either way mama is putting a DENT in his wallet!!)
But my dh went without sex for 3 years when we were long distance if this mofo was to go screw someone now, I'd go NUTS!!!

Not to mention our foremothers were sorta stuck in their situations financially, so they wrote it off as all men are the same instead of becoming a married whore running from a succession of men they'd stay with the one they had and deal

Quote:

Originally Posted by NutMeg I was talking to my bf when I clicked on this thread, and I asked his opinion. To quote, "Some guys cheat, some guys don't, it has a lot to do with who they're with." I agree. Then of course we got into a debate over whether or not he could hide it from me if he cheated (he thinks he's good at lying... he isn't). I mean, he lives in another province, he could hide it from me very easily, but I believe it would come out eventually, because he would feel guilty and I would figure out something's up. Not that I think he will, but it would come out eventually. I guess I have to live with the assumption that he won't cheat, because I love him and I trust him. Could he get away with it if he was so inclined? Yes. But I choose to not live my life in fear or paranoia.

Errr how does cheating depend on the partner who's trust is being defiled?

 

[CantAffordMAC]

I hate this topic.

To me, cheating is one of the worst things u can do to ur partner. Id really like to believe that all guys dont cheat, but....I dont know all guys. So I could never say.

I really hope I dont get cheated on.

 

[MUALindsay]

Quote:

Originally Posted by TISH1127 ^^^ Well mine would 100% end...that is a fact well communicated....No if's and's or but's .. The vow is broken the marriage is broken....That is in MY marriage ....There is no forgiveness or second chances where infidelity is concerned. What, am I gonna do wait around until he brings me something back from one of his romps that I can't give back and am therefore medically & emotionally stuck with for the rest of my life... Ahhh No...Not gonna happen. Hell to the Hell No

Quote:

Originally Posted by CantAffordMAC I hate this topic. To me, cheating is one of the worst things u can do to ur partner. Id really like to believe that all guys dont cheat, but....I dont know all guys. So I could never say. I really hope I dont get cheated on.

Amen, sistas!

 

[User93]

Quote:

Originally Posted by CantAffordMAC I hate this topic. To me, cheating is one of the worst things u can do to ur partner. Id really like to believe that all guys dont cheat, but....I dont know all guys. So I could never say. I really hope I dont get cheated on.

Ditto. Thats all I could say.

 

[florabundance]

I don't think that there is a definite anything when it comes to love and sex, it's far too Freudian, complex, complicated to define based on one experience, or a million experiences. There are just no certanties.

 

[ginger9]

Just my opinion but there are men who don't cheat but they are out numbered by the ones that do. I think the ones that never cheat, and I'm talking til death due us part, that's few and far in between. Why do I say this because I have seen many countless older marriages (I'm talking +40years) where there's been affair(s) in between and cheating and divorces going on for people in their 50s and 60s. And yes there's cheating that never gets found out. I don't think my opinions are necessarily formed from negative experiences, for example I have never been cheated on in my past relationships. But I am also single right now.

I do agree you should trust and believe in your man etc because "some" doesn't mean "all". But I also think that a woman needs to be smart about being in a relationship. Give him the benefit of the doubt but don't trust blindly either. If your gut tells you there's something shady going on, trust it. Also I hear time and time again how women give up their friends and life for their bf only to end up being alone after they breakup. So don't end up like that. Keep your friends, have your own life, if you make your own money keep a separate bank account so you don't end up desolate if something happens. Just be smart. And yes I know women cheat too but we're talking about men right now.

 

[*Stargazer*]

To say that all men cheat is just as offensive to me as when a man says that all women are sluts.

Bitter much?

 

[Beauty Mark]

Quote:

Glad I don't hang around the "Most " people you do....There is nothing that backs that statement up...Just your opinion.

Well, in this instance, I think it depends on how you define lying and to what extent we're talking. I would wager most people lie in that when a homeless person asks if they could spare a quarter, they actually could. Or that they're okay when they're really not.

Anyway, back to the topic on hand. Not all men cheat. That's crazy absurd and sexist. Some men are very devoted to their significant others, like some women.

The only thing I would probably ever prepare myself for is some kind of "in case of emergency" thing with a fund or something. Like if my partner dies suddenly or is out of work or something like that. I think those are always smart to have. But I certainly wouldn't dwell on it.

 

[TISH1124]

^^^ Actually No....I always get asked by Homeless people do you have any spare change or an extra dollar or two...

None of my change is spare and none of my dollars are extra.... Normally if I am going to give I give...If not I make no comment nor eye contact and just keep rolling...

 

[Shadowy Lady]

well, I guess there are men that cheat and there are women that cheat. Personally in my life I've know more women that have cheated :/

I don't think you should let somebody's bad experience (your mom's perhaps?) get to you. There are a lot of good men out there who will respect and love you

just try to avoid the "dogs"...

 

[FiestyFemme]

I don't believe that at all. In fact, I'm certain that most guys I know wouldn't cheat, 'cause they're just not like that. I don't think it's fair to assume that all men are likely to cheat because they're about sex. It's not to say that temptation won't come because it will, but honestly, I think it's about the decisions you make beforehand that determine how that's going to go. Like Tish said, some men do like being faithful and monogamous. They make a decision to do so, and then when these situations come up, it's a lot easier to walk away when your mind's already made up. I think that's true for a lot of situations, honestly. If you wait until you're in the situation to decide how you're going to handle it, then chances are, you will cheat. For me (and whoever I'm with), cheating is never, ever an option. And you have to know that going in, IMO.

 

[lara]

One person's experiences do not dictate a universal experience.

Make your own judgements, don't absorb someone else's issues.

 

[ShugAvery2001]

Quote:

Originally Posted by *Stargazer* To say that all men cheat is just as offensive to me as when a man says that all women are sluts. Bitter much?

I don't think that people on here are saying that every male on the planet is a cheater..

that wouldn't be a very intelligent thing to say.

but I mean based on most scientific evidence the statement is true that most men cheat..

Alfred Kinsley did a study in the 50's regarding sexual behavior of americans..
in the 50's now.. he concluded that like 70% of married men had at least one affair.

think about that.. think about how sexuality was so much more repressed in the 50's

now fast forward to the new millennial america and how pervasive sex is in our society

also consider the divorce rate.....

there are connections here.. no?

I mean I think MOST of our mothers would agree. I think us new millennial women are more prone to embrace fairy tales than harsh realities.