Mom Says Men Always Cheat, So Expect It...
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TISH1124
Well-known member
This popped up on the web today...it was quite interesting
Dating 101: Will Your Guy Cheat on You? -- Yahoo! Personals
Dating 101: Will Your Guy Cheat on You? -- Yahoo! Personals
Lauren1981
Well-known member
to me it sounds like your mom may have said it more for herself since it had already happened to her and that's she's trying to protect her own heart which is understandable.
no, i don't think that we should expect all men to cheat because i don't believe that's just the way things will turn out to be. i think the better way to say it is to never put anything past anybody. we are all capable of ANYTHING. we're all capable of cheating it's just some of us do it and others don't.
for me personally, the thing i feel i can do to prevent that is to make sure that whoever i marry, i marry for the right reasons and that we compliment each other to the fullest. to establish trust before the marriage and to make sure that we are happy with each other. and even those stipulations aren't a 100% garauntee that i won't get cheated on or that i won't cheat. i think it's mainly about communication. being able to be open and honest about what you want or don't want and whether or not your happy, bored, angry, etc.....
i'm not married but the vibe i get from my friends that are is that, even thought they love their husbands and being married, it's hard to maintain it.
so no, i would say DON'T expect your husband to cheat because then you open that door for it to happen. you cause yourself to not trust him, you start accusing, etc. i will just say what i said before and that's to love and trust but never put anything past anyone and always trust yourself and your instincts 100%
no, i don't think that we should expect all men to cheat because i don't believe that's just the way things will turn out to be. i think the better way to say it is to never put anything past anybody. we are all capable of ANYTHING. we're all capable of cheating it's just some of us do it and others don't.
for me personally, the thing i feel i can do to prevent that is to make sure that whoever i marry, i marry for the right reasons and that we compliment each other to the fullest. to establish trust before the marriage and to make sure that we are happy with each other. and even those stipulations aren't a 100% garauntee that i won't get cheated on or that i won't cheat. i think it's mainly about communication. being able to be open and honest about what you want or don't want and whether or not your happy, bored, angry, etc.....
i'm not married but the vibe i get from my friends that are is that, even thought they love their husbands and being married, it's hard to maintain it.
so no, i would say DON'T expect your husband to cheat because then you open that door for it to happen. you cause yourself to not trust him, you start accusing, etc. i will just say what i said before and that's to love and trust but never put anything past anyone and always trust yourself and your instincts 100%
banjobama
Well-known member
Not all men cheat. I married one of the good ones. My husband's first wife cheated on him and it caused their divorce.
But it does depend on the type of person. Some people need to get validation from outside that they are still bomb, they can still attract and score with the opposite sex, etc. Many men, like mine, don't need that constant ego boost, or whatever you want to call it. I know my husband, and he is the type who is happiest with one partner, in life and in the bed.
But it does depend on the type of person. Some people need to get validation from outside that they are still bomb, they can still attract and score with the opposite sex, etc. Many men, like mine, don't need that constant ego boost, or whatever you want to call it. I know my husband, and he is the type who is happiest with one partner, in life and in the bed.
Jinni
Well-known member
Quote:
I don't think you can use a study from the 50's. As you mentioned, a lot of things have changed. Divorces have become more common. Maybe people are more likely to choose divorce instead of having an affair while staying married?
Men also have significantly different views on women than they did in the 50's. At least I'd like to think so. STDs are also a current issue that might prevent some from cheating.
Really, it could have developed both ways.
My experience is totally different from yours. I have knows very few people that cheater. Nothing that would even come close to 70%.
Originally Posted by ShugAvery2001
You must not have read the statistics from scientific studies I sent 
I'm saying science plus experience can lead one to believe that you can say MOST men We're not here >< right now.. When I say most .. you seem to interpret that as ALL... |
I don't think you can use a study from the 50's. As you mentioned, a lot of things have changed. Divorces have become more common. Maybe people are more likely to choose divorce instead of having an affair while staying married?
Men also have significantly different views on women than they did in the 50's. At least I'd like to think so. STDs are also a current issue that might prevent some from cheating.
Really, it could have developed both ways.
My experience is totally different from yours. I have knows very few people that cheater. Nothing that would even come close to 70%.
prettysecrets
Well-known member
When I have a little girl one day I will not tell her:
Your man will cheat, deal with it...
If you believe every man is a cheater, the one you CHOOSE probably will be.
That logic is just insane to me.
And women are not perfect. A man couldn't cheat if he didn't have a woman to cheat w/, a woman who may know hes in a relationship!
I could go on and on about this,
but bottom line ,NOT EVERY MAN CHEATS!! Anyone who believes that, will get just that! It's the law of the universe!
Your man will cheat, deal with it...
If you believe every man is a cheater, the one you CHOOSE probably will be.
That logic is just insane to me.
And women are not perfect. A man couldn't cheat if he didn't have a woman to cheat w/, a woman who may know hes in a relationship!
I could go on and on about this,
but bottom line ,NOT EVERY MAN CHEATS!! Anyone who believes that, will get just that! It's the law of the universe!
prettysecrets
Well-known member
Lauren1981
Well-known member
Quote:
that's the same way i felt. if you believe that every man cheats then you're just opening the door for it to happen. you bring that kind of mentality and energy in. not saying if you just be optimistic and happy it will prevent him from cheating but you're instincts are the only things you can trust 100%..... and if you're instincts tell you he's cheating then he probably is. but if they do nothing of the sort then that doesn't mean to still expect it and just KNOW he's going to do it
| Originally Posted by prettysecrets
but bottom line ,NOT EVERY MAN CHEATS!! Anyone who believes that, will get just that! It's the law of the universe! |
that's the same way i felt. if you believe that every man cheats then you're just opening the door for it to happen. you bring that kind of mentality and energy in. not saying if you just be optimistic and happy it will prevent him from cheating but you're instincts are the only things you can trust 100%..... and if you're instincts tell you he's cheating then he probably is. but if they do nothing of the sort then that doesn't mean to still expect it and just KNOW he's going to do it
ShugAvery2001
Well-known member
Quote:
Do you think we are a less sexually repressed society now that we were in the 50's or are we more open?
And sooo many married people cheat. The bars that I go to especially when you're talking 30 and up are FULL OF MARRIED GUYS lol. It's sickening!
And if you think STD's deter anyone from having sex you're not being realistic. Think about it.. Did STD's deter Bill Clinton or John Edwards from cheating??? and think of all the unplanned pregnancies that occur every year to single women.. STD's haven't deterred anyone from having unprotected sex let alone "protected sex". That's why I encourage all women to wear protection even my married girlfriends.
| Originally Posted by Jinni
I don't think you can use a study from the 50's. As you mentioned, a lot of things have changed. Divorces have become more common. Maybe people are more likely to choose divorce instead of having an affair while staying married? Men also have significantly different views on women than they did in the 50's. At least I'd like to think so. STDs are also a current issue that might prevent some from cheating. My experience is totally different from yours. I have knows very few people that cheater. Nothing that would even come close to 70%. |
Do you think we are a less sexually repressed society now that we were in the 50's or are we more open?
And sooo many married people cheat. The bars that I go to especially when you're talking 30 and up are FULL OF MARRIED GUYS lol. It's sickening!
And if you think STD's deter anyone from having sex you're not being realistic. Think about it.. Did STD's deter Bill Clinton or John Edwards from cheating??? and think of all the unplanned pregnancies that occur every year to single women.. STD's haven't deterred anyone from having unprotected sex let alone "protected sex". That's why I encourage all women to wear protection even my married girlfriends.
ShugAvery2001
Well-known member
Quote:
You can't say a total of any group is one way or another. That's like saying all black people love rap music or something like that .. of course it's not true.
You can never say ALL.
But as far as infidelity is concerned, human beings are not perfect, their not always honest, and they're not always mentally strong, and sometimes we PUT ourselves into situations where temptations become to great.
And some men just love the game!
You can NEVER EVER EVER underestimate somebody ELSES sexuality. You just can't.
| Originally Posted by Lauren1981
that's the same way i felt. if you believe that every man cheats then you're just opening the door for it to happen. you bring that kind of mentality and energy in. |
You can't say a total of any group is one way or another. That's like saying all black people love rap music or something like that .. of course it's not true.
You can never say ALL.
But as far as infidelity is concerned, human beings are not perfect, their not always honest, and they're not always mentally strong, and sometimes we PUT ourselves into situations where temptations become to great.
And some men just love the game!
You can NEVER EVER EVER underestimate somebody ELSES sexuality. You just can't.
Lauren1981
Well-known member
Quote:
this tiny ass sentence is so true. lol!!
communication is the key to it all. i don't care if it's telling your mate/spouse you don't think it's gonna work out, you're getting boring, do something kinky, lick my toes, scratch my ass, stop cooking because it's nasty, i hate your hair it looks better this way, your makeup bothers me, your feet smell funny, WHATEVER. you have to say what you're really feeling and communicate that.
perfect example:
one of my bff's just recently found out she'd been cheated on. but, she's cheated on him numerous times. she always tells me that he doesn't say the things a boyfriend should say from time to time (i.e. your special, beautiful, etc.....) and doesn't necessarily show emotions as much as she'd like. he feels that she talks down to him and spends more time putting him down than bringing him and giving him positive reinforcement for the good things he does (i.e. taking care of her and their two beautiful children).........
her negative feelings about him? she only said to me. his negatvie feelings about her? he never said until after the shit hit the fan with him cheating. they both expected the other to just "know" and when the other didn't "know" then they looked for what they weren't telling each other elsewhere outside the relationship.........
i'm just saying you can spot an asshole and a ladies man from a mile away. don't get with this type of guy and wonder why he's cheated. steer clear and get with the good ones. if you are with someone and you love them but they are not doing what it is you want of them then LET THEM KNOW. and if your mate/spouse is communicating to you about what it is they may or may not be happy with then LISTEN to them.
trust and communication... you need both and that's the key!
GOOD JOB TISH
| Originally Posted by TISH1127
Trust &Communication is Key! |
this tiny ass sentence is so true. lol!!
communication is the key to it all. i don't care if it's telling your mate/spouse you don't think it's gonna work out, you're getting boring, do something kinky, lick my toes, scratch my ass, stop cooking because it's nasty, i hate your hair it looks better this way, your makeup bothers me, your feet smell funny, WHATEVER. you have to say what you're really feeling and communicate that.
perfect example:
one of my bff's just recently found out she'd been cheated on. but, she's cheated on him numerous times. she always tells me that he doesn't say the things a boyfriend should say from time to time (i.e. your special, beautiful, etc.....) and doesn't necessarily show emotions as much as she'd like. he feels that she talks down to him and spends more time putting him down than bringing him and giving him positive reinforcement for the good things he does (i.e. taking care of her and their two beautiful children).........
her negative feelings about him? she only said to me. his negatvie feelings about her? he never said until after the shit hit the fan with him cheating. they both expected the other to just "know" and when the other didn't "know" then they looked for what they weren't telling each other elsewhere outside the relationship.........
i'm just saying you can spot an asshole and a ladies man from a mile away. don't get with this type of guy and wonder why he's cheated. steer clear and get with the good ones. if you are with someone and you love them but they are not doing what it is you want of them then LET THEM KNOW. and if your mate/spouse is communicating to you about what it is they may or may not be happy with then LISTEN to them.
trust and communication... you need both and that's the key!
GOOD JOB TISH
Lauren1981
Well-known member
Quote:
wow. i've said in this thread that you can never put anything past anyone and just go with your instincts...
if i say don't expect it then i'm saying simply don't sit around and expect it to happen but i also said DON'T PUT ANYTHING PAST ANYONE BECAUSE EVERYONE IS CAPABLE OF ANYTHING
so i really don't understand this reply............
| Originally Posted by ShugAvery2001
You can't say a total of any group is one way or another. That's like saying all black people love rap music or something like that .. of course it's not true. You can never say ALL. But as far as infidelity is concerned, human beings are not perfect, their not always honest, and they're not always mentally strong, and sometimes we PUT ourselves into situations where temptations become to great. And some men just love the game! You can NEVER EVER EVER underestimate somebody ELSES sexuality. You just can't. |
wow. i've said in this thread that you can never put anything past anyone and just go with your instincts...
if i say don't expect it then i'm saying simply don't sit around and expect it to happen but i also said DON'T PUT ANYTHING PAST ANYONE BECAUSE EVERYONE IS CAPABLE OF ANYTHING
so i really don't understand this reply............
Jinni
Well-known member
Quote:
Just because we are less repressed doesn't mean we cheat more. There are also more options for living in an open relationship for instance.
Quote:
Again, what are you basing this on? Personal opinion/experiences? I can't even remember any married people I know personally that cheated on their partner
Quote:
I guess it depends on where you are. It sounds like you are basing this on personal experience. So am I. I'm just not claiming to back it up with statistics. You also seem to be basing this solely on data from the US. Many of us are not from here, so there might be cultural differences.
| Originally Posted by ShugAvery2001
Do you think we are a less sexually repressed society now that we were in the 50's or are we more open? |
Just because we are less repressed doesn't mean we cheat more. There are also more options for living in an open relationship for instance.
Quote:
| And sooo many married people cheat. The bars that I go to especially when you're talking 30 and up are FULL OF MARRIED GUYS lol. It's sickening! |
Again, what are you basing this on? Personal opinion/experiences? I can't even remember any married people I know personally that cheated on their partner
Quote:
| And if you think STD's deter anyone from having sex you're not being realistic. Think about it.. Did STD's deter Bill Clinton or John Edwards from cheating??? and think of all the unplanned pregnancies that occur every year to single women.. STD's haven't deterred anyone from having unprotected sex let alone "protected sex". That's why I encourage all women to wear protection even my married girlfriends. |
I guess it depends on where you are. It sounds like you are basing this on personal experience. So am I. I'm just not claiming to back it up with statistics. You also seem to be basing this solely on data from the US. Many of us are not from here, so there might be cultural differences.
Shadowy Lady
Well-known member
Quote:
I completely agree with you. I personally have more male than female friends. Most of them either married or in a committed relationship; non of them have cheated on their spouse and I highly doubt they ever will. Also, non of the men in my family (dad, uncles, grandparents, brother in law or cousins) have ever cheated on their partners. Maybe some ppl are luckier but I honestly think most men don't cheat
I actually told my husband about this thread and how some ppl think most men cheat. He said that as a man is insulted by the point of view of putting all the men in the same category as some A***holes!
ETA: My husband and I are from two totally different cultures btw. His parents are from the Caribbean and mine are Persian
| Originally Posted by Jinni
Again, what are you basing this on? Personal opinion/experiences? I can't even remember any married people I know personally that cheated on their partner I guess it depends on where you are. It sounds like you are basing this on personal experience. So am I. I'm just not claiming to back it up with statistics. You also seem to be basing this solely on data from the US. Many of us are not from here, so there might be cultural differences. |
I completely agree with you. I personally have more male than female friends. Most of them either married or in a committed relationship; non of them have cheated on their spouse and I highly doubt they ever will. Also, non of the men in my family (dad, uncles, grandparents, brother in law or cousins) have ever cheated on their partners. Maybe some ppl are luckier but I honestly think most men don't cheat
ETA: My husband and I are from two totally different cultures btw. His parents are from the Caribbean and mine are Persian
Brittni
Well-known member
I think it's laughable to say "all men cheat." That's such an ignorant statement. And imo, if you believe that then maybe it will be true for you because maybe you will somehow subconsciously allow it to happen. But I don't agree that all men cheat, just like all girls don't cheat. It's every individual and individual situation.
