Mothers crossing the line?

SparklingWaves

Well-known member
Quote:
Originally Posted by Shimmer
I didn't take it out of context, you made a general statement, saying 'mothers can't do that'.

That's not correct. Your mother may not have been able to, but other mothers can and do.


And your's can?
 

Shimmer

Well-known member
Quote:
Originally Posted by SparklingWaves
And your's can?

I'm sorry yours couldn't. Having a strong, motivated, steel spined woman in one's life does a world of good.
 

*Stargazer*

Well-known member
Dina Lohan should be shot.

I'm curious though about the inclusion of Fergie out with her daughters. I've not heard anything about problems with her girls. I don't think having a night out with your daughters is anything to be ashamed of, tbh. It all depends on the actions taken while out.

I also don't think that there is anything wrong with having a friend-like relationship with your children provided that you never abandon the authority aspect of parenting. It's possible to do both effectively.
 

SparklingWaves

Well-known member
Quote:
Originally Posted by Shimmer
Please don't confuse fear and respect. They're not one and the same.


Wait, were you in my family?
 

*Stargazer*

Well-known member
Quote:
Originally Posted by Shimmer
I'm sorry yours couldn't. Having a strong, motivated, steel spined woman in one's life does a world of good.

Amen. Lord knows *our* daughters are lucky
smiles.gif
 

Shimmer

Well-known member
Quote:
Originally Posted by SparklingWaves
Wait, were you in my family?

fear
–noun
1.a distressing emotion aroused by impending danger, evil, pain, etc., whether the threat is real or imagined; the feeling or condition of being afraid.
2.a specific instance of or propensity for such a feeling: an abnormal fear of heights.
3.concern or anxiety; solicitude: a fear for someone's safety.
4.reverential awe, esp. toward God.
5.that which causes a feeling of being afraid; that of which a person is afraid: Cancer is a common fear.
–verb (used with object)
6.to regard with fear; be afraid of.
7.to have reverential awe of.
8.Archaic. to experience fear in (oneself).
–verb (used without object)
9.to have fear; be afraid.


re·spect
–noun
1.a particular, detail, or point (usually prec. by in): to differ in some respect.
2.relation or reference: inquiries with respect to a route.
3.esteem for or a sense of the worth or excellence of a person, a personal quality or ability, or something considered as a manifestation of a personal quality or ability: I have great respect for her judgment.
4.deference to a right, privilege, privileged position, or someone or something considered to have certain rights or privileges; proper acceptance or courtesy; acknowledgment: respect for a suspect's right to counsel; to show respect for the flag; respect for the elderly.
5.the condition of being esteemed or honored: to be held in respect.
6.respects, a formal expression or gesture of greeting, esteem, or friendship: Give my respects to your parents.
7.favor or partiality.
8.Archaic. a consideration.
–verb (used with object)
9.to hold in esteem or honor: I cannot respect a cheat.
10.to show regard or consideration for: to respect someone's rights.
11.to refrain from intruding upon or interfering with: to respect a person's privacy.
12.to relate or have reference to.
—Idioms
13.in respect of, in reference to; in regard to; concerning.
14.in respect that, Archaic. because of; since.
15.pay one's respects,
a.to visit in order to welcome, greet, etc.: We paid our respects to the new neighbors.
b.to express one's sympathy, esp. to survivors following a death: We paid our respects to the family.
16.with respect to, referring to; concerning: with respect to your latest request.

—Synonyms 1. regard, feature, matter. 2. regard, connection. 3. estimation, reverence, homage, honor. Respect, esteem, veneration imply recognition of personal qualities by approbation, deference, and more or less affection. Respect is commonly the result of admiration and approbation, together with deference: to feel respect for a great scholar. Esteem is deference combined with admiration and often with affection: to hold a friend in great esteem. Veneration is an almost religious attitude of deep respect, reverence, and love, such as we feel for persons or things of outstanding superiority, endeared by long association: veneration for one's grandparents, for noble traditions. 7. bias, preference. 9. revere, venerate, consider, admire. 10. heed.
 

SparklingWaves

Well-known member
Quote:
Originally Posted by Shimmer
fear
–noun
1. a distressing emotion aroused by impending danger, evil, pain, etc., whether the threat is real or imagined; the feeling or condition of being afraid.
2. a specific instance of or propensity for such a feeling: an abnormal fear of heights.
3. concern or anxiety; solicitude: a fear for someone's safety.
4. reverential awe, esp. toward God.
5. that which causes a feeling of being afraid; that of which a person is afraid: Cancer is a common fear.
–verb (used with object)
6. to regard with fear; be afraid of.
7. to have reverential awe of.
8. Archaic. to experience fear in (oneself).
–verb (used without object)
9. to have fear; be afraid.


re·spect
–noun
1. a particular, detail, or point (usually prec. by in): to differ in some respect.
2. relation or reference: inquiries with respect to a route.
3. esteem for or a sense of the worth or excellence of a person, a personal quality or ability, or something considered as a manifestation of a personal quality or ability: I have great respect for her judgment.
4. deference to a right, privilege, privileged position, or someone or something considered to have certain rights or privileges; proper acceptance or courtesy; acknowledgment: respect for a suspect's right to counsel; to show respect for the flag; respect for the elderly.
5. the condition of being esteemed or honored: to be held in respect.
6. respects, a formal expression or gesture of greeting, esteem, or friendship: Give my respects to your parents.
7. favor or partiality.
8. Archaic. a consideration.
–verb (used with object)
9. to hold in esteem or honor: I cannot respect a cheat.
10. to show regard or consideration for: to respect someone's rights.
11. to refrain from intruding upon or interfering with: to respect a person's privacy.
12. to relate or have reference to.
—Idioms
13. in respect of, in reference to; in regard to; concerning.
14. in respect that, Archaic. because of; since.
15. pay one's respects,
a. to visit in order to welcome, greet, etc.: We paid our respects to the new neighbors.
b. to express one's sympathy, esp. to survivors following a death: We paid our respects to the family.
16. with respect to, referring to; concerning: with respect to your latest request.

—Synonyms 1. regard, feature, matter. 2. regard, connection. 3. estimation, reverence, homage, honor. Respect, esteem, veneration imply recognition of personal qualities by approbation, deference, and more or less affection. Respect is commonly the result of admiration and approbation, together with deference: to feel respect for a great scholar. Esteem is deference combined with admiration and often with affection: to hold a friend in great esteem. Veneration is an almost religious attitude of deep respect, reverence, and love, such as we feel for persons or things of outstanding superiority, endeared by long association: veneration for one's grandparents, for noble traditions. 7. bias, preference. 9. revere, venerate, consider, admire. 10. heed.


A dictionary of words. Please. This is sad.

You think you know what was in my family to make such judgments about my mother or my father.
 

Shimmer

Well-known member
Quote:
Originally Posted by SparklingWaves
A dictionary of words. Please. This is sad.

You think you know what was in my family to make such judgments about my mother or my father.


I don't have to think I know your family, and it's ridiculous that you're acting like I personally attacked you, when I didn't. I responded to something you said in your post that was a sweeping though wholly inaccurate generalization.
YOU said your mother couldn't move people the way your father did, not me.
YOU said your father was the one in control, not me.
You're the one getting bent out of shape because you think your family has been attacked when in all reality, it hasn't. That's neither my fault nor my concern.

My only intent, originally, was to disagree with something that was blatantly inaccurate in your post. I don't give a rat's whether your family was a real life imitation of Wally and the Beav, or the diametric opposite, and I'm not going to presume or assume anything about your family other than what you've stated here and now in this thread.
 

Shimmer

Well-known member
Quote:
Originally Posted by SparklingWaves
"I'm sorry yours couldn't."

She (my mother) couldn't do what? Shimmer


Quote:
Originally Posted by Sparklingwaves
I am speaking for myself. I have never met a woman who put fear into people like men. NEVER.

Quote:
Originally Posted by sparklingwaves
Mothers can not do that. Sorry. They don't have what he had or his father did. His dad never put a hand on me and I shuddered around that quiet small guy. Just remembering the sound of those footsteps made you sit taller.

I wonder.
 

SparklingWaves

Well-known member
I know exactly what you are doing.

You can't answer the very quotes you hit me with. You are making blunt judgments. It's obvious. You would be on me like crazy if I said this to you.

Respect. Respect me.
 

Shimmer

Well-known member
Quote:
Originally Posted by SparklingWaves
I know exactly what you are doing.

You can't answer the very quotes you hit me with. You are making blunt judgments. It's obvious. You would be on me like crazy if I said this to you.

Respect. Respect me.


I could answer, and I did, quite plainly, but you wouldn't understand or grasp it. I don't speak backpedal, or paranoia, or floo floos and rainbows and bunny rabbits. I never have and I never will. You made a post (actually several posts) about your family. Anyone with basic 4th grade reading comprehension could quite readily infer any number of points based on the information provided. I don't choose to do that, but I did, do, and will stand by my statement that your point that "Mothers can't do that" and "Women can't do that" is incorrect, as is the statement that fear and respect are alike. THAT is what I disagree with you on, the rest of that tripe? Couldn't care less about your family life, your mother, your father, or any of the other people you deal with daily.


As for respect...well. That's another thread entirely.
 

Beauty Mark

Well-known member
Anyway, back to the article, I feel like everyone wants to be friends with kids their subordinates in some sense. I think people of some authority have this weird fear of being disliked. It's like they never got over high school and knowing that popularity contests are messed up.

One of my friends is a high school teacher. She doesn't take bs from anyone, even if that means being disliked. However, I do believe she does act as a friend, since she gives them some personal advice on how to deal with peers when they come to her.
 

M.A.C. head.

Well-known member
Quote:
Originally Posted by SparklingWaves
I am speaking for myself. I have never met a woman who put fear into people like men. NEVER.

Okay, I can understand that. But initially you made a general statement, that's all.
 

Shimmer

Well-known member
Quote:
Originally Posted by Beauty Mark
Anyway, back to the article, I feel like everyone wants to be friends with kids their subordinates in some sense. I think people of some authority have this weird fear of being disliked. It's like they never got over high school and knowing that popularity contests are messed up.

One of my friends is a high school teacher. She doesn't take bs from anyone, even if that means being disliked. However, I do believe she does act as a friend, since she gives them some personal advice on how to deal with peers when they come to her.


I agree with that, and with whomever made the post earlier about the three parenting styles.
 

*Stargazer*

Well-known member
Quote:
Originally Posted by Beauty Mark
One of my friends is a high school teacher. She doesn't take bs from anyone, even if that means being disliked. However, I do believe she does act as a friend, since she gives them some personal advice on how to deal with peers when they come to her.

That's precisely the relationship I'm trying to cultivate with my daughters. I want them to like me and be comfortable enough to come to me for personal advice that I don't want them getting from their peers, but I also want to respect me as the rule maker. It is a delicate balancing act that I'm going to have to change and adapt as they grow.

OT- Hi, Beauty! Feel like we don't "see" you much anymore
ssad.gif
 

Beauty Mark

Well-known member
Quote:
Originally Posted by *Stargazer*
That's precisely the relationship I'm trying to cultivate with my daughters. I want them to like me and be comfortable enough to come to me for personal advice that I don't want them getting from their peers, but I also want to respect me as the rule maker. It is a delicate balancing act that I'm going to have to change and adapt as they grow.

OT- Hi, Beauty! Feel like we don't "see" you much anymore
ssad.gif


Grad school is busy
ssad.gif
I've, in some sense, started research in astrophysics (big educational change, since all my research experience was in nuclear before).
smiles.gif


With parenting/relationships with kids, one of my friends made a big point about how this friend teaches. The kids may hate her today but in the future, they'll look back and realize how awesome she was.

I think that's probably true about parenting. Most people at one time have resented their parents for some kind of discipline (in principle that they are punished), but when years have passed, they realize how it was helpful in the end.
 
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