Sparklingwaves, having just re-read the thread I think you initially over-reacted to Shimmer's comments. I don't say this with the intent of invalidating you, because I have the feeling that this is a very sensitive topic for you. Unfortunately when someone pushes one of our triggers we often react to something that isn't actually there. Does this mean that your feelings aren't real, or are foolish? No. Are they disproportionate to the situation? I believe so.
I don't think Shimmer was ever intending to attack or pass judgment on your family, and indeed I don't get the impression that she ever did. From what I can see, she took objection to your original statement that mothers/women cannot hold the same kind of power over people/children that fathers/men can. Obviously she has known women who can, as have I, and probably most people on the board. Again, from what I can see in the previous posts she did not try to say that your family wasn't like this.
In my mind this got out of control because the topic is very sensitive to you, and it is simply Shimmer's nature that when she is accused of something she doesn't feel she is guilty of she argues you into the ground, usually very effectively *waves at Shimmer*. She doesn't get mean or vindictive, she just gets very cold and logical and doesn't give up until she feels her point has been made. After things started to escalate I can see why you felt attacked, but in my opinion that's because Shimmer argues/discusses in a very agressive way, not because she was attacking you. Should she have backed off when it became apparent that this was very upsetting for you? Maybe, but that's not in her nature, nor is it the responsibility of every member on this site to be on their guard to protect against the slightest amount of hurt feelings. It is, however, the responsibility of every member to not start arguments/discussions that are too painful/difficult for them to handle or continue.
Again, the last thing I want to do is make you feel attacked or that we're all sitting here thinking you're a fool, because that's not what this is. I know from your previous post that you are feeling invalidated. I'm sorry that you feel that way, but while you should never feel like an emotional reaction is unacceptable (you can't help the way you feel), there are still certain standards of conduct on a board like this that allow us to discuss potentially upsetting topics (although I didn't think initially this would be one of them). So absolutely, if you feel attacked or invalidated, don't repress that emotion. But at the same time, wait until you cool down and re-evaluate before you start accusing people of things. I'm not asking you to stop posting your opinion, because it is valued here. I'm not asking that you censor yourself, and I don't want you to feel like you aren't allowed to say what you think. Just remember what the purpose of a board like this is, and ask yourself what you are accomplishing when you feel invalidated or stomped on. Try to remember that none of us are vindictive or cruel, or out to hurt others, and that sometimes painful comments must be allowed in order to facilitate a discussion about painful topics. Again, do not feel like I'm somehow against you in this. I've got only the best wishes for you in this.
I'm sending you lots of support.
